Shut your filthy ass mouth

[gemmur]

My usually placid husband has just told me to 'shut your filthy ass mouth' because I said I was fed up of him constantly sleeping through our son crying and me not having one night off since he was born 5 months ago.

No build up to it, just me calmly telling him how I feel to be met with that comment and him storming out. What a disgusting thing to say. I want to ask him to leave.

WIBU to ask him to leave over that comment?

Had he literally just been woken up?

I'm a very easy-going person usually, but I can be an evil monster when woken up.

Does he watch porn?

Im afraid i too would have laughed at that limp way of trying to deflect from a perfectly reasonable observation.

Has he been listening to kiddies rapping?

Anyway. If this is a one off and he is ok in most other aspects then i think I’d overlook it if he returned with a sorry.

What I wouldn’t overlook is him not helping you out with your baby.

He needs to step up there.

If he is an arsehole in general and leaves you to do everything? Then I’d be wondering what he brought to the table and be contemplating being happier on my own.

Well he sounds charming

i suppose because youre the woman youre expected to do everything

He sounds terrible. But on the other hand I don't think 4 or 5 sentences is enough for strangers on the internet to make a diagnosis of your future together. How is he day to day? Was his verbal attack a one off? Why did he suddenly react this way when he's normally placid? Is he ill? Is he a good father during daylight hours? Why is he sleeping through?

It’s easy to say to kick him out but what if he won’t go?

" MrsRobbieHart Mon 13-Sep-21 13:07:14

Does he watch porn?"

Does he have blue socks?

If it was the first (and only time), with no other worrying incidents, and he had the decency to be disgusted with himself and apologised, then I probably wouldn't kick him out.

He said "shut your filthy ass mouth" AND stormed out.

This man has a lot of anger in him. He is not placid. He is a volcano.

Are you sure you have not seen other signs. Maybe you are so used to walking on eggshells and modifying your behaviour that he is 'placid'. Dcs often break that impasse. You need him to step up in the night (and rightfully so as he IS the father) and won't back down. So he has to put you back in your place.

Please think about this.

@bongsuhan

"Shut your filthy ass mouth" and other similar phrases are rampant amongst certain types of porn. The ones were the women are totally degraded. Most porn obviously has that flavour but I mean the stuff were the degradation is blatant.

If he's watching that type of porn, and now he is using the phrases then he is starting to show his true colours. A lot of men dont start to show their real selves until after a kid is on the scene and it's harder for a woman to leave.

Sorry, but as serious as the issue with the OP's husband is, the connection with porn is bizarre. Nobody starts suddenly using "porn language" (if it is that) in everyday situations. (Obviously different issue if he does this in a sexual context).

@bongsuhan

Sorry, but as serious as the issue with the OP's husband is, the connection with porn is bizarre. Nobody starts suddenly using "porn language" (if it is that) in everyday situations. (Obviously different issue if he does this in a sexual context).

Ya think?? How naive you are. Lucky you.

Is your DC your first?

What he said was beyond unacceptable but this is an atrociously stressful time for everyone. It sounds like he’s being useless, but I would attempt a calm conversation about it, and certainly would want an apology. If neither of those is forthcoming, fast, then yes I would think about leaving. You don’t need this, and if he won’t address it now, it won’t get better.

[quote TheWoleb]@bongsuhan

"Shut your filthy ass mouth" and other similar phrases are rampant amongst certain types of porn. The ones were the women are totally degraded. Most porn obviously has that flavour but I mean the stuff were the degradation is blatant.

If he's watching that type of porn, and now he is using the phrases then he is starting to show his true colours. A lot of men dont start to show their real selves until after a kid is on the scene and it's harder for a woman to leave.[/quote]
What are you watching to know this about porn and then make such a wild extrapolation?

To be fair, I’ve heard phrases like “shut your filthy ass mouth” between school children who are creatively insulting without using prohibted swear words, ie a more tame version of “shut the fuck up”.

I stood, mouth agape, in work one day when a young male colleague told a senior female colleague “if I want your opinion, Mary*, I’ll give it to you”.

Luckily for that young chap the woman either didn’t listen properly or didn’t understand what he was saying but I, and others around us did.

What an odd phrase to use…

Is there backstory here OP?

It’s all relative. If that’s offensive to you and you feel like you should end your marriage over it, then end your marriage.
I was annoyed with my husband last night because he ate my last double decker and I used far more colourful language than that and I doubt very much he is packing up and shipping out.

What a strange thing to say , especially just out of the blue.
Was he joking ?
How did he behave afterwards?

It cannot possibly be an isolated incident.

If it is, there’s something wrong with him. He needs to see a professional to address whatever that is.

I agree. I'd never describe my DP as 'placid', and we certainly have harsh words sometimes, but I can't imagine him say ing this sort of thing to me.

I'm wondering if the comment was a very ill attempt and humour.

Either way, YANBU. What an idiot he is OP. I'm sorry you're dealing with this!

I certainly can't advise you either way. If this is a one off (which would be very strange), then you need to have a serious chat about his verbal expressions. If this is happening on a regular basis, that would be a deal breaker for me.

My now ex DP, when I was on the 10th wake up of the (then six month old DS) night, told me to 'stop fucking crying, you've got what you want'.

I stopped relying on him for any night time support there and then. And five years later, after many abusive insults, behaviour and disrespect, I'm leaving.

What I'm trying to say is if it's not an isolated incident and this man disrespects you, leave. It doesn't get better. Men seem to think women should just put up with being mothers whilst shirking responsibility of being fathers themselves, at the same time as always being on hand to cater to their needs. Once our babies are here, our priorities change.

I'd have asked him who the fuck he thought he was to speak to me like that 😒

I think your husband has been watching too many American movies. How immature.

There is almost no context here. What does he do with his time, why does he need more sleep? What's is his calm explanation.

Part and become single because of this! Are you serious? You cannot expect to get serious advice based on this little information, as a result the community is filling in the gaps.