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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this Facebook post was messed up?

104 replies

BangLyricalBlowToTheJaw · 19/09/2021 21:27

There’s a Facebook page I follow, haven’t seen much from it but a friend recommended it a while back and I ‘liked’ it when I was pregnant. A post popped up tonight, I’ll paste it below:

Daddy goes to work at the same time every day during the week.
He wakes up.
He gets dressed.
He sets off for work.
He returns at the end of the day and that is his day finished.
Daddy has nothing else to worry about once he has finished work for the day.
Daddy is tired after a long day at work.

Mummy works whenever she can fit it around children. Mummy tries to work really hard whenever she can so that the family can afford to do nice things and go to nice places. Mummy also hopes that one day, if she works hard enough...that they will be able to afford a bigger house, with a bedroom for each of the children. (With a space for a dishwasher)

On a weekday, Mummy will wake up with the children, she will give them breakfast and get them dressed, she will endure the constant battles that her threenager continuously decides to put her through every single day.
Mummy will throw her hair up into what can only described as a massive fucking mess and she will take the children to school resembling some sort of morbidly obese zombie.

When Mummy arrives back from the school run she will put on a load of washing, she will wash the pots, then she will look at the mess of the house and wonder HOW THE ACTUAL FUCK it is possible to do ALL OF THE THINGS, ALL OF THE TIME. Mummy will rush around like an absolute twat to get everything done in the small window she has child free.

When Mummy has finished her jobs and she has collected the smallest child from Preschool at 11.45am she will arrive home and start to think about the list of jobs she has yet to complete. After making lunch for the little one she will think about:
Activities that are to be attended.
Uniforms that need to be ready.
Meals that need to be cooked.
Packed lunches that need to be ready.
Spellings which need to be learnt.
Letters that need to be read.
Emails that need to be answered.
Bills that need to be paid.
The house being tidied yet a-fucking-gain.
The smallest one being occupied.
All before she can even begin to think about starting work. Her actual job.
Mummy has to worry about ALL OF THE THINGS. Fucking all of them whilst Daddy sips his hot coffee in his office.

When Mummy has a day off of work, she still does all of the above and more, she still has 1001 things to worry about...EVEN on ‘her day off’!!!!!

Daddy has two days off a week, and whilst Mummy is catching up on her work and is extremely busy with clients, Daddy feels as if he is entitled to a day sat in front of his PlayStation.
Daddy spends roughly half of his bastarding days off sat on the toilet, looking at his phone.
Daddy doesn’t worry that the children might be bored..even though he is the ‘fun’ one.
(To be fair he is the fun one, Mummy is too fucking exhausted)
Daddy doesn’t worry about learning spellings, reading school books or tidying the house.
Daddy doesn’t worry about uniforms being ready.
Or packed lunches...
Daddy doesn’t need to worry about the washing of clothes...or the putting away of them.
Daddy doesn’t worry about washing the pots.
Or fucking anything for that matter.
Unless he is asked, Daddy doesn’t just crack on with any of the things.
Because it is Daddy’s day twatting off.

When Mummy mentions to Daddy that she ‘doesn’t have enough time in a day.’ Daddy the massive bastarding Cockwomble replies “Thats just life. Isn’t it!”
Daddy doesn’t have a sodding clue.

And that is why...
On a Sunday evening...
Whilst witnessing the carnage around her, Mummy drinks lots and fucking lots of grape juice.
Because she bloody deserves it...before the school run tomorrow.

The end. 🤣🤣🤣
#passthewine

Leaving the casual haha faux alcoholism aside, the post attracted quite a few comments saying ‘what the fuck, that is normal or acceptable, that’s terrible parenting, why would you live with someone like this, this really normalises terrible relationships’. It attracted even more comments along the lines of ‘haha I know right, my mum always said it takes years to train a man up, been with my fella 10yr and still trying to teach him to pick his dirty clothes up, I’m sure he’ll get it one day haha’ or just general lighthearted commiseration about what shit dads and partners their partners are.

I thought maybe the number of comments saying what an awful post it was might have sunk in a little, until she commented a while later with this:

‘Heyyyy everyone! This page is called laugh with mummy, I have a rant. I take the piss out of myself, my children and my partner.

I share things that often aren’t shared on social media...probably because of the shit people get when they are honest nowadays. 🙄

Perfectly perfect parents...people....this is not the right place for you guys I’m afraid. We admit that shit is sometimes hard and we have a bloody good laugh about it to get through it here.

