To ask for your secrets you're taking to the grave

[FuckingFabulous]

Lighthearted, and risk free. Given that this is all anonymous and all that.

When I was fourteen, I was out with my friend after drama club. It was winter and dark and fucking freezing but I was sweating as well as shivering. We were walking to her grandma's house in the next village where I was getting picked up by my stepdad in about an hour. I was quite clearly ill, but my mum had not believed me and sent me to a long day at school. As we were walking, my belly churned and I knew that there was gastric trouble afoot. I excused myself into an innocent looking field for "a wee" but I knew it was not that. Thankfully, there were no street lights at all, so even if someone had come past, they'd not have seen. It was pitch black. My friend kept watch while my bowels evacuated what seemed like water and slime for about five minutes and sweat dripped off my body onto the ground, I can remember how much I was shaking and how I had the weirdest taste of metal in my mouth. When the onslaught ended, I didn't know how to wipe my bum. I took off my school tie, wiped with that and then had no idea what to do so I just discarded it at the scene and shamefully scuttled back to my friend. I was then off school for a week with some kind of horrible intestinal infection.

But the field. The quiet little field I'd chosen to slip over the fence into. It was a graveyard. And I'd relieved myself right next to a war grave. Right before armistice. And left my school tie there. How do I know? Because it was in the school newsletter as a "regrettable incident" and anyone with information as to who the culprit was could report in confidence to the headteacher. I expect the groundskeeper reported it to the school. Even my mum tutted about no respect. Thank god it was over 20 years ago. Nowadays it would have trended with a hashtag and a witch hunt.

And now I have finally told the tale. What's yours?

@ReluctantEarlyRiser

I found out that if you put two donuts in a bag at Lidl it just assumes you've only got one when you put it through the self service till. Free donut! I can afford to pay for 2 donuts but I find this exhilarating.

Plenty who have found this high addictive and move on and on until they get caught. Be careful with this.

I have a few. Once I was regularly sleeping with an older guy from work (I was 21 he was 38), though it was made clear to me it was not a relationship. He and I were out for drinks one night and I started texting another guy I had met on a night out. Work guy ended up getting angry which is fair enough because I was being shitty. He left, I got blind drunk and met the guy I had been texting and had sex with him. Felt crap the next morning and crept out, walked to the house of the guy from work... To apologise, which he accepted and then we had sex too. I didn't even shower in between . I have never told anyone, I cringe to even think about it.

Also, don't really want to be that derailing person, but obviously don't care enough not to do it... I think men do tend to get a harder time on here but with suetully there's a subtle difference in his revelations. Women have talked about shitty cheating behaviour/sleeping around, shitting themselves, and doing mean things to people who were really nasty like partners who beat them. Whereas suetully's problem posts involved him responding to people who made him feel silly, and in both the bad examples it's women who really bore the brunt of it. The first one was ostensibly to get at the male but probably freaked the girl out too, in her home. The second one, he felt humiliated so again he tries to scare people at home. There's level of sustained antipathy needed to make multiple early hours phone calls to someone in order to freak them out because they tried to show him up/humiliate him. There is a lot of man hating on mumsnet but I think most women are sensitive to a a male who gets nasty when they feel silly. His are not the most egregious actions compared to some (I mean mine isn't cool is it) but his are some of the most unsettling.

@ClareBlue don't worry, I don't have donuts often

@Lily019.
What a prince. I applaud you.

@MondieBee

I have a few. Once I was regularly sleeping with an older guy from work (I was 21 he was 38), though it was made clear to me it was not a relationship. He and I were out for drinks one night and I started texting another guy I had met on a night out. Work guy ended up getting angry which is fair enough because I was being shitty. He left, I got blind drunk and met the guy I had been texting and had sex with him. Felt crap the next morning and crept out, walked to the house of the guy from work... To apologise, which he accepted and then we had sex too. I didn't even shower in between . I have never told anyone, I cringe to even think about it.

Also, don't really want to be that derailing person, but obviously don't care enough not to do it... I think men do tend to get a harder time on here but with suetully there's a subtle difference in his revelations. Women have talked about shitty cheating behaviour/sleeping around, shitting themselves, and doing mean things to people who were really nasty like partners who beat them. Whereas suetully's problem posts involved him responding to people who made him feel silly, and in both the bad examples it's women who really bore the brunt of it. The first one was ostensibly to get at the male but probably freaked the girl out too, in her home. The second one, he felt humiliated so again he tries to scare people at home. There's level of sustained antipathy needed to make multiple early hours phone calls to someone in order to freak them out because they tried to show him up/humiliate him. There is a lot of man hating on mumsnet but I think most women are sensitive to a a male who gets nasty when they feel silly. His are not the most egregious actions compared to some (I mean mine isn't cool is it) but his are some of the most unsettling.

