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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think there is an inverse relationship between how little money people have and how much they are willing to spend on presents for their children

667 replies

Twiglett · 05/12/2007 12:20

am truly gobsmacked at some of the things that people I know are buying for their children

truly and utterly, spoilt bastard, gobsmacked

why spend that much money? why?

OP posts:
TheQueenOfQuotes · 05/12/2007 12:57

But Orm - why doesn't she buy them lots of little things throughout the year and a small Christmas present - rather than making the "one" time of the year so expensive??

If I save up all the money I spend on little things for the DS's - we could probably afford to spend silly amounts of money on them at Christmas - but actually DS1 likes little things "popping" up unexpectedly.

As did I when I was a child and money was tight, my parents spread it out throughout the year so that when my friends were bragging "I got x,y,z at the weekend" - I could also say I'd got something IYKWIM.

Sonnet · 05/12/2007 12:58

I too am amazed how much some people spend and whist some maybe able to afford it, it still IME creates an expectation which other people in the family cannot live up to. I sm citing my own extended family here which puts an interesting slant on things. My SIL and husband are extremely wealthy ( ie neither of them work now and will never again). They have always bought lots of expensive presents for their 3 children - so what/ they can afford to. The problem from my perspective is that the agreed budget of £20 each we have for Nephews and nieces does not now provide the standard of present wanted and expected by these 3 children. SIL has got around taht problem by buying "our" presents to her children herself, I give her the £20 per child agreed and she stumps up the rest. Last year the value of the presents given under our name more than doubled the budget. She also does this for her parents who have 4 other grandchildren. I find this quite insulting TBH but can see how it has happened - whatever happened to the "thought that counts" in that family is a mystery

Original poster
Twiglett · 05/12/2007 12:58

but slacksally .. surely the point in that story is that the child is happy with something that can be afforded

that it is only the adults who get caught up in the big huge expensive thing means more happiness

well it's like that in my family anyway .. I knew we weren't given things because we couldn't afford them .. and my children know the same

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 05/12/2007 12:58

No, no-one has said that directly. But that does seem to be the direction the thread was taking.

UnquietDad · 05/12/2007 12:59

OK. People care, I suppose, because of the messages it sends out to YOUR kids. You do your best to shield them from rampant commercialism and instil in them the value of saving up for something you really want. And then it's all blown away by one friend being casually given a Nintendo or a TV or a mobile phone (MOBILE PHONE FFS! At the age of 7!!!) as if they grow on trees. And then you get "but whyyyyyyy can't I have one, Jessica's got one AND Lucy AND Rebecca." And you have to say "you're not them."

duchesse · 05/12/2007 12:59

I would also add that I think that expensive presents and clothing are a status symbol for everyone, whether rich or poor. If some people choose to concentrate their status spending into one day of the year, that is a choice they make. I choose essentially to spend most of my earned income on the massive status spending that is private school fees (even though I personally don't do it for the status). I spend far more every year on them than a few hundred pounds. Some people have ridiculously expensive cars that drink petrol like Chardonnay and cost a fortune to insure. Status symbol again. Whatever eco-ideals would give me the high moral ground on that issue, I cannot dispute that it is just another form of status spending.

fircone · 05/12/2007 13:00

No wiis/playstations/nintendos etc in this house. But that's probably because dcs have never expressed an interest. I think it's different if they are baying for such stuff.

Most parents don't want to feel like Scrooge and risk their children's disappointment in not just their presents, but potentially their parents too.

Now, those of you who are saying, "Well, I've managed to do all my dc's presents for 50p", I bet you've got small children. My 4-year-old would be happy with anything, but I don't think I'll be able to get away with being thrifty once tweenagerdom strikes. Try presenting an 11-year-old with a satsuma and a skirt from Oxfam. They'd be in therapy for years.

VictorianSqualor · 05/12/2007 13:01

I'm the same QoQ, we bought DD andDS a little xmas tree each to go in their bedrooms, cost us about £10, but if we spent out at xmas they wouldn't have had them, same with the little things like a toy car here and there for DS (theyre 99p in woolies) and hairties for DD(again about a quid in superdrugs) We can afford to do that because we don't overspend and get into debt.
I think it's silly to get all these things on credit, consumerism at it's worst.

OrmIrian · 05/12/2007 13:01

Yes, that's true uqd. But you only have to let them watch tv ads for 5 mins or walk into Woollies to get that problem sometimes.

TheQueenOfQuotes · 05/12/2007 13:02

UD - ours is a testament to taking the plunge in trying to set up our own business 2 1/2yrs ago - we picked a bad year for it though - as 3 major retailers in the same industry as us went into administration! So we're lumbered with a lot of debt from that (but only for another 4-5yrs......).

Apart from DH's overdraft (which will be the last debt to be cleared, aside from the mortgage) we don't live on credit anymore,

I just don't like all this "well they HAVE to have a Wii/Nintendo/i-pod/blah blah blah" for Christmas......ermm why???

DS1 keeps saying he wants a PS3 (he's not been bitten by the Wii bug LOL), and I asked him why and all he could tell me because it's "cool" and his friends all have one".....

