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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have told DD this was rude of my granddaughter?

135 replies

BlossomOnTrees · 21/09/2021 10:26

Granddaughter is developing an attitude. She has just turned 9.
She was cross with me today as I wanted to take the shorter walk to school due to time purposes and she wanted to take the longer.
In school I was with the younger grandkids tending to them when I looked up and GD had disappeared. In a panic, I looked around and could not find her. After about 5 minutes I saw her lined up on the other side of the playground about to go in. Am I overreacting to be both hurt she did not say goodbye but also annoyed that she did that?

OP posts:

HarrietsChariot · 21/09/2021 12:10

To be blunt, it looks like rudeness runs in the family!

Generalpost · 21/09/2021 12:10

I don't think you really needed to pass it onto your dd. Maybe it was a bit rude if she did not say good bye. But its not such a big thing that you need to pass it on to her mum.

She will probably come out of school fine later. Maybe it could be a rule that in the morning you walk the short way due to needing to be in school. Plus she can see her friends sooner. Then on the way home you can go the longer route ?

Tal45 · 21/09/2021 12:14

Is she not allowed opinions of her own? I'm guessing she walked the way you wanted her too so what's the big deal? Should she not be allowed to ever express any negative emotions? You weren't paying her any attention so she took her self off to line up - sounds like a positive thing to do to me, not her fault you weren't paying attention.

I think maybe you want robot grandchildren.

Yellow85 · 21/09/2021 12:17

My seven year old waits for no one 🤣

LouiseBelchersBunnyEars · 21/09/2021 12:18

Yes I feel like we’re missing a portion here-‘ - why happened when you told your dd?

You say you were ‘distracted with the little ones’
Did she try and tell you something m, and you’ve asked her to wait or something? And then she just walked off?

What’s a 9 year old, year 4/5? I think it’s fine to play with friends then run to line up tbh

SeaShoreGalore · 21/09/2021 12:31

Don't be the grandma who takes offence when none was intended.

Original poster

BlossomOnTrees · 21/09/2021 12:32

To clarify, I only turned for one moment to speak to my other grandchild and when I turned back, she had gone. She was in a bad mood as she gets angry when people do not do exactly as she wants.
Her classroom is right at the other end of the playground so not like she was just very close by. She may well have said goodbye but I don't believe she did. I just wanted some acknowledgement that she had gone to line up. It may well be the case that she will be walking to school on her own next year but for now, she is under my care and a simple goodbye is all I needed.

OP posts:

Shallwegoforawalk · 21/09/2021 12:36

You told your DD about this? Jeez. No need.

Handle the issue at the time (or the next time you see your DGD - "please make sure I know you're away to line up/say goodbye" issue solved)

If you came running to tell tales on my DD every time there was a tiny thing like this, I'd be so fed up. Who is the grown up here? Sounds like the sulking and wanting their own way is a family trait.

Snoozer11 · 21/09/2021 12:39

Perhaps she did say goodbye and you ignored her.

Snoozer11 · 21/09/2021 12:44

You sound more like her schoolteacher than her grandmother.

If this has bothered you so much that you've decided to make a thread about it on Mumsnet, AND tell her mother, what would you do if she did something that was actually bad.

She's your granddaugther. Maybe she's started to get a bit of an attitude - but that's what 9 year olds do!

I had great times with my grandparents and I'm so pleased for it. Sounds like you need to chill out - poor girl shouldn't be walking on eggshells around you.

Starlightstarbright1 · 21/09/2021 12:46

If she was just about to go in she was in the right place at the right time.

You have made a far bigger deal, simply just let me know when you are off to line up.

Rainbowheart1 · 21/09/2021 12:47

As you were distracted she may have said bye and you didn’t hear, so didn’t respond to her hence why she may of walked off?? She may think you was rude?

Or she was sulking, or being independent…it’s not really that big a deal.

