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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Anyone else ever secretly impressed with how cheeky people can be?

378 replies

2ndtimemum2 · 13/09/2021 14:18

Having read another thread where a woman was asked to go 40 minutes out of there way to drop someone elses child to school, or the poor woman who's been asked to give daily injections to her neighbour because her kids couldn't be bothered has gotten me thinking are these people absolutely mental or how are people brazen enough to make these requests?

It seems like a daily occurance where a poster seems to deal with some crazy cf!!! I don't think I'd have the actual nerve or be brazen enough to make some of the ridiculous requests that people have made so I'm secretly impressed that there's these group of people who don't even think twice about these off the wall requests!

OP posts:
DillonPanthersTexas · 13/09/2021 20:41

I had a neighbour years ago who would frequently ask to 'borrow a glass of wine' , supposedly for cooking. I used to keep a box of wine for cooking purposes and she knew this. Problem is that she was asking at least once a week, it just annoyed me. There was a shop at the end of the road but she just asked me all the time. It was not the cost of it, just the laziness that annoyed me. Eventually bought a few bottles of blue nun and started to decant those into the glass instead, strangely she stopped asking.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 13/09/2021 20:51

Rev what happened to communities, helping each other blah blah
I don't suppose you noticed a tiny little thing missing from all accounts of cheeky fuckers did you?

Reciprocity.

romatheroamer · 13/09/2021 20:52

Re pps on the war, it wasn't great. Anthony Burgess based the rape scene in A Clockwork Orange on sthg that had happened to his wife during the war at the hands of servicemen.
Mustn't forget those who don't pick up the parcels you've taken in for them. Said to neighbour didn't you get the note from the deliveryman? Oh had a lot of stuff to look through after holiday. Next time just kept it and she came round eventually.

Fluffycloudland77 · 13/09/2021 20:53

Yes. I can see where your coming from op.

Mil tried for WEEKS to get me to pay for a hotel room at my wedding for a relative who isnt nice to me or about me. Much sighing and "X cant afford a hotel room so they cant have one" which is pretty much life in a nutshell.

littleloopylou · 13/09/2021 20:54

Ah, here's my story!

A friend and I took our children to the playground. Another child started playing with our children. The mum (?) Suddenly said to us that she had a throbbing headache - could we please watch her kid while she went into the local chemist (visible from the playground). We were a bit shocked but agreed.

Some time passed and we both needed to go. Woman nowhere in sight. Finally, when we both were at risk of missing work meetings, she came flouncing up with a big cone of chips, complaining about the queue at the chippy which was right next to the chemist!

TempleofZoom · 13/09/2021 21:13

It all boils down to entitlement and boundaries.
CFers have narc traits, a massive sense of entitlement and they ignore/push boundaries.
Others are just a means to an end.

The victim is usually a people pleaser with poor boundaries.
They get validation from pleasing others and cant bear people thinking badly of them.

CFers keep asking until they hit the jackpot and find someone they can manipulate.
Anyone who stands up to them is discarded or denigrated.

emuloc · 13/09/2021 21:19

@DillonPanthersTexas

I suspect they prey on people they think are too shy or meek to say no.

That is exactly what they do, they are mostly calculating users. They don't view people based on potential friendship, they see people as assets that can be deployed to make their lives easier or cheaper.

I do believe this is one of the most stand out post I have seen on MN. It is so true.
amusedbush · 13/09/2021 21:19

A couple of years ago my best friend was so uncharacteristically brazen I almost asked if she'd bumped her head on the way to meet me.

DH and I have been to New York a few times, we love it. Before our last trip, my friend told me (yes, told me!) that she had found a few things she wanted and she would give me a list before I went. That's bad enough, but I'd have to traipse around finding the items and they were pretty heavy.

I told her I wouldn't have enough space in my suitcase to bring the stuff back so she suggested that I paid to take an extra suitcase for her stuff??

When I politely declined, she said "but you've been to New York loads of times and I've never asked for anything, that's not fair" Shock

We've never spoken about it and she has never been that downright rude since!

