To think I'm useless and will never keep a job that isn't sex work??

[exsexworker]

When I was around 21 I was about to be evicted for non payment of rent and going back to family wasn't really an option so I went into sex work.

I ended up doing it for nearly a decade, then when I was 30 I decided to quit and enter the 'normal' world - I don't mean that as an insult to sex workers by the way it's just how I felt - I was fed up of lying to family and friends and worried about the long term.

Since I quit I've had a few jobs and sadly I was rubbish at every one . I don't know if there is something 'wrong' with me or what.

Care home work - couldn't deal with the emotional side at all.
Cleaning work - they extended my probation period due to me being too slow pace of work, and then let me go.
Cafe work - same as the cleaning.

I'm on benefits just now but that will become not enough to survive on quite soon when my DC goes away to Uni and I have bedroom tax applied and debts.

I am so worried and down about it. I just constantly worry that I won't be able to find a job which I can actually do.

I do not want to go back into sex work, but equally I do need to pay my bills. I've no confidence.

This is not a begging thread btw - I have enough money at the moment. I'm just looking for support and advice.

I don't have the luxury of time to study/retrain or anything like that as I need to be working full time asap.

I can't do any lifting pretty much at all due to health issue.

Can't drive either but could possibly learn.

Pre sex work I did do retail and I was OK at that, but every retail job I've seen advertised is part time hours.

Any advice for someone late 30s with zero experience or qualifications who seems to be shit at everything she tries??

Do you have anything like an Amazon warehouse or similar near you?
Otherwise retail, especially near Christmas?

You are not useless at all. You've brought up at leats one child who has made it to university and you've survived. Be easy on yourself.

There's advisors at the job centre for people like you - they can access funding for courses for you and help you find your niche in life. Longer term how about hgv driving, there's a severe shortage and plenty of potential training options consequently

Also @exsexworker have you checked Entitled To or similar to check what benefits you’d be eligible for if your income reduces?

I wish you all the luck in the world. Your resilience is obviously massive and I believe that (from the small amount of information I’ve gleaned from your posts) you’ll be an asset to whoever employs you.

The recommendations of using your experience of being a sex worker to work for the third sector sounds great. You have valuable insight to help other women.

Would you be interested in retraining (going to uni) as you could then have student loans too or is that not something that interests you? I echo what other people said about supermarkets though, they’re unionised so the pay is higher than NMW and a lot have good benefits too.

I completely understand where you’re coming from though OP. I did sex work whilst I was in uni and it completely skewed my view on the working world. I didn’t do full service just strip clubs and I wish I never did it. I’m fully qualified in my field now but it’s so easy for me to give up on jobs because the money just isn’t as good, I liked being in control of my own hours and I could walk away from a 6 hour shift with over £1k. It definitely made me give up on jobs so much faster as I think I went in with a tainted view.

Call centre is a good option OP, if there's a site near you EE are really good and look after their staff and are often recruiting.

Admin doesn't necessarily need a specific qualification for entry level, speak to a recruiter and see if they can help you with a cv, applications and interview techniques. Or have a look on civil service jobs for anything near by, they're really good at providing lots of training and you can move around once you're in.

You never know what you'll excel at, you've done 2 really hard jobs so don't be too hard on yourself that they didn't work out. Take this as a fresh start, spruce up your cv- you can use free websites to get a cv review, you submit a copy and get feedback then make the changes and use another review site (so you don't have to pay). When you're happy with it start submitting, sign up to cv library, Reed or whatever job site you choose (or all of them!) then you can apply quickly, get emails with new jobs and recruiters can find you. Find out which companies have call centres near you, supermarkets, shops etc too and check their vacancies.

It's a tough market so don't be disheartened if you don't get a lot of interviews but with the Christmas season there will be more hiring anyway.

@exsexworker please feel free to message me. I'm a recruiter and would be more than happy to help with your CV

Your idea of charity shop then retail sounds good for now. Apply for the part time roles; there’s likely to be more hours available nearer Christmas so the part time job will soon turn into full time (25-30 hours is technically part time anyway so you might find that jobs offering ‘part time’ are offering as many hours as you need).

Longer term, look at MOOCS - free online courses that might help you get further qualifications. www.mooc.org/

What are your computer skills etc like?

You can get free courses on ms office online I'm sure. Govt also offers loads of free stuff like that and orgs you can call to help.

That's spare time stuff not going to be a big commitment etc.

How about sales?

I echo what others have said about apprenticeships.

Op, let me tell you, you’re not useless you just haven’t found the right fit for you yet. Honestly, I’ve been through that process thinking it was my fault but the reality is certain positions weren’t right for me and in turn my employers 😆 I am now in a job that fits me.