This post never once mentioned that anyone was a bad parent, or suggested anyone needed a divorce for goodness sakes, can you even divorce someone for not washing the pots?
🤣🤣 It was simply a rant that LOTS of people will relate to now and again.

Try and have a sense of humour in life, bloody Nora it helps you through the difficult patches! 🥰’

Your basic, passive aggressive, defensive, ‘you just can’t take a joke’ coping mechanism, suggesting it was all one big laugh and that she hadn’t actually called him a bad parent after spending sentences and sentences talking about what a terrible parent he is.

AIBU to think that some women genuinely make life harder for themselves by pretending that this behaviour from men is acceptable/normal? It’s so alien to me. I’m in far from a perfect marriage but my god, I would rather be single than with a man who wasn’t parenting and taking care of the home to the same extent as I do. Half of me feels sorry for her and others like her, half of me is resentful that she’s putting so much effort into trying to portray what she describes as some hilarious jovial ‘aren’t men useless haha’ punchline when actually it’s pretty clear she’s struggling massively and not happy with the status quo. I feel like it’s okay to feel that way, but putting it out there to lots of followers as if it’s a normal no big deal thing sets gender equality back aeons. Genuinely shocked me how many people didn’t see anything remotely problematic about it.

AIBU?

I’m off to sleep in a moment so will reply tomorrow if I get any responses. Just trying to understand this mentality.

OP posts:
nc4565 · 19/09/2021 23:01

Who is the blogger can someone tell me please? I'm trying to find the page so I can join in!

Maddison12 · 19/09/2021 23:03

[quote Shakeyourface]@Sowingbees the option you surely shouldn’t take is humiliating your kids online in the hope of becoming Insta-famous?[/quote]
This^
I haven't seen that page fortunately, but posting pictures of your kids online calling them knobheads is absolutely disgusting imo.

pinkstripeycat · 19/09/2021 23:04

That’s my life apart from my DCs are teenagers and also do jobs.
DH feeds himself and never asks anyone else. Eats the last of everything leaving DCs without
Doesn’t walk his own dogs and forgets to buy dog food or feed dogs leaving it to rest if family
DH says he has his own things to do despite us all telling him the home IS his thing

pinkstripeycat · 19/09/2021 23:05

No one has any respect for DH and he wonders why

Nightfeedwatcher · 19/09/2021 23:05

‘Laugh with mummy’ I just went for a nosey as well!

nc4565 · 19/09/2021 23:07

@Nightfeedwatcher

‘Laugh with mummy’ I just went for a nosey as well!
Thanks!
RosyPoesy · 19/09/2021 23:10

It’s not acceptable or normal. But it is depressingly common. DH does his job 5 days a week and I do everything else 7 days a week including nights, including the mental load of making sure everything is done and prepped and planned. Of course if you ask him he’ll say he’s the breadwinner and I’m unemployed! If I had the money I’d leave him.

nc4565 · 19/09/2021 23:13

I've just looked at her page.

I'm all for a laugh but calling your own children knobheads, dictators, and bastards is not my vibe. Poor kids.

RosyPoesy · 19/09/2021 23:13

I wonder if some people genuinely don’t realise that it’s possible to parent fairly equally
It’s not that it’s not possible. The problem is that he’s not capable. I have a responsibility towards my DC to ensure they’re parented properly with love and kindness, and the only way I can ensure that is by doing it myself.

user1473878824 · 19/09/2021 23:15

I’m amazed that daddy goes out to work and apparently doesn’t earn a single penny

NannyOggsward · 19/09/2021 23:19

Seems pretty fucking accurate for a lot of marriages I know including my own.

That’s why I divorced so he can be fucking useless at a distance.

ShinyThingsDistractMe · 19/09/2021 23:38

God what drivel...she needs to stop trying to be funny, because it isn't working.

I also find it mildly irritating being a loan full time working parent. Because I have to do everything, work full time, do the dishes, care for the child. Meanwhile she does realistically have the support of another adult in the house. So whilst she pretends to do 100% of the work even with a useless husband, she isn't....

Try actually doing 100% of the work 100% of the time, with no financial help, no emotional help and no second pair of hands.

CanofCant · 19/09/2021 23:39

Just had a look and I don't think I'm her demographic.

DixonD · 20/09/2021 00:06

I don’t know - my marriage is like this. I do EVERYTHING with our child. I do all the housework, washing, cooking and I work 14 hours a week too. My husband does nothing parental or “domesticated” at all. But I don’t resent him for it. It works for us. He works really hard at his job and he takes care of us financially.

