Do I need to get my ex’s opinion on a name?

[titako]

I'm pregnant and due in December, me and my ex split up in July as he cheated, since then he hasn't once asked how me or baby are but has said he wants to be in his life.

I have a list of names that I like, and I'm leaning towards it, but I'm just wondering if I'll need my ex’s opinion? Baby will also be taking my last name.

No I don’t think you should ask his opinion. I imagine that even if he is “in his life” you will be doing the majority of the parenting and are giving birth to the baby, so you get to choose.

If OP is in the situation where she needs to get child maintenance she’ll have zero change getting money from someone who isn’t on the birth certificate.

Don’t make stuff up. That’s completely untrue. And she can’t put him on it unless he goes with her to register the baby, which sounds unlikely.

OP, you choose the name and definitely obviously give the baby your last name.

Yes of course you can get child maintenance if the father is not on the birth certificate. If they dispute that they're the father, they will have to take a DNA test. Op...think carefully about the birth certificate and the legal ramifications

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

No. Simply message him after the baby arrives/is registered and say "the baby is here, their name is X. I'll get in touch in a couple of weeks and we can sort a visit for you to meet him/her"

I wouldn’t even bother doing that much @titako. He’s already communicating to you that he doesn’t care. Pretend he doesn’t exist and get on with your life. Don’t put him on the birth certificate either. It’ll just make your life hell for the next 18 years because he’ll try to control you by inserting himself into decisions. Especially around passports and trips.

Think of how many fathers would chose not to go on the birth certificate if it meant they didn’t have to pay! I’m sure loads would gladly rather not pay, such a silly comment.

I know my ex will say he doesn't like whatever name I give baby, just to make it into an issue.

He has communicated with me a bit but hasn't asked how me and baby are.

Some terrible advice on here.

Of course you can get child maintenance without him being on the birth certificate.

Do not consult him about the name.

@PumpkinKlNG

Think of how many fathers would chose not to go on the birth certificate if it meant they didn’t have to pay! I’m sure loads would gladly rather not pay, such a silly comment.

Exactly!

OP can't easily put him on the birth certificate anyway unless he attends the registration appointment with her.

He’s already communicating to you that he doesn’t care. Pretend he doesn’t exist and get on with your life

The child deserves at least the chance to get to know their father. I can understand this advice if there was any safety concerns. But I would want to know that I at least offered the opportunity for some visitation.

Absolutely not.

Nothing to do with him.

I had Cms with no df named on the bc.

@titako

I know my ex will say he doesn't like whatever name I give baby, just to make it into an issue.

He has communicated with me a bit but hasn't asked how me and baby are.

Well bollocks to him then.

I thought you had to be there to register? How would that work if the fathers absent?

Congratulations on the pregnancy!

Whether to involve the Dad in the naming is completely up to you OP. Even if you were still together with the Dad, you carry the baby and you do the labour; you get the final call on the name (although of course you might choose to ask others’ opinions).

In making your decision on whether to ask the Dad’s opinion, bear in mind that one day your child will ask about his Dad and why things are the way they are etc, probably a god idea to at least try to be amicable. But it depends a bit whether your ex is a total dick (in which case he might object to names just to be annoying and get attention) or if he’s usually reasonable.

It also depends a bit on the name and your culture etc. Live in Surrey and want to call your baby Nicholas William? You don’t need anyone’s permission. Live in Israel and want to call the baby Mohammad? Maybe reflect on the implications and ask others for views. Want to call him Azooka Kayden Pear? Probably a good idea to seek advice. Planning to name after a dead family member? Check with those who were closest to them as they may not want the reminder etc etc.

But assuming you’re going for something uncontroversial, I’d just pick your favourite 3 names and text them to ex saying you’ve decided to call the baby one of those but will make your final decision once the baby is born, if any of those names are a major problem for some reason then now is the time to mention it.

I know my ex will say he doesn't like whatever name I give baby, just to make it into an issue

Well there you go. You answered your own question...he won't care what the baby is called...it will just be another way to try to control you and piss you off

wow poor guy

@5zeds

I thought you had to be there to register? How would that work if the fathers absent?

It is possible but not straightforward. You have to get a statutory declaration of parentage, witnessed by a notary public or similar.

@5zeds

I thought you had to be there to register? How would that work if the fathers absent?

Then his name doesn't go on the BC if he's not there.

@bg21

wow poor guy

Aw yeah, poor guy. It's not his fault he cheated on his partner and hasn't once asked how OP and the baby are. Bless him

I know my ex will say he doesn't like whatever name I give baby, just to make it into an issue.

I was going to ask if this would be likely. So no, he doesn’t get consulted on names.

You choose who you want their for the birth, and when you want to tell him (within reason - the kids 18th birthday might be harsh!)

He can be involved down the line without making your choices now harder.

@bg21

wow poor guy

Poor guy?

Are you quite well?

I had the same with my ex

He fucked off while I was pregnant but tried to come back when he’d just turned two

He had the brass neck to have a go at me over his name-demanding to know why I hadn’t double checked with him over the name!

He hung around for the next few years,trying to be a controlling little twat-he fought me over everything (schools,school trips,holidays,days out,even the clothes he wore-you name it,he fought it-just because he could)

Do not put him on the birth certificate,get onto the csa as soon as possible and if he’s serious about seeing baby let him take you to court-it’s all about control with these pricks

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

He’s already communicating to you that he doesn’t care. Pretend he doesn’t exist and get on with your life

The child deserves at least the chance to get to know their father. I can understand this advice if there was any safety concerns. But I would want to know that I at least offered the opportunity for some visitation.

Why?? Why bother when the father is already telegraphing absence? A father who is in and out of a child’s life is much more traumatic than one that stays away. It’s emotionally abusive and hell for the mother to deal with. Just write off the deadbeat dad and move on with your life. It’ll be a lot easier for both mother and child in the long run.

@titako if you’re concerned about father figures, make sure your child has good role models in their life growing up like uncles, friends, neighbours, coaches or in community groups.

@titako

I know my ex will say he doesn't like whatever name I give baby, just to make it into an issue.

He has communicated with me a bit but hasn't asked how me and baby are.

Choose a name you like. Register the baby without him. You don't need to be in contact with him now for any reason. He doesn't need to know anything until the baby is born, and even at that I wouldn't be rushing to tell him until you are settled at home and emotionally ready to see him, so let him fuck off until then.