Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my 11 year old shave her legs?

116 replies

whycantwegoonasthree · 13/09/2021 23:22

She's started to feel really self conscious about them and has asked me for a razor. Instinctively my reaction was "No!! You're too young!!" - but I didn't say this, and have put off the conversation until the weekend.

She's just started secondary, which I think has brought it to a head - but she has been murmuring dissatisfaction for some time.

To be fair she has very pale skin and very thick dark hair - she's utterly beautiful, like a little snow-white, but it does mean the hair on her legs is quite obvious, and I know other girls have mentioned it to her. (Little fuckers, girls, aren't they?)

I'm no help on this - my hair is fine and fair and I have about three on each leg - I shave about once a fortnight and only if I remember.

So I don't know what to suggest/do. It feels like shaving will be making a rod for her back, and ultimately make her more hairy, but I simply don't know what else is sensible/practical at this age... or whether I should just be encouraging her to embrace her hairy legs.

What would you do?

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 14/09/2021 09:31

Any mums who dont want their dds to remove their body hair because feminism - you need to champion that with your own body hair. Controlling someone elses is pretty much the opposite of feminism.

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 14/09/2021 09:33

Agree with everyone saying let her do it if she is self conscious.

I wasn’t allowed to and it still makes me feel awful today when I think back to the day one of the other girls who had really thick hair on her legs came in with beautifully wax legs. She seemed so content. And I felt so sad that my mum just didn’t understand me or care enough about my insecurities- just her narrow minded view and that was it, whereas this other girl had her mum’s full support to help her look and feel good.

Don’t use a razor tho!

Whiskeywithwater · 14/09/2021 09:35

I started my DD about the same age on waxing. Shaving is fine, but just IMO it’s continual maintenance. She’s been waxing for about 4 years now and the Regrowth is now very slow and sparse. But I’m a dedicated waxer too, so for me it was just the obvious direction to point her in. But would echo other people and say, whatever method you/she chooses absolutely let her do it if she’s feeling self conscious.

Three0fivepointfour · 14/09/2021 09:37

I shave my legs daily in the shower. It’s no big deal.

I’ve said to DD age 13 that of her hair bothers her let me know and I’ll take her to get it waxed. If asked the salon and they’re fine with this. A good waxer shouldn’t hurt, I find the first strip is a bit ouchy but it’s fine after that. I think she’ll only do up to her knees and she’ll probably only need it doing once or twice a year, to begin with at least.

If she hates the process or wants to shave then that’s fine too, but I’d rather start with waxing.

I suppose you could try threading which is supposed to be kinder to skin but I’ve never heard of anyone threading legs.

Electric shavers are okay but leave stubble. In shower shaving with a shaver with the foam/moisturizer block attached is quick and easy.

Pottedpalm · 14/09/2021 09:39

I would go for Veet, lower legs only needed? No stubble.

noprofessional · 14/09/2021 09:39

I'm wary of "feminism" that actually just controls women and girls in a different way. She doesn't need to embrace her hairy legs if she doesn't want to. It's her body. My daughter is similarly pale skined and very dark haired. She is only 6 but has very hairy legs already. If she wants to remove it when she is a bit older and I'll make sure she has the safe tools to do so, no questions asked.

AntiMaskersAreTwats · 14/09/2021 09:40

My almost 10 year old daughter has very dark, hairy legs and arms. She’s been mentioning hating them for a few months now and she’s told me she has been teased at school. I did tell school who did a talk with all the girls but she’s self conscious of it now. I got her a basic lady shave (£15) and we had a nice bonding session showing her how to use it. She practiced on me (I’m hairy but only bother to shave a few times a year when I go on holiday) then I left her to it. She keeps it in her bedside drawer. She’s has used it a few times to my knowledge. When the hair grows back it’s a bit stubbly to touch for a few days but doesn’t look any thicker or anything. And she’s a million times happier. Obviously I’d like her to fight the good fight for accepting hair on women (like I do) but it’s up to her.

Tal45 · 14/09/2021 09:40

Shaving won't make her more hairy. When the hair grows back it will have a blunt end which can make it look thicker but there won't be more hair.

Let her shave, it's sad that there's this pressure to be hair free but she shouldn't be forced to be the one to stand up against all society's judgements if she doesn't want to be - and I say that as someone who barely shaves themselves.

SmallestInTheClass · 14/09/2021 09:43

Agree with others, an electric ladyshave is the way to go. I used to trim my hair with nail scissors at that age as I was too embarrassed to ask for a razor. If you don't let her have one, she'll find a way to DIY. My 10 year old is pale skinned, and hairy and has been delighted with hers. She doesn't shave all the time, but knows she can do it when she wants to.

PoppityPop · 14/09/2021 09:46

Please let her do it, I have the same colouring and my fur left me so miserable at that age. If she has visible hair on her top lip, let her remove that too - Veet works well.