LovePoppy · 13/09/2021 21:21

@pombear4949

Part of the issue is people who DO go along with their mad requests for one reason or another, which validates the A) people that it was reasonable and fine to ask because they’d say no otherwise, or the B) that you can get away with it as long as you find someone too passive to say no

///\
this

I know I should say no and I think my friend plays on that. eg how do I say no I cannot take your child to school when I'm going that way myself to drop my own kids off. The problem here is that her child has (undiagnosed) special needs and is difficult to manage and also hates my child to the point i cannot leave him in the same room as my child. Also, how do I say no you cannot borrow cash when she knows full well I have it (I earn a lot more) but she has either over spent or over committed herself, which is why she needs to borrow money (usually around £450 a time, not talking £20 here and there). I don't mind helping someone, but mixed in with all the other asks makes me reluctant.

  1. No sorry it’s too much for me to handle as your child hates mine
  1. No, sorry, my money is committed elsewhere. No it can’t be accessed
FrenchBoule · 13/09/2021 21:55

@TempleofZoom exactly

I’m not impressed by CF brass necks, I’m disappointed with “non confrontational” people and their lack of backbone.

Sadly sometimes it’s the product of “be kind” and “be good” upbringing. It’s very hard to break the habit because “how dare you upset X,Y,Z by saying NO”

Somebody else mentioned notorious CF’s and their lack of reciprocity.That also needs addressing in human relationships.

Any lack of balance is damaging.

MintyGreenDream · 13/09/2021 22:01

My ndn asks for batteries,paracetamol etc and even borrowed by bathroom scales once and never returned them

MyPatronusIsACat · 13/09/2021 22:02

Last November, a woman in her early 30s moved in opposite us, bought the house outright after making a good whack on a property in London. Good job, career woman, out 8am til 7pm Monday to Thursday, 8am til 4pm Friday... Not a fan of serious relationships as she is a career woman, and has only had one casual fella for a few weeks in July.

Her parents (mid 50s) live down south where she came from, and in early June, they came to stay for a week, and her dad did her garden. Mowed the lawn (first time it had been done since she moved in,) and weeded the beds. Also planted some bedding plants.

I was weeding our garden, and planting a few bedding plants. (I love gardening, but we have a large corner plot, and 3 lawns, and it's quite hard work and high maintenance.) I am in my mid 50s and DH in his mid to late 50s, and we're not getting any younger and not in the best of health, and it's getting harder as we get older..

DH has been for a couple of procedures at hospital in the past 4 years that put him off work for a couple of months.

When I was weeding one day, this woman's dad - who hadn't said a word to us the whole week - decided to speak to us (and the woman who lives there had not had much to do with us in the 6 months she had been there. She seemed OK, and had spoken several times, but we hardly saw her, and she had her own life...)

He chatted about the weather for 2 minutes, told us 'Hayley' had settled in well, and as he walked off he said 'don't be afraid to mow her lawn if you see it getting too long, and weed her beds if they get messy...Hayley isn't much of a gardener.' And then grinned at me...Grin

I was like 'oh..' Confused

Within 5 minutes I was steaming. I thought 'you cheeky cunt. We don't know you, we don't know HER, she has hardly spoken to us in the 6 months since she moved in, and her dad was expecting us - the people living opposite, who are 25 years older,, and who actually have jobs, and family, to maintain his daughter's garden. because she 'isn't much of a gardener.'

Why the fuck did she buy a HOUSE with a 30 ft X 50 ft lawn at the front then, surrounded by 4 feet wide flower beds?

As I said, we have our own (large) garden, and THAT is enough of a struggle to look after. I mean, we love it and all, but like fuck are we going to start maintaining some random woman's garden, who has hardly spoken to us, and who is 25 years younger, and could easily afford to pay someone to do it!

