To be pissed off with DD

[Lollipop858]

She’s nearly 19, got her own house key. Lately she’s been out drinking every night or working in the bar until the early hours, and she KEEPS ON FORGETTING HER KEY, and then waking the whole house up bashing on the door at 1am 3am etc, blowing up my phone - the works.

I’ve really had enough because I also have 2 school aged kids she’s waking up when they have school next day. I’m always reminding her not to forget her key but to no avail.

She doesn’t see why I’m annoyed, AIBU to be thoroughly peed off? What would you do in this situation?

can you leave a key somewhere safe for her that she can get if she forgets? suggest she sets an alarm to remind her to take her key?

Can you get a key safe? They're really useful.

Wake her up when you get the younger children up , and keep waking her up every 5 minutes . So she gets an understanding of how inconvenient it is. Once in a while you can understand but on a regular basis it is sheer laziness!

I use to do this to my poor mum. YANBU at all. It must have been so annoying for my mum!

I agree re a key safe option.

If you get a key safe I would be telling her she’s paying for it.

Yes, key safe OP.

This is why children over 18 should not live at home, so annoying!

Do you have a car parked on a drive? If so leave a door open and a sleeping bag inside.

She should really be remembering her key, but if not key safe, at her expense.

Also this:
Wake her up when you get the younger children up , and keep waking her up every 5 minutes . So she gets an understanding of how inconvenient it is. Once in a while you can understand but on a regular basis it is sheer laziness!

Does she use a handbag? Tell her to attach her key to an inside zip using a key ring?

Does she then sleep in late? I'd be tempted to get up to take the younger dcs to school and "forget" your keys and bang on the door until she let's you in. Every day if necessary.

I've got a key safe. I am shit at locking myself out and it means my daughter doesn't end up in a similar situation if she leaves her key at school or something.

I would do what @Rosa suggests or get her to buy a key safe! She needs to learn to be a responsible adult. You're just working around her by buying a key safe yourself.

The practicalities first.
Get a key box to attach to an outer wall, they are so handy and cost 10-15 quid.

She needs a very firm talking to.
I have kids that age coming in and if they were waking the whole house they would be getting the riot act.
Thankfully they are not so selfish.

Is this in isolation or is she a general PITA?

If she is she needs to be told shape up or ship out.

In the meantime, to drive the point home, DO NOTHING FOR HER.

IMO nothing drives the point home that it is best not to piss Mother off than Mother suddenly not being her kind, generous, taxiing, cooking your favourites, self.

Mother expects to be treated politely and respectfully in this house.

I don't get mad, I just get even by no longer putting MYSELF out.

Supper effective with my eldest who could be trying at times.

Oh and make an absolute racket around and under her room when she is trying to sleep.

Petty but again effective.
I wouldn't tolerate school going kids sleep being affected by her selfishness.

@user1473878824

If you get a key safe I would be telling her she’s paying for it.

Mine was about £6 so it's up to you whether you'd have that argument or not!

@Rosa

Wake her up when you get the younger children up , and keep waking her up every 5 minutes . So she gets an understanding of how inconvenient it is. Once in a while you can understand but on a regular basis it is sheer laziness!

Definitely do this. Don't leave her to let you back in after the school run - if she's hung over she may decide not to get out of bed.

Attach key to her mobile phone. She won't forget it then.

When my teenager was being noisy staying up late in the summer holidays, I started waking him in the morning when I got up for work. This worked straight away!

@daisyjgrey It's about her taking responsibility though. I would get her to shop around, find a key safe and put it forward to me before going ahead and purchasing it. She would then need to arrange for it to be fitted. I reckon that she would suddenly remember to take her keys out without her before she even started shopping for a key safe!

@Rosa

Wake her up when you get the younger children up , and keep waking her up every 5 minutes . So she gets an understanding of how inconvenient it is. Once in a while you can understand but on a regular basis it is sheer laziness!

This

Everyone saying 'get a key safe' - What happens when she forgets/can't be bothered to replace the key in the key safe after she's used it?

Remembering your keys is one of the basic steps towards adulthood that every child should be capable of by the time they hit their teens. There's no excuse for an adult to be so lazy or so careless on a regular basis.

I bet she never forgets her phone.

Remembering your keys is one of the basic steps towards adulthood that every child should be capable of by the time they hit their teens.

I'm 33 and I lock myself out probably every couple of months. Hence the key safe.

It's all very well saying "there's no excuse for x or y" but not everybody is perfect, and you can put things in place to act as a safety net to mitigate that. Sounds a lot less disruptive than arguing about it all the time and claiming there's no excuse for things 🤷🏼‍♀️

Two of my dd's work in bats, we have a key safe in case they ever forget their keys (they haven't yet!) and they have to code. I wouldn't be happy with an early wake up call!!

At 19 she needs to grow up and take responibility for herself.

you can put things in place to act as a safety net to mitigate that.

But the dd is not putting things in place to act as a safety net. She continues to disrupt the household. Whether she remembers her keys, or finds another solution such as a key safe, it is her job, as an adult, to deal with it.