EatYourVegetables · 14/09/2021 09:56

I started epilating at that age.

xprincessxjanetx · 14/09/2021 09:58

Yes, I would absolutely let her.

hellywelly3 · 14/09/2021 10:01

My DD started getting her legs waxed a few years ago at 11. I didn’t want her cutting herself whilst shaving with a razor. She doesn’t find it painful

burritofan · 14/09/2021 10:04

Let her. The school years are brutal. And yes of course she shouldn’t have to, and wouldn’t it be great if we could all be resilient and stand up against peer pressure and be as hairy as we like (or not) without comment from our peers, but, well. At school it’s just easier to shave. She can make a different choice at a different time; this is what she wants and needs now. It doesn’t preclude her from being hairy later. (Don’t let her over pluck her eyebrows into 90s tadpoles though; that shit is for life! 😭)

DeepaBeesKit · 14/09/2021 10:23

I'd let her remove it but not with a wet razor. Cream or wax or exfoliator pads or something are better. Good idea to do one wax now then leave it through winter. I wouldnt make a big deal of it.

Original poster
whycantwegoonasthree · 14/09/2021 10:33

I think the consensus is to let her - and help her to do it properly.

To start with I think it looks like shaving - either ladyshave or razor....

Upsides/downsides to each for the hairy of leg?

Thanks for all your responses. I do appreciate it.

OP posts:
Timeforachangetoday12 · 14/09/2021 10:41

It’s really hard both my girls are pale with very dark (and a lot) of leg hair. I let both girls once they turned 12 initially use hair removal cream and as they matured trusted them with shaver.

I wish they could have waited but I have pale skin and pale hair when I was their age so I’ve not experienced it. I’ve never shaved my arm hair but my eldest had really dark hair and was very self conscious (I still made her wait till she was 14) but she happy to shave it and maintain it. My youngest had pale arm hair hasn’t mentioned it!

It has to be their choice and as others said it better to discuss it than use dads old razor which I did…..the damage I did!

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 14/09/2021 10:43

Good choice, I wouldn't have picked waxing either, it can really irritate the skin and she could end up with blotches, or ingrowing hairs. Shaving is a simple start. either ladyshave or razor would be fine you just get used to what you know.

SirSamuelVimes · 14/09/2021 10:49

Be aware that if she has thick dark hair and pale skin hair removal is a right pain in the arse compared to those lucky fair, fine haired people.

Shaving will create rough stubble. Even wet shaving I have five o clock shadow on my legs within hours. You can see the dark hair follicle through the pale skin even if it's smooth - especially true of underarms.

Waxing hurts like fuck. Thick strong hair equals thick strong roots and the hairs often break rather than pulling out properly, meaning you get patchy stubble and regrowth is quick. I always had to shave after a wax to get rid of the remaining broken off hair stubble.

Hair removal creams may not work on her hair at all. They never have on mine, no matter how long I leave it on for. And again, there is still the problem of the visible follicle under the skin.

Up to the knee shaving may not be enough. The worst of my hair is on the backs of my thighs and the "bikini line" which extends the full width of my hand span past the actual line of any bikini / pants. I have never been able to do anything other than ankle to crotch height hair removal.

Often I see people on these threads offer really good intentioned hair removal advice but I always think, god I wish it were that easy!

I'm saving up for a lumea. Fed up of battling. My DDs are blonde at the moment (still little) so I'm hoping they avoid my nightmare body hair, but if they turn dark I will try to do lumea-type removal on them from a their teens (if they want) in the hope that getting it early saves them the years of misery I've had.

tickledtiger · 14/09/2021 10:54

Would probably get an electric razor if you think the razor is a bit too much for her at the moment. Or you could just go with a razor and teaching her how to use it so she doesn’t cut herself.

I think veet is a bit messy and smelly, I used it for a while in my teens but now I view it as an unnecessary stepping stone.

usernotfound0000 · 14/09/2021 10:57

I absolutely would. DD is almost 7 and has very hairy legs, quite fair but thick. She's never commented on it yet, and obviously neither have I but I'll be letting her shave it as soon as she wants to. Electric shaver seems the safest option.

WeightlossKin · 14/09/2021 11:09

Let her shave it - I wasn't allowed to and got bullied every time I got changed for PE!

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 14/09/2021 11:17

I've got really pale skin and dark hair, my Mum wouldn't let me use any hair removal products when I first started secondary and I was picked on so badly for my hairy legs. Please let her do it

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 14/09/2021 11:18

@SirSamuelVimes I'm like you. I've got the Lumea and honestly it's a game changer

grapestar · 14/09/2021 11:26

I don't get it. Yes she is 11, yes she is beautiful, but, she has hairy legs and is getting upset about them hence wanting to shave them.
For you to post on here you must have an idea in your head as to what age you think is acceptable for her to start shaving?
She is going to shave them at some point, I'd imagine she will probably do it without your help if you say no to her now, and she will probably cut herself and it will probably hurt, so why not negate that possibility and help her become the girl she wants to be?
I fully agree with the 'let kids be kids' phrase, but she is growing up and doesn't want to be picked on for having hairy legs. Once she realises that there are options (as she clearly has) the 'let kids be kids' doesn't really apply anymore...

Swipe left for the next trending thread