Actually chatting to most of his friends mums in the playground most of them don't even own a games console of any description let alone a PS3 - but DS1 thinks they have.....

Original poster
Twiglett · 05/12/2007 13:02

am with UQD totally on this

OP posts:
walkinginaWILKIEwonderland · 05/12/2007 13:02

Yup totally agree.

We are skint and have spent £50 on DS. Everyone else getting £10 presents. I have told my two friends I buy for I will either buy for them (£10) or kids. They have chosen themselves as I have vice versa.

Christmas to me is about the actual event and NOT what you spend.

TBH - even if we had more money I don't think I would spend more.

UnquietDad · 05/12/2007 13:03

You can shield them from anonymous "stuff" to a certain extent. Ours hardly watch TV with ads, apart from Noddy on 5 in the mornings - we deliberately keep them to CBBC/CBeebies. But a best friend having stuff they haven't got is more of a personal issue.

lizziemun · 05/12/2007 13:03

We spend alot on dd's at christmas and birthday but we don't buy things during the year.

Neices and cousins we spend upto £20 and up £30 on brothers and sisters and upto £50 on parents. We only buy a token gift from the children to us and don't buy each other a gift.

duchesse · 05/12/2007 13:03

fircone- mine are 14, 12 and 10!

HoHoHoOfWalsall · 05/12/2007 13:03

I am not meaning to sound rude, but, if I gave myself a £50 budget for DS, he would get 1 box of megablocks, one Littlepeople type set and maybe something else very small. It's not the fact I have set myself a large budget this year, it's the fact so little costs so much.

Sonnet · 05/12/2007 13:04

What a lovely ldea tortoiseshell - one I want to adopt...

LittleB · 05/12/2007 13:06

Will probably get slated for this, but just because someone gets benefit doesn't mean they're skint. I know a couple of families who are friends of ours who get various types of benefit and have more disposable income than me and DH, (he works 50+ hours per wk and I work 20+ as I also care for dd2.7) He's in manufacturing and I'm in local government so we're both on lower than average pay in a part of the country where house prices are high, we've often joked that we'd be better off if he lost his job and we could get a council house instead of a mortgage, we'd never do it, but our friends on benefit have more than we do! We'll spend about £100 on dd but that includes some useful things like clothes that she needs as well as toys and her stocking.

UnquietDad · 05/12/2007 13:06

When DS was 3 (last year) we got all his stocking presents either from the reduced piles in Boots/Woolies in the summer or from the bargain bins of charity shops. Books, friction-drive cars, etc. and he had one big present to complement that.

VictorianSqualor · 05/12/2007 13:06

WRT what sonnet said about extended family, my DC's rarely see their father or his side of the family, the only time they bother is xmas or birthdays, last year the DC's came back with so many presents it took more than the car boot to put them in.

They then spend xmas day with us and open their presents, if I was to try and compete pricewise and sizewise (the bigger the box the better the present apparently ) then we would be broke, what the DC's don't realise is that their dad doesn't pay a flipping penny each year towards their upkeep

In my house the point of xmas is not the presents and I guarantee that the day they spend with me and dp will be the day they remember as xmas, not the day they were bombarded with presents by some idiots that can't be bothered with them any other time of the year.

OrmIrian · 05/12/2007 13:07

I agree fircone. As with many things it's a lot harder to follow your own rules when your DCs are older. Last year DS#2 had a blow-up T-rex that cost 9.99....I'm not sure that DS#1 (10) would have been that impressed.

I do agree with the principle of what is being said here - DS#1 is having a Nintendo DS this year but he had to save up a few months pocket money towards it - I just think it's a little uncharitable to object to the way other people spend their money on their DCs at Christmas.

TheQueenOfQuotes · 05/12/2007 13:07

HoHoHOofWalsall - I'm sure you could buy a lot more presents than just those 3. I've found teh key is NOT to set out shopping thinking I'm looking for something specific - but more go out and look to see what there is. 9/10 I find something that's equally good (if not better) for 1/2 the price of the "brand" or "wellknown" one I had in mind.

Hulababy · 05/12/2007 13:07

But DD has friends from much more wealthy families than us, and she has friends who have things I won't buy - mobile phone (and this is age 5!!!), TVs in rooms, etc. I just simply say no. I generally give a reason - whether that is too expensive, I don't want you to have one, you are not old enough, etc. DD accepts this - as she gets older I guess she may question it more, but I will maintain my stance. TBh it is over and done with very quickly anyway.

I was brought up to know that I couldn't have everything I desired, as will DD - despite being in a much better financial position than my parents, I think the values are the same. However it is also true that DD will get more things and more money spent on her than I did as a child, and more than some other children we know. But so long as we instill the values I can't see how it isn't possile to balance it all out.

dinny · 05/12/2007 13:08

yes, can't understand heaping loads on them really - getting ds and dd one present each for about £40-50 and then some v small stocking fillers.

if they get lots it takes away the excitement and appreciation in a way.

fircone · 05/12/2007 13:08

That's true, HoHoHo. I set a small budget for dh's teenage nieces, but everything in my price range looks so mean. And they are also very wealthy and extremely fussy. It makes Christmas present buying stressful instead of joyful.

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