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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with DD

81 replies

Lollipop858 · 16/09/2021 13:19

She’s nearly 19, got her own house key. Lately she’s been out drinking every night or working in the bar until the early hours, and she KEEPS ON FORGETTING HER KEY, and then waking the whole house up bashing on the door at 1am 3am etc, blowing up my phone - the works.

I’ve really had enough because I also have 2 school aged kids she’s waking up when they have school next day. I’m always reminding her not to forget her key but to no avail.

She doesn’t see why I’m annoyed, AIBU to be thoroughly peed off? What would you do in this situation?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 16/09/2021 15:07

Will she be sober enough to use a key safe?

RealBecca · 16/09/2021 15:12

Charge extra rent and reimburse her at the end of each month minus £5 per time she's woken you up! Grin

billy1966 · 16/09/2021 15:14

Excellent suggestions above.

Waking her up at 7am with all the family there noisily giving out about there sleep being disturbed.

The load music and het siblings being given permission to make as much noise as possible too.

Load music below her bedroom.

Then you too can mirror her reaction, that you don't understand what her problem is.

Step up OP.
You haven't done her ANY favours allowing her be so selfish.

I can truthfully say that if a pebble to our siblings windows wouldn't have opened the door, my friends and I would have been very slow to wake the house up other than once in a very blue moon.

In those days there always was a key in a hidden spot though.....under the flower pot nearest the door🙄😁

Mymapuddlington · 16/09/2021 15:17

Either remember your key or book a hotel room 🤷‍♀️

1forAll74 · 16/09/2021 15:17

Tie the key onto something she is wearing.or does she have a bag of some sort.

SunshineCake · 16/09/2021 15:17

Give her the key when she says good bye?

JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 16/09/2021 15:21

This is pretty pathetic of her.

If she can remember her phone, purse etc she can remember a key

KatharinaRosalie · 16/09/2021 15:21

I don't get the part: 'She doesn’t see why I’m annoyed'

She seriously can't see why it is annoying if someone regularly wakes you up?
As others have said, start doing it to her. But I wouldn't go with accidental noise. Wake her up on purpose to ask something that could easily wait. Because she's waking you up intentionally.

DameAlyson · 16/09/2021 15:28

Give her the key when she says good bye?

She's nearly 19, not nearly 9. It is not OP's job to run round after her adult daughter.

There'd be lots of talk about mental load and wifework if it was OP's DH/DP who consistently forgot his keys. OP should equally not be required to do mumwork for an adult dd who can't be bothered to take responsibility for herself.

Winterflower84 · 16/09/2021 15:34

First of all, I'd be worried and annoyed by her being out drinking every night. She's only 19 and needs purpose and direction. But that doesn't seem to bother you at all.

Jamdown123 · 16/09/2021 15:34

Address the alcohol (mis)use.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 16/09/2021 15:34

One of mine is like this .... she's lost so many house keys over the years that we now don't bother giving her one. We've got a fake stone that we leave in the front garden containing a key.

LowlandLucky · 16/09/2021 15:37

If she was mine she would be told to start looking for somewhere else to live. She has no respect for you and he siblings so why should she live in the home you pay for.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 16/09/2021 15:42

Sympathies, OP - it’s infuriating. One of my dds did this well into her 20s. I was like a broken record with ‘TAKE A KEY!!! I hated leaving keys under the mat for when she’d forgotten yet again, and we’d gone to bed.

Until one day she came home in the afternoon, expecting me to be in (I usually was but not that day) and was desperate for a poo!

That finally larned her!

BriocheForBreakfast · 16/09/2021 15:43

Hmmmm she can remember her phone but not a key. Hmm

unlikelytobe · 16/09/2021 15:45

If she's coming home tanked up she may not be able to use the key safe - remember the code, operate the tiny buttons, put the key back. It's also another way for her to be lackadaisical about her responsibility to remember to take her doorkey with her. Be very firm with her and do not accept any "so what?" attitude off her. Easy for me to say!Wink

ivykaty44 · 16/09/2021 15:56

get a key safe and tell her the behaviour is unacceptable

bendmeoverbackwards · 16/09/2021 15:56

I feel your frustration OP, my 18 year old often forgets her key. She’s not coming back too late or drunk though.

Annoying as it is, I look at the bigger picture. She’s generally a good kid, if the worst thing she does is forget her key then I am very lucky.

Some of these replies are way OTT.

ivykaty44 · 16/09/2021 15:57

if your dd is unable to use the key safe, unable to put the key back into the safe for the next time

sit her down and explain you will not be putting up with her banging the house down and waking everyone up from sleep

ProcrastinationIsMySuperPower · 16/09/2021 16:26

When DD (17) keeps me up being noisy playing music at night, I do a bit of passive-aggressive vacuuming outside her bedroom door the next morning. It hasn't made any difference to her behaviour so far but it makes me feel better.

She's rubbish at remembering her keys, but luckily so far only in the daytime, and my FIL lives 5 minutes away with a spare. Probably will be more of an issue when she's going out on the piss regularly!

Slothkin · 16/09/2021 19:41

Jesus, near 15 years after the event my Dad still goes on about treating keys with respect following the one - ONE - time I had to wake them up to let me in.

My key had snapped in the lock.

I think aiming somewhere between there and your current attitude is the sweet spot 😄

billy1966 · 16/09/2021 20:50

@Slothkin

Jesus, near 15 years after the event my Dad still goes on about treating keys with respect following the one - ONE - time I had to wake them up to let me in.

My key had snapped in the lock.

I think aiming somewhere between there and your current attitude is the sweet spot 😄

I can well believe this🙄😁.

My father was convinced a plane was going to land on our home as whenever he arrived home with my mother, every light was always on and the house was like a beacon.

A friends father was convinced that their house was supplying hot water to the neighbourhood.

Another was always being asked had she a boyfriend in the US as their savage phone bill was driving her father mad.

We were always mocking them.......well away from the house mind you😂

Driftingblue · 16/09/2021 21:01

Tell her if she can’t behave like a responsible adult she will need to be home before you go to bed. Her other option is to get her own place then she can drink and forget her keys and disrupt her roommates as much as she wants and actually have to live with the real life consequences of that sort of behavior.

Slothkin · 17/09/2021 10:36

@billy1966 to be fair my Dad is fab, he’s just never going to let that one go 😄 I like to think I can’t have been too bad a teen if that’s my unforgivable crime!

billy1966 · 17/09/2021 12:50

I've definitely turned into my father.

I am constantly knocking on shower doors telling them to get out as they use our showers like steam rooms AND I walk around turning lights off.

We all eventually morph into the electricity police when you have teens.

My boys would stand for 30 minutes under a shower...it's relaxing apparently.🙄😁