You’ve seen one episode, you’ve seen them all?

[WomanStanleyWoman]

Inspired by the ‘Vera’ thread - what are the shows you can see once, then theoretically never see again without missing anything?

My vote goes to Location Location Location. As much as I love it, the formula is eternally predictable:

‘Steve and Samantha Deluded-Twats are looking for a spacious two-bedroom apartment in west London. They love pricey Chiswick, but only have £300k to spend. They’re hoping that, with our help, they can find an area nearby with an attractive high street with a villagey feel and lots of independent shops and cafés, even though they buy everything off Amazon and get their lunch from Tesco Express like the rest of us. Today, I’ll be showing them a one-bed in need of work opposite a condemned council estate now being used as an unofficial skate park and drug den. I REALLY hope they can see the potential’.

Share your nominations…

@Mamette

I’m loving the Friends x-post

Grand Designs
Young couple want to build home of their dreams which must simultaneously blend in with the landscape and be the size of an aircraft hangar.

Kevin is dubious about whether their budget will stretch.

The wife becomes pregnant and the family lives in a caravan throughout multiple delays and setbacks to the build.

Windows get delivered and one might break! Then it doesn’t.

It finally gets built and Kevin decides it’s a unique feat of architecture and he was oh so wrong to have ever doubted anything.

It is revealed that the budget went over by 200%.

The only bit I would add is that a year later their dream property is on the market and they are getting divorced.

@WheelieBinPrincess

Wanted Down Under.

‘One half of a couple dreams of a big move down under despite never having travelled further than Wigan. Tracey is convinced she can show long-suffering husband Andy that they can swap their modest two bed terrace in Kettering for a swanky open-plan home with its own outdoor pool in a suburb of Brisbane, a stone’s throw from some fantastic beaches.

The children’s grandparents are devastated and in tears at the thought of the family moving to the other side of the world, but Tracey insists that uprooting her two boys from their friends and schools is ultimately the best decision for their family, and a week all-expenses paid holiday with visits to water parks and feeding kangaroos might just be evolution to convince them’

Yes, but you forgot the important bit...swap your devastated family for a walk in wardrobe and all is fine. 😂

Two teams of Pub Quiz bores are asked questions
perfectly happy with that.
by a woman who unfortunately writes her own jokes and isn't nearly as funny as she thinks she is, i.e. not at all funny.

Wanted Down Under with families who do the sums and find that it isn't viable to move, and would have to put up with heartbroken relatives who they rely on every day for childcare not being able to see them, but who still vote for Australia anyway.

Love Death In Paradise! However always reminds me of a sort of outdoor sunshine game of Cluedo!

Yeah but I love Wanted Down Under when people realise the property market is just as fucked in Australia as it is here, and it’s not a magical wonderland where everyone earns six figures. No, you can’t swap your 2 bed in shittown UK for a fabulous Neighbours-style home with a private pool. No, your skills screwing on toothpaste caps at a factory won’t guarantee you a job and a visa.

I feel they should give a more realistic impression by making all participants travel during an Aussie heatwave. They’ll be BEGGING to come home to the drizzly grey weather.

Snowballer Agree totally! Also cannot see why they need all this help ,as every episode I have ever seen ,involves couple with around 500k to spend and "cant find anything they like!" Boozy Soozy1 .I watched it R and T and loved it! you are not alone .Dont think they did much gardening though .Especially Rosemary who was always meeting up with someone, while Laura was occasionally seen digging ,and wiping her forehead!

Any George Clarke renovation programme...
George visits couple in gutted house.
Shakes head at state of it.
Discusses budget
Looks at plans, suggests fucking obvious change to plans using bright red felt tip.
Admits this will add £30k to renovation costs but will be "totally worth it"

Revisits 9 months later, glad to see they have taken his advice
Throws head back in laughter showing perfect dental worth with nary a filling
Worries a bit to camera

Revists after another 9 months.
Admires finished result which went way over budget, because of his changes and bloke's insistence on York stone floors.

*Wife does NOT become pregnant"
This proves the Kevin McCloud impregnation theory

Someone’s probably got it in up thread already, but..

Gordon Ramsey Kitchen Nightmares

He visits crap restaurant in Nowhereville, USA...
Has crap meal...
Meets owners and swears...a lot...
One of the waiting staff dobs in the chef...
Condemns disgusting food in fridges..
24 hour makeover...
Halfway through grand re-opening - too busy....will the chef walk out?
It’s fine, everyone cries, hugs, kisses, Gordon is the hero (again).

The News.

It's all bad.

Antiques roadshow.
Fiona Bruce. ' Hello Sandra, that's a lovely ornament, tell me a bit about it.
Sandra ' well er, it was given to me by my mother's uncles wife's father's mother because I gave her a lift home from Kwik Save in 1979.
Antique ' Expert ' ' well Sandra, Fiona, what we actually have here is a vase made by a company who specialised in porcelain which was much loved by Mary Queen of Scots, unfortunately, this piece indicates by its stamp on the base, that it was made in 1978 so I would value it at £2.30, however if it was an original piece it would be worth one trillion pounds.
Cue Sandra looking extremely pissed off while saying ' oh I'm not bothered about its value, I just wanted to know it's history ' through gritted teeth while her dream of telling her boss to shove his job and retiring to Southern Spain turn to dust.
And repeat.
Alternatively, someone turns up with something worth ten grand but declares that they'll never sell it because it's sentimental value is worth much more, while mentally thinking ' Sotheby's here I come '
And repeat.
Bring back Arthur Negus I say!

