To ask for your secrets you're taking to the grave

[FuckingFabulous]

Lighthearted, and risk free. Given that this is all anonymous and all that.

When I was fourteen, I was out with my friend after drama club. It was winter and dark and fucking freezing but I was sweating as well as shivering. We were walking to her grandma's house in the next village where I was getting picked up by my stepdad in about an hour. I was quite clearly ill, but my mum had not believed me and sent me to a long day at school. As we were walking, my belly churned and I knew that there was gastric trouble afoot. I excused myself into an innocent looking field for "a wee" but I knew it was not that. Thankfully, there were no street lights at all, so even if someone had come past, they'd not have seen. It was pitch black. My friend kept watch while my bowels evacuated what seemed like water and slime for about five minutes and sweat dripped off my body onto the ground, I can remember how much I was shaking and how I had the weirdest taste of metal in my mouth. When the onslaught ended, I didn't know how to wipe my bum. I took off my school tie, wiped with that and then had no idea what to do so I just discarded it at the scene and shamefully scuttled back to my friend. I was then off school for a week with some kind of horrible intestinal infection.

But the field. The quiet little field I'd chosen to slip over the fence into. It was a graveyard. And I'd relieved myself right next to a war grave. Right before armistice. And left my school tie there. How do I know? Because it was in the school newsletter as a "regrettable incident" and anyone with information as to who the culprit was could report in confidence to the headteacher. I expect the groundskeeper reported it to the school. Even my mum tutted about no respect. Thank god it was over 20 years ago. Nowadays it would have trended with a hashtag and a witch hunt.

And now I have finally told the tale. What's yours?

When I was 6 or 7 I stole a Barbie swimming costume from my neighbour as I was very jealous of all the Barbies she had and all her beautiful Barbie clothes. When she was in the loo I quickly undressed my Barbie, put one her swimming costumes underneath, and then put her normal clothes back on top. She never found out, but I felt so guilty!

My male cousin and I used to strip naked to look at each other’s private parts. We were very young and I only have flashes of memories of it. I doubt my cousin would even remember. I do recall that we both knew we weren’t supposed to be doing it because when we heard someone coming we would scramble to put our clothes back on. I can’t remember at all what led to it or how it started but I could never tell a soul in real life.

Mine is mostly going to the grave. I don't want a paper picking this up.
Op thank you so much for starting this. I have almost choked laughing. Thanks to all who shared.
A lot seem to have ibs or simlar. ( I admit to legging it places to toilet.) Op rather than your tie what about your hankie which would have been my first thought.
Thanks so much everyone C

I have my brother's secret and I'm taking it to my grave; he's already gone to his.

@blissfulllife

My exh was really awful but everyone thought he was great. I won't say what he did to drive me to this, I will definitely take that part to my grave but trust me I've only ever been able to share it with one person,a therapist in all these years and it's effected me so much. It would rip my family apart in unimaginable ways. I never wanted him to be able to trap and hurt anyone else like he did me. So I encouraged him to have a vasectomy, then left him. Not sorry at all

Well done.

@Beckso89

My male cousin and I used to strip naked to look at each other’s private parts. We were very young and I only have flashes of memories of it. I doubt my cousin would even remember. I do recall that we both knew we weren’t supposed to be doing it because when we heard someone coming we would scramble to put our clothes back on. I can’t remember at all what led to it or how it started but I could never tell a soul in real life.

This is really common in children of a certain age, it's natural curiosity over what everyone has and how it's different.

You don't need to feel shame about this

@Nat6999

When I was at Junior school we had the old toilets in the school yard until I started my last year & during the last year new toilets were built inside the building. I was quite small for my age & one day when I asked to go to the toilet & once I was finished I decided to see if I could slide under the locked door, I got through easily. From then whenever I went to the toilet I did the same thing, slid under the door, I even sneeked in the boys toilets & did the same thing. The staff were going crazy, the caretaker had to be called to unlock the toilet cubicles, some days I was doing it three or four times a day. I never got caught & it kept on getting mentioned in assembly, I must have done it for nearly a whole term.

We used to do that in school every day! Either climbed under or over, depending on how the mood took us. There were pipes running overhead which were fun to swing on.