His are based in misogyny in a way the angry wives' stuff isn't based in misandry. I'm certainly not defending serving up dead flies or whatever, but those things, nasty as they are, were done in response to cheating or abuse, and aimed only at the target. The boy called Sue, as you say, acts from feeling slighted and exploited misogynistic stereotypes and cultures in general to get his satisfaction. Calling a girl at home to creep on her to get revenge on SOMEONE ELSE, deeming girls "dirty whores" for exposing fake ID.

More to the point, he doesn't seem to have grown up and moved on from that. He's keen to tell us how young he was when he did it, but he's still defending it and insulting us for not buying it. Oh, and he knows what misogyny is better than we do, of course.

Some men seek out female spaces to correct women. I think he's one of them.

I have another one. Much more shameful. When we were about 14 my best friend and me got chatting to a man in the park, he was about 40 and had a very playful dog, which we threw sticks for etc.

Then this guy said, "do you want to see my party trick?" Ooh yes please! Can't do it here, he said, come to my house, which was nearby. Intrigued, we went along with him. When we got there it was a smart, large townhouse. His family was wealthy and he had never needed to work, but he dabbled in painting in oils and watercolours.

His mum was home and we met her briefly before going upstairs with him to a spacious and sunny art studio with his paintings covering over the walls and half-finished works on easels. He told us to sit on the sofa whilst he went to get the "required equipment", which turned out to be a hard kitchen chair.

He then stripped naked, and sat on the chair. He was excessively thin and very flexible, and he bent his knees double and placed both feet flat on the seat of the chair each side of his naked, bony bum. He then curled his back, stretched his neck down, and proceeded to give himself a B.J. to completion whilst we watched in absolute amazement.

He did not attempt to involve us, touch us, etc.

We left mightily impressed and afterwards whenever we saw him in the park we'd pester him to do it for us again, and now and again he'd say, "Oh, all right then, come along."

One time his mum, who spoke very posh and plummy, even brought up tea and biscuits, then went back downstairs to her own sitting room and hobbies, completely oblivious to what he was really up to.

After we'd seen him do the trick for us a few times suddenly we stopped seeing him in the park, so that was the end of it.

The reason I feel ashamed of this and would never tell anyone in real life is how eager me and my friend were to watch this man do what he did. I guess I feel embarrassed that we were so dirty minded at such a young age.

My friend, by the way, became a nurse.

When I was 17 I just learned to drive and was in my mums nova with mates, back at my house, they all got out I on the drive and I wwas going to put it in the garage. Idiot friend left the rear passenger door open, drove into the garage, hit the garage opening and left a huge dent in the door.

Pulled it back out onto the drive to inspect. Went inside panicking to decide what to do, preparing to confess when neighbour who shared the driveway (no dividing wall down the middle) sheepishly knocked on the door to say he'd been reversing his work van and trailer up the drive and hit mums car.

He ended up paying for it to be repaired

@Maskless

I have another one. Much more shameful. When we were about 14 my best friend and me got chatting to a man in the park, he was about 40 and had a very playful dog, which we threw sticks for etc.

Then this guy said, "do you want to see my party trick?" Ooh yes please! Can't do it here, he said, come to my house, which was nearby. Intrigued, we went along with him. When we got there it was a smart, large townhouse. His family was wealthy and he had never needed to work, but he dabbled in painting in oils and watercolours.

His mum was home and we met her briefly before going upstairs with him to a spacious and sunny art studio with his paintings covering over the walls and half-finished works on easels. He told us to sit on the sofa whilst he went to get the "required equipment", which turned out to be a hard kitchen chair.

He then stripped naked, and sat on the chair. He was excessively thin and very flexible, and he bent his knees double and placed both feet flat on the seat of the chair each side of his naked, bony bum. He then curled his back, stretched his neck down, and proceeded to give himself a B.J. to completion whilst we watched in absolute amazement.

He did not attempt to involve us, touch us, etc.

