Over DD’s passport

[AngelicaSchuylerAndHerSisters]

ExDH wants to take the kids abroad to meet his gf’s parents in Spain in two weeks. I know the kids would love to go. I mentioned to him that he should check the expiration dates on the passports - which he denied having. He then texted me yesterday accusing me of lying about not having the kids’ passports. Eventually they were found at his mum’s house. DD’s passport is out of date. He asked me to apply online for a renewal, but I tried and it wouldn’t arrive in time. Now he wants me to take her to the local passport office to get the 7 day service. I am happy to do that but the only appointments are when I’m at work. I have said I can go after school or at the weekend. I explained I cannot take the day off because half the office is isolating and my boss would refuse. He just called me an ‘obstructive fucking cow’. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to call in sick to sort a passport he should be doing himself? I am so angry I’m not thinking straight.

And yet you say the marriage wasn’t a success?

What a knob my sisters ex does thisasks her to do stuff then says shes obstructing her son do9ing things twists it everytime

dont do anything im sorry your dc cant go but its not your fault and was he paying for the extra fast track-he has the passports so he should have checked them in time

[quote AngelicaSchuylerAndHerSisters]@Theworldisquiethere because he is an overgrown manchild who expects things to be done for him[/quote]
Well clearly if people including yourself continue to pander to him and do all the work he's not going to change. Tell him to fuck off and organise the passport himself. Do not help.

shouting at someone when you want a favour isn't a great plan...

oh dear

just say those importal words

you should have told me earlier and I could have got it arranged

I wouldn’t agree to taking them out of school either. He’s a CF asking you to arrange everything

He should go ! He needs the passport not you

@NapoleonOzmolysis

And yet you say the marriage wasn’t a success?

Tell your DS that it's his dad's responsibility and not yours!

@NapoleonOzmolysis

And yet you say the marriage wasn’t a success?

Can't think why.

[quote AngelicaSchuylerAndHerSisters]@Wole he is ‘working’ but he is self employed so he thinks I should take the day off since I will be paid.[/quote]
If he's self-employed he can choose his hours. He wants the passport, he can reschedule himself to go to the Passport Office himself.

"To all those asking, my DS asked me to please sort this so they can go abroad. My ex is really unreliable. I am not prepared to take time off to arrange this or PCR tests etc so I will bet £50 this trip won’t now happen."
To which I hoped you replied 'It's up to your dad, son. He has the passports, so let's hope he gets your sister's renewed in time, eh?'

You need to be absolutely clear that you cannot sort this, it's in his father's hands. It needs to be clear to your children where responsibility lies. Way too many women cover up for their inadequate exes thinking it is 'best' for the children. No. All that happens is they follow their dad's lead into expecting you (or later, their partner) to shoulder all the responsibility. Don't let that happen.

[quote AngelicaSchuylerAndHerSisters]@Theworldisquiethere because he is an overgrown manchild who expects things to be done for him[/quote]
And yet you enable it and tolerate it so it works for him huh?!

@ImprobablePuffin I am trying not to disappoint my children. If that is seen an enabling him then fair enough.

[quote AngelicaSchuylerAndHerSisters]@ImprobablePuffin I am trying not to disappoint my children. If that is seen an enabling him then fair enough.[/quote]
But you aren't disappointing your children. He is.
You need to seperate yourself from him in both your mind and your children's minds.
He is organising the holiday so therefore he needs to organise passports etc.
Stop enabling him, you will only cement in your children's minds that you are some how responsible for his life admin.

mickeysminnie

But you aren't disappointing your children. He is.
You need to seperate yourself from him in both your mind and your children's minds.
He is organising the holiday so therefore he needs to organise passports etc.
Stop enabling him, you will only cement in your children's minds that you are some how responsible for his life admin.

100% this

He is a misogynist he sees anything to do with the DC as your job.

Please speak to your DC now and explain that you are unable to take the time off work but as ex is self employed he can work as and when he wishes so it's up to him to make it happen including the PCR tests as you are not his wife or skivvy anymore.

I work for a travel company and the amount of calls we are getting about passports not coming back in time is huge. He'll be very lucky to be able to get any available appointments, his own fault for not organising things sooner

You need to stop trying to bugger your children from your exes deficits

Buffer!! Not bugger 🤣

Let him sort it out. Also the passport office quoted 3 weeks when I renewed on line a couple of months ag. It arrived in 48 hours! Fantastic service. He should have renewed online the day he found the passport. He is trying to deflect blame onto you, have non of it.

Stop enabling his vile behaviour.
Do you want your children to think this is how adults treat each other within relationships?
Tell your children the truth. Your dad had the passports all along, I did tell him so he should have sorted your passport out. He needs to go to the passport office himself and get you a new one. I can't do it, I'm at work and don't have the luxury of working for myself like your father does.
Then stop engaging with him.
If someone spoke like that to me it would be the absolute end of any pleasantries between us.
You are teaching children that you are subservient because you are female, stop it now.

[quote AngelicaSchuylerAndHerSisters]@ImprobablePuffin I am trying not to disappoint my children. If that is seen an enabling him then fair enough.[/quote]
He's really done a number of you if that's really how you think

Tell the children the truth

Let him sort it. I applied for a (new, not renewal) passport last month and it arrived in 2.5 weeks. Was super easy. There’s no reason he couldn’t sort it with a bit of effort.

If he didn't make the original passport application then he may get asked for proof of parental responsibility on the renewal - which of course also adds time.

To update you: he didn’t bother to book an appointment or make any attempt to sort this. He expected me to do it and I didn’t. So they aren’t going abroad. I have booked a weekend away myself that weekend so he is having the kids for three days no matter what spin he puts on things.

No surprise there then!