Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you are an adult and was homeschooled..

121 replies

SchoolNoMore · 19/09/2021 16:11

… i would be keen to hear your experiences and pros/cons such an approach has had on your life.

We have made the decision to deregister our 12 year old son from school due to skyrocketing anxiety and friendship issues. It got to the point where he was breaking down in the mornings and just refusing point blank to acknowledge us talking to him or get dressed, he is a smart kid, sensitive and we decided to home school. Naturally, i am scared and worried about what that means for his future and future prospects.
If you have been through this yourself, i’d be greatful to hear your experiences and how this impacted your life, career, mental health, social life/skills. Is a good outcome possible in such situation?

OP posts:
Dontstepinthecowpat · 19/09/2021 16:12

Will you be his teacher?

murasaki · 19/09/2021 16:15

If you didn't realise that it should be 'were' homeschooled, I'd suggest you don't inflict it on your child.

Original poster
SchoolNoMore · 19/09/2021 16:16

We are looking at options as there are online schools but they cost money. I work full time and am divorced so cannot quit or reduce work as there is mortgage amd usual living costs to cover.
We’d be sharing homeschooling with ex as split was amicable but it’s little consolation to me at the moment.
Btw, i know it’s not aibu, i have posted here for traffic.

OP posts:
Original poster
SchoolNoMore · 19/09/2021 16:17

@murasaki that was unnesessary but i take your poiny. A simple mistake in typing.

OP posts:
murasaki · 19/09/2021 16:20

Sorry, in a snarky mood today. Do you feel comfortable covering all the subjects? I would for some, but definitely not others e.g science. Its a big ask on you both, I wouldn't feel confident. Is there another way of addressing his anxiety?

CanICelebrate · 19/09/2021 16:26

Working full time and home schooling is going to be really hard. If you want your son to eventually do GCSEs (which he will need for most jobs) then you need to actually invest proper time and thought into his education.
He also will need to have groups etc to have friends and socialise - when will you find the time for that?

murasaki · 19/09/2021 16:26

Also how to manage the social interaction side of it. I gather there are groups of home schoolers who get the kids together, but how would that work with the anxiety. Not a nice situation for you to navigate, I hope you find something that works for you all.

moita · 19/09/2021 16:26

OP I was homeschooled from 12. Due to physical health problems but I was bullied as a result of those making me different.

My parents got a tutor as they worked.

It was the best thing for me. Yes I did suffer socially but that was more to do with being physically unable to do activities.

I'm 35 now with a family, lot of friends and a decent job (was a SAHM for a bit).

I'm glad my parents made that decision.

Original poster
SchoolNoMore · 19/09/2021 16:27

No worries @murasaki, im no stranger to a sarky mood myself.
I would be comfortable covering a lot however work has been and continues to be manic so i have no time to re-read and prep myself in order to teach him… time is the biggest concern.
All that aside it worries me that home schooling might be a disadvantage when it comes to exams, potentially going to uni and job prospects later in life. I know i probably look way too far ahead and he might rejoin a different school at some point but in case it stays like it is, i wonder whether we are making a mistake. Hence me wanting to hear first hand experiences from people who have been through this.

OP posts:
Whinge · 19/09/2021 16:28

We are looking at options as there are online schools but they cost money.

I don't think it's possible to homeschooling a secondary aged pupil for free. Is your DS motivated to learn? If you're busy with work and sharing his education between you and your EX I would worry he'll find it hard to engage, or know how or where to seek out educational material.

Whinge · 19/09/2021 16:29

homeschool not homeschooling.

Original poster
SchoolNoMore · 19/09/2021 16:30

@moita thank you for sharing your experience. Was your tutor covering all subjects and teaching you daily?
This would come with a hefty price tag i imagine.

OP posts:
WhenSheWasBad · 19/09/2021 16:32

How motivated is your ds?

I think it’s going to be really hard if you work full time in a demanding job. His education could easily suffer.

Original poster
SchoolNoMore · 19/09/2021 16:32

@Whinge ds is motivated and interested in computer science but at tender age of 12 i doubt he would have enough motivation and discipline to do it by himself. Not many 12 year olds have the maturity to see things through long term unless supervised.

