If you are an adult and was homeschooled..

[SchoolNoMore]

… i would be keen to hear your experiences and pros/cons such an approach has had on your life.

We have made the decision to deregister our 12 year old son from school due to skyrocketing anxiety and friendship issues. It got to the point where he was breaking down in the mornings and just refusing point blank to acknowledge us talking to him or get dressed, he is a smart kid, sensitive and we decided to home school. Naturally, i am scared and worried about what that means for his future and future prospects.
If you have been through this yourself, i’d be greatful to hear your experiences and how this impacted your life, career, mental health, social life/skills. Is a good outcome possible in such situation?

I think you’re being very thoughtful considering this as it can be devastating when school is a miserable place for a child. Life is too short for that. have you any other alternative like trying a different school? Though home education may well be brilliant for him as so many variables for each child. A new school workEd a miracle for our DS who had bad anxiety at his first school and didn’t settle fully and suddenly seemed incredibly happy In a school that is much busier with more things that interest him and a much clearer structure . I don’t know exactly what helped but sometimes you know there has to be a change and anything else is worth a go!
I know two lovely siblings being homeschooled but worry they aren’t nearly as stimulated and look quite on the fringe with only other home ed friends and quite small a circle. In some ways it’s lovely they are so protected but if a child can both be happy and with lots of peers I feel it can be healthier as ours develop and grow so much through their peer group interactions.

@hedgehogger1, that is true, i cannot see how it can be done. Hence im looking into online schools as that would provide structure and materials. It seems a much better way as neither me nor my ex can fully dedicate our time to educate him.

I have friends who were homeschooling. All their dc are now 16+ with no qualifications, no job, no further education, no friendship groups and no desire to do anything about any of the above. The parents both worked full time, one from home.

Their parents are now worrying about the future.

@littledrummergirl, thank you. Such an outcome is my biggest worry.

If you can't facilitate the social aspect of homeschooling he's going to end up really lonely and isolated.

Really sorry about the situation. However, given you aren't actually available to teach him ( most home educators I've met are ft Sahm), surely you would be better looking at alternative schools. The LA may be able to support alternative provision with tutoring.

There's a large community of home schoolers where I live and our neighbours home school.
The children are a delight. They are being taught all sorts of things. One child especially loves botany and vegetable growing.

However, the mother does not work, so she is there to home school them all of the time. And, like I said, there's an active community l, do they get to do things together, one of the parents does the maths side and others do other things as part of the group. They have a wide circle of friends. They go to museums on special home ed days, they go on holiday out of term time, and other things.

It looks idyllic.

I'm not sure what you're proposing is at all similar. Online school would be a good option in your shoes.

OP have you engaged with his school to get the support he needs first? You don't seem in an ideal situation in terms of time to home school, and his pastoral team should (sadly) have lots of experience of supporting students with anxiety, school refusers etc and could at least sign post local support for you. This seems a drastic step and potentially could exacerbate any social issues unless handled very carefully.

@Mombie2021

And the keyboard warriors are out in force today I see

OP, I’ve just removed my 13YO from school and will be home educating once she’s had a week to decompress. I have a lot of friends, mostly ex teachers/Uni Academics who also home educate.

Firstly, home education looks nothing like formal schooling. There’s no need to have them studying for 6/7 hours a day.

DD will be studying German, Women’s History and Computer Science (and will be doing the GCSE at the end of this year).

Look for local home ed groups on Facebook. They are far more knowledgeable than Mumsnet and much nicer. On here you’ll just get people ripping your decision apart or being dicks in general.

There is no point in your child doing GCSEs this year, they won't count for anything.

GCSEs are a set of exams taken together, to demonstrate that the candidate is able to manage the demands of many subject simultaneously.

Taking 3 a year won't mean anything, as that is easy, and demonstrates nothing about the volume of information your child is able to handle at once

@SignOnTheWindow. Like I said might just be me. What’s your contribution?

@JayAlfredPrufrock

I know two homeschooled girls.

I always feel desperately sorry for them.

And I know two homeschooled young women whom I admire and envy. Your point being?

@murasaki

If you didn't realise that it should be 'were' homeschooled, I'd suggest you don't inflict it on your child.

Came on to say this as well as great duo and i. I would say that your DS needs help with his issues and withdrawing him from society will not help but.... I realise getting MH help for teens is difficult (Whilst trying time book a Camhs appt for my DD I couldn't believe that they only work 10-3!)

@toconclude

That we are all different. What suits one person doesn’t suit another.

You sound quite confrontational.

How did you find homeschooling and WFH in the lockdown?

I’m a teacher and don’t feel I could homeschool my own child and I definitely couldn’t if I had to juggle working FT too.
My DD has terrible social anxiety and really struggles at her school but as an only child I think it’s important for her to be around other children.

If I was you I would look into other strategies before committing to homeschooling completely.
Have you spoken to the school?
Could he have a reduced timetable and do the rest at home? Or could he move to a different school even?
Some people homeschool very effectively but I can imagine if it doesn’t work out it would be very hard to go back into the school environment. So if definitely have it as a last resort.

