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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Fiancé has just walked out..

118 replies

fleurde · 16/09/2021 20:34

So my partner has just got home from work.. it's been on my mind a lot recently about how often he uses his mobile whilst driving. Not always, but more and more often recently. E.g one time he actually FaceTimed me.. I answered and we were chatting away; until I realised he was driving.
I was so angry and disappointed that I hung up immediately.

When I was young I lost my father. Not in a road accident, but in a very unexpected circumstance, where one day he was here, the next he was gone. It was completely unexpected and since this, it's triggered an enormous fear in me about loosing anybody else that I love.
I know that it's inevitable at some stage, but I just have this urgency to protect all of my loved ones from harm.

He came home this evening. I asked him how his day was, he said he'd spoken to his friend on the way home. Great, or so I thought.
He was apparently on FaceTime.
He does have his phone propped up, so it isn't in his hand as such - but it really freaks me out.
I did say that I wasn't impressed by this and that it's really bloody dangerous, and things have just exploded.
He's called me controlling, said what can I do about it.. and has just walked out.

He's left me here eating dinner alone, pondering why I even bother to look out for him when he's risking his bloody life like this.

My anxiety can't take much more 😓

OP posts:
AmandaHoldensLips · 16/09/2021 20:38

Good job you haven't married him.
Throw this one back in the sea and better luck next time.

fleurde · 16/09/2021 20:39

I know this probably seems so petty, especially reading back my thread. But I'm just sick of being so worried, and having such anxiety over trying to look after other people. When they can't have the decency to sit and listen to me and try to understand where I'm coming from 😥

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 16/09/2021 20:40

Just to clarify, it's video FT not audio?

fleurde · 16/09/2021 20:41

Sorry - FT video.
I know he didn't have it held in his hand as such, but it's so distracting. It takes one split second to get into an accident, and for him never to walk through that door again.
He doesn't seem to understand.

OP posts:
sst1234 · 16/09/2021 20:41

If it’s hands free, whats the problem?

User112 · 16/09/2021 20:42

It’s not just about him. He is seriously endangering OTHER’S safety by doing shit like this !

fleurde · 16/09/2021 20:43

It isn't hands free as in on a phone stand / bracket, he's just propped it up on his gear stick.

OP posts:
billyt · 16/09/2021 20:44

He sounds a real immature twat. No thought for anybody else on the road.

I'm not concerned about him not walking through the door, I'm concerned about the poor innocent sod who doesn't get to go home because your Fiancé is a wanker.

Get rid. He'll drag you down if he doesn't kill you in the car first.

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/09/2021 20:44

@sst1234

If it’s hands free, whats the problem?
Well it's video. He's free to have a hands free audio conversation.

I suspect if it's propped up on his gearstick he's starting the calls when driving. Or is he?

Aqua55 · 16/09/2021 20:45

@sst1234

If it’s hands free, whats the problem?
It's illegal and dangerous maybe?
123fushia · 16/09/2021 20:45

Ridiculous, dangerous behaviour in my opinion.

Bonnieonthelam · 16/09/2021 20:46

Get rid of this tosser

MrsSebastianStan · 16/09/2021 20:47

@sst1234 he’s looking into his phone making a video call as opposed to watching the road. 🤨

I think that is why the OP is concerned.

StrawBeretMoose · 16/09/2021 20:48

@billyt

He sounds a real immature twat. No thought for anybody else on the road.

I'm not concerned about him not walking through the door, I'm concerned about the poor innocent sod who doesn't get to go home because your Fiancé is a wanker.

Get rid. He'll drag you down if he doesn't kill you in the car first.

Couldn't have put it better.

The thing is that dickish, selfish behaviours are usually an indication of general character, and are not a one-off.

EnjoyingTheArmoire · 16/09/2021 20:48

Will he stop doing this if you have kids, ordo you have to worry whenever he's driving them to clubs,schools etc?

pelosi · 16/09/2021 20:48

Honestly anyone who makes calls in
the car but doesn’t have the nous to pay a fiver or tenner for a car mobile phone holder is going to be a useless husband or father. Chuck this one back in sea.

You can get magnet phone holders that mean you literally just place your phone on the magnet. It takes 1 tenth of a second. Instead he’s faffing about propping the phone on a gearstick an accident, points and hurting other people.

Dump.

Merryoldgoat · 16/09/2021 20:49

He sounds like a complete arsehole.

I bet this is the top of the iceberg.

Kdubs1981 · 16/09/2021 20:50

@sst1234

If it’s hands free, whats the problem?
Is this a joke?
cptartapp · 16/09/2021 20:52

My DM was killed in a car accident because another driver was distracted at the wheel. He drifted into oncoming traffic. She was 69.
His actions and his disregard for you are despicable. Not a man I'd want to spend the rest of my life with let alone ever trust as the father of my DC.

Suzy39 · 16/09/2021 20:53

My DH is a fire fighter and regularly scrapes the remains of these people off pavements and out of vehicle remains (in fact he did last night and hurt himself in the process of trying to save their live - he failed) so this is a regular 'how was your day dear' chat in this house.

There are a number of online resources/ education tools but this is one that is pretty hard hitting

I hope you can make him see sense.

Hugoslavia · 16/09/2021 20:55

Even if you were being unreasonable, which you are not, it is distracting and if there was an accident, he could be in massive trouble for face timing whilst driving. But setting that aside, he has no consideration for your feelings and anxiety. He is unsympathetic. This isn't about you trying to control him. This is about you dealing with trauma and trying to keep h and others safe. I would actually be very concerned over his lack of empathy tbh.

Thelnebriati · 16/09/2021 20:56

OP, you do know you are not controlling, don't you?
I mean, thats a second red flag right there. The fact you can't talk like adults without him having a tantrum, name calling and walking out.

LongDarkTeatime · 16/09/2021 21:03

@Suzy39

My DH is a fire fighter and regularly scrapes the remains of these people off pavements and out of vehicle remains (in fact he did last night and hurt himself in the process of trying to save their live - he failed) so this is a regular 'how was your day dear' chat in this house.

There are a number of online resources/ education tools but this is one that is pretty hard hitting

I hope you can make him see sense.

👆🏼 this, exactly this. I’ve cared for the people who have been permanently disable by people using mobiles while driving, and some of the idiots who have injured themselves. Lives wrecked. Families traumatised. Family members dead. Anyone who uses a mobile while driving is either ignorant or selfish. Using video rather than hands-free audio suggested he is taking eyes off the road. Really hope the police catch him doing it before he hurts someone.
VenusTiger · 16/09/2021 21:04

If the worry of causing a serious rta isn't washing with him OP, tell him even a minor bump can result in a driving ban/licence revoked/fine/points on licence - police WILL check mobile phones and will see he's been FTing - why does he HAVE to FT anyway????? utterly bizarre if you ask me.

Mischance · 16/09/2021 21:08

I think you should reconsider your future with this man, I really do.