To let my 11 year old shave her legs?

[whycantwegoonasthree]

She's started to feel really self conscious about them and has asked me for a razor. Instinctively my reaction was "No!! You're too young!!" - but I didn't say this, and have put off the conversation until the weekend.

She's just started secondary, which I think has brought it to a head - but she has been murmuring dissatisfaction for some time.

To be fair she has very pale skin and very thick dark hair - she's utterly beautiful, like a little snow-white, but it does mean the hair on her legs is quite obvious, and I know other girls have mentioned it to her. (Little fuckers, girls, aren't they?)

I'm no help on this - my hair is fine and fair and I have about three on each leg - I shave about once a fortnight and only if I remember.

So I don't know what to suggest/do. It feels like shaving will be making a rod for her back, and ultimately make her more hairy, but I simply don't know what else is sensible/practical at this age... or whether I should just be encouraging her to embrace her hairy legs.

What would you do?

I never understand the view of she's too young. It's hair! It grows back.

She's come to you with an insecurity that has possibly been caused by other girls but she's also at an age to notice these things more.

Let her shave her legs or get some veet if you are worried.

Doesn't waxing seriously fucking HURT though? (I've never done it…)

I didn't find that it did but everyone is different.

Waxing doesn't last at all like a PP said though, so the idea of offering to pay for it being done twice a year or whatever wouldn't work. When I started having my legs waxed (I also have pale skin and dark hair) I had to have it done several times before the regrowth started to slow down, and in the meantime it would only last a couple of weeks, if that.

And don't forget that she will be doing PE/being in a changing room all year round.

I have pale skin and dark hairs and much though I wish I wasn't, I am self conscious about them. I'd let her. I use an electric depilator, and the hairs grow back much more slowly than when I shaved. I veet first if they have got out of control, over the winter say, as it hurts otherwise, then use the depilator. I've been so much happier and free-er since I discovered a way that works for me.

Hair removal cream , no fear of cuts , but help her the first few times until she gets the hang of it

Of course you should - it's her body. But I would go for hair removal cream rather than a razor because as lots of people have said, they're hard enough to use when you're an adult.

I would also have a chat about how body hair is normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Probably won't make any difference but worth a try.

Doesn't waxing seriously fucking HURT though? (I've never done it…)
There has do be a less painful but equally effective option, surely!?

Make sure you get lycon wax hot wax, its no strips. Way less painful than strips. Really doesn't hurt at all after the first go except for in a few areas. I think plucking your eyebrows is worse.

that's all very well but what about PE? I always dreaded PE because I had to get my hair legs out, even in the winter

Thats a very good point actually. Its mad they cant wear leggings. Its 2021 fgs!

6weeks? I wish, when I wax I get 2 weeks max out of it!
Honestly it took me years of not shaving to get back to this point. I have dark hair and pale skin and when I shaved they became a LOT thicker and faster growing.

After about 5 years of not shaving and having a wax once or twice a year, I now have very fine hair and very long periods between regrowth.

The key to getting no regrowth is to have ALL your hairs completely regrown to full length before you wax. And ignore the technicians who say you need to shave prior to get a better 'pull'

Please let her do it. I was bullied horrendously in year 7 for this and my mom still wouldn't let me do it. I took matters into my own hands eventually and just did it

You say she’s too young, why? What negative consequences do you think will come of shaving her legs?

Let her shave them, but as others have said, help her to do so safely, perhaps buy her an electric razor. Better that than her doing it in secret and cutting herself to ribbons.

I'm more surprised that you think permission to shave her own legs is something you need to GRANT. It's not a out letting her do it, it's her body.

Waxing doesn't hurt everyone, but it's not a great solution whilst at school as you have to wait for the hairs to grow back so that would be noticed.
In my school hardly anyone wore tights until 6th form so leg shaving was pretty much all year for those who wanted to.

I would let her, but I would teach her how to do it safely. Or take her for a wax instead.

If it's upsetting her I would let her do it yes, or electric one or waxing.

