Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to object to my DH going away for the weekend to an men only party where there is definitely going to be excess and women even if he says he won't partake?

77 replies

Et12345 · 18/09/2021 17:28

he's shown me the messages about it and feels that if he's being open and if he gives assurances that he won't indulge then it should be ok. The messages are a thread for days of men in their fifties using sex and drugs emojis and pictures of naked women. I'm basically being told that I should trust and that it's all my problem.

OP posts:
Metabigot · 18/09/2021 17:32

I wouldn't stop my partner doing something nor would I expect him to stop me. But that's just how our relationship works, we hate control.

GladAllOver · 18/09/2021 17:32

Why would he be going to a party where he would stand apart from everything the party was about?

I think the answer to that is clear.

araiwa · 18/09/2021 17:34

A bunch of 50 year old men?

Playing golf and getting drunk in a pub after is probably all they be doing

Pemmican · 18/09/2021 17:35

The messages are a thread for days of men in their fifties using sex and drugs emojis and pictures of naked women

I wouldn't object to a man like this going away. In fact, I'd fucking relish a man like this going away. And staying away forever.

thefirstmrsrochester · 18/09/2021 17:36

araiwa

A bunch of 50 year old men?

Playing golf and getting drunk in a pub after is probably all they be doing

This 👆

Pumperthepumper · 18/09/2021 17:36

If it’s a men only weekend, who are the women?

Creamsoda77 · 18/09/2021 17:37

If you havent got trust in a relationship that's sad !

CanofCant · 18/09/2021 17:37

@Pemmican

The messages are a thread for days of men in their fifties using sex and drugs emojis and pictures of naked women

I wouldn't object to a man like this going away. In fact, I'd fucking relish a man like this going away. And staying away forever.

God, I agree with this.

He is the company he keeps after all. I'd be so disappointed to be married to him.

Akire · 18/09/2021 17:37

If he’s sort bloke going do drugs and sleep around he’s not only going to wait for rare weekend away to indulge. You either trust him or you don’t. Although if these are really his friends it doesn’t say much about the company he keeps. I wouldn’t want be with someone who thought this was their idea of a laugh or watching others do it behind their wife’s back.

Mischance · 18/09/2021 17:38

Well if there are women there, I would invite myself and watch him squirm. "Oh, there are women going - that's great - I am sure I will enjoy it!"

Thadhiya · 18/09/2021 17:39

Sound like a grim bunch.

I mean, you'd think he'd have matured enough not to be keen to go on a sex/drugs/strippers trip. He's also mature enough to know what it says about him, his character and how he is viewed by you.

Stuckhere2021 · 18/09/2021 17:40

My god they sound more like 15 than 50! It all sounds a bit try hard and pathetic - I wonder if it is more wishful thinking and bravado than reality? I know two guys who would possibly be into that sort of weekend and I cannot imagine either of them messaging about it and sending emojis!

TooWicked · 18/09/2021 17:43

Knowing my DH and his friends were exchanging messages like that would make my skin crawl.

Has he always been such a creepy letch?

NoSquirrels · 18/09/2021 17:46

Those are his friends? Yuck. Why does he want to hang out with them? If it was my husband he wouldn’t be going because he found it repulsive - he wouldn’t need to involve me in that decision at all.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 18/09/2021 17:47

What do you mean there will be women? If there are groups of women at men only party and you're discussing whether he 'partakes' it sounds like strippers at best or prostitutes at worst.

This is completely different from someone going out and having a laugh with someone of the opposite sex.

It's not about trust. It's about your husband deliberately putting himself in a situation where his 'friends' are exploiting women, paying for their bodies, and breaking all kinds of laws. Its seedy and grim. I wouldht want to be with someone who went to places like this even if all they do is 'look but don't touch'. Why the fuck does he want to hang about with people who behave like this even if he doesnt

Summerfun54321 · 18/09/2021 18:03

Urgh gross. There’s nothing more disgusting than a sleezy guy indulging in some lads banter 🤮.

Mamamia7962 · 18/09/2021 18:05

Men in their 50s doing drugs, drinking to excess and lots of sex? Hahaha in their dreams maybe.

The reality will be a mug of cocoa and bed by 10.

Original poster
Et12345 · 18/09/2021 18:21

Thanks for your responses everyone. I'm afraid to those of you who think they're just ageing wannabes / golfers they are absolutely not. It's not bravado / wishful thinking but the absolute truth. These are people who are classed as decades old friends by my husband but whom he sees infrequently now but the form is absolutely there, sadly.

OP posts:
SpindleWhorl · 18/09/2021 18:23

@JorisBohnson2

I wouldn't stop my partner doing something nor would I expect him to stop me. But that's just how our relationship works, we hate control.
Oooh, go you.
HalzTangz · 18/09/2021 18:24

I'm a bit confused why will women be there if it's an all man's getaway, are they going to a strip club, or Amsterdam?

FrankButchersDickieBow · 18/09/2021 18:26

Urgh. I can't imagine my husband and his mates swapping messages like this.

If he did, I wouldn't have married him.

They sound like a bunch of sad pervy losers.

RedMarauder · 18/09/2021 18:27

Do you trust him or not?

If you don't trust him and he's as fit as you both claim, then he would have run off years ago for a younger model or is regularly cheating and you don't know about it.

Original poster
Et12345 · 18/09/2021 18:32

I've not mentioned how 'fit' anyone is? Don't really understand your point. Men (and women) have casual sex without running off with them and leaving their partners. I don't own him nor am attempting to. I'm disconcerted by the exclusive nature of the event, it's clandestine arrangements (none of the other wives and partners know about the plans - including the wife of the guy hosting as it's a second home). I'm sad because my husband and I had, I thought, reached an agreement early on in the relationship that going forward it wasn't appropriate nor kind to go to these particular types of meet ups. He has continued to see these friends for drinks or the occasional dinner but overnights and long weekends were not on the agenda due to what I thought was our alignment. It's very disappointing and upsetting and he's shaming me for not being 'cool' about it all.

OP posts:
Iflyaway · 18/09/2021 18:34

The reality will be a mug of cocoa and bed by 10.

Goodness me, how ageist.

Life doesn't stop at 50 you know. Just gets better :-)

I'm 66.

Ponoka7 · 18/09/2021 18:34

@araiwa

"A bunch of 50 year old men?
Playing golf and getting drunk in a pub after is probably all they be doing"

Not if they get brasses in, or girls who just want their drugs/drink paid for and are happy to suck a couple of them off.

OP, he might not cheat, or might not class what he is doing as cheating, but of course he's going to partly join in, or he wouldn't be going. It's bloody boring be around people who are off their face, if you aren't.

Swipe left for the next trending thread