You say you don’t have time to retrain (and I’m not implying that’s not true) but I am wondering what you think retraining would look like for you. You’ve said you could possibly learn to drive, that could amount to a couple of hours a week, an appropriate on line course could be achieved in the same time frame, could you spare a bit of time in the evening (I’m thinking of an admin course here)? Retraining doesn’t have to be spending hours in a class room, you’d probably gain more from that than volunteering in a shop (although I greatly admire volunteers just thinking about your situation here). Please don’t beat yourself up, it’s a process we go through to find out what we’re good at and we’re all good at something we just have to find out what that is, good luck.

Health care assistant for an nhs healthcare trust. You can get bank work, evening shifts. Loads different areas that wouldn't be emotional as care home

Nursing
www.healthcareers.nhs.uk/nursing-careers/nursing-careers/switching-or-returning-nursing/switching-or-returning-nursing

I haven't read the full thread for all the options already listed but,

Car sells
Office work- ie gas, electric, helplines, sitting down phone based options.
Receptionist in a thousand and one places dont normally need qualifications
Kitchen work
Hotel work that's not cleaning based
Online shoppers, normally done early hours where you just pick and pack groceries
Somewhere like costa/Starbucks as a barista

Alot of places will give you training on the job so don't discount anything tbh. Even district nurses can now learn on the job if you've had previous care experience.

Retail and cleaning isnt your only options there are lots and lots and so don't give up. Besides if you find your not good at it you can just try something else!

Have faith in yourself.

You could also do something sex related that doesn't involved actual sex if you are confident and enjoy it, dominatrix or in a club.

Get your CV sorted and dont over think what you are applying for because that's always a way to talk yourself out of something.

Good luck

Wow thanks everyone for all the replies

I'll try to answer, this thread is really helping me get things together in my head somehow.

I can't do anything sales based, I just don't have it in me, but inbound customer service - yes absolutely I could do that. I've recently switched energy supplier and internet etc and I had to phone customer services a few times and the online chat thing - with training I could absolutely do that.

Don't think I could do reception work unless it was medical. I have anxiety about my appearance, so wouldn't want to be the 'face' of anywhere - I'd rather be in the background.

Online Shopper sounds perfect for me, or any other retail really.

Barista would probably be ok if I could get the hang of it. When I worked in the cafe the owners weren't happy with me because I was slow to learn the coffee machine etc.

Healthcare Assistant in NHS. Maybe actually, as long as it didn't involve heavy lifting or terminal patients??

If I could learn to drive I could maybe do HGV work or even taxi driving maybe.

Don't think I'm suited to self employment as I like stability and I'm a worrier so I'd be worried if business was slow.

The poster who said I probably do already have some transferable skills but I just don't have anything to evidence them - like prior experience or qualifications - that's exactly it!!

On paper I'm someone in their late 30s who has never had a job and has no qualifications or references. In reality, since I did retail age 16-21, I've had a few non sex-work jobs but none lasted more than a few months, so I can't put them on my CV as I presume it would look awful to a recruiter having lots of 5 weeks here, 9 months there, 4 months there??

As far as sex work goes I'm conflicted about it I suppose. I am glad it's an option because it is infinitely better than poverty, and there were a lot of aspects I enjoyed about it - the complete flexibility, meeting people from all walks of life, camaderie with other sw, a wage I could never achieve elsewhere with hardly any effort. However, on balance the negatives outweigh the positives for me. I hate the lying to family and friends, I was never attacked or anything but it is scary to be alone with a stranger and sex workers working together for safety it becomes a 'brothel' and therefore illegal, and most of all I don't like my income being tied to my looks - it made me really insecure and that's I suppose the biggest reason I don't want to re enter the industry in any form, except maybe phone sex but I doubt that pays well nowadays.

When I say I can't retrain, I suppose I mean I can't afford to study unless it was online and flexible, or on the job training.

With my DC going away to uni soon, I will lose all child benefits for them and bedroom tax will be applied until my HA find me somewhere smaller. On benefits, my income will be £217 a MONTH after rent and bedroom tax . So I need to be working full time ish hours ASAP.

Studying, I'd get £600 a month student loans total and no benefits and I'd need to work pt on top of that to avoid falling behind on bills.

I should have done something about this much sooner, but I have mental health problems and I suppose I've always just kind of went through life not planning really. I'm beating myself up about that now.

@DonatellaVersace Yeah, it's kind of like how you describe for me.

