To let my 11 year old shave her legs?

[whycantwegoonasthree]

She's started to feel really self conscious about them and has asked me for a razor. Instinctively my reaction was "No!! You're too young!!" - but I didn't say this, and have put off the conversation until the weekend.

She's just started secondary, which I think has brought it to a head - but she has been murmuring dissatisfaction for some time.

To be fair she has very pale skin and very thick dark hair - she's utterly beautiful, like a little snow-white, but it does mean the hair on her legs is quite obvious, and I know other girls have mentioned it to her. (Little fuckers, girls, aren't they?)

I'm no help on this - my hair is fine and fair and I have about three on each leg - I shave about once a fortnight and only if I remember.

So I don't know what to suggest/do. It feels like shaving will be making a rod for her back, and ultimately make her more hairy, but I simply don't know what else is sensible/practical at this age... or whether I should just be encouraging her to embrace her hairy legs.

What would you do?

I burned myself with veet (immac back then) at same age. Burned all my arms and underarms as had gotten teased about dark hairs when starting high school and mum thought I was too young. I also burned my lip trying to use bleach on my upper lip. Please find a safe way to do it.

The Phillip's lumea has been mentioned on couple of threads about same issue. Pricey but sounds like it works very well on dark hair and pale skin

I let DD shave her legs as soon as she asked. We all do it so I didn't see a problem

I lady shaved after being burned but started waxing in later teens. I wish my mum had let me get my eyebrows done earlier too. If she has facial hair I find face wax strips the best

please just let her do whatSHE wants..my best mate at high school was the same..got teased&piss taken something awful-til after about 6months her mum finally let het..sure,kids shouldnt teaee&you should wear ur hair with pride but at 11,just remember how it felt!

@Stinkywizzleteets

While it’s the girl’s choice if she shaves her legs, I really hate how women and girls are forced to shave natural body hair because they are bullied for having it. Why aren’t we teaching kids body hair is natural and normal and having it is a personal choice and highlighting how awful the bullying is, instead of normalising hair removal in pre-teen kids to stop the bullying?

Up until recently she used to gleefully say that she never got cold because she had fur... and she was very proud of it. I fucking loved that.

I've said that she is beautiful (not least because she is) and her hair is beautiful (because it is - the downside of sparse fine, fair, hair is that it's like that on my head too, I'm really envious of her hair, all of it!), but that's clearly not the message she's getting from "friends".

And ultimately the most important thing is that she's happy and confident – she's eleven, I can't ask her to fight the suppression of women's natural bodies on behalf of all of us.

She's pretty feisty, though, I can imagine her doing exactly that in due course. But right now I think she just wants to fit in and not have a 'thing' that people comment on.

I short, I'm with you in principle - and we're a pretty vehemently feminist household of women - but as others have said below, I'm not prepared to have my daughter miserable for a principle that isn't even hers (yet).

@Hankunamatata

I burned myself with veet (immac back then) at same age. Burned all my arms and underarms as had gotten teased about dark hairs when starting high school and mum thought I was too young. I also burned my lip trying to use bleach on my upper lip. Please find a safe way to do it.

The Phillip's lumea has been mentioned on couple of threads about same issue. Pricey but sounds like it works very well on dark hair and pale skin

I'll look into that - thank you!

@LemonSwan

Bare leg season in the UK is only really a few months during school term. Shaving is just starting a continous problem & Winter is nearly here.

I would make an agreement with her that you will get them waxed once this weekend, that will last at least 6 weeks then she can wear tights until warmer months next year then you will take her to get them waxed in mid April. So max 2 -3 times a year.

Once in Sept start, Once late spring, Once before holiday for swimming etc.

Doesn't waxing seriously fucking HURT though? (I've never done it…) There has do be a less painful but equally effective option, surely!?

It is so so difficult being pale skinned with very dark, thick hair, which was me. I don’t think I even felt pressure in terms of beauty standards, but more conscious from around 10ish that I was different, as there were many girls in my class with light coloured hair and so their arm and leg hair wasn’t obvious, but because my hair was thick and dark, I felt really awkward about it.

My mum bought me veet cream when I started secondary school, and after years of waxing and shaving, lasered it all off. I’m genuinely not exaggerating but my legs looked like they belonged to a man!

I know you will get loads of comments about how sad it is that girls feel the need to remove body hair, but those with lighter colour hair have it very different to those with dark coloured hair on light skin. So whilst we can blame modern beauty standards, it starts when you’re young because you’re aware of how different you are.

I was your daughter! Please help her and support her to find a safe way to remove it. I was teased relentlessly and it made me miserable. I wish my mum had helped me and instead I bought cheap razors with my pocket money and had so many cuts from shaving. Girls can be so mean in secondary school.

Shaving doesn't make you more hairy, that's a myth. It just appears thicker as it grows through initially due to the blunted end.

Let her shave if she wants to. It's her body and she's the one that has to deal with the horrible comments from others not you.

Please let her do it. As someone who is naturally hairy due to my heritage, I detested my mother for a few years as she tried to make me feel bad for shaving. The bullying was relentless at times! In the end I stopped asking and did it with no help or guidance. Please support her!

If she wants to shave let her its no big thing really, best to support her and teach her how to do it safely and look after the skin, much better than her being unhappy.

Epilator, will eventually get rid of the hair

Let her have some responsibility for how she wants to present herself.
Not letting her remove hair is as bad as making her do it if she didn't want to.
Her body, her choice.

My daughter started shaving her kegs at that age once she started secondary school. I’d let her.

Help her. Don’t use very as I burned myself using it but I started shaving at 10 as I’m hairy af. My mother has only ever had to do her underarms she’s very fair and didn’t understand how hard it was for me. @LemonSwanv 6weeks? I wish, when I wax I get 2 weeks max out of it!

Let her try Veet under your supervision. Waxing is very painful. Veet does seem to kill leg hair over time as well.

I don't understand all the angst and reluctance to let girls start to remove body hair when they reach a certain again.

Yes we shouldn't have to remove it. But some people do want to for a variety of reasons and it's absolutely their body their choice.
Girls can be absolute bitches and i wouldn't want my daughter to be uncomfortable or self conscious.

Give her options. Shave, wax, removal cream, epilator, and let her have a go at what she would prefer.

Personally I'd just let her shave it off in the shower. Yes it's a nuisance to keep ontop of and doesn't last long but it isn't painful and can be done in 2 minutes.

I feel I've gone back to the 70s reading this thread.

If she wants to shave let her shave.

My DM always told me if I started shaving my legs I would regret it (something about hair growing back thicker and having to keep shaving it). I can honestly say I have never once regretted it.

@LemonSwan that's all very well but what about PE? I always dreaded PE because I had to get my hair legs out, even in the winter

FFS. She’s asking. Just let her and show her how. Why make an issue of this.

Definitely help her do it - I get what you mean about feeling she’s really young or it might start her having to do it regularly but realistically if she wants to do it now it’s only a matter of time. Better you show her how to do it properly. I used to get terrible shaving rashes after shaving with cheap razors. had no clue about shaving gel, moisturising etc.

My daughter asked at 11, she wanted me to do it the first few times and she's 12 now and does it by herself. I didn't see a problem with it - she should have a say when it comes to her body and I fully support that.

Oh let her do it, I had hairy legs, thighs too, which no one else did, I was tall and leggy but never played any sport if I could avoid it. This was in the days when only p e teachers wore tracksuits.
I would have been so good at sport but took up none.