Laughing muchly at this thread, thank you all. Iglesias Piggle

I will now never watch Grand Designs again without eyeing Kevin suspiciously.

Any fans of Naked & Afraid?

There are two broad themes:

1. Steve is an ex-special forces survivalist who likes to kill things. Amber is environmentalist blogger who runs an organic vegan kitchen. For their luxury items, Steve chooses a big knife to kill things and Amber a huge hessian bag to clutch to herself because no one is pixelating her downstairs valuables.
   Day two and tensions are growing. Amber refuses to eat live snake still wriggling or drink turtle's blood, but her seaweed pesto has gone off and she's wasting away. Day five and she's evacuated, leaving Steve alone, but now the snakes and turtles have clocked him and buggered off. He survives to the end on Amber's rancid pesto and is admitted to hospital.

2. Star is a bodybuilder, model, free-diver and spear-fishing champion. Dave is a marketing executive who likes to play paintball in the woods at weekends. Dave chooses a Swiss-Army knife with toenail clippers and a bottle opener. Star brings a spear gun.
   Day Three and Star is making life difficult for production because there aren't enough pixels to cover her. Not so Dave who seems deflated and possibly shagged out. The fish diet keeps them going, but they are wasting away and in the end, the crew intervene early because they fear Star may eat Dave.

Made in Chelsea

Identikit blondes wearing neutral makeup and beige over sized jumpers that flop off one shoulder with sleeves that cover half of their hands are meeting in a cafe.
Shot of weak as fuck tea or healthy green fruit juice being poured.
They discuss the relationship woes of one and how that bitchy one "hooked up" with someone's boyfriend at a pardy last night.
Bitchy one comes in. They have a stilted passive aggressive conversation then leaves without getting anything to drink - the main reason for going into a cafe.

Meanwhile some boys are playing sport in a park like teenagers even though they're nearly 30. Then they stop to have the same conversation that we've just seen the girls having but none of them see what's wrong with cheating.

One of them decides to have a themed pardy/weekend away in a huge country pile. Decides not to invite bitchy one.

The bloke who's only in the program to be a massive shit stirrer walks down the only empty street in London and sees the bitchy one as they both turn the corner. He invites her to the pardy/weekend away because it's totally normal to do that without telling the host.
Bitchy one turns up about an hour in. Host gets upset.
More close ups of drinks being poured.
Rival groups stare at each other from across the room whilst sipping their drink through a straw.
The ones who didn't go to the party break up by a wall over looking the Thames. One cries.
Back at the pardy the host decides to confront the bitchy one. They have a poorly edited argument. One throws a drink at the other and storms out.
Everyone else looks gobsmacked (I can't think why, it happens every week).
Closing credits.

@EspressoDoubleShot

Ah yes the diffident detective. Is he very English?

It was Fr Dougal there for a while so I’d say no

10 Years Younger

After extensive cosmetic dental work, a facial, a mani pedi, a very good haircut, a professional make up session and some new clothes a sad woman feels happier when she realises that she had great tits and a tiny waist all the time.

@Jaysmith71

You just know that the worthless ' antique' will end up over the tip by the grim faced owner silently cursing Aunt Izzy for making her believe it was worth zillions. Then have to go back to work after a few days off annual leave finding the place where they value the antiques and spending oodles of dosh on petrol and accommodation etc all for nowt.
You would be gutted!

telly is crap isnt it

i think i have watched Four in a bed twice,
yup, all about finding a pube or dust!

I bloody love House but I started watching it from the clips on Facebook and I really didn't miss anything important. Brilliant but very predictable.

The couple from Deal/Sandwich from GoggleBox said Kevin from Grand Designs was such a wanker
i quote them every time!

Allo Allo. Same stuff happens every week but I still laugh.

My friend actually went to a Grand designs exhibition she loved the programme so much!

The Barefoot Contessa on food network.

“My gorgeous flower arranger friends Mark and Bob’s dog Mike is having his sixth birthday, so we’re all celebrating in my amazing house with a meal composed mainly of butter and other Hamptons farmers’ market produce. I’ve also made an Italian ragu with a lovely wine - just something you would drink. And my other friend Gerard is doing spectacular table settings”.

Match of the Day

Men for whom facial grooming is an art form sit in a circle to discuss other men with radical haircuts who are outside trying to catch a ball on a big field. The facial grooming men sometimes use slow motion and computer graphics to make the radical haircuts men look as though they are earning their wages. The facial grooming people are occasionally joined by a blonde woman because they are anxious to repudiate their former reputations as misogynist serial shaggers and wish to demonstrate their suitability for a knighthood.

Countryfile
I'm a rich farmer with a profitable farm , but I'll go and visit other peoples farms who are not doing as well as I am and see their sheep.
The lady presenter will hike up a hill for no reason then eat home made ice cream with a couple who moved to the country last year and is trying to make a go of making this product and home made soap which costs ten times more than a bar of Dove.