Partner violent when sugars are low.

[Badlytornfrube]

My good friend has recently had a baby with her partner. He is a type 1 diabetic and has had trouble stabilising his sugars since a recent injury.

He has very verbally aggressive and has pushed her. Two weeks ago he bit her on the arm. Each time he has blamed it on a sugar low and has gone to the GP to ask for help with this. My friend thinks this is not a reason to leave and not his fault because of the sugars. He has never been violent towards his kids from a previous relationship or the new baby.

I think the blood sugar excuse is bollocks and she should run for the hills. The fact he has never hurt the kids proves he can control himself. She is financially fine and has a flat to go to.
Has anyone had any experience of low sugar causing violence? Is he responsible? Should she leave?

YABU not his fault
YANBU she should leave

[peoplearepeople]

@Cadent The problem here is that this shouldn't be about an opinion. We are talking about medical facts here. People are trying to explain these facts and have done so on here politely and repeatedly. And still, people come onto the thread and spout damaging opinions on something they just don't have good knowledge of. It's just not ok and very damaging. Nobody is defending dv. That isn't what this is.

[BrilloPaddy]

My Dad is diabetic (insulin dependent T2) and if his blood sugars drop below 3, he literally turns into a raging bull. He's angry, shouty and aggressive........ and I now just give him his glucose tablets and say "Dad you're being an arsehole and have one of these please before you drop down dead". My Sister on the other hand can't deal with him at all and just walks away . I've had to write letters to his landlord/property manager to explain that if he's being difficult, please ask him to check his BS levels.

Your friend must be terrified when it happens.

[bakebeans]

@HumourReplacementTherapyyes I get that but it can also be seen as shaving a disadavantage if ‘labelled’ so to speak. There is a very fine line.
My parent refused to acknowledge his illness for years and didn’t want to associate with it.
My close friend has type 1 diabetes, on pump therapy, good job, well controlled never been in hospital in his life and has a good employer and supportive friends. Injecting insulin with meals is second nature to him and always says as he doesn’t know any different he doesn’t see himself as having a disability. He is one of the fittest people I know. He’s done professional talks at conferences and openly admits there have been dark days but has also openly said he does not class himself as a disabled person.
However there may be someone else who isn’t doing too well and isn’t managing, whether It is down to lack of support and education or complications is different but they may class their illness as a disability.

[TooBigForMyBoots]

Well this is a lovely thread. Such big opinions, so little knowledge.

Sure who needs to know the facts and medical research @Porcupineintherough? Arrogance and access to a keyboard has convinced some posters that they are "experts".🙄 With very important stuff to say about T1 diabetes, the law, medicine and the personal lives of people they do not know.🤔

Some of the opinions here are not only ignorant, but wilfully so given the numerous testimonies and links to actual facts on the thread. They're also extremely cuntish.🤨

[GunsNMoses]

I confess I'm ignorant to the ins and outs of T1, but I recall my mum having a friend who's dh had it. In later life I think he struggled to get it under control and he was frequently violent during hypos. At one point he attacked the ambulance crew who came out to him.
She often had visible bruises and was really upset by it all. I think her natural instinct was to try and help and he'd lash out.
It was bloody hard for them both.

[ArcheryAnnie]

Where is consideration for the woman who was assaulted , in all this? She's just had a baby, ffs. Can you remember what that was like, and how exhausted and vulnerable you are afterwards (never mind how vulnerable the baby is)? She's the one whose care should be the focus of this thread.

[LoislovesStewie]

The legal definition of assault;
An assault is any act (and not mere omission to act) by which a person intentionally or recklessly causes another to suffer or apprehend immediate unlawful violence.
A person having a severe hypo won't be responsible for their actions, so no assault will be taking place.
A mere legal technicality for some I suppose but to me that sums it up.
I wish people could stick to facts.
A person having a severe hypo DOES NOT KNOW what they are doing. I have witnessed this countless times.
Now the person in question has sought assistance from MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS (rather than those who know sweet FA) he has acted responsibly and may well find he can better control the condition. Perhaps not to the satisfaction of some posters but it is to his credit that he has done that.
THE OP was asking if people who have severe hypos might be violent and those who have experienced that have answered in the affirmative, but facts are apparently not what some want to hear.