@SchoolNoMore

We are looking at options as there are online schools but they cost money. I work full time and am divorced so cannot quit or reduce work as there is mortgage amd usual living costs to cover. We’d be sharing homeschooling with ex as split was amicable but it’s little consolation to me at the moment. Btw, i know it’s not aibu, i have posted here for traffic.

I work full time and am divorced so cannot quit or reduce work as there is mortgage amd usual living costs to cover. so how will you home school if you are at work?

[quote JayAlfredPrufrock]@toconclude

That we are all different. What suits one person doesn’t suit another.

You sound quite confrontational.[/quote]
Translation: if I swing in with an ad hominen (or as mulierem in this case), people won't notice I just contradicted myself and agreed with toconclude.

It would be horribly neglectful to take your DC out of school unless you plan on paying for a tutor or enrolling them in online school. You cannot simply work full time and expect a 12 year old to self study.

ad damn autocorrect

@SchoolNoMore I tutor GCSE students, both those at school and have tutored a couple of homeschooled students too.

My subject is (obviously!) one of the core subjects. Your son will need to pass this subject, as well as English Language as a minimum if he's to compete with other young adults for jobs when the time comes. Ideally, he will need the sciences as well.

I would say it's worth investing in private tutors (1:1 or in small groups) for the core subjects at GCSE level. These are subjects that matter most in terms of having good grades at this stage. Everything else in terms of subjects is optional.

It will cost you money though. Tutors charge anything from £20 p/h upwards for an hour for GCSE (depends where you are - I charge more, but I'm in an expensive part of the country). And you'd need at least an hour each week for the equivalent of Year 11, if not starting in the equivalent of Year 10 (depending on where your son's starting point is). That will add up over time.

I have to be honest, OP, the fact you work full time and can't really 'Home Ed' your son in groups/socially is an issue. Just de-registering him without plans in place won't do him any favours. Please look into this more closely before you commit to what you're proposing. Could he change school in the short-term? A different school and different teachers might make all the difference. It's worth a try while you look into Home Education a bit more.

I was home educated for years 5-9, my mother walked full time but was in a fortunate position my grandmother could watch me. It was the best thing for me. She didn't have time to teach me, I had a combination of tutors and using BBC Bitesize. I hear Khan Academy is good too. An online school like you've suggested above could work too.
Definitely a local club for socialisation, given his age he can take himself like he would for school if you're still working. I'd start off with 1 club given the bullying to build his confidence and then add in a few more one at a time. He'll make friendships through those and eventually meet with others at weekends etc

@Orangejuicemarathoner Never said she was doing 3 GCSEs this year. Does Women’s History GCSE exist? No, it does not.

Doing 26 GCSE exams for 13 subjects total is not representative of A Levels, University or work life in general.

DD would have no issue gaining 9s across the board should she stay at school, however I’m more interested in her mental health and emotional well-being then forcing her to stay in school and “achieve”, at the cost of everything else.

@Orangejuicemarathoner Most sixth forms and colleges require 6 GCSEs for A Levels, so why do any children need to juggle the demands of 12 or more? It’s fucking barbaric.

Also, I did a bunch of GCSEs early, I got into sixth form, University for UG and PG despite that

[quote SchoolNoMore]@PeonyTime i work full time but from home ever since covid started so he wouldn’t be home alone. I would struggle with facilitating social interaction though because of work.

@Whinge i was looking into InterHigh and actually really like the sound of them and i could cover the cost albeit it would require sacrifices. Which i will make as this is about my son’s future.[/quote]
If you can cover the cost of Interhigh, that might be a really great solution.

I home educated my kids for 4 years. It was amazing, but all-encompassing and very hard work! I can't see how it would work with you working full time unless your child is incredibly motivated. Socialising with peers can be tricky when there is social anxiety to deal with. (Having said that, there were many ex school kids in our local home ed groups who struggled hugely with social anxiety but managed to make some really meaningful friendships in a lovely, low-pressure environment.)

One of my children has now started at a local secondary school and is thriving there.

Traditional school does not work for my other kid, who is now in Yr 10 and has started at Interhigh. We're very impressed with it so far. Happy to chat if you want to send me a private message.

@murasaki - I was thinking the same!!!!

Oak tree academy might help you out- it was the gov funded online learning program over lockdown- questionable teaching and learning in places, but always good curriculum-
I’ve taught many kids who were deregistered bc of bullying. I can’t fault their parents motives. But in many cases they were left to teach themselves with the textbooks they lefts school with, for the re of their education. So think, student left in year nine, kept her year nine science textbook and one English novel, and ‘read’ those for the next 3-5 years. Obviously this is homeschooling that has gone badly wrong.

Get to grips with the curriculum in stem subjects and maybe 2 options.
Write a scheme of work for all of these to plan the year, lesson by lesson
Get a tes (website) account, and download lessons for each.

You obviously don’t have to use them, but you will need to approach it this way if you want to be sure of covering all material in anticipation of gcse.

You will need to find exam centres (schools) willing to let him take GCSEs there, and to mark science/English coursework. This cost money, as do exams- so factor in cost.

It is of course possible to have a more relaxed attitude, but if you don’t know the National curriculum inside out then you risk disadvantaging your child