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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this Facebook post was messed up?

104 replies

BangLyricalBlowToTheJaw · 19/09/2021 21:27

There’s a Facebook page I follow, haven’t seen much from it but a friend recommended it a while back and I ‘liked’ it when I was pregnant. A post popped up tonight, I’ll paste it below:

Daddy goes to work at the same time every day during the week.
He wakes up.
He gets dressed.
He sets off for work.
He returns at the end of the day and that is his day finished.
Daddy has nothing else to worry about once he has finished work for the day.
Daddy is tired after a long day at work.

Mummy works whenever she can fit it around children. Mummy tries to work really hard whenever she can so that the family can afford to do nice things and go to nice places. Mummy also hopes that one day, if she works hard enough...that they will be able to afford a bigger house, with a bedroom for each of the children. (With a space for a dishwasher)

On a weekday, Mummy will wake up with the children, she will give them breakfast and get them dressed, she will endure the constant battles that her threenager continuously decides to put her through every single day.
Mummy will throw her hair up into what can only described as a massive fucking mess and she will take the children to school resembling some sort of morbidly obese zombie.

When Mummy arrives back from the school run she will put on a load of washing, she will wash the pots, then she will look at the mess of the house and wonder HOW THE ACTUAL FUCK it is possible to do ALL OF THE THINGS, ALL OF THE TIME. Mummy will rush around like an absolute twat to get everything done in the small window she has child free.

When Mummy has finished her jobs and she has collected the smallest child from Preschool at 11.45am she will arrive home and start to think about the list of jobs she has yet to complete. After making lunch for the little one she will think about:
Activities that are to be attended.
Uniforms that need to be ready.
Meals that need to be cooked.
Packed lunches that need to be ready.
Spellings which need to be learnt.
Letters that need to be read.
Emails that need to be answered.
Bills that need to be paid.
The house being tidied yet a-fucking-gain.
The smallest one being occupied.
All before she can even begin to think about starting work. Her actual job.
Mummy has to worry about ALL OF THE THINGS. Fucking all of them whilst Daddy sips his hot coffee in his office.

When Mummy has a day off of work, she still does all of the above and more, she still has 1001 things to worry about...EVEN on ‘her day off’!!!!!

Daddy has two days off a week, and whilst Mummy is catching up on her work and is extremely busy with clients, Daddy feels as if he is entitled to a day sat in front of his PlayStation.
Daddy spends roughly half of his bastarding days off sat on the toilet, looking at his phone.
Daddy doesn’t worry that the children might be bored..even though he is the ‘fun’ one.
(To be fair he is the fun one, Mummy is too fucking exhausted)
Daddy doesn’t worry about learning spellings, reading school books or tidying the house.
Daddy doesn’t worry about uniforms being ready.
Or packed lunches...
Daddy doesn’t need to worry about the washing of clothes...or the putting away of them.
Daddy doesn’t worry about washing the pots.
Or fucking anything for that matter.
Unless he is asked, Daddy doesn’t just crack on with any of the things.
Because it is Daddy’s day twatting off.

When Mummy mentions to Daddy that she ‘doesn’t have enough time in a day.’ Daddy the massive bastarding Cockwomble replies “Thats just life. Isn’t it!”
Daddy doesn’t have a sodding clue.

And that is why...
On a Sunday evening...
Whilst witnessing the carnage around her, Mummy drinks lots and fucking lots of grape juice.
Because she bloody deserves it...before the school run tomorrow.

The end. 🤣🤣🤣
#passthewine

Leaving the casual haha faux alcoholism aside, the post attracted quite a few comments saying ‘what the fuck, that is normal or acceptable, that’s terrible parenting, why would you live with someone like this, this really normalises terrible relationships’. It attracted even more comments along the lines of ‘haha I know right, my mum always said it takes years to train a man up, been with my fella 10yr and still trying to teach him to pick his dirty clothes up, I’m sure he’ll get it one day haha’ or just general lighthearted commiseration about what shit dads and partners their partners are.