My mum used to wax my sister age 12/13 upwards and my cousin has asked to shave age 10. However we all started puberty very young like 9/10 (nothing to do with obesity before anyone says! Just in the family for us!) and my sister and cousin are extremely hairy and dark hair so source of embarrassment for them.

The ideal situation would be that women aren't made to feel as if normal aspects of their bodies aren't ugly or gross, and we are just accepted for how we look, but I appreciate that won't solve things for your DD

Haven't RTFT, but when I was an adult I wished my mum had cared enough to tell me about hair removal options, rather than just leaving me be to face it alone (also dark body hair and lots of it).

It wasn't until my 30s that I discovered the miracle of waxing (I'd choose that over an epilator any day of the week in terms of the pain issue!). It literally took one 'summer season' of regular waxing and most of them never grew back because they'd given up the fight!

And that's what removing it from the roots will do - it takes a while, and a few cycles of each group of hairs, but they will give up the fight quite quickly, and you/your daughter will notice the difference really quite quickly in terms of re-growth (or the lack of it).

Just do legs for now. Underarms are more tricky, and I'd say you'd want to start with a professional waxer at a beautician when the time comes for that. Doing that yourself does take more practice, whereas legs are more manageable as a start. If you do it for her, OP, that will be better than her waxing her own legs. Put something on to watch as a distraction and make it a 'girly thing' that you do. That's what we did.

My advice would be (if you still want advice!) is to try a few of the wax strips you can get from Boots/Veet first. They're surprisingly effective these days, and they're cold so no danger of burning her.

Yes, it's a weird sensation, waxing, and is a bit uncomfortable the first few times. It's certainly not 'agonsing' though if you're confident and quick doing it. Slow is your enemy with waxing! And they never give you enough of the 'finishing wipes' in the box, so get some baby oil and cotton wool balls to take off the excess wax - that's all finishing wipes are anyway, baby oil infused bits of paper.

If I had my time again, I'd have started waxing asap as a teenager, and then had the rest of my adult life with a few sparse hairs which I only need to wax now maybe 4 times a year? Don't let your daughter get to her 30s like I was left to do!

When i was about that age a friend of mine had very dark hairy legs and her parents never let her shave. She was bullied for it and it is often how people referred to her. She will be forever remembered as going through high school with hairy legs/armpits through no fault of her own. I understand there are cultural/religious reasons she wouldnt shave but if she wants to then chances are she will shave at some point so if you explain to her the realities and reinforce that she decides what to do with her body because it is what she wants to do then let her make the choice.

I used to get teased at school aged 8 for my dark body hair and called a gorilla!
To be honest I've been battling it since then, dealing with shaving/waxing/everything in between. As I've got older it's just got worse and facial hair (low sideburns/thick eyebrows and the occasional chin hair!) has dominated my insecurities. This year I invested in the Lumea Prestige and all I can say is it has honestly changed my life. The hair is growing back slowly and fine and is so much more manageable. I know it's expensive but when I think about the sheer amount of money (not to mention my time!!) I've spent on razors, waxing appointments and other little gadgets, I wish I had bought this sooner. Totally recommend x

I think waxing depends what part of the body is being waxed and how coarse the hair is and how much there is of it.
My hair wasn't very dark but there was loads of it and it was coarse.
After 50 years getting my legs waxed it is still painful! I have a great beautician so it's only 5 mins of pain for whole legs but pain there definitly is!
And it doesn't stop growing back as suggested above. If only.

@LemonSwan

Bare leg season in the UK is only really a few months during school term. Shaving is just starting a continous problem & Winter is nearly here.

I would make an agreement with her that you will get them waxed once this weekend, that will last at least 6 weeks then she can wear tights until warmer months next year then you will take her to get them waxed in mid April. So max 2 -3 times a year.

Once in Sept start, Once late spring, Once before holiday for swimming etc.

It's P.E. that's sparked this though, I'll bet. Year round. OP she's told you she wants to shave. Teach her about why women feel they have to shave, and then leave her to it. She'll do it anyway. Save your battles. You'll win this one long- term by letting her win!