Over DD’s passport

[AngelicaSchuylerAndHerSisters]

ExDH wants to take the kids abroad to meet his gf’s parents in Spain in two weeks. I know the kids would love to go. I mentioned to him that he should check the expiration dates on the passports - which he denied having. He then texted me yesterday accusing me of lying about not having the kids’ passports. Eventually they were found at his mum’s house. DD’s passport is out of date. He asked me to apply online for a renewal, but I tried and it wouldn’t arrive in time. Now he wants me to take her to the local passport office to get the 7 day service. I am happy to do that but the only appointments are when I’m at work. I have said I can go after school or at the weekend. I explained I cannot take the day off because half the office is isolating and my boss would refuse. He just called me an ‘obstructive fucking cow’. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to call in sick to sort a passport he should be doing himself? I am so angry I’m not thinking straight.

I can see why he's an ex!

My original court order actually stated I had to make sure DC's passports were valid at all times and be ready to hand them over for use immediately when asked. I said absolutely not, that I'd renew when I needed them and if he needed to in between those times then it was his responsibility. Insane expectations of rp's (usually mothers)

Enjoy your weekend .

And hold the line with your children that their father had their passports and it was his responsibility to renew. Any sadfaced comments about not being able to go abroad to be met with 'It is such a pity your dad didn't keep on top of renewing the passports, but at least he's got time off so that you can holiday together', or similar. This ends on an upnote (you still get to go on a holiday) but makes it clear where the responsibility lies.

He sounds the sort of arsehole who would blame you to them to try to chisel away at how they feel about you, so it's important that you don't tit-for-tat blame him (you don't sound to me as if you would do that anyway) so that they feel they're in the middle; but they still need to know where responsibility lies so that he can't raise them to think women are skivvies. Bad for your daughter to believe that's how she should be treated, bad for your son to believe that that's how he should behave.

It’s not up to you to sort op. Do not entertain any of the you caused kids to miss out narrative. He did. He needed to check and sort. He’s been very mean telling kids about a trip then failing to sort. I can see if you were in a good co parenting set up you might offer to help if he was in real bind you could eg if you were off that day but would expect thanks you’d be doing a big favour. How dare he speak to you like that.

[quote AngelicaSchuylerAndHerSisters]@Theworldisquiethere because he is an overgrown manchild who expects things to be done for him[/quote]
Then stop reinforcing this belief for him!

I have to ask - what the hell were the passports doing at MIL’s house in the first place?

OP, please remember the difference between your children being disappointed in life, your ex disappointing them a d you disappointing them. You can only control one of those.

@DifficultBloodyWoman

I have to ask - what the hell were the passports doing at MIL’s house in the first place?

OP, please remember the difference between your children being disappointed in life, your ex disappointing them a d you disappointing them. You can only control one of those.

Because he is an overgrown manchild who expects things to be done for him? I would imagine he now abdicates responsibility to his mother in the same way he used to abdicate responsibility to the OP (and still tries to do so). Everything is 'women's work' to this type.