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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Shut your filthy ass mouth

86 replies

gemmur · 13/09/2021 12:22

My usually placid husband has just told me to 'shut your filthy ass mouth' because I said I was fed up of him constantly sleeping through our son crying and me not having one night off since he was born 5 months ago.

No build up to it, just me calmly telling him how I feel to be met with that comment and him storming out. What a disgusting thing to say. I want to ask him to leave.

WIBU to ask him to leave over that comment?

OP posts:

Walkingalot · 13/09/2021 17:48

It doesn't bode well with his whole attitude to be honest. It wouldn't hurt him to get up in the night with the baby a couple of times a week now. Plus he should do his equal share when you go back to work as you'll be doing the same hours. Babies/toddlers/kids wake at all hours and it would be very rare for them to sleep through all the time. I've certainly never heard of such a rare phenomenon, lol. Joking aside, you need to sit down when you're both calm and rested and have a good talk about sharing responsibilities when you go back to work. It's his baby too.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 13/09/2021 18:00

However this week he is on annual leave and I am desperate for a full night sleep, he doesn't think this is his 'job' though as he is out at work.

Not his job?

It is. He is a dad.

And although I could see why it could make sense if he has a job that demands a decent rest, he has absolutely no excuse if he is on leave or on days off.

It might come as a shock that some babies don’t sleep through the night to suit the family work situation or on a specific timeline.

He needs to do his fair share.

whynotwhatknot · 13/09/2021 20:38

But that is abusive op you dont talk to anyone like that let alone your wife

He wont even help whislt hes on leave? youd be better off without him

ZooKeeper19 · 13/09/2021 20:42

@gemmur have to say that it is his job too to parent his baby.

Having said that we have 2 and my DH has woken at night to help sooth a crying baby exactly 0 times. He sleeps through like, well, like a baby (what a stupid phrase that is!).

But he has never shouted at me, and I would not be happy if he did.

I think I would try and have a calm convo with your DH, say you feel like you cannot cope with the nights all by yourself and could you establish a routine where he helps out on a few nights (say Friday Saturday) and he can then have a lie in in the morning while you take over, rested and all.

Pease do remember, and this is super easy to forget - you are on mat leave which is NOT a holiday, it is a FULL TIME JOB like his, only harder, more relentless and totally unappreciated and done for f*cking FREE. So when you feel like you should tiptoe around for he is the one earning money, have a stern talk to yourself for you need a reality check :)

Hugoslavia · 13/09/2021 21:28

It doesn't matter if he works 9-5. He should still be helping you out during the night or at the very least every Fri and sat night. Does he realise that you are also 'working' and that sleep deprivation is pure torture. I would also point out to him that telling you to shut your filthy ass mouth is an attempt to bully you into silence and ask him whether he sees it as an acceptable way to treat you, especially when communication is key to a successful relationship. Unless he apologizes and pulls his finger out I would be gone. If you're doing all the hard work and night shifts anyway, then you might as well be single.

bigbaggyeyes · 13/09/2021 21:36

When the baby wakes up in the middle of the night, wake your dh up and tell him that 'this filthy ass mouth is telling you it's your turn to get up with the baby' even if you're bf. Tell him 'this filthy ass mouth is telling you to change the baby's nappy'

AnyFucker · 13/09/2021 21:43

He's not abusive in any way

Yes he is. Abuse takes many forms other than a punch in the face.

twelvefiftynine · 13/09/2021 22:40

So he does absolutely nothing to care for his own baby. When you go back to work absolutely nothing will change. No point in having a relationship with him, what's he good for? I'd be LTB.

Looubylou · 13/09/2021 23:03

He is abusive OP - verbally and emotionally.

Wizzbangfizz · 13/09/2021 23:07

Be very careful here OP - he will continue to expect you to shoulder the load when you age back at work. What happens when baby is sent home or sick? Will you share it? Share drop offs, pick ups? Mental and physical load of baby prep/nursery admin?

DebbieHarrysCheekbones · 14/09/2021 19:51

@AnyFucker

He's not abusive in any way

Yes he is. Abuse takes many forms other than a punch in the face.

Precisely

More often than not abuse victims get to the point where they actually wish they had something like evidence of physical abuse to show authorities it’s become so awful and nobody sees what really goes on to them behind closed doors. The drip drip drip of psychological trauma and grinding nastiness

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