Carboncheque · 21/09/2021 12:49

She was in a bad mood as she gets angry when people do not do exactly as she wants.

I wonder where she gets that from …

ToykotoLosAngeles · 21/09/2021 12:51

Oh god. Are you really going to complain about the tone of every conversation to her mother? Brace yourself for nothing more than polite visits every 3 weeks when she is a bit older if so as she'll not be able to be herself with you.

Children can have bad days, same as adults.

Cam001 · 21/09/2021 12:51

"I had great times with my grandparents and I'm so pleased for it. Sounds like you need to chill out - poor girl shouldn't be walking on eggshells around you" Does it sound like the DGC are walking on eggshells? No, quite the opposite. The grandchild disappeared, OP was worried - this is perfectly natural. Expecting a goodbye is not the mark of a tyrannical grandparent. OP if you are being treated like an unpaid skivvy, not permitted to voice concerns, then I'd step back if I were you.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 21/09/2021 12:51

My DC have never said goodbye without me saying it first. They have more important things on their minds.

Yummymummy2020 · 21/09/2021 12:52

You sound like harder work than the nine year old 😂 it kind of takes the good out of helping out when you go back and complain about petty things like this, she is nine. I place a lot of importance on manners myself but I just could not get worked up about this, much less try get a child into trouble for maybe not saying good bye and for doing what she was meant to do and stand in line. In the kindest way possible, you will need to pick your battles or risk not having the opportunity to help out in the future, which you may be happy about, but you may also then regret sweating the small stuff if you actually want to do it. I don’t mean to sound harsh I just know I would be a bit surprised if you came to me and said that and I guess I would be wondering if maybe the school run was a bit much for you to manage (it could well be).

LemonJuiceFromConcentrate · 21/09/2021 12:52

Goodness OP, she is nine. The way you are framing this, it’s like an adult snubbed you. It makes you sound as though your affection for her is highly conditional.

“She gets angry when people do not do exactly as she wants” — first of all, that sounds like exactly what you are doing — and you’re an adult, so it’s less understandable.

But she’s a child. It’s such a loaded and negative way of looking at a child’s behaviour. All she has done is grump at you a bit. Perhaps she had a bad morning. Perhaps she’s had a tough year. Children are grumpy too sometimes, and that’s allowed. And they may not be able to articulate precisely why, so they need you to start from an assumption that there is probably a reason for their behaviour. That they’re good inside.

Lunde · 21/09/2021 12:53

You seem determined to make a big deal of this. I seems as though you are caught in a negative spiral of picking apart and attributing the worst motives to everything she does. The girl cannot do anything right.

She may well have said goodbye
You don't actually know that she didn't say goodbye! But you are calling her rude and making a big issue out of it because of you own negative feelings about her.

Viviennemary · 21/09/2021 12:53

I can't see she did very much wrong here. She probably saw her classmates lining up and ran off to join them. YABU.

Horst · 21/09/2021 12:54

She’s 9. She’s going to be a bit moody right now. Also she went to line up for school as she should of been doing.

Think we know which side the genes came from

RJnomore1 · 21/09/2021 12:55

I ghink@Auroreforet has a spot on way to address it.

slashlover · 21/09/2021 12:57

I only turned for one moment to speak to my other grandchild is very different from I was with the younger grandkids tending to them

If it was one moment then how did she manage to disappear to the point where you had to look for her for 5 minutes?

JuneOsborne · 21/09/2021 12:57

Ah, the mini strops at that age are wonderful.

I remember my now teenager announcing 'nobody understands how difficult it is to be 9'

How you handle this episode and any future ones will impact on your relationship for the future. So by all means set your boundaries, but remember they're growing up, so some fun and love mixed in with the discipline goes a really long way. As does the way you speak to them.

lynntheyresexpeople · 21/09/2021 13:02

If you were my mum, and complained to me about this I would laugh in your face.
A complete non event. She didn't run off, she went to line up where she was meant to be. Let it go.

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