OP posts:
Whippetwalking · 19/09/2021 16:33

I was home educated until sixth form apart from a very short stint at school at 7.

I consider myself very lucky and loved it. Had a nice friendship group through Home Ed groups. I was allowed to focus on my favourite subjects which meant I had a true love of learning which I have held on to.

In terms of impact when I joined sixth form for A levels I found it easy to adjust socially and academically (I’d done IGCSEs so was slightly ahead), the only bit I struggled with was lots of time wasting at assembly/form time etc that I was not used to.

The love of my subject and self learning skills from Home Ed served me well at University. I don’t think the application process was impacted by the fact I’d been home educated. Lecturers commented that I was above peers in terms of self driven learning skills.

I’m now fairly high up in the civil service doing a job I love (most days!). The only comments I’ve had are intrigue at how it worked and a colleague who is currently home educating saying there were pleased to see I’d turned out “normal”.

My friendship group has people who did sixth form, college, straight to uni, or straight to employment. 10 years on I don’t think any have been adversely affected - they are now all happy and in a wide range of careers.

I know this is a scary time. Did you have any specific questions?

Inthesameboatatmo · 19/09/2021 16:35

OP I home educate.
Check local museums mine does home ed groups and a monthly history club for various ages.
Also look at science workshops one offs that kind of thing ,loads of resources online and year appropriate workbooks on Amazon if following curriculum.
Also have a look at local colleges, some of them do take home ed children from age 14 for gcses and life skills that kind of thing , look into local scouts and small groups to build his social circle slowly but surely.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 19/09/2021 16:37

I know two homeschooled girls.

I always feel desperately sorry for them.

NecklessMumster · 19/09/2021 16:38

My friend did it with her now adult children, two went to uni. She didn't see it as replicating the school system at home but following their interests and covering subjects that way. They were very involved with Education Otherwise for socialising/support etc

Lindy2 · 19/09/2021 16:38

One thing to take into account if you homeschool is that GCSE exam entry organisation and fees become your responsibility. It's in the region of £50 per subject. You need to be certain you can cover that cost if your son is to be able to sit his GCSEs.

Original poster
SchoolNoMore · 19/09/2021 16:39

@Whippetwalking thank you for your story. Can i ask how the home ed was done, did your parents worked during all that time?
It has worked well for you and i’d be keen to find out what were key factors in success, a dedicated parent perhaps?

OP posts:
SuffolkBargeWoman · 19/09/2021 16:39

@SchoolNoMore
I've had experience of this as a parent.
We knew we couldn't adequately teach our ds at secondary school level, despite both having under and postgraduate qualifications, we used an online school and after a year he announced he wanted to go back to school. At that point we realised that online schools teach the IGCSE curriculum and he ended up having to go to a private school to finish them.
Worth bearing in mind.

Original poster
SchoolNoMore · 19/09/2021 16:40

@JayAlfredPrufrock can i ask why you feel sorry for them?

OP posts:
Learnthroughplay3 · 19/09/2021 16:41

We home educate our children! Our eldest did go to school but de registering was the best decision we made, we do socialise all the time with other home ed children. The way I would think of this situation is trauma for your son will take years if ever to overcome through therapy so to take him out would be the best option for him! I had the same worries initially as you but since educating myself on home education I would never put any of my children through school again as home ed is fantastic (hope this helps)

Calvinlookingforhobbes · 19/09/2021 16:41

School no more, where are you?

PeonyTime · 19/09/2021 16:42

Not me, but my cousins.
Homeschooled (badly) from the start. My Dad (their uncle) used to spend hours playing board games with them to get some basic mathematical skills into their life. At 16 they both talked college into admitting them to practical courses, with basic English and maths sessions.
Both are now employed, married with kids, friends and mortgages. You wouldnt know from the outside their schooling background.

If you work FT, does that mean your child will be alone for most of the day? That is when many of the homeschool sessions happen, and where much of the social structure comes from in my opinion watching friends homeschool.