Made an awful mistake due to tiredness

[Anonymous3kids]

Aibu
My kids are ill atm, one has croup and the other a nasty cold (have a grown up daughter who's fine ) both kids haven't been sleeping due to illness, I only slept an hour in 2 days. I administered calpol to both of the kids b4 bed last night but forgotten I had done and told my partner to give the oldest some b4 brushing his teeth.
So my older son ended up having two doses, I rang 111 for advice and told them it was my fault, I also by mistake said that we'd miscommunicated to each other whilst on the phone, my parnter is now saying that I am trying to blame share, even though I told them it was my fault and he heard me say it . My son is fine it wasn't 2 full doses and I spoke to 3 different health care professionals they each said he was ok. Fast forward to this morning where my parnter looked upset I asked him what was wrong and he told me what i'd said was trying to blame him. I already feel like a complete failure for making such a stupid mistake without him saying that as well. Am I wrong in being angry with him for trying to make me feel worse? I've apologised to him a few times as it was a genuine mistake I wasn't trying to blame share

There was a miscommunication, yes it was at your end but you weren’t even really misrepresenting the situation.
It sounds like he is being overly sensitive for some reason. Is he worried about social services or something?

‘The 111 operator has said that the safeguarding team will be giving us a call in the next few days’

This will be a follow-up call to ensure your Son is okay and it is their job to do so. Try not to worry about it. It was a genuine mistake.

Right now, focus on yourself and your kids. And get your partner to pull his weight!

@WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor

There was a miscommunication, yes it was at your end but you weren’t even really misrepresenting the situation. It sounds like he is being overly sensitive for some reason. Is he worried about social services or something?

This is what I came on to say. There was a miscommunication because you told your DH to give some when you shouldn't have. Talk to him about it and ask what he wants you to do about it. Him sulking doesn't change the situation. Is he tired too? Perhaps it all being blown up because you're both so tired?

A miscommunication? You told him to give DS a dose of Calpol.

That's an error (for understandable reasons) on your part.

Weasel words like 'miscommunication' rather than 'I fucked up' are exactly what people use to try and spread the blame onto other people for their mistakes.

Don't go on the attack as advised by other posters, as their Dad is justifiably upset that he did exactly what you told him to do and then, because you made a mistake, you implied that it wasn't all your fault over the phone.

Just tell the SG team that they were both sick, you were tired, you forgot that they'd already had a dose and they had another. As soon as you realised, you phoned for advice.

I usually tell DP 'Paracetamol at 4/just had 2 paracetamol, that means nothing until 8pm at the earliest and then that's it until the morning' to make sure that we both know in case one of us has an absentminded moment and forgets. It works quite well, I think.

Yes it was a mistake. Mistakes happen to everyone. Double dose of calpol once in a while is not going to harm. I double dosed my daughter on piriton two days running due to being careless. It was only when she said "it used to be 1 spoon of piriton and 2 of calpol" I realised I'd done it.

But it wasn't miscommunication. You cannot blame someone for doing what you told them to do. Miscommunication would be if he called down "do you give calpol before brushing teeth?" and you'd answered that question but not thought to say that you'd already done it, or (in the way someone talks at work which occasionally gives misunderstandings) "do they need that stuff tonight?" and they'd meant calpol and you'd thought they meant E45.

By representing it as miscommunication, you are effectively wiping over your side and blaming him equally, and I can totally see why he feels defensive.
One thing I've discovered over the last year is that if you take the blame when it is your fault, then others are more likely to take the blame when it's their's. If you blame others when it is your fault then others are less likely to admit their mistakes to you.

I’m glad the kids are ok but In your husbands shoes I’d feel the same. You did try and share blame when it was your fault not his. Accidents happen and it’s good that you’ve accepted it was you. Hopefully he’ll calm down. In my shoes it would take a while to forgive something like that.

People arguing over 'miscommunication' rather than 'it was my fault'...the 111 operator doesn't need to know OP said X and DP said Y, it's not a playground argument. Miscommunication is fine. 111 doesn't need to know the details and won't care? It's like trying to return something from a shop and specifying "It was ME who wrote the wrong thing on the list, DP was blameless." Really not relevant or necessary...

There are 2 of you and 24 hours in a day, so how come you only got 1 hours sleep? Even if your partner was on shift for 12 hours he could have let you get 5 hours sleep and still got 7 himself? I would do that for a friend, let alone a partner. He's sulking because this mistake revealed to the world what a shit and unequal partner he is.

Please try not to worry about the safeguarding call.

My twins got hold of a bottle of Calpol when they were about 3 years old. We had an open plan kitchen and living area - they managed to take it out of a high up cupboard and take the top off (not so child proof after all!) without me being aware

I stuck my head around the corner to check on them, as they’d been busy playing “doctors” with their little drs kits while I was cooking, and I saw that DS was sitting down on the sofa with his head tipped back and mouth wide open while DD free poured calpol, from a height, into his mouth, cheerfully shouting at him to “drink it all up!”

There was hardly any left in the bottle, which had been quite new, and the twins were unclear on who had drunk the most.

I ended up in A and E after calling out of hours and being advised to go there, and was in floods of tears feeling like the worst parent ever.

The DC were fine, the dr was really lovely and not judgemental and not too concerned about the amount that he/they had drunk. These things happen - I learnt from it!

