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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell school

117 replies

Rosebel · 15/09/2021 00:16

My DD is 15 and was very upset earlier as someone hacked her snap chat account and asked her for nude photos.
She was crying and said she was scared. We had a cuddle and she blocked the number. I said she'd done the right thing telling me and to tell me if it happened again.
I feel so awful for her. She was shaking and said she was scared.
I was wondering if I should drop an email to school. I know they can't do anything but if she gets upset tomorrow at least they'll know why. She does have a tendancy to worry and then if something small happens it will tip her over the edge and she'll either be angry or tearful.
Should I send an email just so they're aware?

OP posts:
TimeForTeaAndG · 15/09/2021 00:30

Did it get hacked or was she messaged by someone she didn't know?

I'd advise that she remove Snapchat from her phone.

I don't know if I would contact the school, I would probably see how she is in the morning.

wobblywinelover · 15/09/2021 00:32

I would be inclined to leave it for the moment. It's awful what's happening to your daughter but if every parent dropped an email to the school in a circumstance like this then the school would be overrun with emails. Teenagers are difficult and there's lots going on in their lives. I would see how she is in the morning. If she's struggling in the morning then maybe have a word with them via phone or go to the front desk if you actually drop her off. Otherwise i'd just encourage her to try to get on with the day as best she can. If you send an email it will probably get lost in about a billion other emails so that's not even a guarantee it would help. I hope she is okay OP. And maybe it's time to look at her snapchat settings to make sure they are as tight as possible and no one weird can contact her (sorry but I don't really know how snapchat works)

Anordinarymum · 15/09/2021 00:38

I don't really understand how people can hack into accounts like this, but if someone did and asked for photos why is she so upset?

Does she know this person? Do they know her OP?

Original poster
Rosebel · 15/09/2021 00:41

She said it was hacked but I'm not actually sure if it was or it was just someone she didn't know.
I will leave it about school then unless she is upset in the morning.
Am actually hoping it was someone she knows being stupid as the alternative makes me feel sick.

OP posts:
TimeForTeaAndG · 15/09/2021 00:46

Anyone can contact you on Snapchat or add you as a friend, I do have the app but I'm not up to speed on the settings. I rarely use it but every now and then I get a notification that someone has added me. I just click to ignore them and they can't contact me.

I doubt her app was hacked, that would be more like someone changing passwords so she can't use it. Much more likely she's had someone add her and contact her.

I'd have a chat about internet and app settings, go through friends lists and remove anyone she doesn't know personally and change settings to private.

Original poster
Rosebel · 15/09/2021 00:46

She's upset because some random person asked for a picture of her naked. I think I'd be upset about that if it happened to me.
She said she didn't know who it was and judging by the way she was shaking and crying I'm convinced she was telling the truth.
I am considering removing Snapchat from her phone though.

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 15/09/2021 00:48

@Rosebel

She's upset because some random person asked for a picture of her naked. I think I'd be upset about that if it happened to me. She said she didn't know who it was and judging by the way she was shaking and crying I'm convinced she was telling the truth. I am considering removing Snapchat from her phone though.
What is going through my head is maybe she has been silly and already done it, which would explain why she is crying and shaking
Original poster
Rosebel · 15/09/2021 00:58

Oh I really hope that's not the case. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't do something so stupid after all the talks we've had about Internet safety but obviously sometimes teenagers do stupid things.
I'll have another talk with her tomorrow (obviously without using the word stupid, just venting on here).

OP posts:
douliket · 15/09/2021 01:09

That's awful OP. I have girls of similar age and I am sorry to tell you that your daughters reaction doesn't seem right. Messages asking for nudes is very very common these days. Worse still boys sending "dick" pics..it's ridiculous but extremely Common for some bizarre reason. What worries me here is your daughters reaction to something that all girls her age are been asked. My girls have never sent anyone nudes ever bu it does sound to me that she may have already done this and send nude and now he is back asking for more and is probably blackmailing her that if she doesn't send more then he is probably saying that he will
Send the one he has to all her teachers or friends and family.
Unfortunately this is also not a rare occurrence.
You need to sit again properly with ur dd.
This time frank talk!!
Tell her what ur thoughts are and that she is not in trouble but that u need to know all facts, who did she send to etc ..and it will be very easy fix once the police are involved, whoever has her pic has child pornography in possession.
U are definitely not getting the whole story here,she may even have only sexted him and it got to the stage where he was demanding nudes and she is embarrassed that she sent sexy texts and is saying no to nudes..please be frank with her, this guy or girl needs to b stopped

Greenmarmalade · 15/09/2021 01:27

Definitely tell the school.