I thought maybe the number of comments saying what an awful post it was might have sunk in a little, until she commented a while later with this:

‘Heyyyy everyone! This page is called laugh with mummy, I have a rant. I take the piss out of myself, my children and my partner.

I share things that often aren’t shared on social media...probably because of the shit people get when they are honest nowadays. 🙄

Perfectly perfect parents...people....this is not the right place for you guys I’m afraid. We admit that shit is sometimes hard and we have a bloody good laugh about it to get through it here.

This post never once mentioned that anyone was a bad parent, or suggested anyone needed a divorce for goodness sakes, can you even divorce someone for not washing the pots?
🤣🤣 It was simply a rant that LOTS of people will relate to now and again.

Try and have a sense of humour in life, bloody Nora it helps you through the difficult patches! 🥰’

Your basic, passive aggressive, defensive, ‘you just can’t take a joke’ coping mechanism, suggesting it was all one big laugh and that she hadn’t actually called him a bad parent after spending sentences and sentences talking about what a terrible parent he is.

AIBU to think that some women genuinely make life harder for themselves by pretending that this behaviour from men is acceptable/normal? It’s so alien to me. I’m in far from a perfect marriage but my god, I would rather be single than with a man who wasn’t parenting and taking care of the home to the same extent as I do. Half of me feels sorry for her and others like her, half of me is resentful that she’s putting so much effort into trying to portray what she describes as some hilarious jovial ‘aren’t men useless haha’ punchline when actually it’s pretty clear she’s struggling massively and not happy with the status quo. I feel like it’s okay to feel that way, but putting it out there to lots of followers as if it’s a normal no big deal thing sets gender equality back aeons. Genuinely shocked me how many people didn’t see anything remotely problematic about it.

AIBU?

I’m off to sleep in a moment so will reply tomorrow if I get any responses. Just trying to understand this mentality.

OP posts:
Fairlyurgentdecision · 19/09/2021 21:30

and breathe

inpixiehollow · 19/09/2021 21:31

Funny I should find this here the 'cockwomble' mentioned is actually my uncle.. 'Mummy' is known amongst our side of the family for being a bit of a tw*t Grin she likes to think she is hard done by... take it all with a pinch of salt I'm afraid most of it is made up on her page!

Bitofachinwag · 19/09/2021 21:34

Well, unless her FB page is public I don't think you should share the post on here.

BangLyricalBlowToTheJaw · 19/09/2021 21:34

@inpixiehollow

Funny I should find this here the 'cockwomble' mentioned is actually my uncle.. 'Mummy' is known amongst our side of the family for being a bit of a tw*t Grin she likes to think she is hard done by... take it all with a pinch of salt I'm afraid most of it is made up on her page!
Ha!

I haven’t checked many of her other posts, though I think the ones that have popped up were very, very... what’s the word, martyr-ish? (Not a word I know). And featured alcohol a lot.

I mean, I’d be glad if most of that was made up... but at the same time she freely shares photos of her kids on there while calling them knobheads, surely they’ll see this stuff one day if they haven’t already?

OP posts:
Fernando072020 · 19/09/2021 21:34

Posts like this make me angry/sad/frustrated. For the fact it "normalises" men doing nothing in the house or for the children. Then everyone comes along making it out to be a joke, when in actual fact it's a very sad existence and not at all funny. Yanbu imo

BangLyricalBlowToTheJaw · 19/09/2021 21:34

@Bitofachinwag

Well, unless her FB page is public I don't think you should share the post on here.
It absolutely is, she’s a blogger. The name is in the comment I copied. Wouldn’t have shared it otherwise. Anyone can go see it for themselves.
OP posts:
BangLyricalBlowToTheJaw · 19/09/2021 21:36

@Fernando072020

Posts like this make me angry/sad/frustrated. For the fact it "normalises" men doing nothing in the house or for the children. Then everyone comes along making it out to be a joke, when in actual fact it's a very sad existence and not at all funny. Yanbu imo
This is what bothers me so much, though she’s far from the first or only person to do this.

