To say DH should ALWAYS do what DSS wants at weekend?

[LuckyGoLucky]

I have 1 DSS who is middle secondary aged and me and DH have toddler together.

We live very close by to his Mum so as he's gotten older contact is not very strict at all, we always help the other out if one parent has plans but other than that DSS basically comes whenever he likes and often stays more here than he does with his Mum. We all get on and he often rings me and asks me to pick him up from school to come back to ours etc so it's really not a case of he's barely here or I resent him being around or ANYTHING like that, honestly that couldn't be further from the truth he is always welcome and knows it.

Anyway, for the past year he's taken up an activity at the weekend that he likes to do and he asks DH to do with him every weekend. It's not a scheduled club or anything, they just go and do it together and are often out all day.

It's gotten to the point now where if I suggest we do anything with toddler, all together he asks DSS if he'd prefer to do that or go to do this activity. If he says he'd prefer to do the activity it's almost like a shrug from DH as in "well what can I do, I'll have to go with DSS" and I end up doing most things alone with our toddler so that actually get out of the house at weekends.

I was thinking if speaking to DH about this tonight and basically saying we can't always allow every weekend to be dominated by this and whilst I appreciate DSS wants to do this with his Dad, he does also need to spend some weekends with me and toddler as well.

I am more than happy for this activity to be done together frequently, I just don't think it should be an option every single weekend and he gets to essentially refuse DH doing anything else.

It's absolutely a DH problem, I understand that. AIBU?

[ejhhhhh]

Yes @Dontbeme, the OP is indeed doing to need to ask that question if her DP doesn't change his tune!

[ejhhhhh]

*going

[Eralos]

Like you said it’s a DH problem, he would feather mountain bike then spend the day at the soft play. That’s unfair. It can be every weekend all day all weekend. Yanbu. Talk to him, if he doesn’t understand start going out alone on Saturdays and leave toddler with DH.

[WhenISnappedAndFarted]

I agree with the others that say that your DSS is a convenient excuse and I say that because when they aren't doing that, he doesn't do anything with you or your toddler - he goes off to work.

This isn't down to your DSS, this is on your husband. He's got to step up and help you parent your toddler, alongside his son not sneak off to work or go out cycling all weekend

[Fawnor]

What's the problem with them doing it on Saturday and you spend Sunday together?

[lottiegarbanzo]

Does your DH spend any time with your toddler? Does he do bath time and bed time on week days etc?

Do you work, or are you a SAHM? If the latter, then spending every single day with your toddler, with no time off at the weekend, is a huge and very unfair imposition on your DH's part.

It all just sounds a bit Disney Dad. He gets to the fun stuff with the older child and leave you to do the tedious, repetitive, bum-wiping stuff with the toddler.

It sounds like you're his nanny (and housekeeper?). If he's at work in the week and out at the weekend, when do the pair of you do the housework?

It is great that he and DSS have this shared hobby and I understand him treasuring that time. But he's neglecting you and ignoring his younger child at some risk to his marriage, surely?

[EatYourVegetables]

A weekend has 2 days, and this boy should see his Mum sometimes too!

So 1 day DH+DSS go mountain biking, the other day DSS spends with his Mum and you, DH and toddler spend together.

[Goldbar]

Your DH is doing this because it's more fun than wrangling the toddler.

I'd take up an activity of your own on the Sunday and be out all day and leave your DH, DSS and toddler to it.

[DrinkFeckArseBrick]

Have you spoken to him @LuckyGoLucky ?