We left mightily impressed and afterwards whenever we saw him in the park we'd pester him to do it for us again, and now and again he'd say, "Oh, all right then, come along."

One time his mum, who spoke very posh and plummy, even brought up tea and biscuits, then went back downstairs to her own sitting room and hobbies, completely oblivious to what he was really up to.

After we'd seen him do the trick for us a few times suddenly we stopped seeing him in the park, so that was the end of it.

The reason I feel ashamed of this and would never tell anyone in real life is how eager me and my friend were to watch this man do what he did. I guess I feel embarrassed that we were so dirty minded at such a young age.

My friend, by the way, became a nurse.

Good God, you were hardly responsible for that!

@LoisLane66

Didn't your mum put two and two together after your tie went 'missing' when you eventually went back to school plus the fact that you had 'the runs' which must have been evident in the graveyard and on the tie.

Obviously not. Firstly, the consistency of the poo was not shared in the newsletter. And considering we were meant to get the bus to her grandma's house (but instead chose to walk in order to go past the home of a lad my friend fancied) I shouldn't imagine my mum had any thought in her head that I'd have been mooching about a graveyard. Plus, ties were lost frequently, along with PE kits and pencil cases. I also wasn't the type you'd suspect of desecrating a war grave!

@Cryalot2

Mine is mostly going to the grave. I don't want a paper picking this up. Op thank you so much for starting this. I have almost choked laughing. Thanks to all who shared. A lot seem to have ibs or simlar. ( I admit to legging it places to toilet.) Op rather than your tie what about your hankie which would have been my first thought. Thanks so much everyone C

My hankie?? I went to secondary school in the 1990s; there were no soldiers to wave off or young gentlemen to give my favour to. Crikey, if you had the wrong brand of shoes on or the wrong type of ponytail you'd be teased for it. I wouldn't ever have had a hankie, i'd probably have been called Hankie Pankie my whole school life if I had

@blissfulllife

@Maskless the reason you didn't see him again was hopefully that he was locked up.
And his mother bringing tea to his room where he was with underage girls isn't right at all. Being let down by adults is hardly your fault.

@Maskless

I have another one. Much more shameful. When we were about 14 my best friend and me got chatting to a man in the park, he was about 40 and had a very playful dog, which we threw sticks for etc.

Then this guy said, "do you want to see my party trick?" Ooh yes please! Can't do it here, he said, come to my house, which was nearby. Intrigued, we went along with him. When we got there it was a smart, large townhouse. His family was wealthy and he had never needed to work, but he dabbled in painting in oils and watercolours.

His mum was home and we met her briefly before going upstairs with him to a spacious and sunny art studio with his paintings covering over the walls and half-finished works on easels. He told us to sit on the sofa whilst he went to get the "required equipment", which turned out to be a hard kitchen chair.

He then stripped naked, and sat on the chair. He was excessively thin and very flexible, and he bent his knees double and placed both feet flat on the seat of the chair each side of his naked, bony bum. He then curled his back, stretched his neck down, and proceeded to give himself a B.J. to completion whilst we watched in absolute amazement.

He did not attempt to involve us, touch us, etc.

We left mightily impressed and afterwards whenever we saw him in the park we'd pester him to do it for us again, and now and again he'd say, "Oh, all right then, come along."

One time his mum, who spoke very posh and plummy, even brought up tea and biscuits, then went back downstairs to her own sitting room and hobbies, completely oblivious to what he was really up to.

After we'd seen him do the trick for us a few times suddenly we stopped seeing him in the park, so that was the end of it.

The reason I feel ashamed of this and would never tell anyone in real life is how eager me and my friend were to watch this man do what he did. I guess I feel embarrassed that we were so dirty minded at such a young age.

My friend, by the way, became a nurse.

Woah!!

