How to survive alone at home

[gg12346]

How to survive living in a house alone!

Can someone please help me .Is it only me or it is others as well .
After shifting into the suburb area from the city .I am findingmyself quite lonely when partner is off to work and kid is at school .My anxiety shoots so much high that I drank 6 cups of tea today and also went to a near by cafe to have lunch alone .I was suppose to finish a lot of house work and so apply for jobs in the time that was given to me .But I just didnt function normally .What can I do ? please help I am losing my mind

Find a course to do, get a job, join a class.

When I have a day off alone I usually have a million hour long bath and a nap.

I mean, I think this is normal but I've had anxiety and depression for all my living memory so maybe it's not haha..

I'd just keep trying to stay out if being in bothers you so much. The 9-3 goes so quickly for me if I go out and about. If you have to stay in then maybe do some meal prepping and freeze things, maybe some baking, think of stuff for your children to do, etc. There's always something to stay busy with.

Do apply for those jobs too as they might solve your problem!

Is that you're an extrovert and really crave having other people around to chat to?

Is it that, without a definite plan and commitments, you cannot organise your time, as it seems too unstructured to get hold of and do anything with?

Is it just a 'WTF am I doing here' moment, which will pass?

What are you anxious about? Do you mean directionless, lost and a bit 'WTF'? Or do you mean actually anxious, fearful, physically stressed? Fearful of what?

Six cups of tea is many people's normal. Lunch out sounds nice.

What I would do / recommend, is:

1. Do some exercise every day. A run, a walk, a workout maybe but going outdoors will be better.

2. Write yourself a work plan / timetable. You need to introduce a sense of urgency, a need to complete one task, so that you can fit in the other. So cleaning in the morning, jobs in the afternoon, or the other way around. Exercise either at the start of the day or in the middle.

3. Once you've made some headway with the essentials, start looking up groups you can join, things to do, social activities in the area. Start timetabling those in.

Now, why is it taking so long to find furniture, why do you feel you've been 'given' this time, why are you obliged to do housework during the day (rather than sharing it at the weekend) and why did you move there in the first place?

I've just spent the day on my own.
Annual leave.
The weather was great so straight after breakfast I was in the garden, weeding, planting and then in for lunch.
I had a walk for an hour while chatting to my adult son (mobile). Then back in the garden to trim a hedge.
I had a lovely day and am happy with my own company
BUT I was really pleased when 5 rolled round and dh came home.
Humans are social creatures.
Moving house is stressful anyway and if you've moved away from your social circle you may feel lonely.
Anxiety under these circumstances is quite normal. As you settle in and get your house organised and things become familiar you'll start to feel like old yourself again.

I felt like this on mat leave with DD1. Husband was doing PGCE and was therefore constantly in school, in uni or travelling in between (and when he got home he'd have heaps to do and be knackered). Most of my friends were still studying / being single and sociable. I honestly felt like I'd become invisible or something and dropped off the normal earth into an alternative dimension which involved me being at home all the time with a baby who seemed to cry 24/7!!

@gg12346

Is this not normal ?

I live alone. I'm alone in my house 24 hours a day and don't feel like that. It's definitely not normal

Thank you all.

Did your DP instigate the move? Because it sounds like you don't want to live in the suburbs if you're counting cups of tea and making a lunch out sound like a cry for help.

Well I get lonely when I am home alone all day to be honest when DH and DC are at work and school.

Answer for me is to work.

Your anxiety does seem very high but it seems to me that it is somewhat understandable. You've moved from one way of living to another. your house isn't fully unpacked and doesn't yet feel like home. you haven't established a structure to your life in a new place yet.

It it were me I try the following:

1. After dropping your dc to school, walk the same way home and stop in a shop to buy a paper. Do this every morning. pretty soon it is a routine, you'll get an hello from the shopkeeper and maybe exchange some chat, you may nod to the same people on the same route.

1. join some local gym or group or volunteer activity as soon as you can - it will get you out of the house and give some structure

1. Go for a walk or run at a particular time and plan going out for lunch or a coffee by yourself once or twice a week - eventually you'll know people to meet up with

1. try to get the house unpacked as a priority - the sooner if feels like home the sooner you'll be comfortable in it.

1. have the radio or podcasts on in the background as you do housework/applications.

1. stay in touch with london friends by text/phone etc.

Hi
I think I get something similar if I'm at home on my own. It's not so much anxious as I just feel a bit "strange". Not quite dizzy, but a bit at a loose end, and feel funny, a bit discombobulated. I kind of talk to myself a little too.
I know I should go out, but it kind of feels pointless and I'm not really sure what to do or where to go.
I'm absolutely fine with people in the house.
Can you get or borrow a dog, get a cat, or maybe even put a bird feeder in the garden and watch the birds.
Put some music on.
Make yourself a relaxation corner, with TV, music, books, sewing - whatever your hobbies are.
Best of luck.