Also the dishonesty. Talks endlessly about what a shit dad he is and then when people comment on that turns around and says she never mentioned anyone being a bad parent and clearly those commenting must be perfect...

No, not perfect parents. But light years better than what she’s described, my god.

I’ve never started a thread before, just realised how weird it is to see my comments in green Grin

OP posts:
GnomeOrMistAndIceGuy · 19/09/2021 21:38

It's just social media wankery for the very very stupid. On a par with those posts that warn "if you fuck with my son, I will fuck you up" etc. Cringe.

MildCreamyCheddar · 19/09/2021 21:41

@31inpixiehollow that may well be the case, but I know that my current partner's family don't take my situation seriously and also don't know anything near the full extent of the problems with my partner, they just see how he goes out to work and pays for most stuff.

And it's not the first or even second time it's happened. I went through a bad period where I blamed myself because I've been the common denominator. But it's actually a case of my having several invisible illnesses, and repeatedly choosing shit men because it's really hard to find the right one and you often don't realise there's been a mistake til X amount of time down the line.

Your aunt sounds like someone who is carrying too much mental load and is breaking.

inpixiehollow · 19/09/2021 21:41

I'm not going to say she is an alcoholic.. I don't have anything to do with them anymore but lets say their recycling box is often overflowing Wink
She does indeed share photos of her children and call them names often.. no comment from me Grin

NotReallyAPrincess · 19/09/2021 21:41

YANBU, I hate this dumb shit. Worse when people laugh it off, or (in real life) get mardy when you don’t join in. I used to work with someone who monologued a bit like this at lunch time and she was very off with me after I didn’t join in - “I suppose your husband cooks and tidies up, does he?” Er, yeah. Otherwise I’d be divorced.

MagicalCreatures · 19/09/2021 21:42

I just read that and related to everything she said. That was unfortunately my life!
I'm in the middle of a divorce!!!

Alleycat02 · 19/09/2021 21:44

YANBU. I occasionally browse that FB page and always come away feeling more depressed than amused.....
No, it isn't funny to have a partner who is that shit and has so little respect for you, interest in the children or otherwise cares about the emotional and practical wellbeing of the family that they chose to have. Just because she gets a hundred replies saying "Omgzzzz me too hahaha!" doesn't make it OK.

AlphabetStew · 19/09/2021 21:45

This blogger sounds like someone who thinks they're very funny. Bit of a fucking saga though isn't it? If 'Mummy' had the time to write alllll of that out then 'Mummy' must have ample leisure time.

BangLyricalBlowToTheJaw · 19/09/2021 21:46

@NotReallyAPrincess

YANBU, I hate this dumb shit. Worse when people laugh it off, or (in real life) get mardy when you don’t join in. I used to work with someone who monologued a bit like this at lunch time and she was very off with me after I didn’t join in - “I suppose your husband cooks and tidies up, does he?” Er, yeah. Otherwise I’d be divorced.
I sometimes feel a bit embarrassed if the topic of shit partners comes up in social groups tbh, or complaining about how bad someone’s partner is at parenting, as I just can’t say anything negative at all about my DH along those lines. I can’t relate. I just don’t say anything as it would sound like bragging I think and it’s obviously not my place to when people are venting. But I guess it does make it seem like everyone’s relationships are like that.
OP posts:
BangLyricalBlowToTheJaw · 19/09/2021 21:47

@MagicalCreatures

I just read that and related to everything she said. That was unfortunately my life! I'm in the middle of a divorce!!!
I’m glad you’re getting out of that situation. It sounds beyond appalling.
OP posts:
BangLyricalBlowToTheJaw · 19/09/2021 21:49

