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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU?! Husband told me to kill myself 'in jest'.

126 replies

Maddysheep · 16/09/2021 19:51

Hi.
With the go ahead from my GP, I recently tapered off my antidepressants, that I've been on for a long time.
It's been a struggle and I've been pretty down and depressed while I wait for my moods to sort of regulate themselves.
My husband knows that I've found it difficult,

I was in a pretty dark place last week but I am just trying to ride it out and starting to feel a wee bit better.
Anyhow, this evening hasn't been too fun so far. Kids are all tired from school, they refused to eat dinner, I've got tonnes of actual work and house work to do. Anyway I was feeling pretty overwhelmed and I've muttered that this is all just too much. My husband hearing this, whispers in to my ear 'you should just kill yourself then'.
I'm totally taken aback by his comment.
He says he was joking and doesn't understand why I'm so upset by it.
He knows how hard life has been recently.
Plus it really weirded me out that he whispered it into my ear. We were alone in a room together and he walked over to me and whispered it.
I'm thinking maybe he's feeling burdened by my depression which is understandable but still.
Its made me feel quite sick but he still insists he meant it in jest.
Is it just me that thinks suicide isn't something to joke about?

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 16/09/2021 20:18

I'd leave for that. I have had depression a lot and been on meds and my dh has been nothing but terrified when I said I wanted to die as found everything too much.

lynntheyresexpeople · 16/09/2021 20:20

I've been suicidal and told my DH I wanted to die, if he ever said this to me I'd divorce him pronto. Absolutely sickening, chilling - just awful op.

TwoAndCooPlease · 16/09/2021 20:21

Unbelievable. Agree with pp's it's very sinister

Whoopy1 · 16/09/2021 20:22

That is a disgusting thing to say to anyone, never mind your dear wife who is coming off antidepressants! I don’t think I would ever be able to come back from that, if my dh had said something like that to me, just so so wrong. I think you need to reevaluate your relationship with him.

GoWalkabout · 16/09/2021 20:22

What is he usually like?

Seesawmummadaw · 16/09/2021 20:23

He’s an arsehole.

I second whispering ‘I want a divorce’ to him. And meaning it.

I hope you feel better soon op.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 16/09/2021 20:24

What is he like usually?

Ninkanink · 16/09/2021 20:24

Horrendous behaviour, really sinister...Please don’t trust him from now on @Maddysheep as I really don’t believe he’s well disposed towards you. Why are you coming off the ADs? I hope it wasn’t at his instigation.

ZaraCarmichaelshighheels · 16/09/2021 20:25

Sinister is the only word to describe what he has done, that would be the end of the marriage for me.

pelosi · 16/09/2021 20:25

I’d be out of there ASAP.

Abigail12345654321 · 16/09/2021 20:26

Weird and creepy. Don’t think I’d want to be alone with him again.

Does he have serious mental health issues himself? Any history of psychosis or signs of psychopathy?

Did your depression develop before or after you met him?

RudestLittleMadam · 16/09/2021 20:26

Absolutely not something to joke about, least of all to someone who is currently having a really hard time.

I hope things get easier for you OP and you feel better soon. Not sure either of those things will happen if your partner is as heartless and nasty as he sounds though.

Snowwhite78 · 16/09/2021 20:26

That is sinister AF!! I'm horrified. OP has there been anything else to ring alarm bells????

Yummymummy2020 · 16/09/2021 20:28

I just can’t even imagine saying this to someone suffering from depression let alone in a joking way in different circumstances. Is this the first time he has been like this???

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 16/09/2021 20:28

My husband whispers in to my ear 'you should just kill yourself then'. …. He says he was joking and doesn't understand why I'm so upset by it.

Shock hardly expresses how appalling that is. That’s not funny on any level, not even sick humour. Just disgusting. And dangerous to someone suffering from chronic depression.

Can you get counselling for your depression? You may find your husband is part of the problem, and that will be painful in itself. But you should not be with someone who does that to you.

Best of luck, OP, Flowers

ellenpartridge · 16/09/2021 20:30

Absolutely sick and nasty behaviour from him. Sorry op

Mumoftwo1990 · 16/09/2021 20:31

@Maddysheep

Hi. With the go ahead from my GP, I recently tapered off my antidepressants, that I've been on for a long time. It's been a struggle and I've been pretty down and depressed while I wait for my moods to sort of regulate themselves. My husband knows that I've found it difficult, I was in a pretty dark place last week but I am just trying to ride it out and starting to feel a wee bit better. Anyhow, this evening hasn't been too fun so far. Kids are all tired from school, they refused to eat dinner, I've got tonnes of actual work and house work to do. Anyway I was feeling pretty overwhelmed and I've muttered that this is all just too much. My husband hearing this, whispers in to my ear 'you should just kill yourself then'. I'm totally taken aback by his comment. He says he was joking and doesn't understand why I'm so upset by it. He knows how hard life has been recently. Plus it really weirded me out that he whispered it into my ear. We were alone in a room together and he walked over to me and whispered it. I'm thinking maybe he's feeling burdened by my depression which is understandable but still. Its made me feel quite sick but he still insists he meant it in jest. Is it just me that thinks suicide isn't something to joke about?
It's a huge load to be with someone that's depressed but telling you to kill yourself in jest isn't a bloody joke. Maybe he said it flippantly because he's exhausted by it but still not okay.

Just playing devils advocate

missymousey · 16/09/2021 20:32

One of the nastiest things I've read on Mumsnet, and that's saying something.

I'm sorry you are having a tough time, and please don't give up hope - speaking from experience, you will get better. Are you getting any other support while you see if you can manage without the antidepressants?

romdowa · 16/09/2021 20:32

This is one of the worst things I've ever read on mn. What he said and the way he said it was not at all in jest.

TheWeeDonkey · 16/09/2021 20:32

Oh thats chilling. Its made me feel a bit sick actually. Its not normal behaviour. I don't think I could live with someone like that.

I'm sorry you're in such a low place OP, I hope things start to get easier for you soon Brew

UniversalAunt · 16/09/2021 20:32

What a spiteful thoughtless thing to say to anyone.
Yet I doubt he’d say that to anyone as he knows up it’s vile.

Pay attention to what he says from now.
This may have just been a one off tasteless remark, I hope so.

But if it he does it again, you need to be able to spot a pattern. So jot down any comments that are hurtful, cruel or mock you. If there is pattern emerging, you will likely want to reconsider your relationship with him.

3scape · 16/09/2021 20:32

Never funny.

Bloody sinister.

Get him out of your life.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/09/2021 20:32

What a sick, disgusting thing to say. It's shocking. I wouldn't say that to the person I dislike the most, never mind my spouse. Suicide is never a joking matter.

BlackIsQueen · 16/09/2021 20:33

Jesus, Op. No wonder you are depressed living with a man like that

MyPatronusIsACat · 16/09/2021 20:34

@Maddysheep Not very often say this, but LTB.

What a vile bastard.

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