When I left sex work, I was done with it and I thought I'd just transition into the 'normal' world naturally. However I found that I'd had a huge chunk of my life (21-30), where other people had been doing jobs, studying, gaining real-life work experience, and I just had never had those experiences.

Like you say, I was used to just putting up an advert, booking a 'workable' hotel, and turning up on the day. The stress was in trying to 'screen out' bad clients. But at the end of one 'shift', I'd have like £500-£800 for a days work, and not go back to working for another couple of weeks.

It's a totally different world and it's really hard to adjust. I'm not lazy or anything, I'm willing to put work and hours in, it's just that I've been out of sex work for years now and seem to just drift along without direction. I think it's definitely a confidence thing with me. Like can I actually do this?? and then when I've tried it hasn't worked out and I feel pretty useless, unskilled, and slow. I cried a lot when I was let go from the cleaning work - why the f* can't I even make a bed properly after months of practice!!

Definitely try fast food- I work as a hiring manager for one of the big brands and would not be fussed that you have nothing on your CV, I would invite you for an interview and base a decision on how you come across then i.e friendly, enthusiastic, willing to give everything a go Always lots of hours available too! And a good training programme which breaks everything down into small steps so you can master things one at a time. I know its not everyone's cup of tea but worth a go in my opinion

Ah thanks @Gemini6 !!

I do think fast food would really suit me. I'm not creative, but I'm great at like following processes and I am good at friendly customer service for sure.

Do you think they'd employ me though over younger people they have to pay much less??

The job adverts I look at for fast food have pay scales where they have to pay a much higher wage to 25+.

If I emphasize that I'm fully flexible 24/7 with hours and can change or cover shifts at short notice also, then that might go in my favour. My DC are older now and I don't have much of a social life so any hours work for me.

Do you like children? I'm a nursery worker. Sure, qualified members of staff are preferred, but a keen kind team worker will always be of interest.

I like children, but I'm not sure I'm cut out for working with them haha!! I'm not creative and not very good at play.

Admin could work - you're obviously articulate with excellent written communication. That's a big plus.

Would you consider applying for an apprenticeship? The civil service has some really good ones, and we employ all ages, and are actively seeking applications from diverse backgrounds.

www.civilservicejobs.service.gov.uk/csr/index.cgi?SID=b3duZXI9NTA3MDAwMCZwYWdlY2xhc3M9Sm9icyZ1c2Vyc2VhcmNoY29udGV4dD0xMzY2MDgxNzMmb3duZXJ0eXBlPWZhaXImcGFnZWFjdGlvbj1zZWFyY2hieWNvbnRleHRpZA==

Here's a link. Have a look, and if any appeal to you PM me if you'd like help with the application.

You have a great writing style. Maybe think about writing a book about your experiences!

Seriously though, your writing is articulate, expressive and engaging.

As a former sex worker, I would really consider training to be a counsellor.

You can start a Level Two qualification at your local college, possibly January start. If you want to become fully qualified it is a long road but if you get student loans you only need to pay them back once you are and if you are earning over 26 thousand ish.

@HavelockVetinari

Thanks very much. I will look at that link now. I wasn't aware that apprenticeships were open to people my age. Would an awful credit score be an issue with civil service?

@Paperplain Thanks! That's strange, because I think my writing style is awful!

In your late 30s you have a lot of your working life left. Its worth looking at what you want to do, not just which job, but how you would like to spend your time, and move in that direction.

That doesnt solve your immediate problem tho.

In the mega short term, I'd take a look at the "earn £10 a day threads". Or if you have a side hussle, build it up a little. See if you can build up a "fallback", it might only be £50=£100 a month, but it will make you feel more secure to know that you can earn some income, so that your base is a little bit higher.

In the short term, I suspect retail is going to be insecure and difficult in these times, but hospitality is defo an option. Keep an eye on local big employers sites (council, local college/uni, hospital) etc for anything at all even part time, once you are in, you will get access to internal vacancies and have a much better chance.

If you are computer minded, there are loads of free online courses available to train with. In the software industry people dont care about your traditional qualifications just whether you can do the latest coding language and jobs are plentiful but you need to have the right temperament for coding.

Something like online community management or technical support might work. There's a lot of emotional labour involved, being nice to customers who arent necessarily nice in return, but you may have developed skills to manage that through past experience.

Getting a driving licence opens up a whole load more possibilities and its definitely worth doing even if you dont see yourself doing "a driving job". It means you arent limited to workplaces accessible by public transport, or excluded from jobs that require an element of driving.

But ultimately you've still got a lot of life ahead, and its worth starting to plan a little for the direction you want to go in.