To ask for your secrets you're taking to the grave

[FuckingFabulous]

Lighthearted, and risk free. Given that this is all anonymous and all that.

When I was fourteen, I was out with my friend after drama club. It was winter and dark and fucking freezing but I was sweating as well as shivering. We were walking to her grandma's house in the next village where I was getting picked up by my stepdad in about an hour. I was quite clearly ill, but my mum had not believed me and sent me to a long day at school. As we were walking, my belly churned and I knew that there was gastric trouble afoot. I excused myself into an innocent looking field for "a wee" but I knew it was not that. Thankfully, there were no street lights at all, so even if someone had come past, they'd not have seen. It was pitch black. My friend kept watch while my bowels evacuated what seemed like water and slime for about five minutes and sweat dripped off my body onto the ground, I can remember how much I was shaking and how I had the weirdest taste of metal in my mouth. When the onslaught ended, I didn't know how to wipe my bum. I took off my school tie, wiped with that and then had no idea what to do so I just discarded it at the scene and shamefully scuttled back to my friend. I was then off school for a week with some kind of horrible intestinal infection.

But the field. The quiet little field I'd chosen to slip over the fence into. It was a graveyard. And I'd relieved myself right next to a war grave. Right before armistice. And left my school tie there. How do I know? Because it was in the school newsletter as a "regrettable incident" and anyone with information as to who the culprit was could report in confidence to the headteacher. I expect the groundskeeper reported it to the school. Even my mum tutted about no respect. Thank god it was over 20 years ago. Nowadays it would have trended with a hashtag and a witch hunt.

And now I have finally told the tale. What's yours?

@Susannahmoody I dont think I've laughed quite so much in a while

I cheated on a lot of my GCSE exams. During the first exam I asked if I could go to the toilet (so I could suss out the situation) and was escorted there, the escort waited outside the toilet block.
So the morning of each exam I planted chest sheets in sealed poly pockets down the back of a couple of cisterns (multiple toilets in case there was someone in the one cubicle I’d chosen). I never told a soul because I didn’t want to share my chest sheets!

Also in about year 9 at school, I had a little rebellion but never serious enough for the teachers to contact my parents. School report day rolled around and I KNEW mine would be bad. So I opened it and read it (not allowed, we were supposed to deliver them sealed to our parents), and decided I wasn’t happy with it. Trotted to the Internet cafe in town on the way home, wrote myself a whole new report, bought a new envelope from WHSmiths, and presented it to my Mum in what must’ve been quite a suspicious fashion. She never realised it was a fake

When I was in Infant school in year R, so would have been 4 or 5, our class were going to plant some small trees of some sort outside the classroom.

I was very naughty and drew on the floor of the classroom with crayon.. the teacher was very mad! So whilst everyone was outside planting the trees, I had to stay in and remove the crayon from the floor.

To this day I've never told my mum that I didn't plant a tree, even though she thought I did and was pleased. Every so often she mentions the lovely trees we planted in the Infants school and I still don't want to confess..

AuntMargo

I am one of those you nicks other staff members milk from work fridge, no matter how many emails get sent out I still do it !!

You really shouldn't do this. I know of someone who got really fed up of their milk going missing that they deliberately mixed urine in the carton and it still went missing. 🤢

@FionnulaTheCooler

Mine is kind of similar to the "Pig" one from the start of the thread. When I was in the last year of primary school, many moons ago, it was a rainy lunchtime one day and we couldn't go outside. The head teacher came up and asked for some volunteers to go down to the infants classroom and help keep them entertained. I was seriously miffed that my friend got chosen to go and I didn't, so I wrote "Kerry is a bitch" on a bit of paper then threw it in the bin. I hadn't had the sense to rip it up or scribble over it so someone else saw it, but hadn't seen who put it there, and gave it to the teacher when she came back from lunch. She went seriously ballistic at the whole class and spent the afternoon looking through all our jotters to see if she could identify the culprit from the handwriting, but fortunately for me there were a few of us with very similar writing so she couldn't figure it out and I kept quiet.

god that made me laugh. Oh to miss out on the glory of being jammed in a classroom with squealing children on a rainy day.

Reminds me of a friend, she got a call from the school to say her 5yo had hit the rain day helper. Turns out she was pissed off because the helper gave another child a sticker for being good. I did laugh.

*Clearing up the effects of a dear departed relative, I found out stuff about what he got up to in his spare time, in his journal, and stuff about his medical history. I had to do a lot of shredding.

What I read will go to my grave*

Can't you share it? That's the whole point of the thread.

At secondary school my best friend would go into the food tech room at lunch and eat other pupils cookery that they had made for a lesson so I started doing it too! Pretty gross to think about it

@CherryHug
Don’t feel guilty! Hamsters only need feeding a few times a week, they normally have a stash so the chances of him having starved to death are tiny. They don’t live long and can die unexpectedly

@CherryHug

OMG just remembered another one, when i was 17 i had a hamster, went to my boyfriends for weekend, hoping that my brother would feed it.

Nope, came back to a dead hamster. I took it out the house to find somewhere to get rid of it. Came across a council worker with one of those big bins on wheels. I had the hamster wrapped in a carrier bag and asked him if I could put it in there! No one knows how the hamster really died.

I am a lot more animal responsible now. I promise.

I doubt if the hamster died of lack of food, if you were only away for the weekend. apart from anything else, hamsters tend to store food in their beds!

My cousins DP came onto me at a family wedding. He was pissed as a fart so I didn’t take it all that seriously, but I’ll never tell anyone either as she’s had such awful luck with men in the past and thinks this one is diamond.

@BoreiPuriHagafen where does it say I drove the whole twenty miles on the motorway? It was probably more like five if that, although of course there is absolutely no excuse for my reckless stupidity that night many years ago.

