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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this Facebook post was messed up?

104 replies

BangLyricalBlowToTheJaw · 19/09/2021 21:27

There’s a Facebook page I follow, haven’t seen much from it but a friend recommended it a while back and I ‘liked’ it when I was pregnant. A post popped up tonight, I’ll paste it below:

Daddy goes to work at the same time every day during the week.
He wakes up.
He gets dressed.
He sets off for work.
He returns at the end of the day and that is his day finished.
Daddy has nothing else to worry about once he has finished work for the day.
Daddy is tired after a long day at work.

Mummy works whenever she can fit it around children. Mummy tries to work really hard whenever she can so that the family can afford to do nice things and go to nice places. Mummy also hopes that one day, if she works hard enough...that they will be able to afford a bigger house, with a bedroom for each of the children. (With a space for a dishwasher)

On a weekday, Mummy will wake up with the children, she will give them breakfast and get them dressed, she will endure the constant battles that her threenager continuously decides to put her through every single day.
Mummy will throw her hair up into what can only described as a massive fucking mess and she will take the children to school resembling some sort of morbidly obese zombie.

When Mummy arrives back from the school run she will put on a load of washing, she will wash the pots, then she will look at the mess of the house and wonder HOW THE ACTUAL FUCK it is possible to do ALL OF THE THINGS, ALL OF THE TIME. Mummy will rush around like an absolute twat to get everything done in the small window she has child free.

When Mummy has finished her jobs and she has collected the smallest child from Preschool at 11.45am she will arrive home and start to think about the list of jobs she has yet to complete. After making lunch for the little one she will think about:
Activities that are to be attended.
Uniforms that need to be ready.
Meals that need to be cooked.
Packed lunches that need to be ready.
Spellings which need to be learnt.
Letters that need to be read.
Emails that need to be answered.
Bills that need to be paid.
The house being tidied yet a-fucking-gain.
The smallest one being occupied.
All before she can even begin to think about starting work. Her actual job.
Mummy has to worry about ALL OF THE THINGS. Fucking all of them whilst Daddy sips his hot coffee in his office.

When Mummy has a day off of work, she still does all of the above and more, she still has 1001 things to worry about...EVEN on ‘her day off’!!!!!

Daddy has two days off a week, and whilst Mummy is catching up on her work and is extremely busy with clients, Daddy feels as if he is entitled to a day sat in front of his PlayStation.
Daddy spends roughly half of his bastarding days off sat on the toilet, looking at his phone.
Daddy doesn’t worry that the children might be bored..even though he is the ‘fun’ one.
(To be fair he is the fun one, Mummy is too fucking exhausted)
Daddy doesn’t worry about learning spellings, reading school books or tidying the house.
Daddy doesn’t worry about uniforms being ready.
Or packed lunches...
Daddy doesn’t need to worry about the washing of clothes...or the putting away of them.
Daddy doesn’t worry about washing the pots.
Or fucking anything for that matter.
Unless he is asked, Daddy doesn’t just crack on with any of the things.
Because it is Daddy’s day twatting off.

When Mummy mentions to Daddy that she ‘doesn’t have enough time in a day.’ Daddy the massive bastarding Cockwomble replies “Thats just life. Isn’t it!”
Daddy doesn’t have a sodding clue.

And that is why...
On a Sunday evening...
Whilst witnessing the carnage around her, Mummy drinks lots and fucking lots of grape juice.
Because she bloody deserves it...before the school run tomorrow.

The end. 🤣🤣🤣
#passthewine

Leaving the casual haha faux alcoholism aside, the post attracted quite a few comments saying ‘what the fuck, that is normal or acceptable, that’s terrible parenting, why would you live with someone like this, this really normalises terrible relationships’. It attracted even more comments along the lines of ‘haha I know right, my mum always said it takes years to train a man up, been with my fella 10yr and still trying to teach him to pick his dirty clothes up, I’m sure he’ll get it one day haha’ or just general lighthearted commiseration about what shit dads and partners their partners are.

I thought maybe the number of comments saying what an awful post it was might have sunk in a little, until she commented a while later with this:

‘Heyyyy everyone! This page is called laugh with mummy, I have a rant. I take the piss out of myself, my children and my partner.

I share things that often aren’t shared on social media...probably because of the shit people get when they are honest nowadays. 🙄

Perfectly perfect parents...people....this is not the right place for you guys I’m afraid. We admit that shit is sometimes hard and we have a bloody good laugh about it to get through it here.

This post never once mentioned that anyone was a bad parent, or suggested anyone needed a divorce for goodness sakes, can you even divorce someone for not washing the pots?
🤣🤣 It was simply a rant that LOTS of people will relate to now and again.

