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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell school

117 replies

Rosebel · 15/09/2021 00:16

My DD is 15 and was very upset earlier as someone hacked her snap chat account and asked her for nude photos.
She was crying and said she was scared. We had a cuddle and she blocked the number. I said she'd done the right thing telling me and to tell me if it happened again.
I feel so awful for her. She was shaking and said she was scared.
I was wondering if I should drop an email to school. I know they can't do anything but if she gets upset tomorrow at least they'll know why. She does have a tendancy to worry and then if something small happens it will tip her over the edge and she'll either be angry or tearful.
Should I send an email just so they're aware?

OP posts:
Russell19 · 15/09/2021 06:56

I also think her reaction is a bit odd. Her account hasn't been hacked, she got a request from a stranger who asked her for nudes. Normal reaction would be to block.
I think people are forgetting what Snapchat was originally intended for.

Hopdathelf · 15/09/2021 06:58

Definitely more to this than she is telling you given how extreme the reaction is. She absolutely should not be in a position where people are asking for nude photos, especially strangers, but the strength of the reaction suggests either she’s not mature enough to have this kind of platform and deal with the risk of being asked, or there is something more to this.

I’m wondering, like a previous poster, if she’s already sent some photos. Was it actually a friend who was hacked, your DD thought they were asking for photos, sent them and only after realised they did not go to the truly intended recipient?

SpeakingFranglais · 15/09/2021 07:01

This isn’t for the school but I get she's upset, it makes you feel unsafe or that you are being watched, but it’s likely a random opportunist getting off on it.

Many years ago in the pre-internet days I got a couple of “dirty phone calls” from the same person, remember those?

It really unsettled me, which was obviously the intention. The next one I told him I worked for BT in the nuisance call bureau and my calls were being monitored (they weren’t, and I didn’t, but I did work for BT in the next office to the NCB).

He never rang back, because I took back control.

Reassure her and make her block him, personally I’d recommend she got rid of Snapchat, it’s the top way for people to abuse others.

PheasantsNest · 15/09/2021 07:08

My girls get these messages every day. The older one sends nudes of the dog back. I don't see why she is so upset.

Lilymossflower · 15/09/2021 07:10

I would definitely say get rid of Snapchat. It's not for kids imo

Hoppinggreen · 15/09/2021 07:11

@Rosebel

She's upset because some random person asked for a picture of her naked. I think I'd be upset about that if it happened to me. She said she didn't know who it was and judging by the way she was shaking and crying I'm convinced she was telling the truth. I am considering removing Snapchat from her phone though.
Obviously I dint you your daughter but I do have a pretty sensitive 16 year old. According to her getting asked for Nudes is a regular occurrence from both strangers and boys she knows and it’s been happening since she was about 12 Your daughters reaction makes me wonder if she is being entirely honest with you
Watapalava · 15/09/2021 07:13

My kids get requests too and tell me all the names of kids who do send nudes

You'd be surprised the type of kids who are doing it and doing it proudly

I expect your dd may have already done it because she'd be aware this is common within few days of being on snap chat

BlueberrySugar · 15/09/2021 07:13

@PheasantsNest

My girls get these messages every day. The older one sends nudes of the dog back. I don't see why she is so upset.
Wtf. Weird.
Matilda82 · 15/09/2021 07:13

I have 2 teens who often use the term 'hacked' incorrectly. It sounds like she meant they messaged her. I think I'd dig a bit and see if there is more to this as whilst it's understandable she'd be upset, is it possible the person asked for more or she complied in some way?

Geamhradh · 15/09/2021 07:14

Drop the school a mail saying she's had a bad experience on social media if you think it's going to affect her work in school or something.

Her account hasn't been "hacked" though, or it would be people telling her she'd sent messages out of character.

I'd do a bit of careful digging if my DD told me the account had been hacked as no teenage Snapchat user would think that unless they'd found outgoing stuff that they hadn't put there.

Snapchat is dreadful.

RedRum27 · 15/09/2021 07:14

This isn't for school to deal with and should be managed at home. Monitor how she is feeling and a talk about it not being acceptable and that she can always speak out if she's unhappy, just as general parenting strategies etc. Report to the police, you can do this online via 101 website. Delete snapchat or increase her security settings.

Geamhradh · 15/09/2021 07:14

@Watapalava

My kids get requests too and tell me all the names of kids who do send nudes

You'd be surprised the type of kids who are doing it and doing it proudly

I expect your dd may have already done it because she'd be aware this is common within few days of being on snap chat

Presumably you let the school know in those cases?
QuarantineQueen · 15/09/2021 07:16

Tell the school, yes. They can have a chat about internet safety etc.
Afraid I also agree with pps that there is probably more to this. It shouldn't be the case, but teens get asked for nudes all the time. The girls at my school get angry about it (quite right) but it is such a common occurrence that it would be unheard of for one of them to get that upset unless there is more to it.

