Page 4 | How to survive alone at home

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 16/09/2021 22:24

@sammylady37

Seriously?

Is there any need to be a prick to someone who's struggling?

TheNestedIf · 16/09/2021 22:25

All that tea won't be helping. Most people would be jittery, anxious and paranoid after all that caffeine. Switch to wine gin chamomile tea.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 16/09/2021 22:26

I live alone. I'm alone in my house
24 hours a day and don't feel like that. It's definitely not normal

That's normal for you but the OP has just moved house and area.

AngryPrincess · 16/09/2021 22:27

Do some meditatio, get some hobbies, walking, work up to running, learn a language. Whatever you want.

AngryPrincess · 16/09/2021 22:28

I mean meditation.

Plumtree391 · 16/09/2021 22:28

I am so sorry, gg. I know the feeling and it is seriously weird.

All I can say is, go through the motions of doing things each day, enjoy the time with your husband and child when they come home, eat and sleep when you choose and don't put pressure on yourself.

It will pass, honestly.

MereDintofPandiculation · 16/09/2021 22:31

@TheNestedIf

All that tea won't be helping. Most people would be jittery, anxious and paranoid after all that caffeine. Switch to wine gin chamomile tea.

Would they? I used to drink more than that with no jitteriness whatever.

Winnona · 16/09/2021 22:33

I moved from city to country and it was weird st first for me. Different noises, unsettles you. I listened for rhythms & got used to them.

Walking twice a day locally and a to do list with lots of 10 min jobs helped me settle in. Love it now. Are you perhaps anxious about returning to work?

EwwSprouts · 16/09/2021 22:33

Agree with get yourself a couple of volunteer shifts. Charity shops often welcome an extra pair of hands or food banks are busy or see if you can be a lunchtime assistant in a local primary school. These are all good ways of getting to know local people and will give you conversation. Will also look good on a job application!

RevolvingPivot · 16/09/2021 22:33

When you said home alone I thought you meant day and night.

My DH comes home for a few weeks then he's off again for weeks or months. I too have major anxiety and I hate change. Just as I get used to him being here or away it's changed.

I think you will get used to being alone.

leavesthataregreen · 16/09/2021 22:37

OP, give yourself some time to adjust. Set a simple plan each day.

It's absolutely fine to have lunch in a cafe. Why not? You are getting used to your local area. If you prefer to be around people, then make a plan to go for coffee at the cafe every day and job search while you are there. Maybe start the day after your DH has left the house, with a quick zoom around to clean and tidy and put a wash load on, then get out and explore. Join a couple of things - maybe a fitness class or running club as exercise will ease anxiety, and something else sociable. If you are religious, join your local place of worship, if not, look for a hobby group or volunteering position to help you feel like you belong.

In the afternoon, shop for dinner, come home, put the radio or TV on so you don't feel alone, and then prep dinner. You'll soon get used to a new routine.

You could also invite neighbours around for lunch or coffee and cake.

Magicgal11 · 16/09/2021 22:38

I get emotional on days off work when my dh n dc are in work and school. But i usually do house work and clean up and ring a friend and make a meal from scratch. Make a list it will help you x

Hugoslavia · 16/09/2021 22:43

I suffer from anxiety, but despite that, I actually think that your reaction is quite normal. If you'd rephrased it as you have just moved to a new area, you are home alone all day and feel anxious/depressed, then I think that you'd have got an altogether different reaction. It's not just loneliness, it's unfamiliarity, a big change and a lack of routine. The latter is the biggest problem in my opinion. So, sit down with a friend or your husband and get some help planning out your week. Can you meet your husband for lunch once a week? Can you go swimming once or twice a week? Can you go into your child's school and help listen to readers or help out at lunchtimes? Do you have a school WhatsApp group? Can you ask if any of the other mums are available to go for a coffee/walk once a week? Can you get a dog or cat for a bit of company? Would you consider a part time job or a bit of voluntary work? I don't think that the issue is necessary the fact that you're unable to get through 5-6 hours on your own. It's the fact that week after week of this is daunting and that you most probably feel rather lost right now. Spend a bit of time decorating/planning your new home and furniture as that will help you too. You just need to be a bit busier, that's all. And once you are, then you probably won't mind the odd afternoon or day at home on your own enjoying the peace.

RuleWithAWoodenFoot · 16/09/2021 22:44

I wasn't working, and was job hunting, between May and September 2019. It was awful - financially it wasn't an issue, but I hated being home alone the whole time. It was just lonely.

Go to a library or cafe and work there applying for jobs.

WeBurnedSoBrightWeBurnedOut · 16/09/2021 22:46

I've been waiting 6.5 years to get the house to myself again. I work 4 days a week so 3 days a week i get 5.5 hours alone and it's bliss. I mainly do housework and run errands, but the freedom is welcomed.