Get a job. I don’t say that in a mean way. The worst anxiety I’ve ever had was just after I moved house and I was working very part time and had way too much time with my own thoughts. It’s one of the reasons I got a full time job. Now I’m sometimes stressed and struggling to juggle everything, but I’m not anxious.

I find the time goes too quickly not too slowly. If you feel lonely, think that you’ll soon have your DC home and then your partner. Focus on that.

You’ve just moved so do you not have lots to do? Think about the house - planning the rooms and researching furniture. Do you have a garden? Get out there if so and, again, plan and research. You can also visit shops to look at furniture.

Puta structure and routine into your day. So, get home then sit down with a hot drink and browse on your tablet or laptop for 30mins. Make a To Do List for every day and do jobs on that. Maybe stop mid-morning for another hot drink. Pop to a shop. Look at Google maps and plan a circular walk around the areas near you to check them out and familiarise yourself. Make yourself a nice lunch - try new recipes. Learn something or read something by setting aside time after lunch to study or read.

It’s not normal to feel so anxious. I think it would help you to try to identify specific reasons why you’re feeling like this. Sometimes it’s not obvious but keep trying to pin it down. Is it worry about work? Money? Missing friends? Too many jobs in the house to sort? Feeling anxious at school?

Structuring your day is the way forward, but do speak to your GP if you’re really feeling down and anxious.

You could try making up a daily routine or program ( not necessarily the same every day); write it down, and just do what's on your list each day. It could include stuff like " Walk dog . Listen to the Archers. Send post card to Ann.
Put on a wool wash. Bake cakes for when the kids get home. Read one chapter of library book. Go out for coffee. "
Having a structure (made by you) can help you through a difficult time.

I don’t think it’s normal, I’m a lone parent so don’t even have a partner coming home, you shouldn’t feel anxious being at home alone during the day, I could understand a bit more at night but even then no not normal

Go and get a couple of volunteer shifts in a shop to tide you over, apply for paid jobs? I hated being home alone. I understand

I don’t think it’s normal to be this anxious, no.
But moving to a new area and meeting new people does take time. Of course the GP will believe you. Tell them you feel depressed when alone

You need music on or radio or Netflix running in the background so that there isn't a deafening silence. I often take my laptop into the room I am cleaning in and just let netflix run - there are plenty of things which you can listen to and half watch while cleaning or doing jobs.

And secondly as many others have said, you need a timetable for the day. Break up the time into shorter periods so that it doesn't seem as long.

6 hours alone !!! I could spend 6 days alone and not bat an eyelid 😀

You just sound unsettled and a bit lonely. You'll get used to having time by yourself. There's no harm popping out to a cafe. No need to see a GP, surely.

It’s a little extreme and I think you should look at getting help for anxiety but I would not describe your feelings as abnormal either. Loneliness and overwhelm after a move is something I’ve experienced too, although I also enjoy being alone sometimes. I think you should find something to engage your mind during the day, like a short course locally if that’s an option or an online course where you can zoom. Before Covid I worked in cafes from my laptop because I hated being alone at home all the time.
I really empathise with living in an unfinished home too, my best advise there is get out of it when you can. If you don’t work or need/want to then train in something interesting, floristry, literature, digital marketing, literally anything that captures your interest. You’re not alone and it will get better x

Make a list and then put numbers by the items in order of importance. Do 1,2 and 3 without fail. You will feel more in control. Go out as a reward after that.
Put the radio on.
See if your kids' school has a PTA. Say hello to one new person a day in the playground. Introduce yourself to the neighbours.
I am the opposite I'm afraid - I find time at home alone is an absolute treasure, but everyone is different.

OP I understand, I remember feeling like this when I moved out of the city centre to a quiet area and started working from home (years ago pre pandemic) I found the silence deafening, it almost felt like it was crushing me and I couldn't function. I found what helped was listening to the radio, planning my day and making sure I was getting out regularly - lunch in the cafe sounds like a good start. Could you sit in a cafe with WiFi and do your job hunting there?

Get a job. Volunteer.
Go to the gym. Explore walks in the area.

All of the above mean leaving the house. If you have the luxury of not having to work then use it.

If you are afraid to leave the house or your partner will not let you, or doesn't provide funds to allow you to do any of the above, then that is an issue.

When we moved away to the country I did enjoy the peace mostly when my husband worked away!
But there was a poster on the church notice board with details for people that were new to the area and wanted to find company/friends etc. I’m not religious at all but I did meet a lovely lady that showed me around the village and we met for a coffee etc.
It may be worth going to a local church to see if they have a similar thing?