After a few minutes, I fished out a leaflet for a local cheap and friendly gardener, who mows the lawn for a tenner, and does weeding and general maintenance. I took it over to the house, and told him (politely even though I was annoyed,) that me and DH can't help as we struggle to maintain our own garden. He said 'oh thanks.. I will pass it to Hayley.'

I don't know if Hayley even knew he had asked to be fair, but what a cheek!

Hilariously, the lawn has only been mown once since- by a bloke she was seeing for a few weeks in July, and is a foot and a half high now. She has never done it herself... And the flower beds have 3 foot high weeds in them. The poor bedding plants have been suffocated by the weeds! So she clearly never contacted the gardener.

Like fuck are we going to give a free gardening service to a woman we barely know, who has barely acknowledged us since she moved in, who is 25 years younger, and is PERFECTLY capable of doing it herself - or paying for it herself.

Cheeky fuckery at its finest!

And no, @2ndtimemum2 I am not impressed by cheeky fuckers . I think they're arseholes.

disclaimer... HAYLEY is not her real name!

NannyGythaOgg · 13/09/2021 22:04

I had a call, at around midnight, from a (now ex) friend, who had just landed at the airport having returned from 2 weeks in the sun.

Would I go to her house (about 3 miles away) and put the heating on so it would be warm when she got home.

I told her 'No - I'm in bed and was just falling asleep'. 'Well you are awake now; and it would only take you 10 mins - you don't even need to get dressed, you can put your coat on top of your nightwear'. 'You must be joking - I'm not doing that' I replied. 'Huh, some friend you are she said'.

I put the phone down and went to sleep. I never heard from her again. I wasn't sorry.

BalloonSlayer · 13/09/2021 22:05

I remember when my Dcs were small and I was struggling with a health issue with one of them. Mentioned to the HV that I was finding it difficult, she suggested I ask one of the neighbours to help me (I had moved in 3 months before and knew no one). She recommended one neighbour in particular, said she would do anything to help anyone.

Erm yes she would as I discovered when we became friends a few years later. She also had two disabled children and a nasty husband. I can't believe the HV was wiling to add to her burdens by suggesting I asked her to help me (needless to say I didn't!)

I can't help wondering whether the suppositories, injections, driving to school requests have come about because someone has said "I can't do this, can a district nurse come round," or "I can't accept this school place, I need a school that's closer," and have just been told, "nothing we can do, you will have to ask a friend or neighbour."

DamnUserName21 · 13/09/2021 22:14

I am constantly astounded by the cheek of others!!

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 13/09/2021 22:22

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow

I have a friend who is a stealth CF. She is very good at offering to help and, occasionally, actually does. It therefore took me decades to realise that I was helping her about 10 times as often as she helped me.
You sound so lovely.

Do you think there are some relationships that are dominated by a reflexive desire to help that is almost impossible to control and it takes conscious effort to put them into perspective (like realising you help 10x more often)?

Confusedandshaken · 13/09/2021 22:24

My mum is elderly and needs extra care and support which I willingly give - up to a point. I've lost count of the number of times doctors/nurses/social workers have assumed that I am available at every moment of night or day to attend to her every need. They are always very taken aback when I say I won't be doing her cleaning/gardening/visiting every day/maintaining her house/cutting her toenails etc etc . I already do a great deal for her, particularly because she is deaf and so needs me present at all appointments to advocate for her but she is is a very wealthy woman well able to employ people to do other everyday tasks and I'm not prepared to sacrifice my middle age to waiting on her hand and foot. TBF to my mum she doesn't expect it either. She's fiercely independent and counts every day that I haven't had to help her out as a day when she has lived on her own terms but I still can't get over the CFuckery of people who don't know us just assuming I am available as a 24 hour carer.

carlycurly · 13/09/2021 22:27

Yes, that's me. I'm naturally helpful. It's a curse. I've got a lot better with boundaries and can be quite assertive but it doesn't stop people trying it on.

Right now I've got neighbours who seem to be accessing my garden when I'm out and a friend who keeps attempting to move into my spare room and claim it as her second home, despite having a perfectly nice home of her own.

