To think I'm useless and will never keep a job that isn't sex work??

[exsexworker]

When I was around 21 I was about to be evicted for non payment of rent and going back to family wasn't really an option so I went into sex work.

I ended up doing it for nearly a decade, then when I was 30 I decided to quit and enter the 'normal' world - I don't mean that as an insult to sex workers by the way it's just how I felt - I was fed up of lying to family and friends and worried about the long term.

Since I quit I've had a few jobs and sadly I was rubbish at every one . I don't know if there is something 'wrong' with me or what.

Care home work - couldn't deal with the emotional side at all.
Cleaning work - they extended my probation period due to me being too slow pace of work, and then let me go.
Cafe work - same as the cleaning.

I'm on benefits just now but that will become not enough to survive on quite soon when my DC goes away to Uni and I have bedroom tax applied and debts.

I am so worried and down about it. I just constantly worry that I won't be able to find a job which I can actually do.

I do not want to go back into sex work, but equally I do need to pay my bills. I've no confidence.

This is not a begging thread btw - I have enough money at the moment. I'm just looking for support and advice.

I don't have the luxury of time to study/retrain or anything like that as I need to be working full time asap.

I can't do any lifting pretty much at all due to health issue.

Can't drive either but could possibly learn.

Pre sex work I did do retail and I was OK at that, but every retail job I've seen advertised is part time hours.

Any advice for someone late 30s with zero experience or qualifications who seems to be shit at everything she tries??

You're not useless and please don't ever think that you are . Like BuffyTheBuffetSlayer I'm also a student at the Open University and it has been transformative for me with regard to self-confidence. I study part-time and in two years I'll have a qualification. I hope things work out for you. Good luck.

If you're good a sex work, you'd be good at something client facing. Do you have your GCSE in english and maths - if not most adult education places will help you and you can just do something short term, stacking shelves etc.

I know you’ve said you can’t drive, but could learn - what about training as an HGV driver? There’s a desperate shortage atm and the pay is apparently good (because of the shortage)!

Do you like animals? Self employed dog walking business?

Have you considered adult apprenticeships? Lots of women learn trades these days, in particular electricians and carpenters. Also, some apprenticeships are in office work. You don't get paid a lot to begin with, but you do get paid.

What about training to be an office worker? An admin role.

Try for retail the way things are just now it may be part time but I bet there is plenty overtime going I know there is where I work as companies are struggling to fill the hours and management won't give them more staff due to ££££

My dd had three pt retail jobs.. maybe combine a couple . Loads of work at the moment and as some employers really needing to fill jobs they might be really flexible. ?

Could you not try and volunteer at a local charity organisation that work with ex sex workers or young people that have been targeted for sex work. You have 10 years lived experience of sex work plus care work, sounds like you have a great set of skills for working in the third sector. Maybe google local organisations, contact them and see what volunteering opportunities they have. Most people who have volunteered at my work have ended up with paid employment.

Definitely try for retail; they'll be recruiting like mad soon for the Christmas rush. Even if they're part time, you should be able to pick up overtime shifts if and when needed.

You are articulate with good spelling and grammar. I presume your interpersonal skills are good and that you managed your own admin when you were doing sex work.

Honestly, you sound like you probably have most of the skills you’d need for an entry level admin position, just not the ability to list them on your application.

For this reason, I’d be inclined to look for entry level admin type positions in third sector (charitable and non-profit) organisations. The more woke the better. I’d then contact them and be absolutely honest about your work history and the relevant skills that has given you. Having worked for some very woke organisations in the past I can say we would have not held it against you. In fact, in some sectors where clients may be involved with sex work your experience would be considered an advantage. Third sector pay is generally living wage and you can move onto other things once you’ve got some experience under your belt.

Good luck

@stath had a good idea - Royal Mail are a decent employer, unionised and recruit from a range of backgrounds. Our local delivery office had an influx of very glamorous ladies over lockdown, and it was right next door to a strip club that had to close, so I did wonder! A relative has worked for RM for 20 years and they take on all sizes and ages, and as you're used to working alone and self-motivating they're great skills to have. I'm assuming you're also used to working with men who aren't the most PC of characters but can be rough diamonds, which sums up our local lot completely....

In the county I’m in you would be able to do some free adult education book keeping, English, maths and computer stuff.
Definitely volunteer. As well as charity shops see if small local museums want volunteers. Once you start volunteering where there is a group of volunteers you’ll hear about other good volunteering opportunities.
For retail work also consider national trust, English heritage and other attractions/museums. The pace is slower

And the jobs are advertised from January onwards

A lot of the charity sector and local support sector would actually appreciate your lived experience. Through work I know a woman who sold sex and had a class a drug addiction for more than a decade, she is now the co-director of a local women's service with an outreach programme for women who sell sex. She started off as a volunteer and then outreach worker, then decided there was a gap in service provision in the local area and set up on her own. She is incredible. Drug and alcohol agencies even probation and related mentoring services really value people with your life experiences.

Have you thought about call centre work. It's not an easy job but it pays ok. I'd say it's easier than cleaning and being a carer.

If you can get inbound customer service type roles rather than outbound sales it's less pressure. These types of companies are always desperate for staff, not everyone is cut out for customer service so they have a pretty high turnover. They always take on loads in the run up to Christmas too. I have dabbled with call centres a few times and once you get the hang of it, it's fairly easy. Good luck OP, I hope you find something.

Search 'wfh call centre jobs' on google - I've just found tons and while inbound customer service can be a ballache, a lot of them won't ask many questions about your work history providing you can sound good on the phone and use whatever system they have. And loads of quick/immediate starts.

It won't be ideal, but it's something to get on your CV (and can feasibly give you up to date basic computer skills etc too).

If you’re good at sex work you are probably good at putting people at ease and making them feel comfortable. Receptionist might be a good fit. Those jobs might be hard to come by, but you might be able to talk yourself in. Call centre could work too, if you are friendly and patient - even to people who are horrible to you (and they will be...)

I used to enjoy waitressing, which is also very people centred, and I think it is easy to get a job doing that these days. If you are chatty and friendly you might be able to make up for the poor wages with good tips - depends on the restaurant: high end is best, and if you look and sound presentable and friendly that helps.

Unfortunately the Open University is VERY expensive. If you can get a basic job and save up for a while you might be able in a year or two join an apprentice scheme even if you can’t afford OU fees.

Your DC is going to be very proud of you!

sent a pm

Could you get two PT jobs?

Yes you can get references for volunteering. And there are paid jobs as well.

Have you tried looking in shop Windows of independent shops around they are often looking at least are where I live.

I enjoyed working in retail.

Oh and also loved working in Ladbrokes. Bookies often get overlooked.

I hear that working for Amazon is extremely easy and well paid.

I agree with some therapy for self esteem being a good idea. Have you tried MIND at all?

Retail does seem a good bet, especially as you’ve had some experience and done well. Could you not apply for the part time jobs, and then see if you can pick up extra hours once there? With Christmas coming that could be a good bet.

I agree with pps that caring is an incredibly hard job. I don’t think I could do it, or cleaning professionally.

You’ve said you struggled with cafe work, but would you consider the hospitality industry again, such as bar work, waitressing etc? Just think that they are short on staff so might be a lot of roles.

Obviously if you were able to train they’d be more options, but I’m only suggesting things where you wouldn’t need qualifications training because you said you wouldn’t be able to do it at the moment- you might find yourself able to one day!

Call centre is a very clever idea from pps.

I have never been a sex worker so do t really know how the roles compare. I was a clerical assistant, then a secretary, then a PA in the city. No way could I have held down care or cleaning work, I’m just not physically cut out for either. They’re incredibly hard, physical work which most people don’t know until they try.
Have you looked into education or retraining? If you have children, the allowances to study are better than I thought (my daughter will be startling her degree soon and her fess are paid and she will receive a maintenance grant that, with a part time retail job, will cover her outgoings.)

The university has a crèche too. Worth looking into maybe?

Best of luck X