We have a large friendship group. We are the only ones in a happy relationship. Out of all the ones who have been married (we’re late 30s), we’re the only ones still married.

There’s a lot to be said for traditional roles in a marriage.

monarchoftheglen · 20/09/2021 00:14

Well she sounds like a peach Hmm

BangLyricalBlowToTheJaw · 20/09/2021 07:05

@DixonD

I don’t know - my marriage is like this. I do EVERYTHING with our child. I do all the housework, washing, cooking and I work 14 hours a week too. My husband does nothing parental or “domesticated” at all. But I don’t resent him for it. It works for us. He works really hard at his job and he takes care of us financially.

We have a large friendship group. We are the only ones in a happy relationship. Out of all the ones who have been married (we’re late 30s), we’re the only ones still married.

There’s a lot to be said for traditional roles in a marriage.

If it’s a decision you’ve made together and you’re both happy with it then that’s awesome, and it’s not for anyone else to judge! I doubt you’d go onto Facebook though and tell the world about what a shit dad your husband is and then get defensive and claim you hadn’t done just that if people questioned it though...

In her rant she makes it very clear she thinks daddy sits and drinks coffee at work all day! I’m glad your family set up works for you :)

OP posts:
StMarysKettle · 20/09/2021 07:18

He's supporting the family financially. He's not not doing anything. She says he will do stuff if he's asked - she has the mental load of the kids he has the mental load of being the breadwinner.

No decent mother would set up a blog calling her kids those names. It's one thing to be frustrated and thinking them - it's quite another to put it on the Internet where the children will find it in a few years. Fucked up.

theseoldbone · 20/09/2021 07:23

Poor kids when they grow up and see this shit

NewPapaGuinea · 20/09/2021 07:28

Until the PlayStation was mentioned I thought it was something from the 1950’s. Reads very much like a post that is “edgy” to garner likes and attention.

Lessthanaballpark · 20/09/2021 07:37

I think women who talk about men in this way are just trying a coping mechanism.

Getting other people to change their behaviour is incredibly difficult so convincing yourself that it is normal (and it is tbf more common than it should be) saves you from that.

Neonplant · 20/09/2021 07:37

@AlphabetStew

This blogger sounds like someone who thinks they're very funny. Bit of a fucking saga though isn't it? If 'Mummy' had the time to write alllll of that out then 'Mummy' must have ample leisure time.
Well if she's a blogger writing this was probably her job.

Anyway, I get what you're saying op. There's a difference between laughing along at the things which happen with small kids, not having a perfect life or relationship Vs having an objectively crap unequal relationship. Unfortunately this is really common and for many women totally acceptable.

The argument of I can't share without judgement is pretty shit. I don't think we should judge women who are doing it all, who know if this is actually the situation here. Although yes it is massively frustrating when they seem to let it happen. I see this withy sister and it's awful.

But I do sort of feel we should speak up where we see these type of situations as they aren't good for women and just sort of ignoring them because it's their choice feels wrong.

Hopeisallineed · 20/09/2021 07:39

@DixonD we’ve been together 25 plus years. Share everything, including all of the domestic chores. Extremely happy and never feel resentful. There’s a lot to be said for equality in a marriage.

gailplattshairbrush · 20/09/2021 07:43

Agree it's all very 2017. And back then even the ones that did it well became tedious at times. They all went off and got book deals though, can't see that happening for 'mummy' I'm afraid.

There's a fine balance between writing honestly to try and help other mums and just selling your family out in the name of likes. Doesn't sit well with me at all.

RosyPoesy · 20/09/2021 07:52

In her rant she makes it very clear she thinks daddy sits and drinks coffee at work all day!
If you’re bored and being hassled by kids all the time and never have an adult conversation, it’s easy to be jealous of someone who gets to go to work and do something productive that progresses their life, as well as talking to multiple adults and not being touched or grabbed at. I’m insanely jealous of DH because he gets to eat an entire lunch in peace while talking to people, and he drinks multiple cups of coffee every day without being clawed at or screamed at.

Sceptre86 · 20/09/2021 07:53

I was on a birth board on here and some of us moved into Facebook. The amount of posts like that were ridiculous and a lot of the posts were annoying. In that they were of the 'haha my boyfriend is useless but hopefully he will be better when baby arrives'. Then a few weeks in it is such a shock that he is still just the useless lump he always was, shock horror! Only now there is sleep deprivation for the woman and a baby to take care of on top of everything else. I didn't comment on the post as it gave me the rage, why have a baby with a useless lump or be with him in the first place? Why have such low standards? Yanbu.