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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm useless and will never keep a job that isn't sex work??

97 replies

exsexworker · 10/09/2021 16:12

When I was around 21 I was about to be evicted for non payment of rent and going back to family wasn't really an option so I went into sex work.

I ended up doing it for nearly a decade, then when I was 30 I decided to quit and enter the 'normal' world - I don't mean that as an insult to sex workers by the way it's just how I felt - I was fed up of lying to family and friends and worried about the long term.

Since I quit I've had a few jobs and sadly I was rubbish at every one Sad Sad. I don't know if there is something 'wrong' with me or what.

Care home work - couldn't deal with the emotional side at all.
Cleaning work - they extended my probation period due to me being too slow pace of work, and then let me go.
Cafe work - same as the cleaning.

I'm on benefits just now but that will become not enough to survive on quite soon when my DC goes away to Uni and I have bedroom tax applied and debts.

I am so worried and down about it. I just constantly worry that I won't be able to find a job which I can actually do.

I do not want to go back into sex work, but equally I do need to pay my bills. I've no confidence.

This is not a begging thread btw - I have enough money at the moment. I'm just looking for support and advice.

I don't have the luxury of time to study/retrain or anything like that as I need to be working full time asap.

I can't do any lifting pretty much at all due to health issue.

Can't drive either but could possibly learn.

Pre sex work I did do retail and I was OK at that, but every retail job I've seen advertised is part time hours.

Any advice for someone late 30s with zero experience or qualifications who seems to be shit at everything she tries??

OP posts:
ChristmasCocktail · 10/09/2021 16:14

Go for retail. Maybe supermarket? Now Christmas is coming up they'll have plenty of hours.

LaBellina · 10/09/2021 16:16

I would figure out first what kind of job I would really like to have.
Then, find out what training you need to gain the right qualifications for the job.

Work isn’t only about money, doing something you love is important too.

ItllBeOverByChristmas · 10/09/2021 16:17

I'd keep plugging away at retail. The fact that you've only seen part time jobs advertised doesn't necessarily mean that there are no full time jobs out there.
How would the sums stack up if you got a part time job? If you got a part time retail job and did OK then you could potentially extend your hours or at least you'd have a better cv if FT opportunities arose.

MissLC · 10/09/2021 16:21

Don't feel bad about not being able to hack care work, I would find that too emotional too! And I can't clean for toffee!
It sounds like retail could work for you, you can still top up with benefits if you need to and even a part time could end up with more hours (though more hours would effect your benefits)
Best of luck to you

AgentProvocateur · 10/09/2021 16:24

Please don’t think of yourself as shit. You picked two of the most difficult jobs - care home and cleaning. I think a lot of people would fail at these. I know I would. Think about what you enjoy doing and then look at adult apprenticeships. You’re never too old! Good luck b

SoundBar · 10/09/2021 16:27

Agree with pp care and cleaning are really draining for a crap wage.

Look into admin support via an agency like Hays

Original poster
exsexworker · 10/09/2021 16:28

Thanks.

I don't have time to retrain, but if I could I'd like to do admin I think.

Re part time - it absolutely has to be full time hours. I won't get top up benefits or anything soon once DC goes to Uni. My whole benefit award including housing will be less than £700 per month, and UC will only 'top me up' to that amount. So it pretty much has to be at least 25 - 30 hours a week work every week.

OP posts:
TorySteller · 10/09/2021 16:28

There’ll be loads of retail opportunities opening up in the coming weeks as Christmas approaches.

If you’ve had some success with retail, customer service might also be worth exploring as you’ll have some transferable skills. Lots of call centres are offering home working now too.

noprofessional · 10/09/2021 16:29

Go back to retail, I bet once you're in you'll be able to pick up more hours.

CousinKrispy · 10/09/2021 16:30

Care home work is some of the most difficult there is!

I'm so sorry, OP. You're not shit and I hope you keep trying and find something good soon.

