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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shut your filthy ass mouth

86 replies

gemmur · 13/09/2021 12:22

My usually placid husband has just told me to 'shut your filthy ass mouth' because I said I was fed up of him constantly sleeping through our son crying and me not having one night off since he was born 5 months ago.

No build up to it, just me calmly telling him how I feel to be met with that comment and him storming out. What a disgusting thing to say. I want to ask him to leave.

WIBU to ask him to leave over that comment?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 13/09/2021 12:23

It's not just that comment, is it? It's the fact he's useless when your son is crying. What's he like the rest of the time?

AtrociousCircumstance · 13/09/2021 12:25

He’s a useless prick and he’s been verbally abusive.

YANBU to see this as a deal breaker.

Lavender24 · 13/09/2021 12:25

I wouldn't kick someone out over that but I would expect an apology.

Sounds like there are other problems in the relationship though? He should be helping you with your child.

FleasInMyKnees · 13/09/2021 12:26

He sounds horrible, why doesnt he help with your son, I wouldnt want him speaking to me like that it is very disrespectful.

PlanDeRaccordement · 13/09/2021 12:27

In the context you’ve presented “normally placid” it appears this outburst was rare or a one off, so no I would not ask someone to pack and leave their home over it. I would expect them to apologise once they’ve calmed down and be open to an adult conversation.

Cleverpolly3 · 13/09/2021 12:28

Does he think he’s a character in a Tarantino movie?
Seriously that - combined with him being useless when his baby is crying - is just not on.

Selfish prick

SylvanasWindrunner · 13/09/2021 12:28

Was it a film quote or something? Sounds like a weird thing for someone who doesn't have previous for it to just come out with randomly out of the blue.

Idk I wouldn't break up with my husband over one comment if it was out of character, although that is a very odd one, but it sounds like he's been pretty useless for a while so that would be more of a dealbreaker to me.

escapisum101 · 13/09/2021 12:29

This is how it started with my husband when my dc2 was a newborn and he never helped. EVER.

2 years down the line it never got better, the words and anger got worse and I'm currently trying to get my ducks in order to leave.

It's a horrible feeling Thanks

DrSbaitso · 13/09/2021 12:29

I'm assuming it's not the first disgusting thing he's said to you.

CanofCant · 13/09/2021 12:32

YANBU. I expect he's only 'normally placid' because he's never challenged and usually gets his own way while you do everything.

flibberyjibbery8 · 13/09/2021 12:35

No, but more context is needed really. You're married, so are you going to end a marriage over one comment or is it much more than that?

Tbh my ex never got up in the night either, he saw it as my job because I didn't go to work and he did. Plus, I had the boobs. We had endless arguments about it and he'd then have the audacity to say HE was tired when I'd sat watching him sleep.

These times can show true colours or they can simply exacerbate stress in you both to the point of this kind of behaviour. You have to work out which it is to know how to move forward. Either way is not good, but one is potentially fixable and the other isn't.

RubyGoat · 13/09/2021 12:35

In the context you’ve given, that he basically leaves you to do all the difficult stuff, I’d leave/ask him to. Whose name is on the mortgage/rental?

NoSquirrels · 13/09/2021 12:38

It cannot possibly be an isolated incident.

If it is, there’s something wrong with him. He needs to see a professional to address whatever that is.

If it is a pattern of escalating lazy, dismissive and abusive behaviour then you don’t need permission to act.

AntiSocialDistancer · 13/09/2021 12:39

I'm so sorry. I'd really struggle with this, it's such a venomous thing to say. He's not a teenager and you're not playing him in a game of Fortnite.

Coupled with being a lazy man with childcare he sounds entirely unattractive.

lockdownalli · 13/09/2021 12:39

What a charmer. Is this the tip of the iceberg?

DressBitch · 13/09/2021 12:39

I don't agree with anyone telling anyone else to "shut their mouth". That alone would piss me off.

CanofCant · 13/09/2021 12:40

Also, at the risk of sounding like a snob, it does sound like a really cringe worthy quote from a film that he has repeated like a naughty child for effect. This would put me off him and give me the ick alone.

thisplaceisweird · 13/09/2021 12:41

I would have burst out laughing at that, sorry. What a strange insult.

Leave him if this is consistent behaviour and you aren't happy.

If it's geniunely a one-off and he's in a bad place mental/stressed/under a lot of pressure I could move past it with acknowledgement and an apology.

Only you know what to do, trust your gut.

thisplaceisweird · 13/09/2021 12:41

@CanofCant

Also, at the risk of sounding like a snob, it does sound like a really cringe worthy quote from a film that he has repeated like a naughty child for effect. This would put me off him and give me the ick alone.
Exactly what I thought! It's ridiculous
Shoxfordian · 13/09/2021 12:42

He has no respect for you

steff13 · 13/09/2021 12:46

My husband is a very heavy sleeper, and didn't wake when the kids cried. I have no problem shoving him awake when it was his turn to get up. Don't let him get away with sleeping through it.

As for what he said, I would expect an apology.

OrangeJuiceAndNoodles · 13/09/2021 12:52

The whole ass thing is a bit of a linguistic trend at the mo. I.e. Adding it on to everything, e.g. 'weird-ass cat' etc.

It's annoying but maybe he's picked that up from memes or TV and it didn't sound as offensive in his head?

As previous posters have indicated, this would give me the ick anyway. Such a teenage thing to say.

Porcupineintherough · 13/09/2021 12:57

If I loved someone enough to have a child with them, I wouldn't bin the entire relationship based on a one off comment, especially if it came from someone who is usually placid.

It sounds like you are on your knees with tiredness. So either he reacted because you are unfairly getting at him (saying you are absolutely sick of something he, on the surface if it, cant help, isnt a neutral starting point it's an attack) or he's an arsehole who does nothing and wont be challenged about it. If it's the latter then you dont need a daft comment to justify you leaving.

Tlollj · 13/09/2021 13:02

Agree with pp such a strange comment to come out with like that.
Talk to him I guess. I wouldn’t leave just because of one remark however it’s strange and I’d keep my eye on it.

Fluffypastelslippers · 13/09/2021 13:05

Look you can ask him to leave because he is a useless arsehole that doesn't offer any help. You don't need a comment to the be reason. The wider issue is much more important.