Monestera · 15/09/2021 07:27

You'd be surprised the type of kids who are doing it and doing it proudly

This is like Rotherham never happened.

Dandy0911 · 15/09/2021 07:28

@PheasantsNest

My girls get these messages every day. The older one sends nudes of the dog back. I don't see why she is so upset.
Ha! I used to do something similar when I had SC in my teens. I'd literally google the colour nude and send that to them and block.

This happens a lot on SC, u less her account is public anyone to message her has to request to be her friend. I actually still have the app on my phone and only use it for the memories on there.

It sounds like her profile is either public, or she's accepted a random add, OR someone she's friends with on there has been a bit brave and asked for a nude. It doesn't make it right and it's not nice but her reaction to he shaking and sick, maybe she sent one and is being threatened. Or the person is being very persistent. It doesn't sound like she's been hacked or they would've changed the passwords.

Btw, you can save SC messages. If she opens the message and just taps it, it saves. Or you can screenshot but it will be notified to the sender.

Have a chat with her about internet privacy OP. It sounds like there's a little more to this than someone asking for a nude.

Evesgarden · 15/09/2021 07:31

Some really odd replies on here Hmm

OP I would imagine some girls would feel frightened if some one had asked her for nudes - especially ones that hadn't been hardened to that kind of stuff. Maybe she has sent nudes or maybe she hasn't - you can only go off what she tells you.

Its so sad that people see this as a normal occurrence and are wondering why a young girl is feeling shit about it. Its not normal. Its far from normal and we shouldn't see it that's its normal. Instagram is exactly the same. They are the scourge of this era.

lovelybitofsquirrell · 15/09/2021 07:34

I doubt you are getting the full story here op.

It doesn't sound like she was hacked, that would make sense if her account was asking people for nudes.

Are you certain she hasn't sent pictures and now is panicking ?

KatieKat88 · 15/09/2021 07:38

God I know I've lived a sheltered life but I would be a bit unsettled as a fully grown woman if a random was sending me dodgy messages! No wonder she feels this way as a teenager. There could be more to it and I'd be asking questions to make sure but I don't think there automatically is. I'm a former teacher - do contact her form tutor as they'll keep an eye out for her and it could be useful in informing PSHE/spotting a wider pattern. I'd have wanted to know about it to be able to support my tutees.

LynetteScavo · 15/09/2021 07:39

15 year olds on snap chat will be asked for nudes by random strangers- this seems normal now . They may also be sent dick picks. Some girls send nudes back, despite being told repeatedly at home and school why t is is not a good idea. With Snapchat it's unlikely the picture will have been saved though.

Unless your DD is particularly naive, and and is new to Snapchat I would find her reaction worrying and be concerned there is more to it than she's letting on.

Have you looked at her account to see if it's been hacked, or if she was just messaged by a random?

denisethegreat · 15/09/2021 07:49

I think you need to sit down with her now it's a new day and ask her exactly what happened. You don't actually know if she was hacked - scary and she needs to act re her account to protect it better and make sure it doesn't happen again. But if it was hacked then how is it her receiving the messages?

It sounds more like she wasn't hacked and that actually she got a message from someone she doesn't know. Again, horrible but not really "shaking and crying" territory. Sadly it's extremely common and id be surprised if her and her mates weren't getting these daily.

There's more to the story.

I get that technology is confusing for us parents but we do need to try to understand as best as possible. You can't help if you don't know what actually happened.

Finally, I don't think this is a school matter unless the person is a student at the school too.

diddl · 15/09/2021 07:51

If she has already got most of her friends on SC, then she needs to block names she doesn't know without reading the messages I would have thought.

Summersun2020 · 15/09/2021 07:54

Op I would be removing Snapchat from her phone ASAP. Based on her reaction she definitely isn’t emotionally mature enough to use the app or probably other social media to be honest. Unless she’s not telling you the whole truth, which I suspect could be the case.

Suprima · 15/09/2021 07:55

The odd replies are questioning that it DOES NOT MAKE SENSE

no one hacking her would be able to ask her for nude photos. Hacking means taking over of an account. How can they then ask her for nude photos?

I would be concerned that she has done it, and is being blackmailed. That’s what posters questioning this are concerned for.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/09/2021 08:04

I agree with others thinking that she may have already sent photos of herself and be petrified of the consequences. I think the type of message she received unfortunately is relatively commonplace. And of course should be reported if a student.

As your dd has had an extreme reaction, she needs supporting in some way. She also needs tell the truth to you with no judgment or punishment if she has already sent pictures.

honeygriff · 15/09/2021 08:04

The first time "nudes" were mentioned by my eldest daughter she was in year 6. Being completely naive I thought they were talking about a new game. I'll never quite forget my shock over that discussion. I personally think social media for young people is hideous. I agree that she hasn't told you everything here as kids are very sadly acclimatised to the nude requests. I'd do some digging if I was you to make sure she's not being blackmailed.