Over 20 years ago so - evil man in town we knew had been responsible for someone dying of an overdose although it was never classed as murder. Dunno why I was so stupid but curiosity made me mention that person in front of him and he muttered under his breath he had done it and would do it to me. I pretended not to hear, grassed him up to the police and got my mates to corner him and threaten him (he was a druggie) that he would never know what he was taking. Never saw or heard from him again.

oh I saw my really goody 2 shoes butter-wouldn't-melt friend coming out of my slightly creepy male flatmate's bedroom once, i'd come back unexpectedly...she was so embarrassed, she couldn't meet eye and walked out silently. So we've just pretended it had never happened. For ever.

i am a solicitor and about fifteeen years ago was doing up my house on my days off, was exhausted, had a tradesperson ask if I could pay him in cash 800 and I said I'd have to go to the bank to withdraw, I went to the bank and used an old cancelled bankcard which I had forgotten to cut up, and suddenly remembered halfway through the transaction and told the woman at the bank, and gave her ID, and she said "err I had better get you through to a side room" - apparently me using the card had triggered a call to the police and there were 3 vans of armed police arriving - she thought I'd be traumatised and took me to a different room while she spoke to them

As I left the bank there they were all lined up on the pavement, 3 vans full of armed police.

I was so embarrassed.

(And amazed too, that a potentially stolen card would trigger that so quickly)

@BlameItOnTheBlackStar

The worst, meanest teacher I ever had now lives next door to my Grandfather in his nursing home. I think he has Dementia and Parkinson's but I don't feel sorry for him a jot.

He was one of those teachers from the 80s who just seemed to fucking detest children. Lived to terrify them and shred their confidence. Fuck em.

So which bit is your secret?

@Thisisnotreallymyname

Just out of interest - this site can’t be totally anonymous can it ? Surely the admin know our emails and pseudonyms? I would never confess anything too personal on here. Or am I wrong ?

Why would you sign up to any site at all with a real email address or one that has your name? Pretty much every site gets hacked at some point. Plenty of sites out there to give you fake email addresses or just create one with numbers and random letters.

We were extending the house. As part of the procedure the neighbours likely to be affected get a letter from the council telling them about it and how to object etc.

The letter to our neighbour came to us. The postie made a mistake .
I knew the neighbour would be a total pain in the arse about it so I ripped the letter up and threw it away. I took a chance they wouldn't find out until it was too late. Or if they did they wouldn't know how to put a spanner in the works.

I got my extension. They were pissed off. I don't care.

@Susannahmoody

That's a good one.

When I was 6 (six as in a child who has been in the earth for only 6 years!) I wrote the word 'PIG' on a piece of that awful loo tracing paper and left it in the toilets.

You would have thought someone had written a 'Fuck you, Mrs. Thompson I am gonna kill you' type letter. I swear it was like the Spanish inquisition. The teacher, at the front of the class, LIVID with anger about the word pig on a piece of paper. I was absolutely shitting my six year old pants. It went on all afternoon, on and on. Who has done this terrible thing? At one point the teacher threatened to call the police for further questioning. The whole situation was utterly blown out of proportion. I was bloody traumatised as a result. I didn't own up. I thought that they would execute me if I did or something.

I'm still pissed off at that teacher for making me feel as guilty and anxious as I did, all because of a bloody piece of toilet paper.

That didn't tickle me. That ridiculous bullying by teachers boils my piss. You were six! They are meant to make you feel safe and encouraged at school. They should be bloody pleased you could write and were choosing to freely write rather than terrify you!

OMG just remembered another one, when i was 17 i had a hamster, went to my boyfriends for weekend, hoping that my brother would feed it.

Nope, came back to a dead hamster. I took it out the house to find somewhere to get rid of it. Came across a council worker with one of those big bins on wheels. I had the hamster wrapped in a carrier bag and asked him if I could put it in there! No one knows how the hamster really died.

I am a lot more animal responsible now. I promise.

Clearing up the effects of a dear departed relative, I found out stuff about what he got up to in his spare time, in his journal, and stuff about his medical history. I had to do a lot of shredding.

What I read will go to my grave.

I wore my Sisters brand new leather jacket out for an evening without her knowing, it was her Birthday present from her Boyfriend, this was 1986 (approx) I was 16 and she was 18.

I passed my Dad on my way out and he said I looked nice, my Dad didn’t realise it was not my coat, my Sister never knew. 🤔😂😬

When I was about 5 my family were visiting my grandmother in South Wales and went into Woolworths to get out of the rain. I stole a penguin biscuit and put it in my pocket. I was petrified when a man stopped my father outside the store (I thought it was a policeman going to lock me up) In fact it was just a friend he hadnt seen since he left Wales. I can still feel the fear now.

Just remembered another one. I had just learnt to drive and whilst parking my husbands company car I scraped all down the passenger door. I was too scared to tell him so kept quiet about it. Next day he went to the supermarket and came home livid that some idiot had scraped all down the side of his car. I never told him it was me.