It is really hard when you are tired as everything seems exaggerated and worse than it is, probably why you are bickering.

Don’t worry about the safeguarding team. Just explain to them what has happened - you made a mistake and sought help straight away. They will see that you acted appropriately by getting medical advice.

As an aside - when our kids are poorly and getting regular meds through the day, we have a scrap of paper on the kitchen window sill and scribble down what we’ve given and at what time.

We’ve all been in situations where we can’t remember the exact time of meds so it’s makes it a bit easier

Is he always such a total dickhead? Why does it matter if the 111 person thinks is your fault or shared blame?

Why have you only had an hour in two days if there’s a partner around? Surely he should be sharing the nightmare care?

Oh. You poor thing. I was next to 2 children on a hospital ward with croup and my god. It sounded horrific. I remember thinking at the time I wondered how the parents coped.

Anytime a child is unwell. It takes all our strength. I remember getting 6 hrs sleep in 8 days. I looked like the walking dead. I would t stop shaming. Was very cold. Couldn’t of told you what day it was. Let alone look after children on that amount of sleep!

Anyway. We’re human. Let it go. He will after a few days. Friend as above once had to rush her child to A and E when they took a bottle of calpol.

Sadly paracetamol is really dangerous. Hence why it’s so important to get medical help. Ibuprofen isn’t so bad. Paracetamol is a hectic drug. Which means it affects the liver.

Y
All is well though.

I think it’s a situation which is bound to make you both feel worried and a bit guilty but the main thing is that you did the right thing by seeking professional advice! Concentrate on getting your children better.

I don’t think it sounds like you wanted to get your partner in trouble tbh. I think he was being a bit sensitive.

I'm a single parent, in my tired state when she was ill once I left an open bottle of calpol and an open bottle of antihistamines in her room/ She drank both.

She was absolutely fine. But I never left it in her room again.

Some penis owners are catastrophically allergic to "blame". Get bent out of shape and nasty to a ridiculous degree, even if the blame is for something that doesn't matter. You mention something insignificant conversationally and they start acting like you are in a court of law accused of shagging puppies with their liberty and honour at stake.

Childish bastards, we'd usually call them.
Nothing but fucking trouble and arguments, as usually goes hand in hand with lazy fuckeritis and not being arsed to pay attention to bugger all that's about anyone else's needs or desires.

Your DP is somehow making this about him. Believe me, I'm familiar with this trait. The person on 111 doesn't care who did what, just that the right advice was given for the situation. And as soon as you hung up, they were swiftly on to the next person. As long as you know this, you can leave your DP to stew in his own juice until he wises up.

Hope your DC are feeling better.

@SmileyClare

Your husband's being a prat. He's more upset about his feelings than the fact that your children are ill and you're struggling on very little sleep.

He's being very petty. You made a mistake, apportioning blame isn't helping.

I hope he'll enable you to get some rest today.

This.

Twat.

Lack of sleep is so awful.
Hope you get some soon.

Mistakes happen

You are tired. So you go to bed and sleep and leave your husband in charge. You can then take over refreshed and he can sleep

Time to stop apologising, and go get some sleep while DH looks after the kids

This!

It was a mistake, these things happen, your dc is ok and you’ve apologised to your dh.
Stop feeling guilty.. get a cuppa and try and look after yourself as well as the dc today, let dh huff if he wants to, although he’s not helping anyone doing that.

For future reference, we always put a sticker on the side of the bottle (or 2 stickers if 2 kids) and write the dosage times so there’s no mix up.

Why isn’t your partner sharing the load and letting you sleep?

You didn’t miscommunication though and that would annoy me.

If I was your husband, being honest, I would be upset, yes. You made a mistake, it wasn't a miscommunication between yourselves and I'd be upset if you told people that it was. He didn't make a mistake here.

Thankfully your child will be okay and hopefully your husband accepts your apology quickly and you all get some rest.

But I do see where he is coming from and I don't think people have the right to call him a 'prat'.

@HebalGerbil

Some penis owners are catastrophically allergic to "blame". Get bent out of shape and nasty to a ridiculous degree, even if the blame is for something that doesn't matter. You mention something insignificant conversationally and they start acting like you are in a court of law accused of shagging puppies with their liberty and honour at stake.

Childish bastards, we'd usually call them.
Nothing but fucking trouble and arguments, as usually goes hand in hand with lazy fuckeritis and not being arsed to pay attention to bugger all that's about anyone else's needs or desires.

Her husband wasn't to blame though, so I see why he wasn't happy with taking responsibility for his wife's mistake

I agree - I wouldn’t want to share the blame either @Willow19C. Nothing to do with my possession or otherwise of a penis.

@futureghost

Your husband is more concerned about the fact that a stranger may think he is jointly responsible for a child having a non-harmful amount of calpol than he is about his wife having an hours sleep in two days whilst looking after sick children.

His self-absorption is breathtaking.

Is this a pattern?

He needs to start caring about YOU and let you get some sleep. He can do night duty tonight for a start.

Couldn't have said it better!!

@Anonymous3kids

Tell the self absorbed twat, HE is looking after the kids today & go back to bed!

If he's still sulking when you get up, tell him to grow the fuck up and pull his weight!