Try and have a sense of humour in life, bloody Nora it helps you through the difficult patches! 🥰’

Your basic, passive aggressive, defensive, ‘you just can’t take a joke’ coping mechanism, suggesting it was all one big laugh and that she hadn’t actually called him a bad parent after spending sentences and sentences talking about what a terrible parent he is.

AIBU to think that some women genuinely make life harder for themselves by pretending that this behaviour from men is acceptable/normal? It’s so alien to me. I’m in far from a perfect marriage but my god, I would rather be single than with a man who wasn’t parenting and taking care of the home to the same extent as I do. Half of me feels sorry for her and others like her, half of me is resentful that she’s putting so much effort into trying to portray what she describes as some hilarious jovial ‘aren’t men useless haha’ punchline when actually it’s pretty clear she’s struggling massively and not happy with the status quo. I feel like it’s okay to feel that way, but putting it out there to lots of followers as if it’s a normal no big deal thing sets gender equality back aeons. Genuinely shocked me how many people didn’t see anything remotely problematic about it.

AIBU?

I’m off to sleep in a moment so will reply tomorrow if I get any responses. Just trying to understand this mentality.

OP posts:
BangLyricalBlowToTheJaw · 19/09/2021 22:01

@Shakeyourface

Jesus I just looked at her page. What a gross set up. She sounds disgusting. He sounds a pig. The poor poor kids. Imagine your parents humiliating you and themselves online every day.
It’ll be fun when she inevitably gets sent this thread and comes here to embarrass herself/uses it as fuel on her page to show how hard done by she is and how anyone who tells the truth about parenting and relationships gets slated etc etc.

But maybe, just maybe, it’ll show some of her followers that there’s something very wrong with the picture she’s painting.

OP posts:
ManifestingJoy · 19/09/2021 22:02

Well, I won't look at her fb page but my x did nothing and I put up with it because my parents had raised me to support their rosy perception of themselves and to not dare to have a perspective of my own and to have no needs and never challenge them. Things looked ok on the outside though.

This is not uncommon. And it affects the partner you end up with.

I left my shit x and ended up doing every thing myself and yet it was easier because i felt les resentment.

But women don't always have the internal sense of self to reject being used. Sometimes being used feels like love.
Sometimes your parents just weren't that in to you.

Sometimes women don't have anywhere to go and they don't have any money when they get there.

And when they're figuring it out, a face book rant helps them feel like less of a door mat? less eroded? It reminds them of the sense of self that they owe to themselves and will try to honour one day?

Chloemol · 19/09/2021 22:06

Just looked at it, appalling.

And her kids will see all that in a few years!

BangLyricalBlowToTheJaw · 19/09/2021 22:07

@ManifestingJoy

Well, I won't look at her fb page but my x did nothing and I put up with it because my parents had raised me to support their rosy perception of themselves and to not dare to have a perspective of my own and to have no needs and never challenge them. Things looked ok on the outside though.

This is not uncommon. And it affects the partner you end up with.

I left my shit x and ended up doing every thing myself and yet it was easier because i felt les resentment.

But women don't always have the internal sense of self to reject being used. Sometimes being used feels like love.
Sometimes your parents just weren't that in to you.

Sometimes women don't have anywhere to go and they don't have any money when they get there.

And when they're figuring it out, a face book rant helps them feel like less of a door mat? less eroded? It reminds them of the sense of self that they owe to themselves and will try to honour one day?

This is really insightful. Thank you. Helps me to see people like this as people are are or may have been victims, to end up in that position and tolerate it. And I guess nobody knows whether they are actually tolerating it behind closed doors or whether they’re gearing up to leave or making a difficult decision to stay because it’s the lesser of evils.

I totally believe that it affects who you end up with too. This belief system might not have developed as a result of being with a shit partner. Maybe it was already there and led to choosing a mate who was going to be such a let down in parenting and partnership. Really appreciate this comment.

OP posts:
Sowingbees · 19/09/2021 22:07

It baffles me why women think unequal parenting is acceptable or funny and why so many women put up with it.

Because there are no other options. You have to find it funny or you'd never get up in the morning. I read often advice to LTB or go to a refuge but life just isn't that simple. I think many people on here have no idea what it means to have no options.

Shakeyourface · 19/09/2021 22:13

@Sowingbees the option you surely shouldn’t take is humiliating your kids online in the hope of becoming Insta-famous?

ManifestingJoy · 19/09/2021 22:15

@BangLyricalBlowToTheJaw thanks for getting it.

obviously it's the wrong battle to fight, and eventually you figure that out (if you're open to epiphanies!) but in the moment, railing against it does make you feel less of doormat and reminds you that you deserve more.