I once had sex in one of the call rooms of a hospital.

I’m not hospital staff but the man I was with was.

I didn’t even really want to but felt obliged.

@Highfivemum

I have a few which will go to the grave with me and I can’t even write them ... the only one that is printable is my friend who had an abortion and made me swear not to tell her DH who was so desperate for a child. I was so upset as they were TTC for a year and she fell pregnant but changed her mind and refused to discuss it. I wish she hadn’t told me as they are are still together and are childless. He spoke to my DH a few years back and said sadly we just couldn’t fall pregnant and his DW didint want to go down the IVF route as she was too upset. He would have made a great dad and she denied him that. She took the pill after her abortion all behind his back. I don’t have much to do with her to be honest. Spiteful woman

Are you sure on a reality of this, I knew someone who did this and confided in me one lunchtime-but the reality was she had an affair and got pregnant hence the abortion. She and her DH knew they couldn't have children naturally she thought it was her -it was his sperm count.

@CallMeRisley

When I went on a french exchange in year 11 (so age 15/16) one of the days we went in to school with our french hosts, we didn’t stay with them all day though, we had a timetable to follow, eg art class in french, geography in french etc. Me and my mate ditched the lessons and walked into the small town and spent the afternoon in a bar ordering Stella Artois with raspberry and playing pool with some teenage boys. My mate even snogged one of them. We walked back to the school for the end of the school day and met our teacher who was on the trip with us from England. We told him we’d been learning about Victor Hugo I still think it was a much more authentic experience of french culture, and we practised our language skills in real life situations

Absolutely love this, really made me smile. What an amazing experience!

That's fucking disgusting and a criminal offence. So is workplace bullying.

My bio mother gave me up for adoption but had another child less than 18 months later who she kept. She then had a daughter. She married the father.

I managed to trace her through a family member but she sent a message saying she didnt want anything to do with me because her "real" children might think less of her.

I found out my half sister had not spoken to her for over 30 years, so out of 3 children she only has a relationship with one. She keeps me a secret from him!

As for my half sister, we have spoken but she does not want to tell her "dad" about me because it might upset him. I strongly suspect he is actually my dad as well and that is the issue.

Not particularly my secrets but people want to keep me a secret! I am really not that awful.

@ElsieMc
people want to keep me a secret! I am really not that awful.

I remember reading a story about a man who traced his biological parents, only to find that they were married and had stayed together and had several children. He was the only one they gave away. Very strange. I'm not sure how he got over that, poor bloke!

Your mum sounds an odd one, for sure. x

Alcemeg

I wonder if her mum is an odd one for sure because she went through the trauma of giving up her baby for adoption? Back in the 60s you were expected to give up your baby if you were unmarried as it was very shameful. Approximately 26,000 baby's were adopted in 1967 alone. I know not all of them were from unmarried mothers but the vast majority were. Many of these women still suffer from PTSD because of this. Many took their own lives. It is hard to imagine this now. Its very hard to explain to people who have been brought up in these more liberal times what it was like back in those days. My friend got pregnant in 1961 when she was just 14 she couldnt marry the father and her parents made her give up the baby for adoption. They did eventually get married and have two more children. So you see not everything is black and white is it?

@havesomepatience very good reply

My best friend did my GCSE maths coursework for me, for the price of 3 rides on the waltzers at the fair and a bone for his dog. He had done his a year early and was really good at it, I was in the bottom set and hopeless. Overall I got a B and I am convinced that the high marks that came from the coursework bumped the average up a lot!

I also was tipsy when I took my French oral A Level exam. I am quite shy so I necked a quarter of a bottle of cherry brandy that I had decanted from my parents booze cupboard into my flask before going into the exam. I passed.

Many secrets are too well known to be proper 'secrets'. I am constantly told all the lurid details about one particular, very badly concealed, local secret.

I have to stay quiet and try distracting them to try to turn the conversation. I could correct them on all the inaccuracies in their story but I can't betray my involvement. They have no discretion about where is appropriate to share their disclosures. The local park is certainly not appropriate. They are also more hearing impaired than I am.

I don't really understand why the people affected don't move from this area. They need a new start away from all the gossip.

Just remembered one!
Had a bacterial skin infection on my chin. Was living abroad so was having trouble getting treatment for it so googled home cures. One of them was to use fresh urine, the first wee of the day on it and then splash off with water.
Tired from all the early mornings as I was a student, I went into uni one day without having performed the crucial 'wash it off' step. Sat next to a guy I hadn't sat next to before in a seminar, who was quite unpleasant looking.
The smell of wee was, by that point, quite strong. I forgot what I'd done that morning and genuinely thought it was him. Told my friend how bad he smelled.
It was only when I went to the bathroom afterwards, alone, with the smell still following me, I remembered.
It didn't even cure my chin.

@Rosewaterblossom

When I was in Infant school in year R, so would have been 4 or 5, our class were going to plant some small trees of some sort outside the classroom.

I was very naughty and drew on the floor of the classroom with crayon.. the teacher was very mad! So whilst everyone was outside planting the trees, I had to stay in and remove the crayon from the floor.

To this day I've never told my mum that I didn't plant a tree, even though she thought I did and was pleased. Every so often she mentions the lovely trees we planted in the Infants school and I still don't want to confess..

Your teacher was a cow to do that to a small child.

@havesomepatience Of course I'm aware of all that. I was commenting on this:

I found out my half sister had not spoken to her for over 30 years, so out of 3 children she only has a relationship with one. She keeps me a secret from him!

@maskless I think that is the most disturbing post I’ve ever read on here (your post about the guy giving himself a BJ, not the train ticket one).