Fending it all off is pretty draining.

Angelou79 · 13/09/2021 22:29

I’ve had the opposite, currently nursing broken leg & have loads of people offering to do my shopping, wash my hair or anything else. Some people are from different counties and friends through work. I like to think it’s because I’d do the same but just wanted to point out there are some genuinely kind people out there!

dancinfeet · 13/09/2021 22:30

The mother at the performance of Lion King who allowed her 5 year old son to monologue at the top of his voice throughout the show (not even about the show, alternating talking about random crap to asking when they were going home) and kick my teenage daughter’s seat repeatedly. At one point he actually missed the back of the seat and booted my daughter hard in the back of the head and neck. (Yes, he had his feet up on the back of her seat, that’s how come he managed to reach her head). At which point I turned around and told her to make him stop, which he did for about 2 minutes.
At the end of the show instead of apologising, she was making out that we were unreasonable for expecting civilised behaviour from her kid, despite every other child we were sat near behaving themselves. They were very expensive seats (that we had saved up for a very long time for) and we couldn’t even ask the staff to change where we were sat as it was a sold out performance. Bloody pathetic parenting at it’s finest, if either of my two behaved like that at the theatre at that age, then we would have been straight out of there and on the first bus home. I know that some kids frond sitting still hard at that age, most parents know their kid well enough to know if they are likely to sit through a show or not, so why take them and let them ruin it for others around them??!

MyPatronusIsACat · 13/09/2021 22:31

@Confusedandshaken

My mum is elderly and needs extra care and support which I willingly give - up to a point. I've lost count of the number of times doctors/nurses/social workers have assumed that I am available at every moment of night or day to attend to her every need. They are always very taken aback when I say I won't be doing her cleaning/gardening/visiting every day/maintaining her house/cutting her toenails etc etc . I already do a great deal for her, particularly because she is deaf and so needs me present at all appointments to advocate for her but she is is a very wealthy woman well able to employ people to do other everyday tasks and I'm not prepared to sacrifice my middle age to waiting on her hand and foot. TBF to my mum she doesn't expect it either. She's fiercely independent and counts every day that I haven't had to help her out as a day when she has lived on her own terms but I still can't get over the CFuckery of people who don't know us just assuming I am available as a 24 hour carer.
Excellent, brave, and honest post. Whilst it's nice/good for adult children to be able to help elderly parents, it's often not possible, as middle aged 'children' have their own life/ family/ job/ kids/ home etc.

And, as I and many others have said, it's funny how these people almost ALWAYS ask/assume a woman will be the full time 24/7 carer. Men are never asked.

DamnUserName21 · 13/09/2021 22:34

A friend of mine arranged a playdate and get-together with me & DC at the local park. She turned up in her running gear with her DC. Wanting me to babysit her DC so she could go work out. I wouldn't have minded if she'd asked but she'd made out it was a great playdate for the kids and a chance for us to 'catch up!' It was clear I wasn't impressed and she didn't go.

Kneesaregood · 13/09/2021 22:35

@Confusedandshaken the laws around adult social care actually have underpinning principles specified in them, which includes that it is the role of family to care for family, and the state should only intervene as a last resort if noone within the family/friends network is able to. The professionals you mention aren't being CFs they're following statutory guidance.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 13/09/2021 22:38

Interesting question, @EmbarrassingAdmissions.

As nice as it is of you to say so, I don't think I am generally lovely 😉. But, with that particular friend, the dynamic was very ingrained, and it made hard to recognise what was going on. I knew her from childhood, and our families were friends. I only woke up to the stealth fuckery when she did it to a mutual friend and I suddenly realised she was doing the same to me!

DdraigGoch · 13/09/2021 22:40

I recall one job where I offered someone a lift and every day he harangued my with his views on the iniquity of the internal combustion engine and how everyone should be on public transport or bikes. After a week I suggested that he follow his own principles.
@JudgeJ I can't believe that they lasted a week before you put your foot down. CFs don't last five minutes with me.