Obviously the fight worth turning up for is the one where you just walk away. and i did after 7 years.

twelvefiftynine · 19/09/2021 22:15

Jesus her page is just her complaining about her kids and husband in a really negative way. There's nothing to laugh about.

Truthseeker34 · 19/09/2021 22:17

Anyone here have husband or partner who isn't like that ? I'm jealous

burritofan · 19/09/2021 22:18

“Mummy” needs an editor with several red pens.

MeltedCheeseonTop · 19/09/2021 22:21

It won’t be real. It will be another person wanting to be an influencer and trying to exaggerate life to get buy in from that audience. I don’t believe any ‘blogger’ or ‘influencer’ is anything but a caricature of what they want to be ‘branded’ as.

And this is from an ex blogger, before it all became a THING. I quickly bowed out from #ad. Although to be fair, I was also awful at exaggerating real life. Nobody is really interested in somebody who is on the fence/understands everyone is different 🤣

TomFuckery · 19/09/2021 22:21

Just had a look
Bit of a Narc that thinks she's funny
She's not

Sowingbees · 19/09/2021 22:23

[quote Shakeyourface]@Sowingbees the option you surely shouldn’t take is humiliating your kids online in the hope of becoming Insta-famous?[/quote]
Agree, I was replying to why people think it's funny or stay. I think airing any dirty laundry is a bad idea but especially if it humiliates children

BillinaTheChickenQueen · 19/09/2021 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Mombie2021 · 19/09/2021 22:24

YANBU, this is why I’m single.

I have 3 children and have no desire to look after a(nother) man child.

I mean, I love my children and wouldn’t change having them, but fuck me, aged 20-27 I really had no fucking self respect and by the time I ended it, I wasn’t even a person any more.

The first thing I did was put them in daycare and get my arse back to college, then Uni, as a single mother whilst ExDP whines about how it wasn’t fair on the children to have to be in daycare and I repeatedly told him that his only options were to either STFU or give up his job and look after them himself.

Leaving him, getting myself an education were the two best things I could have done for my daughters. They watch their Dad fanny around asking his Mum to do things for him and think he’s the most pathetic adult they’ve ever met.

RiverSkater · 19/09/2021 22:24

About right for lots of women, judging by what I read on here. Myself included.

But not all women and not all men.

Tittyfilarious81 · 19/09/2021 22:33

I think she's awful ,it's just not funny

AlwaysLatte · 19/09/2021 22:35

Did you actually read all that?

scoopydoopy · 19/09/2021 22:35

@Truthseeker34

Anyone here have husband or partner who isn't like that ? I'm jealous
Wish it wasn't the case here but unfortunately it is. Not as easy as LTB though.
CoffeeRunner · 19/09/2021 22:37

I've just seen this. A friend shared it. I wanted to comment "only if Daddy is a dick" but managed to stop myself.

Ironically, she works full time as a teacher & her DH is a stay at home dad.

Kerberos · 19/09/2021 22:42

It's all just made up nonsense for Facebook fame. Any truth is stretched to get likes and comments.

Most people's lives (mine included) are so dull that nobody would idolise them on Facebook.

Anyone want to hear the HILARIOUS story about how my day went? No, didn't think so because like most people's day it was unremarkable.

Realitea · 19/09/2021 22:47

Not my humour at all. She’s coming across as self absorbed, an alcoholic and someone who is very unhappy with her life

BangLyricalBlowToTheJaw · 19/09/2021 22:49

@Kerberos

It's all just made up nonsense for Facebook fame. Any truth is stretched to get likes and comments.

Most people's lives (mine included) are so dull that nobody would idolise them on Facebook.

Anyone want to hear the HILARIOUS story about how my day went? No, didn't think so because like most people's day it was unremarkable.

True. Imagine being willing to openly demean your husband and children and degrade yourself on social media for what, likes? Maybe some #spon cash or a few freebies?
OP posts:
SezziBaybee · 19/09/2021 22:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

BangLyricalBlowToTheJaw · 19/09/2021 22:52

@Truthseeker34

Anyone here have husband or partner who isn't like that ? I'm jealous
I’ve seen quite a few threads on here over the years from people who are sharing what makes their partners ace partners and parents. I imagine painful to read if you have a crap partner, but I’ve seen people say it gives them hope. I guess if you’re with someone like this woman describes it’s difficult to imagine anything different. I’ve had my share of crap relationships in the past but I can honestly say DH is the best partner and father I could wish for, I feel so lucky to be going through life with him by my side and extremely thankful that he’s also my coparent.
OP posts: