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Original poster

To find this mother's advice to her 10 year old DD faintly disturbing?

107 replies

randocalrissian · 14/09/2021 19:27

My DD is in year 6 and, as is normal, there are the first stirrings of pre-teen romance among one or two kids in her year. All pretty innocent and harmless and we've chatted about it.

She told me yesterday one girl in her class is flirting a bit with a boy - think they're not even at the holding hands stage but its the talk of the town as you can imagine.

DD said the girl had said her mum took the girl aside and gave her some "tips" about how to flirt with this boy.

The one which stuck in my mind was "always be pleasant and smiley around him and laugh at his jokes. Don't say too much and don't hang out too much with the other boys".

I'm not sure whether to be more disturbed that this mum is basically preparing her pre-pubescent daughter for a relationship in such an overt way at this age or the advice that she should turn herself into such a wet discloth.

Is it just me or is this weird and a bit unhealthy?

OP posts:
Reallyhadenough · 14/09/2021 21:37

My..ex friend was obsessed with her daughter starting her periods.. made the poor girl show be her "buds" weekly. Are girls not allowed privacy now?! I cut contact because the kid needs privacy... but I ALSO DON'T want to see!!!!

Bluntness100 · 14/09/2021 21:39

Sounds like a young girls interpretion of how to flirt. I very much doubt that that’s actually what the mother said, and since you’ve heard it third hand I’d urge you to think the same.

Heartofglass12345 · 14/09/2021 21:48

Oh my god @Reallyhadenough surely that's a form of child abuse??
I started my periods when I was 11 and still in primary school and my mum made a big fuss and told loads of people in my family. Awful it was, I didn't want them to know! She hadn't even told me much about them either!

Peteycat · 14/09/2021 21:49

I have come across mums like this. It's usually some sort of issue they have with themselves they project onto the child. I think it's abnormal.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 14/09/2021 21:50

@prsphne

as far as life advice goes, it's not awful.

'Don't hang around with other boys too much?'

'Don't say too much'?

Don't SAY too much aka either be quiet or don't express an opinion?

Are you fucking kidding when you say it's not bad advice or do you just think women are lesser than men?!

LizzieW1969 · 14/09/2021 22:05

Oh my god @Reallyhadenough surely that's a form of child abuse??

I think it really is. My DDs (12 and 9) have both started their periods recently and they’re both very embarrassed about it, and about other body changes. They want complete privacy, whilst obviously requiring a lot of reassurance.

That mum’s behaviour is very disturbing.

cookingisoverrated · 14/09/2021 22:10

@Mymapuddlington

It’s a bit grim but there are unfortunately mothers like this. I know one who is super proud because her year 6 daughter had every single boy in her year group as a boyfriend over the course of the year.
Ewww.

That's actually quite horrible.

TartanJumper · 14/09/2021 22:20

@YourFinestPantaloons

In the school I work in we had one mother put her year 7 DD on the contraceptive pill because she "fully expected that she was having sex or will be soon" Shockthe girl is very shy and introverted and I can't imagine why her mum would ever think for a second she was sexually active. And yes a safeguarding referral was made.
Surely an 11/12 year old going to the doctor for a contraceptive pill would result in some questions being asked by them as well?
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 14/09/2021 22:26

Wow. The pleasant and smiley possibly, that's general advice when you're wanting to make friends. But the rest is awful and I cant believe anyone would want their daughter to laugh at jokes (leading to men making insults and no come back allowed 'cant you take a joke!?'), keeping strong opinions to yourself (good wives should always agree with their husbands and not think they are more intelligent) and not having any other male friends just incase their poor insecure boyfriend gets jealous about 'his' women. Why would anyone want to encourage their daughter to live like that or attract a man who thinks like that?

LizzieW1969 · 14/09/2021 22:28

*Surely an 11/12 year old going to the doctor for a contraceptive pill would result in some questions being asked by them as well?**

^True. But I suspect one PP had the right idea, suggesting that the mum might have obtained it by suggesting that her DD was having a difficult time with her periods.

Although I think that 11 would be considered too early even for that, as they would want to give the periods time to regularise? I can’t imagine they would prescribe the pill lightly.

Nomorefuckstogive · 14/09/2021 22:43

It’s depressing and disturbing. 10. The woman must be out of her mind. I’d steer my DD away from being friends with this girl TBH.

diddl · 15/09/2021 07:42

"as is normal, there are the first stirrings of pre-teen romance among one or two kids in her year."

Normal??

Really?

I'm gobsmacked by that!

FantaCoke · 15/09/2021 07:57

When my dd was in year 6, there were “couples” who were having sleepovers because it was so cute. There were also a pair in year 1 who would have regular sleepovers because they wanted to marry each other Confused. I found it really strange but I’m sure this was all normal about 4-10 years ago, suddenly #metoo changed everything. Now year 7s + are being taught about sexual harassment in daughter’s school and what is unacceptable behaviour. They weren’t being taught this upto 2/3 years ago.

Dottyflorals · 15/09/2021 08:01

@YourFinestPantaloons unfortunately when I was at school, the very shy, quiet and introverted girl had a baby at 15 …it was shocking as her mum thought she was so good (A* student) that she hadn’t really discussed contraception or sex with her (our sex Ed class was very poor as we had a make science teacher who was extremely embarrassed about teaching it Hmm )

OP I had a friend who taught her daughter similar flirting techniques, when I heard her telling her daughter to practise them on my 12 year old son, I ended the friendship!

But it made for good conversation for je to have with my children.

Dottyflorals · 15/09/2021 08:01

Male science teacher*

Bumblenums1234 · 15/09/2021 08:02

I'm betting its more likely she read it on the Internet and is embarrassed to say she searched for flirting tips so has said her mum told her.

Bumblenums1234 · 15/09/2021 08:02

It reads exactly like something from a Mizz magazine!

FantaCoke · 15/09/2021 08:08

This also reminds me of a girl I was in school with and she once told us all that her mum always told her to marry well like she did. That she should marry someone rich to live a comfortable life. But her dad was an arsehole. Although very rich, she would take off her Kickers at the end of every school day and swap them for cheap shoes incase her dad saw them, because he didn’t approve of her mum buying them and he would go mental if he found out. The mum was scared too and made her hide the shoes for months.

So some sound advice from her mum there 🙄

Peppaismyrolemodel · 15/09/2021 08:50

@Bumblenums1234

I'm betting its more likely she read it on the Internet and is embarrassed to say she searched for flirting tips so has said her mum told her.
Grin There’s a reason teachers don’t believe everything the students say about their parents.. today my son confidently informed his teacher we were late bc the car broke down and mum had to change the tyre. We don’t own a car, he just thought it would ‘sound more fun that way’
Threewheeler1 · 15/09/2021 09:02

CaMePlaitPlas
Ugh. Stop the world, I want to get off.

I'm coming with you.
It's grim out there.

idontlikealdi · 15/09/2021 09:26

Christ I don't think my y6 dts even know what flirt means, they and all their mates are still very much at the boys are annoying stage.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 15/09/2021 17:21

You don’t know the actual words that were said - and it’s none of your business.

Alwayscalminacrisis · 15/09/2021 17:32

This is very outing - my SD had a very innocent boyfriend/girlfriend relationship aged 13. SD was angst ridden when they split up (think a few weeks later). Her DM gave her a copy of Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus to help her work her way through it... I was Confused

marktayloruk · 15/09/2021 17:33

She knows her daughter and seems to have a sense of humour!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 15/09/2021 17:54

@Toomuchtrouble4me

You don’t know the actual words that were said - and it’s none of your business.
... also a slow handclap for you, OP. You've managed to get some women-who-also-haven't-a-clue-of-what-was-said, judging another woman and berating her online. Nice.

Could you not have just spoken to your daughter about this without gossiping about it? I mean, would you like it if your parenting was ridiculed and parodied on a chatboard?