RedHelenB · 10/09/2021 16:31

They always need extra shifts working in retail, I'd apply for one of those positions and hope to pick up extra shifts.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 10/09/2021 16:31

Can you sign up with an agency similar to Office Angel's? They provide short notice admin/reception cover to offices and are usually quite good. It would be an ideal way to get some admin work experience, sometimes a little face to face interaction with customers, etc.

nellly · 10/09/2021 16:32

If you feel like you don't want to go back to retail what about having another go at hospitality, if you were only let go for being a bit slow/over cautious that's something to work on, there's a big demand for people in those areas atm, I've worked in restaurants etc and really enjoyed the social side, plus opportunity to get tips in the right place

TheDaydreamBelievers · 10/09/2021 16:33

Care work is so difficult. I would recommend large retail so supermarkets, department stores etc. Supermarkets can often offer full time hours

Original poster
exsexworker · 10/09/2021 16:35

I will keep looking for more full time retail contracts. I keep getting rejected not even getting interviews, presumably because my experience is nearly 20 years ago and I don't have references. Does anyone know if I volunteer for a while - say in a charity shop - I can get a reference from them??

Maybe I could look into getting some kind of admin qualification from home like open uni type thing.

Yes, care home work wasn't a good fit for me. I am a caring person, but I have anxiety and it distressed me.

OP posts:
Dyrne · 10/09/2021 16:36

I think first it’s worth approaching your GP for some talking therapy as you sound stuck in a depression spiral with extremely low self esteem. Once you’ve got your mental health back on track I think you’ll feel much more positive about finding work.

You’re not “shit at everything you try”; you’re trying out new skills and understandably need some time to adjust.

There will be lots of retail opportunities becoming available in the lead up to Christmas; and I’d keep an eye out for any warehouse work (not all lifting heavy boxes, a lot of it is picking for online retail).

picklemewalnuts · 10/09/2021 16:36

Go for retail- it will be full time in the run up to Christmas, and they often keep people on afterward.
Whatever job you get, no matter if it's short term or part time, it will increase your skills and experience ready for different work after Christmas if necessary.

Lycanthropology · 10/09/2021 16:39

I'm sorry you're having a bad time like this.

As others have said trying retail again is a good idea; also there is, reportedly, a shortage of staff for pubs and restaurants. That's certainly true where I am. You will become good at a job if you give yourself time.

Good luck.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 10/09/2021 16:41

Does anyone know if I volunteer for a while - say in a charity shop - I can get a reference from them??

You could get a reference from them but wouldn't you need a reference in the first palace to volunteer? What about call centre work? And could you re-train maybe with an evening course, 2/3 times a week?

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 10/09/2021 16:41

*first place

Original poster
exsexworker · 10/09/2021 16:49

Inbound call centre would be ok. I couldn't do any of the sales type jobs.

I think retail, picking for online shopping, entry-level admin, fast food, or if I could drive - like amazon deliveries, would all suit me.

My problem is who is going to employ someone over 25 (they have to pay more p/h than someone younger), with zero experience or references.

It helps to type this all out to brainstorm. I think I need to find some way of getting a reference to get my foot in the door.

One good thing I have going for me - which I'm hoping shift managers recruiting would like - is that I can do pretty much any hours 24/7 and cover short notice, as I don't have young dc or much of a social life!!

OP posts:
Cantfindausernamethatsnottaken · 10/09/2021 16:49

Yes you will get experience and a reference by volunteering in a charity shop.Job centre can arrange this for you
I did this to get experience for getting back to the workplace.

Stath · 10/09/2021 16:52

How about being a postie? They seem to take on agency staff who work on short contracts?

BuffyTheBuffetSlayer · 10/09/2021 16:59

I know you say you don't have time to retrain because you need full time work ASAP, so I was wondering if you've heard of Open University? You don't need any official qualifications for most degrees and its all done online so you study in your free time when suits. I'm in my final year and most of those I'm studying with work full time as well as having DC. The online community and support is amazing! You can also apply for funding to pay for your courses too. Their degrees are also tailored to students who haven't studied for years and so easy to follow.
Way I see it, you can go back to retail as well as get a qualification in whatever interests you.

ThreeLocusts · 10/09/2021 17:34

As someone else said, restaurants/cafes are desperate for staff ATM, try again? And don't beat yourself up, it's not about you being crap. Good luck.