LopsidedWombat · 16/09/2021 22:46

Considering that your environment has completely changed, I think you need to give yourself time to adjust. How long has it been since you moved? You said you've not got your furniture yet, so presumably not very long. Prioritise that if you think it will make you feel better.

Do you enjoy books? Audible is excellent value for money. If not, some light hearted podcasts in the background? There's quite a few in the format of a couple of mates chatting which are great for having on while doing chores etc. Would it be possible to get a pet? That can help if it feels a bit weird being on your own.

Other than that, sounds like going out to the cafe was a good idea. Make some plans to fill your time going forward so you aren't at home every day. Get a part time job if you don't have one, do some studying, volunteering, think of a hobby you'd like to try. Give yourself time to adjust.

Coffeepot72 · 16/09/2021 22:49

OP, I think I understand. You need to keep busy and meet people. You’ve had some great suggestions on this thread. Unstructured time is not always a good thing …

Driftingblue · 16/09/2021 22:50

In the short-term, set yourself a few very concrete tasks each day. Nothing so nebulous as job search or chores. Make it something like was towels and hang to dry. Make a list of 3 companies that are hiring (and hopefully that you could realistically want to apply for a job with, but just get 3 companies down on that list).

I was expecting you to say that you were living in complete isolation for months at a time. If this doesn’t pass very quickly, as in a couple of days, I would definitely see your doctor. The thing I have learned about anxiety is that the vast majority of doctors will actually be really good about it. Some cases are tough to treat, but many people respond very well to medications and therapies that are easily accessible.

Hugoslavia · 16/09/2021 22:54

As an aside, I would try to make sure that the things that you have planned are not spurious and involve a commitment, otherwise you could end up procrastinating and not doing them. So things like meeting up with someone, doing a course that you have paid for upfront or doing voluntary work are all good. That should be your absolute priority. If your list just involves accomplishing non time urgent tasks that could be carried out anytime or aren't things that motivate you, then you are likely to still feel low even if you have done a pile of ironing, or make you feel rubbish if you couldn't be bothered to. Lists of jobs to do around the house can be helpful, but your main priority should be getting out to do an activity several times a week at a specified time. Then fit the other stuff in around that.

avamiah · 16/09/2021 22:57

I know how you feel as I have been there and done that but I would say your doing the right thing by going out and about and loads of people including myself go to coffee shops by themselves and for lunch it’s really no big thing.
I always have the radio on in the kitchen and the tv on in the lounge and always have done and I even leave the radio on when I go out.

Maybe join a gym, one of those big ones with a coffee shop in and has lots of classes on as you’ll soon meet people and you don’t even need to work out just go for a juice and I’m sure you’ll meet people .

DoYouLikeOwls · 16/09/2021 23:06

@gg12346

How to survive living in a house alone!

Can someone please help me .Is it only me or it is others as well .
After shifting into the suburb area from the city .I am findingmyself quite lonely when partner is off to work and kid is at school .My anxiety shoots so much high that I drank 6 cups of tea today and also went to a near by cafe to have lunch alone .I was suppose to finish a lot of house work and so apply for jobs in the time that was given to me .But I just didnt function normally .What can I do ? please help I am losing my mind

What do you mean apply for jobs in the time that was given to me?

Do you want a job?

If I'm at home alone and feel anxious I put music or the tv on in background if I'm doing housework. If the house is tidy I watch a movie after making the room cosy with a candle or two enjoying my quiet time.

MagentaSunflower · 16/09/2021 23:20

@gg12346

I just feel very depressed all by myself honestly. The house is half empty since furniture is still to be added ( on which we are deciding slowly ) adds up to my anxiety

Feeling depressed because you're spending a few hours alone is really odd, OP. Not normal at all. Most mums especially crave peace and quiet. Do speak to your GP as others have advised. It isn't normal.

From your thread title I assumed you were living alone and had little contact at all with anyone!

batmanladybird · 16/09/2021 23:20

WhereAbouts are you?

MagentaSunflower · 16/09/2021 23:22

[quote gg12346]@icedcoffees SILENCE and no human being to see.[/quote]
Sounds like heaven!!!

Brindisi32 · 16/09/2021 23:33

Moving house is stressful and sounds like it’s a big contrast to where you lived before.

Try to get some more belongings unpacked. Make it feel more familiar, more homely.

If you’re missing the buzz or city noise have a listen to your radio or music.

Get curious about your neighbourhood: have a walkabout; find out what sorts of neighbourhood groups are available.

Get some structure to your days; do apply for jobs when you’re ready.

if you’re still feeling anxious find some relaxation sessions online.