[ArcheryAnnie]

Oh, fuck off with your legal definitions of assault. The bottom line here is that a woman who has just had a baby has been bitten and pushed about by her partner. If a medical issue - any medical issue - has prompted him to do that, then it's up to him to get help for that, or arrange his life so that he's no longer a danger to her or the baby. But she's the one whose welfare needs focusing on here.

[Kanaloa]

Whether or not it’s his fault shouldn’t really be the issue though, although it changes the intent.

If he can’t help it that’s awful but just as dangerous - op says he has bitten the friend more than once and verbally abused her too. It’s not safe if he can’t control it. At the very least they would need to work something out where she isn’t the one helping him when he has a hypo.

Just because he can’t help it doesn’t mean she should tolerate being bitten by a grown man - it would be extremely painful, and could be dangerous if he bit or hurt one of the children.

[Kanaloa]

[quote Badlytornfrube]@Allllchange he has not been violent since just verbally abusive.[/quote]
Also this was a bit worrying. He has been verbally abusive since during hypos or not? Neither is great to be honest.

[LoislovesStewie]

@ArcheryAnnie

Oh, fuck off with your legal definitions of assault. The bottom line here is that a woman who has just had a baby has been bitten and pushed about by her partner. If a medical issue - any medical issue - has prompted him to do that, then it's up to him to get help for that, or arrange his life so that he's no longer a danger to her or the baby. But she's the one whose welfare needs focusing on here.

Read the info provided by the OP, he HAS sought medical assistance. He now has a continuous blood sugar monitor, that will alert him when his glucose is getting low, and he can remedy that.
FWIW I do have sympathy for anyone who is DV victim. I should do as I dealt with enough when I was working. I am trying to explain that he has no intent to harm, but lack of blood sugars cause the brain to behave in odd ways. And that includes being stroppy, aggressive and violent. As I said my AC does exactly that.
I hope to god those around when he has a severe hypo are aware that the violence is caused by a medical need. Otherwise, he might be dead.

[BreatheAndFocus]

I think the blood sugar excuse is bollocks and she should run for the hills. The fact he has never hurt the kids proves he can control himself. She is financially fine and has a flat to go to.Has anyone had any experience of low sugar causing violence? Is he responsible?

That ^ is what the OP asked. If people who knew fuck-all about Type 1 and severe hypos had kept out of it, then the OP would have been informed that it isn’t, in fact, bollocks, and that low sugar can cause violence. Then no doubt the thread would have concentrated more on the woman. But no, people have repeatedly had to explain the facts over and over and over^.

[WhenwillSleephappen]

@ArcheryAnnie

Oh, fuck off with your legal definitions of assault. The bottom line here is that a woman who has just had a baby has been bitten and pushed about by her partner. If a medical issue - any medical issue - has prompted him to do that, then it's up to him to get help for that, or arrange his life so that he's no longer a danger to her or the baby. But she's the one whose welfare needs focusing on here.

That’s exactly what he has done - sort help.

And yes, she needs to take care of herself too. Suggestions such as putting the baby in a safe place, getting him juice or glucose tablets and then leaving the room is a good one and will help to keep her safe. If this doesn’t, then he should leave until he is better controlled. She should also seek support if needed.

[mirroredbike]

She should leave because he's unpredictable but I had a member of staff in my team who was diabetic type 1 and he could not get a grip of it and a number of times he would get aggressive and sometimes violence happened and I genuinely do not believe it was for any other reason than his diabetes because he was ok once he managed to control it but he couldn't seem to see the signs before it was too late.
In the end someone else who had a relative with T1 used to be able to spot the signs much quicker than anyone and they'd help him. Utterly sad but I could never recommend someone staying with a violent person. Perhaps being understanding whilst still leaving him may be the best option here.

[HebeMumsnet]

Morning, everyone,

This has been a tricky thread to moderate, mainly because there are such important points being made on both sides of this conversation.

While we could see that some people were upset or offended by some of the posts and understand why, there were as many reports asking us not to remove it as it had been helpful. It was also a support thread (albeit for the OP's friend) with lots of very informative posts, so we felt it was worth preserving if we could.

We've since had to delete a few posts and we are concerned that the thread is spiralling into personal attacks a little now. So we're going to close it to new posts now but we are going to leave the thread up so others can read the conversation, as we know it's been a useful discussion for many.

Thank you to everyone who contributed.