Is it going to be just mums and just dads forever now?

[ParentsandParents]

My wife has just had our first baby and well as splitting the load as much as possible I've been trying to join in with the community of new parents and be an active and equal participant. It's tough though. Partly because all the parenting classes, activities and meet ups are held during the week and I'm working at the moment, though I'll be doing three months of SPL later in the year. And partly because every new parents group, chat or meet up I join seems to either just be the women who've given birth and nobody else, or to quickly split into separate groups, meet ups and chats for 'mums' and 'dads' with the 'mums' often initiating this. Even when the point of meeting up or chatting is nothing to do with being a man or woman, and everything to do with being a new parent and / or meeting new people. It hasn't been like this so far in my life, I've always been in and seen mixed groups at work, in friendships and in activities. Is it unreasonable to have expected that new parents would want to spend time with other new parents, or that men and women could talk about our kids and be friends, or does something about new parenthood send everyone spiraling back to the 50's with the men in the pub talking about craft ale and what football team their kids will support and the women in the park talking about books and feeding? Will this change when our kid(s) are older or is this the way it's always going to be now we have a kid.

@ejhhhhh

Yes I agree *@MrsMaizel*, but my comment about society still be unequal was in reference to my observation that it's still women who do most of the childcare duties, even when their children are long last the baby years. It's completely understandable that women should seek out other women who have been through the same experience post birth, but there's no biological reason why mum's should do anymore childcare than men when their children are school age. Yes you do see more men at the school gates, and organising play dates and at birthday parties, but it's not 50/50. And as been said before the reasons why this is are very complex, the gender pay gap plays a part, gender stereotyping plays a part, and just entrenched societal "norms", which take a lot to unpick. But the inequality is still very much there.

True.

@XingMing

I am starting to think it must be much much more diffficult for two dads, who must have adopted or used a surrogate to have their child, to fit in with an ordinary baby group. A lesbian couple is easier. Either could be mum, and both can be.

YY, it must be really strange.

In my experience the stereotyping of roles after childbirth comes from both genders not just women. Many males do not want to be involved in the groups and would rather be doing anything but that l.

Sorry this is your experience OP and I fully commend you for getting stuck in and trying to infiltrate the female dominated groups! However, personally I think you’re preaching to the wrong choir here I’m afraid. The issue is that most men either aren’t able to due to working or, as ime, aren’t interested. When you see thread after thread on here of frustrated women/mums where their OH isn’t pulling their weight with both the kids and/or household chores it proves that the majority of men still promote the gender segregation, women are crying out for the dads to be more interested. Therefore when it comes to a man attending these groups, understandably women struggle to bond as they are the exception to the rule. This, together with the points made in many posts above about the physical impact of pregnancy, birth, feeding, etc. being exclusive to women, I guess results in women generally being drawn to other women.

Yanbu

I think this all the time. All my life I’ve had lots of male friends alongside my female friendships. Not so much now. Really sad!!!

Ii think it is more normal early on when women are dealing with post partum bodies and the joy that that brings and breastfeeding, it is definitely something you don't want to discuss with men.

Kevin from Motherland 🤣

@MrsPetty this is exactly what I thought when I first read it 😆, but it turned out the poster was a woman!