@WhatDidISayAlan

I know an elite athlete (no longer competing) who doped. They are now famous, powerful, and very rich and would be ruined if it got out.

But they also do a lot of work for the wider good. I don't agree with what they did, but I'm not going to be the one leaking that out.

I don't care how much work they do for the wider good, they have stolen places from non-doping athletes. If you have trained really hard, and get beaten to first place by someone who is doing, then you are being cheated by them.

I am frightened of flying... Alone in a window seat on a long-distance flight many years ago, a couple sat next down next to me. They were just friends going somewhere on holiday. We got talking and the guy produced some valium, which we all took. Then we started drinking. The girl fell asleep along with most of the rest of the cabin. The lights dimmed, but he and I kept on drinking and talking. He was sexy and we had a lot in common. Then we got friendly under the blanket. I'd never done anything like that before, or since... It was utterly unlike me, but wow, it was the best flight I ever took!

@catandcandle

I know this is a mostly lighthearted thread and mine is not lighthearted...but I have a secret I will take not to my grave but my parents' graves...that I know my real paternity is not what they told me. It would upset them beyond belief to know that I know and have known since I was 14 (I am now nearly 60).

That is so thoughtful. You must have the utmost respect for your parents

My very drunk (now exh) came home very late and vomited all over himself and the living room floor. I was 5 months pregnant at the time and it was a regular occurrence at this point.I couldnt get him up so I left him on his side and covered in mess, but before I left, I emptied his pockets. He had just 'paid himself' (we ran our own business) his 'Christmas pay'. I kept the £600 quid and never owned up. I bought everyone much nicer Christmas presents that year and got the carpet professionally cleaned.
He figured he had dropped the money in the taxi home and was livid about it for weeks. Trust me, he deserved that and more! We still speak now but will never tell him. Prick.

I can feel a song coming on here… i shot the sheriff, but I didn’t shoot the deputy 😂

When i was 9 or 10 years old, and a total Daddy’s girl. Like always, I put a lot of effort and thought into choosing just the right card and gift for Father’s day. On this occasion I was torn between two cards, but after reading them again I had my heart set on one that had such lovely words - a beautiful poem. Then I realised I was short on money that particular card. I was so disappointed as I wanted to make my Dad happy, and I felt that one was perfect for him. So i got a pencil and paper and copied it word for word. I put it inside his other card.

He opened it and read it with such joy and tears in his eyes. He thanked me, and we hugged.

A couple months later, he proudly produced in front of a group of family and friends “my poem”…He had gone all out having it pressed, and professionally mounted and framed in an expensive frame. He announced to everyone to read this incredible poem his daughter wrote for him! 🙈 it has been pride of place on his wall for 31 years, and still shows it off to new people, each time i die a little more inside with guilt as i never felt i could speak up with all the effort he went to. lol little does he know it’s clinton’s words and had it been on the actual card he’d have binned it after a week! 😄

I've got many of my own secrets that I'm taking to the grave. Everyone seems to trust me with their secrets though. I'm not always as trustworthy or as nice as everyone believes.

I am partially responsible for reporting something that eventually led to a friend's abusive partner getting sent to prison. She suspects it was someone else.

@PilatesPeach

20 years ago I had a job I hated that required me to make visits to companies and I used to go home, do myself beans and egg on toast watch a few hours of tv then go back to work and just fill in some paperwork to the effect that I had visited X and Y and Z companies and they were not interested. Sometimes I had cheese and onion toastie with tinned tomato soup

You are so my type of person 😄 I used to do something similar with a likeminded colleague years ago at one of my jobs where we would stop for coffee and go shopping :) but also in my previous job, I used to live in the middle between to sites and if I had a meeting or training on one site, I used to stop at home in between to empty my bowels, have a chat with mum and eat lunch at home and then drive back to the other site.

This is the best thread I’ve read in a long time, really made me laugh!!
But the people judging really ruin it!

They just can't seem to help themselves can they? And yes, they do ruin it.

