To think 36 isn’t that old for a first baby

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Old school friend has told me that people are saying she’s too old to be pregnant.

[quote LST]@mousetown not in my case. I have RA[/quote]
Of course that’s not going to be the case for every single person, but generally, a 36+ year old woman with no health conditions, shouldn’t be too tired to parent a young child. 36 is not old and we need to stop falling for this misogynistic and ageist rubbish.

I was 35 when I had my ds and the second youngest in my antenatal classes.

@Nonicknamesforcatapillars

Biologically it’s not young. There’ll be a higher risk of chromosomal abnormalities at that age than at say 26, and if you want more than one you would need to get a move on.

That said, it’s pretty normal these days. Especially in middle class circles. At 36 I don’t feel too old to have a baby at all. If I didn’t have children then I’d go for it. But I have teens, so there’s absolutely no way I’ll be having a baby at 36!

It’s not an absolute given that your chances are higher than a younger person.

It’s definitely depends when socio economic demographic you are in as to how typical this is.
I know two (just two!) women who had babies in their late twenties, everyone was else was 30s (mostly) and 40s (a few).
I get that 20 or so would be ideal from a purely biological perspective but that isn’t really how our society works anymore. I can’t imagine being financially comfortable at 20 or what a relationship would look like at that age where we both decided a baby would be the next step but others have different experiences to me.

My mum told me I was too old in my late twenties, so definitely a generational perception.

Interesting contrast reading this thread alongside the one about a young mother feeling judged. Seems to be more judgy posts from the comparatively young mums on this post than there is from the comparatively older mums on that one?

Disclaimer: I haven't counted and analysed the posts but I'm sure someone will...

People love telling women that they are too old/young to be pregnant. There is no age where you wouldn't get comments like that. Some people are just dickheads and don't think before they speak.

It’s not an absolute given that your chances are higher than a younger person.

I mean it is. Chances of abnormalities do increase with maternal age. The risk of having a baby with Down syndrome at 25 is something like 1 in 1250 and at 35 it’s 1 in 400. So higher, but not so high that you shouldn’t go for it. Just something to be aware of.

I think having a baby before mid 30s is a waste of your own freedom & opportunities

@MitheringMytryl

People love telling women that they are too old/young to be pregnant. There is no age where you wouldn't get comments like that. Some people are just dickheads and don't think before they speak.

This pretty much sums it up, and if it’s not age it will be something else. But you’re not married! Baby would have a more secure home if you owned your house! Shouldn’t you try and stay together for the baby! You’re working full time? What about your child! You’re staying at home? What about your career?

Women can’t win. People will always judge, and it seems a lot of those people are right here on mumsnet.

What an awful to say to her. Women can't win either way, if she had her first baby young people would comment.

@EvenRosesHaveThorns

I think having a baby before mid 30s is a waste of your own freedom & opportunities

Don't be soft. I am 31 and I am so happy I haven't got a baby. We had no disposable income when they were little so couldn't have done anything anyway! Now they're older we own our own home. Have a motorhome and go away together all the time.

People love telling women that they are too old/young to be pregnant. There is no age where you wouldn't get comments like that. Some people are just dickheads and don't think before they speak.

But everyone knows that the small window of opportunity where it is acceptable to have a baby is age 28 to 32!

I agree that biologically it's old.
Socially normal within the middle classes.

@Nonicknamesforcatapillars

It’s not an absolute given that your chances are higher than a younger person.

I mean it is. Chances of abnormalities do increase with maternal age. The risk of having a baby with Down syndrome at 25 is something like 1 in 1250 and at 35 it’s 1 in 400. So higher, but not so high that you shouldn’t go for it. Just something to be aware of.

But it’s not an absolute given. The results of my test aged 39 was 1 in 12262 for downs and 1 in 1000000 for Edwards and Pataus.

My daughter in law was 36 when she had her first baby [ my grandchild ] and 38 when she had her second. Not too old at all for a first baby.

I have a one year old and I’m training for a marathon. I’m 40 years old. I would be going to see a Dr if I was 36 and felt I was no longer fit and healthy enough to parent a young child due to age.

Yeah, it’s certainly not applied to other aspects of life. Imagine in the workplace, ‘we had to put Louise on light duties; she’s 36, you know!’

Sounds like your friend is surrounded by small-minded, uneducated busybodies. First babies can, entirely naturally (and often a rather lovely surprise) be born until mid-40s at least. If these people don't know many people, or don't know much about the wider world then they may not realise this. Why does she feel the need to advertise her age anyway? If she's concerned then just lie.

But it’s not an absolute given. The results of my test aged 39 was 1 in 12262 for downs and 1 in 1000000 for Edwards and Pataus.

Yes and my SIL had a baby’s itch Down’s syndrome at 39. You don’t know your personal chance until you’re actually pregnant, so you just have be aware of the stats and potential chances, which do increase as you get older. That’s all.

*baby with.

Age is not the only thing that contributes to this. As I said, it is not an absolute given that your chances will be higher if you are older.

@MissL85

I agree *@Mousetown*

I'm 36 and mine was 1:5258 for DS and 1:50000 for Edward's and Patau's. Not every woman who is over a certain age has those issues and the fact that being 35+ in pregnancy is meant to increase them makes some women unnecessarily anxious.

Absolutely. I remember it causing a lot of anxiety for women in my birth group when they had results that classed them as “high risk” who were in their early 20s, and confusion in women who had lower chance than previous pregnancies 10years earlier. It’s not as clear cut as “the older you are the higher the risk will be”

Nonsense! I was 37 when I had my first!