@Alleycat02

YANBU. I occasionally browse that FB page and always come away feeling more depressed than amused..... No, it isn't funny to have a partner who is that shit and has so little respect for you, interest in the children or otherwise cares about the emotional and practical wellbeing of the family that they chose to have. Just because she gets a hundred replies saying "Omgzzzz me too hahaha!" doesn't make it OK.
You’d think it’d eventually sink in how screwed up it all is, but I bet the echo chamber doesn’t help, easier to accept it if you believe that’s just how it is gonna be as a wife and mother. And when people say it doesn’t have to be this way, to double down and attack. I would honestly wake up with the weight of the world on my shoulders if my child’s father was that shit. And the drinking also has to dressed up as some cutesy crap when it’s actually a really unhealthy coping mechanism.
OP posts:
VanGoSunflowers · 19/09/2021 21:50

It’s dull, predictable and self-indulgent at best.
And at worst, as you say, normalises shit husbands.
It’s very cringe!

Indoctro · 19/09/2021 21:51

Just had a look at her page ,seriously she is a knob

That's a horrid way to talk about your kids and make them the butt of your jokes.

Not remotely funny in my books.

Passmeamenuatthetottenham · 19/09/2021 21:51

Well, whilst I recognise some of that, unless this is heavily embellished (which these things usually are) I think that Mummy needs to get Daddy to step the fuck up a bit more.

The whole

Perfectly perfect parents...people....this is not the right place for you guys I’m afraid. We admit that shit is sometimes hard and we have a bloody good laugh about it to get through it here.

Is a bit... 2017 now isn't it? Started with The Unmumsy Mum and Hurrah for Gin, and now everyone is at it!

BangLyricalBlowToTheJaw · 19/09/2021 21:54

@Passmeamenuatthetottenham

Well, whilst I recognise some of that, unless this is heavily embellished (which these things usually are) I think that Mummy needs to get Daddy to step the fuck up a bit more.

The whole

Perfectly perfect parents...people....this is not the right place for you guys I’m afraid. We admit that shit is sometimes hard and we have a bloody good laugh about it to get through it here.

Is a bit... 2017 now isn't it? Started with The Unmumsy Mum and Hurrah for Gin, and now everyone is at it!

That bit did make me laugh, total straw man. Nobody said anything about not enjoying a laugh or parenting being easy, but of course it’s easier to dismiss people who are challenging your post when you completely ignore the gist of what’s being said and come up with something else to rail against. The transparency was the funny part! And the saying she didn’t call him a bad parent. Without editing or deleting the post where she described his appalling parenting Grin
OP posts:
Patapouf · 19/09/2021 21:54

It baffles me why women think unequal parenting is acceptable or funny and why so many women put up with it.

And shit joke posts like that perpetuate the narrative that 'haha men are stupid and useless but it's okay because mums can manage it all'

Shakeyourface · 19/09/2021 21:56

Jesus I just looked at her page. What a gross set up. She sounds disgusting. He sounds a pig. The poor poor kids. Imagine your parents humiliating you and themselves online every day.

BangLyricalBlowToTheJaw · 19/09/2021 21:58

@Indoctro

Just had a look at her page ,seriously she is a knob

That's a horrid way to talk about your kids and make them the butt of your jokes.

Not remotely funny in my books.

I know, her poor kids. They’re smiling in the photos of them, while she captions it with stuff about how they’re needy little knobheads that cause her massive rage and how much she has to drink to cope with parenting them. Of course if anyone were to say this on her page they’d be told every parent feels this way and the ones who don’t must be lying etc etc.
OP posts:
BangLyricalBlowToTheJaw · 19/09/2021 21:59

@Patapouf

It baffles me why women think unequal parenting is acceptable or funny and why so many women put up with it.

And shit joke posts like that perpetuate the narrative that 'haha men are stupid and useless but it's okay because mums can manage it all'

I wonder if some people genuinely don’t realise that it’s possible to parent fairly equally. Maybe they’ve never had role models to show them dads can be good parents, or maybe they didn’t have dads at all? I get that some people must feel utterly trapped and the only way they can cope is to pretend it’s all a big funny joke.
OP posts: