AIBU to think this Facebook post was messed up?

[BangLyricalBlowToTheJaw]

There’s a Facebook page I follow, haven’t seen much from it but a friend recommended it a while back and I ‘liked’ it when I was pregnant. A post popped up tonight, I’ll paste it below:

Daddy goes to work at the same time every day during the week.
He wakes up.
He gets dressed.
He sets off for work.
He returns at the end of the day and that is his day finished.
Daddy has nothing else to worry about once he has finished work for the day.
Daddy is tired after a long day at work.

Mummy works whenever she can fit it around children. Mummy tries to work really hard whenever she can so that the family can afford to do nice things and go to nice places. Mummy also hopes that one day, if she works hard enough...that they will be able to afford a bigger house, with a bedroom for each of the children. (With a space for a dishwasher)

On a weekday, Mummy will wake up with the children, she will give them breakfast and get them dressed, she will endure the constant battles that her threenager continuously decides to put her through every single day.
Mummy will throw her hair up into what can only described as a massive fucking mess and she will take the children to school resembling some sort of morbidly obese zombie.

When Mummy arrives back from the school run she will put on a load of washing, she will wash the pots, then she will look at the mess of the house and wonder HOW THE ACTUAL FUCK it is possible to do ALL OF THE THINGS, ALL OF THE TIME. Mummy will rush around like an absolute twat to get everything done in the small window she has child free.

When Mummy has finished her jobs and she has collected the smallest child from Preschool at 11.45am she will arrive home and start to think about the list of jobs she has yet to complete. After making lunch for the little one she will think about:
Activities that are to be attended.
Uniforms that need to be ready.
Meals that need to be cooked.
Packed lunches that need to be ready.
Spellings which need to be learnt.
Letters that need to be read.
Emails that need to be answered.
Bills that need to be paid.
The house being tidied yet a-fucking-gain.
The smallest one being occupied.
All before she can even begin to think about starting work. Her actual job.
Mummy has to worry about ALL OF THE THINGS. Fucking all of them whilst Daddy sips his hot coffee in his office.

When Mummy has a day off of work, she still does all of the above and more, she still has 1001 things to worry about...EVEN on ‘her day off’!!!!!

Daddy has two days off a week, and whilst Mummy is catching up on her work and is extremely busy with clients, Daddy feels as if he is entitled to a day sat in front of his PlayStation.
Daddy spends roughly half of his bastarding days off sat on the toilet, looking at his phone.
Daddy doesn’t worry that the children might be bored..even though he is the ‘fun’ one.
(To be fair he is the fun one, Mummy is too fucking exhausted)
Daddy doesn’t worry about learning spellings, reading school books or tidying the house.
Daddy doesn’t worry about uniforms being ready.
Or packed lunches...
Daddy doesn’t need to worry about the washing of clothes...or the putting away of them.
Daddy doesn’t worry about washing the pots.
Or fucking anything for that matter.
Unless he is asked, Daddy doesn’t just crack on with any of the things.
Because it is Daddy’s day twatting off.

When Mummy mentions to Daddy that she ‘doesn’t have enough time in a day.’ Daddy the massive bastarding Cockwomble replies “Thats just life. Isn’t it!”
Daddy doesn’t have a sodding clue.

And that is why...
On a Sunday evening...
Whilst witnessing the carnage around her, Mummy drinks lots and fucking lots of grape juice.
Because she bloody deserves it...before the school run tomorrow.

The end. 🤣🤣🤣
#passthewine

Leaving the casual haha faux alcoholism aside, the post attracted quite a few comments saying ‘what the fuck, that is normal or acceptable, that’s terrible parenting, why would you live with someone like this, this really normalises terrible relationships’. It attracted even more comments along the lines of ‘haha I know right, my mum always said it takes years to train a man up, been with my fella 10yr and still trying to teach him to pick his dirty clothes up, I’m sure he’ll get it one day haha’ or just general lighthearted commiseration about what shit dads and partners their partners are.

I thought maybe the number of comments saying what an awful post it was might have sunk in a little, until she commented a while later with this:

‘Heyyyy everyone! This page is called laugh with mummy, I have a rant. I take the piss out of myself, my children and my partner.

I share things that often aren’t shared on social media...probably because of the shit people get when they are honest nowadays. 🙄

Perfectly perfect parents...people....this is not the right place for you guys I’m afraid. We admit that shit is sometimes hard and we have a bloody good laugh about it to get through it here.

This post never once mentioned that anyone was a bad parent, or suggested anyone needed a divorce for goodness sakes, can you even divorce someone for not washing the pots?
🤣🤣 It was simply a rant that LOTS of people will relate to now and again.

Try and have a sense of humour in life, bloody Nora it helps you through the difficult patches! 🥰’

Your basic, passive aggressive, defensive, ‘you just can’t take a joke’ coping mechanism, suggesting it was all one big laugh and that she hadn’t actually called him a bad parent after spending sentences and sentences talking about what a terrible parent he is.

AIBU to think that some women genuinely make life harder for themselves by pretending that this behaviour from men is acceptable/normal? It’s so alien to me. I’m in far from a perfect marriage but my god, I would rather be single than with a man who wasn’t parenting and taking care of the home to the same extent as I do. Half of me feels sorry for her and others like her, half of me is resentful that she’s putting so much effort into trying to portray what she describes as some hilarious jovial ‘aren’t men useless haha’ punchline when actually it’s pretty clear she’s struggling massively and not happy with the status quo. I feel like it’s okay to feel that way, but putting it out there to lots of followers as if it’s a normal no big deal thing sets gender equality back aeons. Genuinely shocked me how many people didn’t see anything remotely problematic about it.

AIBU?

I’m off to sleep in a moment so will reply tomorrow if I get any responses. Just trying to understand this mentality.

There are thousands of threads on here like that. Women who snap back that they weren't asking you to comment on their marriage, and that 'he's a great dad' when they've listed all the ways he does fuck all.

There was a thread a while ago which was supposed to be jokey and it was absolutely tragic.

This is still the reality for women up and down the country.

This is really bad!

No one should normalise this behaviour.

I'm a SAHM so washing etc is usually done but if DP needs something washing he does it himself. Same as the washing up etc after dinner!

When he gets in he bathes DS and gets him ready for bed.

Dinner is usually done by me as the time DS likes to eat is the time DP walks through the door.

why have a baby with a useless lump
To be fair, DH isn’t a useless lump in other respects and I didn’t expect him to be a bad parent. He works hard and does housework and DIY. But after we had a baby he turned out to be incredibly selfish, which I hadn’t previously realised because as two single adults we both looked after ourselves and there was room for us both to be selfish. The difference is that I stopped being selfish after we had a baby but he didn’t.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. It's great you have a wonderful supportive partner. Yes, the bloggers depiction is extreme, but you only need to read MN for 5 minutes to know that actually the huge burden of children and house does predominantly fall to women.

It begins in maternity leave and carries on for the rest of their lives. The men involved range from cocklodging arseholes to decent, lovely, kind men who just don't understand or realise that their working day is nothing at all like the other partner's 'working day' and just can't get into the mindset or change their behaviour. My DH and pretty much every one of my friends' DHs falls into the latter category. It's how society has made us and it is extraordinarily difficult to change.

So, no - I dont think the behaviour in the blog is funny or acceptable and is extreme. I do think most married women and mothers are living a watered-down version of it, and battling against it as best they can.

It’s because you have to sacrifice for your child and men won’t sacrifice anything. They’re fine as a partner because that doesn’t involve any sacrifices. The problem arises when they have children and sacrifices are required. They won’t take a step back from work to accommodate 50% of childcare - they insist on continuing to work while the woman makes 100% of the sacrifice. Then they insist on doing hobbies on a Saturday because they need to relax after a full week of work, so again the woman has to sacrifice 100% of her Saturdays. And obviously they can’t possibly be tired and still go to work, so the woman ends up sacrificing 100% of her nights. Basically they refuse to give up anything to accommodate the child, they want to live their pre-DC life and have the woman make all of the sacrifices. My DH was a lovely partner pre-kids because he lived his own life (as did I) and our relationship didn’t prevent that. But as soon as DC came along, oh no the selfish twat couldn’t possibly give up his life.

@LifesNotDoneYet but why is that? Why do women accept that this is their lot in life? I don’t understand why boundaries are not drawn at the beginning of a relationship, it’s as much the woman’s fault for accepting this behaviour as it is the man’s for being ‘selfish’. Both have a role to play in this. As an aside, I also can not accept the way she talks about her kids, they will surely read that one day.

Holy smokes

Why do women accept that this is their lot in life
Because you don’t know he’s a selfish twat until after the baby has been born. And then you’re trapped - you can’t leave because you have a child to raise and you need his income. Believe me, if I could go back and choose not to have kids with my DH, I would.

All I can think when I read that post is 'jeez louise, mummy does like to play the martyr, doesn't she..?'. What kind of house does she live in that she struggles so badly that it seems to take 24 hours a day 7 days a week to be doing all the household tasks as well as dropping the kids off to nursery/school?

In or the great societal problems of the last 10 or 15 years is that people get in too much of a flap about what people write on social media.

If you do not like something then how about ignoring it? Just a thought.

but why is that? Why do women accept that this is their lot in life? I don’t understand why boundaries are not drawn at the beginning of a relationship, it’s as much the woman’s fault for accepting this behaviour as it is the man’s for being ‘selfish’. Both have a role to play in this

Well yes but I did say that the women I know, including myself, fight against it as best they can.

The facts are that biologically, then socially, women are responsible for the primary caregiving and by default house-minding. It's mostly women who work part time to facilitate family life and the lion's share falls to them as a result. The male partner never them fully 'gets' the crushing drudgery and responsibility of being the default parent and running the house and children. Add in the way most of us were raised and the expectations placed on us (male or female) from birth and it's the perfect mix.

Every woman I know tries endlessly to redress the balance a bit but it's hard, even with a lovely, gentle, kind and thoughtful man like my DH, and the partners of my friends and family.

It's a bit smug and simplistic to say 'ahhhh you chose a crappy partner! What did you expect?' I chose a wonderful partner and I'll choose him until the day I die - it doesn't change the fact that gender roles and society have cast a die that is extraordinarily difficult to overcome.

I can’t believe @RosyPoesy that when you decide to have a child together you don’t sit down and discuss how that will play out nor that you wouldn’t get an idea about what kind of father he would be before you decide to have children.

@RosyPoesy neither my ex husband nor any of my friend’s husbands are like that. You should know who you are marrying or more fool you!

God that was a long post! And I lost interest in fb post, it sounded whiney!

If she puts up with shit like that then obviously she is not helping herself, also, I find if I spend less time online, I get more stuff done! Maybe she should try that and stop attention seeking. Poor kids

@RosyPoesy

It’s because you have to sacrifice for your child and men won’t sacrifice anything. They’re fine as a partner because that doesn’t involve any sacrifices. The problem arises when they have children and sacrifices are required. They won’t take a step back from work to accommodate 50% of childcare - they insist on continuing to work while the woman makes 100% of the sacrifice. Then they insist on doing hobbies on a Saturday because they need to relax after a full week of work, so again the woman has to sacrifice 100% of her Saturdays. And obviously they can’t possibly be tired and still go to work, so the woman ends up sacrificing 100% of her nights. Basically they refuse to give up anything to accommodate the child, they want to live their pre-DC life and have the woman make all of the sacrifices. My DH was a lovely partner pre-kids because he lived his own life (as did I) and our relationship didn’t prevent that. But as soon as DC came along, oh no the selfish twat couldn’t possibly give up his life.

It's so sad that you think that's the case. I've been with a bloody useless man, I've also been (and continue to be) with a brilliant one. You don't need to put up with inequity in a relationship.

I can’t believe @RosyPoesy that when you decide to have a child together you don’t sit down and discuss how that will play out
We did. He was all yes of course, I believe in equality and will do my share. Of course he totally under estimated what his share would be! He thought I’d handle the pregnancy and hadn’t realised I’d need looking after. He thought he’d still be able to have hobbies and was furious when I said no you can’t. He thought he’d still be able to work his normal hours and was even more furious when I said no you can’t. To a certain extent I was equally naive because I thought having a baby would be easier than it actually was. But the difference is that when I realised parenthood was a shit show I stepped up and dealt with it. He just refused.

@RosyPoesy I am with you here.

Thought it would be great. Had conversations about how it would be. Wasn't the case at all. It's better now but I still carry the heavier load. And I regularly am told that my friends husbands/partners are the same. Would loved to have known where the good ones were before, but then I thought I had one.

It's competitive martyrdom and a desire to be a writer, I think.

Millions of equally boring blogs out there, trying to be witty.

Looking at her page, she clearly thinks she is funny and interesting and that her "take on life"is amusing but raw... she's not exactly Dorothy Parker, though, is she?

I mean, don't have a baby with a guy if you think he's lazy and not going to do anything with them?

Also if you CHOOSE to have children I think it's pretty unreasonable to moan about all the things you have to do as a parent, especially if you have more than one as you knew after the first what it was going to be like.

Had a closer look - I thought this woman must have five kids... she has two. Not that two isn't hard work. I hate the names she calls them.

Her husband seems like a lazy, greedy sod.

She sounds like a wannabe influencer who thinks getting pissed every night is funny.

A pp said she's a teacher?! I thought there were policies regarding what teachers could post on public social media. I wouldn't want her teaching my kids!

Or did you mean your friend is a teacher @CoffeeRunner
If so I will calm my tits

@user1473878824

I’m amazed that daddy goes out to work and apparently doesn’t earn a single penny

And seemingly doesn’t work either. Just drinks coffee all day. But I guess as she doesn’t have a job, she doesn’t know what a job is, and thinks it’s just sitting in an office drinking coffee.

Absolute tosh. There is no way he dresses himself.

@mammoon567

I mean, don't have a baby with a guy if you think he's lazy and not going to do anything with them?

Also if you CHOOSE to have children I think it's pretty unreasonable to moan about all the things you have to do as a parent, especially if you have more than one as you knew after the first what it was going to be like.

The having more than one kid is what gets me about people like her. I can accept that sometimes you have a kid with a guy you think is going to be a great dad and he turns out to be crap. But surely knowing this you stop there and don't have yet another child? If she's made the conscious decision to have a second with a waste of space father then that's on her and she needs to stop complaining about something she has chosen imo.