How to survive alone at home

[gg12346]

How to survive living in a house alone!

Can someone please help me .Is it only me or it is others as well .
After shifting into the suburb area from the city .I am findingmyself quite lonely when partner is off to work and kid is at school .My anxiety shoots so much high that I drank 6 cups of tea today and also went to a near by cafe to have lunch alone .I was suppose to finish a lot of house work and so apply for jobs in the time that was given to me .But I just didnt function normally .What can I do ? please help I am losing my mind

@sammylady37 yes I am not joking .today was very unusual that's why asking

I struggled when I moved from a quiet town to a city. It takes time OP - there's nothing wrong with you

It’s not ‘normal’ and I agree with the advice to see your GP.

I sometimes (not always) feel the same- things I do to cope that might help-

1. Put the tv or music on in the background.
2. Write a to do list and stick to it (as well as the big jobs, include things like ‘get off sofa’ and ‘have lunch’ it can help.
3. Try to do lots of small tasks rather than one big one.
4. Break up the time by speaking to someone- either a neighbour/friend on the phone/supermarket cashier.
5. Plan to get some fresh air- either do something in the garden or go for a walk.
6. Do something for yourself (have a bath/paint nails/read book/play computer game whatever) for a shortish set period of the day.

I echo others - you need to see your doctor and seek treatment, including counselling, for your extreme anxiety.

However, I am concerned that you emphasise that you were supposed to finish a lot of house work and so apply for jobs in the time that was given to me

The time that was given to you? By whom? Supposed to - do you have to account for yourself? Is everything all right in your marriage?

What do you think is going to happen? When my dc first started school I lived rurally and knew no one, I’d often go days without speaking to anyone between 9 and 3. I found it pretty lonely and started to make an effort to get to know people but I’ve never been anxious to the point of being unable to function about it.

Try and narrow down exactly what it is that’s making you anxious and then try to address it. I’d try that before going to the GP, they’ll only give you medication to treat the symptoms rather than fixing the cause of it.

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor A big thank you to you for understanding my situation. I just feel the same .I have never ever felt so lonely in London

Is it just that you aren't used to being alone? I know my son's partner really struggled mentally when she was by herself all day on furlough last year .

Perhaps set yourself a bit of a timetable with some time at home on cleaning/tidying, then get yourself out each day to explore your local area, useful if you are new to the area . Perhaps take your laptop to a cafe and use that as a base to apply for jobs from . Join a gym maybe?

But also allow yourself some time each day when you are alone at home, watch a film, read, just to get used to it .

It's really not normal and you need to see someone about it. That's a very high level of anxiety if you can't even sit home alone for six hours.

I love having the house to myself for a few hours - it's clean, tidy and quiet and I don't have to listen to DH's fishing documentaries

What's stopping you from just putting your feet up and watching Netflix?

It sounds like it’s all just new and you are feeling very unsettled. I’d say once your house is more sorted and you know the area a bit more etc you will feel very different.

I struggle to feel settled at home on my own for a day or so if both DS and DH are away. It’s odd. I can’t concentrate on tv or doing much. After 24 hours or so I’m ok.

I also felt very unsettled this summer off and on while staying at my Dad’s house although I know that is mostly because he was ill and then in hospital and passed away.

@FlowerArranger I just said it like that generally I do major cleaning and cooking I'm school hours .

your GP might have access to "social prescribing" which could help to settle in to the new area www.england.nhs.uk/personalisedcare/social-prescribing/

@icedcoffees SILENCE and no human being to see.

I've had CBT for this kind of anxiety and one of the tasks is to write out a timetable and plan your week, so that you aren't aimlessly drifting through each day. No cheating, you have to write it down, and you have to tick off the tasks you set yourself when you've done them.

Another thing that helps is to put the radio on, listen to music or chat.

Put on Radio 4 or even the TV and get a cat as they make a house feel lived in but can be left alone easily.