QueenBee52 · 15/09/2021 01:37

Im confused ..

if she was Hacked.. that means her SnapChat account was 'taken over' ?

So how were they able to ask her for photos ?

Sorry but you need to be clear on whats happened first and foremost OP.. then act ..

Sorry this has happened.. its disgusting that young people are being targeted like this.. good luck 🌸

Original poster
Rosebel · 15/09/2021 02:37

I'm obviously a bit clueless but what do you think her reaction should have been to the message?

OP posts:
Explosivefarts · 15/09/2021 02:40

I don’t know what you expect the school to do.

Explosivefarts · 15/09/2021 02:42

Also confusing if she was hacked then they are in control of account so wouldn’t be able to ask her for nudes. Is she being truthful

Anordinarymum · 15/09/2021 02:45

@Rosebel

I'm obviously a bit clueless but what do you think her reaction should have been to the message?
Did you read the message OP
EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 15/09/2021 02:49

It doesn't sound like she's been hacked. Have you seen the message? I'd be wanting to check the account it's an extreme reaction to have over a stranger asking for nudes

skritthit · 15/09/2021 03:08

I'd be worried with that reaction she has given nudes and is now being bullied or blackmailed about it or she thinks they can access ones she has already sent/has on her phone. I'd have a talk to check that it was just a message.

Seafog · 15/09/2021 03:11

I think it would be best if you looked at her account and find out if it was a random person messaging her, or did someone take over the account(therefore posting as her)
If she gets a request like that, she can just delete and block in future

pompomsgalore · 15/09/2021 03:16

@Anordinarymum

I don't really understand how people can hack into accounts like this, but if someone did and asked for photos why is she so upset?

Does she know this person? Do they know her OP?

I imagine she's upset as it's such an intrusive experience that has left her feeling vulnerable and violated.
Sunnyjac · 15/09/2021 06:33

Messages asking for nudes is very very
common these days. Worse still boys
sending "dick" pics..it's ridiculous but
extremely Common for some bizarre
reason.

Report every time. This should not be accepted as normal behaviour. They will do it until they are told it’s illegal. Most will hopefully stop at that point.

OP if you have the number I’d give it to the school as they might be able to identify whose it is. I’d also tell the police (speak to your daughter first). If she has done something as other people suggest then she still needs support otherwise she could get herself into worse trouble. People do send this stuff on and she could be blackmailed for more if she already sent some.

Sunnyjac · 15/09/2021 06:37

I'd be wanting to check the account it's an
extreme reaction to have over a stranger
asking for nudes

Why is it an extreme reaction? She’s a teenage girl. Why shouldn’t she find it upsetting? Saying her reaction is extreme suggests that girls should just roll their eyes as if this type of behaviour is no big deal, and just let it go. React, get angry and teach our girls that they don’t have to accept this.

Booknooks · 15/09/2021 06:41

I wouldn't tell the school unless there's reason to believe it was another child at the school, but I would encourage her to delete Snapchat or really lock her security settings down.

lannistunut · 15/09/2021 06:44

Don't think it is an extreme reaction, being sexually harassed is upsetting Confused

PreacherTeacher · 15/09/2021 06:49

I would pop her form tutor an email. We would have a chat about internet safety during form time and what is unacceptable behaviour. I would also have the chat about things that you send do not always stay private. So keep that in mind before you send anything to anyone. Would I be happy if my mum saw that? Kind of thing.

The internet is a terrible thing for teenagers!

Jobsharenightmare · 15/09/2021 06:50

Definitely tell the school as it's important for the school to be aware of what's going on for her and/or a pattern in case it happens to other people at the school and the police become involved.

My step child ended up part of an investigation around requests for indecent images from a minor. School were part of that investigation, attended meetings with the police etc and the perpetrator was nothing to do with school.

I'm afraid to say but unless you've seen the messages, there is a chance what's actually happened here is she has been groomed and has sent a picture and is too scared to tell you. Hopefully that isn't the case of course.