To think 36 isn’t that old for a first baby

[Youcanbesweet]

Old school friend has told me that people are saying she’s too old to be pregnant.

I had my first at 33 second at 38.. I don't think 36 is too old for a first baby

I'm 36 and mine was 1:5258 for DS and 1:50000 for Edward's and Patau's.

That would have been calculated based on the actual babies nuchal fold thickness as well as your age so it is specific to that pregnancy. If you had had the exact same pregnancy 10 years earlier the risk would have been calculated as even lower purely because you were younger.

Because statistically, the risk of chromosomal abnormalities increases with age. That is a fact.

Eg on a population wide level, a 25 year old has a 1 in 1,200 chance of having a baby with down syndrome. A 35 year old has a 1 in 350 chance. A 40 year old has a 1 in 100 chance.

That is a general statistic and no woman will know if their own risk is higher or lower within that other than to know that their own risk (which may be lower or higher than the general trend) will increase as they age.

Of course it's fine to have a first baby at 36 but trying to pretend that outcomes are not simply better when women (and men) are younger is just daft. Biology is what it is.

I’m 37 and loads of my friends my age are still thinking about having kids or just starting TTC. I spoke to a fertility doctor once who told me that your chances of getting pregnant naturally and having a successful birth over the age of 35 are about 50% so not as dire as some people think (that’s without IVF or any other intervention).

The whole ‘game over after 35’ thing is a toxic narrative spun by the media as yet another way to make women feel like shit. There is a definite decline but it’s a gradual one and not the cliff-edge that some would have us believe.

Woah. No way. Most of the women in my antenatal class were in their early forties and the rest early or mid thirties. I was 28 and the youngest. Most of my mum friends (our fbs are now 3 - are in their late thirties). SW London here.

It's funny cos I judge people in there 20s that have kids we are all different

I would never comment to someone (or in any way that could get back to them) that they're too old at 36, because it's just plain rude and nobody else's business what age someone has children!

I personally don't think I would have the energy for a first baby at that age but my view is probably coloured by the fact that at 34 I already have a 7, 5 and 2 year old and there's no way I want to go through it all again 🤣 I also do slightly regret not building up more of a career for myself before having children, so it's all swings and roundabouts I guess.

@Lockeddownagain

It's funny cos I judge people in there 20s that have kids we are all different

Judge them? Why?

Jesus Christ, the deep rooted misogyny and plain fucking ignorance on this thread is grim. So people genuinely seem to believe that women having children over 35 are almost certain to have a disabled child and are therefore ‘selfish’. Jesus. This is often from those who had their children ‘young’. Interesting. Where do these mindsets come from? Is it a lack of education or some sort of bitterness?

I wouldn’t want to have a baby over 30 personally but that’s the norm in my area.

Totally normal for my circles.

In general women who leave education after school and go straight into employment have babies in their 20s and think that anything above 32 is late.

In general women who go to university after school start having babies around 30 (usually no earlier than 27/8) and quite often as late as early 40s.

I was 35 when I had my ds and the second youngest in my antenatal classes.

Yes I had a similar experience. If anything, in my area, 36 is slightly on the young side.

I also think it’s not easy to be a younger (and I’m using that term to mean under 30) mum in an area like this. I have a good friend through NCT who was 29 when she had her first (husband same age) and I think - well, I know - they’ve found the difference in their financial circumstances compared to their other ‘parent’ friends really difficult. Those years between 30 and 35 often make a huge difference in people’s careers, earnings and savings so the disparity is quite stark.

Well I had my first child at 35, 2 days shy of being 36 when he was born. Had my second at 38 and nowhere on my maternity papers did it say geriatric for either pregnancy.

I had no pregnancy complications whatsoever and I certainly aren't one of the oldest mums in the playground!

yes, it is certainly on the older side, but by no means freakishly so.

Reading mumsnet you’d think ovaries shrivelled and died at 35. Your chances of pregnancy fall to almost zero- and yes I’ve seen someone say that on here- and if you do miraculously get pregnant your ancient genes will mean some sort of genetic issue.

Which is clearly untrue as many, many women are having babies into their 40’s, and healthy ones at that.

I had my kids in my 30’s. I wouldn’t have wanted them younger. I’m fit and healthy at nearly 50, not even showing any menopausal signs. Periods are regular, clear signs of ovulation, hormone tests all good etc. I am not binning the contraception any time soon!

Like a pp said if my health was so poor at 40 I felt I couldn’t look after children safely, i’d be seeing a dr.

Quite common nowadays. My dd had hers at 38, 39 and nearly 43. Several of her friends were similar ages.

I had two in my twenties which was a breeze compared to having my last one at 36. I was exhausted. The first time I went to ante natal at the hospital I was much older than most of the women there. The consultant recommended amniocentesis as there had been a child with DS in my family, which I had at 18 weeks. I was late to AN care as I was fighting with my partner over getting a termination. It was a very different experience for me personally at that age.

Personally I think it is pushing it a bit but I had my first at 21, I’ve always felt mid 20s is the ideal time but things are changing, I’m 32 and couldn’t imagine having starting with a newborn now but different people have different priorities so there isn’t a right or wrong age to have a child, it’s down to when a person feels ready

I also think it's worth saying that there is no perfect age/time to have a baby. At some point it is going to clash with a career regardless. Some people would class in their 20's as too young. I see on here some people are classing 35+ as too old. You have a baby when you feel ready to, and you just get on with it.
Also the stats for my Edwards syndrome was 1:1500 at 37, so the stats thing isn't universal, it's tailored to you, so everyone's will be different.

I had my first at 33, wonky chromosomes, prem labour, long term health issues.

I had my twins at 38, typical number of chromosomes, perfectly healthy, good weights

Statistics are statistics but they're just numbers

@Cam2020

Fair enough, I'm wrong then. I thought there was a really high change.

Yes, becasue it's years of this misogynistic bullshit that's been trotted out to make sure women are good little wifeys and stick to their primary job of lookibg after men and pumping put kids. God forbird she should be independent!

Ok, calm down.

People love telling women that they are too old/young to be pregnant. There is no age where you wouldn't get comments like that.

Yup. I seriously feel like I blinked one day and the comments switched from ‘you’re still so young, don’t tie yourself down yet, plenty of time for that’ etc etc etc to telling me I’m getting on a bit and running out of time. There was no age at all where anyone said to me ‘this is the perfect age for it, go for it now’!

I had my first at 35, two more at 37 and two more at 39. I do feel sometimes like I am their grandmother compared to parent of their friends! I'm always so happy to meet someone close to my age. LOL