MN Vote - will he pay up today?

[Sparklfairy]

A few years ago I lent a friend a not insignificant amount of money. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that so the details are irrelevant. At the time he was grateful and making all the right noises about regular payments.

Gradually those 'payments' became £5/week, which most of the time never showed up I was left in the infuriating position of 'reminding' him and feeling petty over a fiver, or ignoring it and implying it was okay.

I realised that this was some weird power play on his part; he felt that the balance of power in our friendship had shifted in my favour and he didn't like that, so this was his way of wrestling it back by making me go to him for my own money

I walked away from the friendship and although I felt stupid and angry, I did feel better for it. Recently he messaged out of the blue offering the money back (in one go) and apologising. We have been trying to arrange a meet up but both of us have been guilty of trying to cancel so I'm not blaming him for this part.

The thing is, rather than just transfer it, he's saying he wants to do it 'in person' i.e. hand over an envelope of cash 'because it feels more appropriate/respectful to our friendship/I can apologise properly/sincerely' blah blah. The reality is I suspect 1) he's tax dodging and doesn't use his bank, and 2) it's another power play, the big gesture of him being so magnanimous to return the money.

I'm happy to indulge his stupid power games if it gets me the lump sum, but we were due to meet yesterday and he bailed 30mins before we were due to meet, saying he was stuck at work may or may not be true. We've rearranged for this evening.

He doesn't know that if he bails again I'm walking away for good. I'd already written the money off, this feels like 'free money' now but I am not engaging in any more power plays.

So, sorry this is long but based on the above, how do you think today will go?

YABU - He'll turn up tonight and pay in full
YANBU - He'll bail or stand me up and I'll get nothing

Option C - he'll hand over some and then bleat about regular payments again trying to suck me into the power cycle again not happening

Or something else? Anyone saying 'walk away from the drama', I will, but I am really curious as to how this plays out today.

Get him to confirm in the text how much he's bringing. Can you then use that to take him to small claims?

He sounds awful, really bad when you did someone out of a hole and they take advantage - I hope he shows up and you get your money back

I’m also voting C. He’s clearly in it for the drama.

Why does it not show me the results of the poll,? Have mn changed it?

I think he'll bail again but I hope I'm wrong and you get your money back.

I think B too and if does turn out to be the case and you don’t want to go down the small claims route, I’d reply to his cancellation message with “You’re clearly still unwilling to pay me back in the manner you originally agreed to X years ago so I’m going to write off the money you owe me and put it down to a price worth paying to end our friendship for good” Then I’d block him.

If you do want to go down the small claims route, don’t reply to the text and start the process to get your money back.

If the amount outstanding is more or similar to what it would cost you to claim it back through the small claims court I'd do that as a point if of principle. The friendship is over anyway.

It's £500.

I'm not going to tell him to put it through the letterbox or transfer it. That gives him the opportunity to wrestle back control by saying no (can you tell I'm familiar with his wankery?!).

He didn't say a time for today and I'm not chasing him for the above reason, plus give him enough rope to hang himself

I'd written the money off. I cut him off a few weeks before Covid so small claims wasn't an option at that point and I made peace with letting the money go. That said, PPs have made me think it would probably be worth pursuing now if he dicks me around today. I have his initial message acknowledging the debt and then the exact figure later, all coming from him, so should be an open and shut case.

And yes, the friendship is over anyway. He's framing it that he wants to pay me back to square everything between us, then we can move forward, and I've playing along just to get my hands on the cash but he's no friend.

In which case, I’d assume it’s not going to happen and keep a dignified silence.

Interesting. I doubt it’s going to be as simple as ‘Hi, friend, here’s £500’ given his previous dick behaviour.

Likely to be B

That said do you have texts saying he still owes you the money etc?

Because if you do, and he doesn’t turn up I would then be going to the small claims court. Then the sheriffs if you won

That said do you have texts saying he still owes you the money etc?

Because if you do, and he doesn’t turn up I would then be going to the small claims court

This! Engage with his suggestions of meeting. Ensure the figure is mentioned in the texts too. Then if he doesn’t turn up, take it to the SCC.

Urgh drama ffs
Please have a witness with you so he can’t be as much as a dick as he’d like
If he doesn’t give you the mo way as he said he would then pursue him through small
Claims where you do t need to speak to him ever again

I’d write him off, tell him to send you the money or you’ll go to small claims court, even if you don’t plan too it’ll just give you the upper hand.

I hope you get it back x

Thanks whattheschitt, so do I! Its already irrationally irritating me that he hasn't got in touch to arrange a time despite being online this morning. He really does think I'm at his beck and call

I'm going for b or c

@GameSetMatch

I’d write him off, tell him to send you the money or you’ll go to small claims court, even if you don’t plan too it’ll just give you the upper hand.

This.

B

Posting to join "hope @Sparklfairy gets money back" team

If you can afford to write it off I'd be tempted to message him telling him to sod off and losing £500 is worth it to get rid of such a lousy 'friend'.

I agree @rocklamp

I can’t quite understand how you feel you’re ‘claiming the power back’ by not pinning him down for a time to get your money back. You’re sort of letting him get away with keeping your money, no? I don’t see how that is you not getting involved in his ‘power play’?

I’d just tell him a time and a place, and on the slim chance he turned up and gave it to you, I’d say ‘well, you took your sweet time to pay that back. I guess you must have been skint. Anyway, good to see you. Bye.’ Or something to that effect.

And if he doesn’t pay you back, keep chasing him for it. I don’t see how letting him keep £500 is you winning in this situation.

You know that thing when the driver shunts his car forward just as the passenger grabs the handle to get in? This.

I never lend money unless I can afford to lose it altogether.

It’s easy to apply for your money back online - you get your fees back providing you have evidence eg a text saying I agree to pay you back £500 today and then you send a letter of action (cheap as chips) done - get a money back or a ccj and take back control