When I went on a french exchange in year 11 (so age 15/16) one of the days we went in to school with our french hosts, we didn’t stay with them all day though, we had a timetable to follow, eg art class in french, geography in french etc. Me and my mate ditched the lessons and walked into the small town and spent the afternoon in a bar ordering Stella Artois with raspberry and playing pool with some teenage boys. My mate even snogged one of them. We walked back to the school for the end of the school day and met our teacher who was on the trip with us from England. We told him we’d been learning about Victor Hugo I still think it was a much more authentic experience of french culture, and we practised our language skills in real life situations

@BensonStabler

When i was 9 or 10 years old, and a total Daddy’s girl. Like always, I put a lot of effort and thought into choosing just the right card and gift for Father’s day. On this occasion I was torn between two cards, but after reading them again I had my heart set on one that had such lovely words - a beautiful poem. Then I realised I was short on money that particular card. I was so disappointed as I wanted to make my Dad happy, and I felt that one was perfect for him. So i got a pencil and paper and copied it word for word. I put it inside his other card.

He opened it and read it with such joy and tears in his eyes. He thanked me, and we hugged.

A couple months later, he proudly produced in front of a group of family and friends “my poem”…He had gone all out having it pressed, and professionally mounted and framed in an expensive frame. He announced to everyone to read this incredible poem his daughter wrote for him! 🙈 it has been pride of place on his wall for 31 years, and still shows it off to new people, each time i die a little more inside with guilt as i never felt i could speak up with all the effort he went to. lol little does he know it’s clinton’s words and had it been on the actual card he’d have binned it after a week! 😄

I wouldn’t feel guilty about this! If anything it’s more sweet that you were so set on sharing that sentiment with your dad. If my dds did that I know DH would find it just as touching that they’d agonised over his card and tried to give him the best of both!

Was he never surprised that you haven’t gone on to a poetry career though 😂

@crankysaurus

Sorry, I'm taking my 'secrets that I'm taking to the grave' to the grave with me.

OK, well thanks for dropping by...

I went to school with a girl who had an aunty who was only a few years older and she spent a lot of tie with.

RC school so some large families and

When I was about 14 I was told that the 'aunty' was actually her older sister but that she didn't know.

I never told her and we have not been in touch for a while.

Another.

My next-door neighbour would occasionally come in to the pub where I was having a drink with my carer.

He told us his wife was abusive and he was planning to leave her.

He went out one night and didn't come home, he was found hanged and his wife asked me to go to the opening of the inquest.

I have never told the widow or his family of his plans. His widow is now deceased.

40 years ago I worked in a railway ticket office for a few months. bestie had always wanted to tour around Scotland by train but was flat broke. I issued her a 1st class single from Bournemouth to Wick and another from Thurso back to Bournemouth. The type of ticket allowed breaks of journey en route, and travel by any route so she could go up one way via Glasgow on the west coast line and come back via Edinburgh on the east coast line.

I gave her the tickets then cancelled them on the system..

The price of these tickets was more than she earned in a month.

She had the trip of a lifetime and only had to pay the sleeper supplements and a few cheap B&Bs etc.

I was pleased that I'd made her happy but I have never got over the guilt that what I did was theft.

When I was in P6/Y5 my best friend tricked me into thinking I was a witch. Every week she would bring in this big catalogue (made out of a GAP catalogue) on how to be a witch, and on Friday she'd take it away for the 'head witch' to put more pages in. It was very contractionary stuff, like 'witches don't like cats', etc etc. I totally bought it for MONTHS and really, really thought I was on a course to become a witch!

When she told me that it was all a joke after a whole school term, I was secretly devastated but managed to persuade her that I knew it was a joke and played along. I know she believed me because otherwise she would have taken the piss out of me for years to come. But nope, I really, really, really thought I was in witch training.

I found out that if you put two donuts in a bag at Lidl it just assumes you've only got one when you put it through the self service till. Free donut! I can afford to pay for 2 donuts but I find this exhilarating.

@Maskless. Did your friend never wonder how you could afford it? Surely even with a good discount it would be really expensive.
Don’t feel guilty though, I think as a one off it was a great thing to do.

@ReluctantEarlyRiser

I found out that if you put two donuts in a bag at Lidl it just assumes you've only got one when you put it through the self service till. Free donut! I can afford to pay for 2 donuts but I find this exhilarating.

My dd told me that at uni the students put a pizza through as onions so the till weighed it and onions are really cheap hence cheap pizza. It came to light when the automatic stock control resulted in an unexpected large delivery of onions.