Over DD’s passport

[AngelicaSchuylerAndHerSisters]

ExDH wants to take the kids abroad to meet his gf’s parents in Spain in two weeks. I know the kids would love to go. I mentioned to him that he should check the expiration dates on the passports - which he denied having. He then texted me yesterday accusing me of lying about not having the kids’ passports. Eventually they were found at his mum’s house. DD’s passport is out of date. He asked me to apply online for a renewal, but I tried and it wouldn’t arrive in time. Now he wants me to take her to the local passport office to get the 7 day service. I am happy to do that but the only appointments are when I’m at work. I have said I can go after school or at the weekend. I explained I cannot take the day off because half the office is isolating and my boss would refuse. He just called me an ‘obstructive fucking cow’. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to call in sick to sort a passport he should be doing himself? I am so angry I’m not thinking straight.

Are your children at school? Is he sorting out dealing with the unauthorized absence if you're in England

How long is he planning to go for - during the school term? Presumably he will not be expecting you to also order/facilitate the various COVID tests and form filling which are also still expected for Spain?

Stop pandering to him! It’s not your problem, let him sort it out.

[quote AngelicaSchuylerAndHerSisters]@Theworldisquiethere because he is an overgrown manchild who expects things to be done for him[/quote]
None of this is your problem. Just do this to him 🤷‍♀️

You've done far too much work for him here even offering to do the online renewal it take them at weekends or evening. He should've owned the whole process. She's his daughter and he wants to take her away. Off he pops. You're doing too much.

"ExDH wants to take the kids abroad"

Tell him to sort the passports, you're not with him but are still supposed to be his skivvy? Not your holiday, not your problem.

He is being unreasonable.

If he had accepted he had the passports last and asked his mum for them he could have got it sorted by now. Silly man. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

In response to the ‘obstructive fucking cow’ I would suggest ‘well that won’t endear me to help you now will it!’ And end as others have suggested with ‘your holiday, your responsibility especially as I did not have possession of said passport.’

However I would concede to paying half so that there is no argument in the future about ownership of said passport!

[quote AngelicaSchuylerAndHerSisters]@Wole he is ‘working’ but he is self employed so he thinks I should take the day off since I will be paid.[/quote]
He thinks you should use your paid holiday so he can earn more money for himself?

No wonder he’s an Ex!

He asked me to apply online for a renewal, but I tried and it wouldn’t arrive in time. Now he wants me to take her to the local passport office to get the 7 day service. I am happy to do that but the only appointments are when I’m at work

Why did you even agree to doing anything?

Presume the other kids’ passports have more than 6 months left in them? Otherwise he will need to renew those too for Europe.

Thank you everyone. He has always had a knack of making me feel unreasonable.
I am only helping because the kids really want to go and if I don’t do it, they won’t go. Yes, they are at school but we are in Scotland and it’s half term at the end of the month.
Since I wrote my OP, I have checked the Passport Office website and there are no appointments I can make so we will see what happens next. I am not taking any time off.

Why can’t he do the running around for the passport?

I don’t know why any of this is down to you.
He had custody of the passports.
He misplaced them.
He wants to use them.
He applies for the new one.
None of this is your fault or your problem. It isn’t even worth the brain space to you to argue about it.
This requires you to say “Oh dear. That’s unfortunate for you.” And then just stop talking. You don’t owe him explanations about your current work commitments. This is supposed to the advantage of being divorced. You don’t have to explain yourself to him anymore or argue with him or sort out his problems. You don’t even explain yourself to the children. You just say “that’s not for me to deal with.”

I'd apply now and let it arrive when it does. So the holiday is off.

If he does obtain the passport now you will never be given it when YOU need it.

When you get it don't tell him.

I'm a bit baffled by this. So there's no legitimate reason for him to not apply online/attend the appointment by himself, but he just can't be bothered? Why are you doing it? For your daughter's sake?

Remind yourself not to be so helpful in future. You ended up "in trouble" when it wasn't even your fault.

His holiday, his problem. You did more than enough by telling him to check the expiry date.

Let him apply for the new passport unless you have a trip planned on the new future. He's your ex- you don't have to be his mum any more abs do stuff like this.

@Daphnise you are exactly correct. He will see this passport as his property.

@DressBitch

Stop helping at all.

His holiday; his problem.

This. And I would refuse to do anything to help someone who called me a stupid f-in cow. He didn't check early enough - he needs to resolve the problem or rearrange the trip.

What is it with people (usually men) who think that it's someone else's job to sort out their problem?

Why are you even considering doing this? He wants to take them, he organises the passport renewal.

Stop enabling his fucking ridiculous behaviour. Full stop. I wouldn't have offered at all - he wants you to do the legwork and him sit back and do fuck all whilst basking in his holiday abroad.

If he'd done the sensible thing and checked the dates, he'd know that one had expired.

His holiday - his issue. Lazy bastard.

I would check as I didn't think you could fast track kids ones. Could be wrong but it would certainly stop the argument if I'm right!

Easy!
It's his problem not yours!
Let him deal with it!