[quote gg12346]@icedcoffees SILENCE and no human being to see.[/quote]
Sounds heavenly to me

Why is it a problem for you? Do you maybe feel a bit guilty because you're "off" while everyone else is at work or school?

You say that your anxiety shoots high, but you don't actually say what you are anxious about. Work? Relationships? Money? The state of the world in general? Or is it purely being home alone and something going wrong?

I'd suggest that there is probably an underlying anxiety, something you recognise or even just there in your subconscious. When you're busy/with people, you distract yourself from it. When you're home alone, those feelings surface because your brain has the capacity to keep churning through it.

I only ever worry when I'm alone (I live alone). If I'm in a relaxed state, then there is nothing better than a weekend at home. If I'm tense to start with, there is nothing worse because my mind won't stop spinning so I do exactly what you do - go out of the house just to try to distract myself.

To me, you are completely normal, but perhaps should try - with support - to recognise what it is that truly makes you anxious?

Is t it great how people can diagnose extreme anxiety over the internet ?

Give it time OP, moving is a big deal and moving out of a city is a much bigger deal than moving quiet town to quiet town.

I suffer from Generalised Anxiety Disorder and I feel like this sometimes. Usually weekends if home along. I think my anxiety heightens because my brain isnt "busy" because I've nobody around to chat too etc. I then spiral a bit overthinking things.

I've found the best thing to do when that happens is just accept it, stick the tv on, lie on the sofa and try and have a nap. Its usually past by the time I wake up after an hour or so. Doesnt help me getting loads done but i feel better to then start doing what i need to do.

OP I have lived mostly by myself for the last twenty years. I get up and don't have a partner to eat breakfast with and no children. I am completely alone. I'm usually busy though. I also like the silence. Go to Meet up and see if there are any local groups where you can network and make friends. Get a job, start looking for work and update your CV. Join the PTA, get a hobby or start a local group. Check out facebook for events in your area. You need to be proactive.

Oh and there nothing wrong with lunch out, you could make that a weekly treat and part of your new routine. There wasn't anywhere to go for lunch when I first moved here, couldn't even get a coffee,thank God that's changed ,the town is full of places now.

Nextdoor app is good too for finding out what's what locally.

There’s nothing wrong with going out for lunch unless there’s a back story to that part?

It is unusual to have that level of anxiety because you’re alone for a few hours. Again, unless there’s back story.

Even when I was in London I found the lack of external stimulus - especially the lack of other adults to talk to - really hard.

I didn't respond by getting anxious, but I found it hard to get the things done I was supposed.

The GP may be able to help if your anxiety is causing you problems, but I from the way you describe it this is to do with not liking feeling so isolated, I suspect throwing yourself into social activities will help more.

Getting a job may be the best step, since that sounds like it's part of your longer term plan anyway. If applying for jobs at home during the day is difficult, do you have a laptop you could take to a cafe for an hour or two? Or could you apply in the evenings when your DP is back?

Putting on the radio/TV, inviting people round for coffee, video calling a friend in a similar situation while you both get on with things at home like the housework are also tricks you could try.

People tend to underestimate how long it takes to settle into a new area, especially when you don't have something external directing your time and introducing you to people. It can be really disorientating, so try and cut yourself some slack. It's to be expected to some extent. While extreme anxiety isn't normal, feeling a bit untethered and finding self motivation hard is very normally indeed.

Don't waste the doctors time because you drank too much tea and miss your family.
You
-moved house
-moved area
Thats a big change. You probably haven't settled in yet. I don't know why everyone on here says call a doctor. I would hate to be doctor mumsnet.

Have your children just started school or something? You said you are supposed to be applying for jobs, did you lose yours or what? Are you a stay at home mum who has just sent their youngest off to reception after years of being tied to babies and toddlers?

I am sure time will help you get better, definitely try to befriend the neighbours or dog walkers or something. It'll help. All the best.

I listen to the radio when home alone... usually LBC as it's all chat and phone ins... definitely makes you feel less lonely