You’ve seen one episode, you’ve seen them all?

[WomanStanleyWoman]

Inspired by the ‘Vera’ thread - what are the shows you can see once, then theoretically never see again without missing anything?

My vote goes to Location Location Location. As much as I love it, the formula is eternally predictable:

‘Steve and Samantha Deluded-Twats are looking for a spacious two-bedroom apartment in west London. They love pricey Chiswick, but only have £300k to spend. They’re hoping that, with our help, they can find an area nearby with an attractive high street with a villagey feel and lots of independent shops and cafés, even though they buy everything off Amazon and get their lunch from Tesco Express like the rest of us. Today, I’ll be showing them a one-bed in need of work opposite a condemned council estate now being used as an unofficial skate park and drug den. I REALLY hope they can see the potential’.

Share your nominations…

Come Dine With Me:

Car showroom owner Clive from Luton prepares a starter of prawn cocktail, main course of steak and chips and black forest gateau for dessert to a soundtrack of Dire Straits and Phil Collins on the surround sound stereo system. Bores his guests shitless Wows his guests with tales of meeting Shakin' Stevens and Elaine Paige on cruises in his younger days. He spilled his champagne down Elaine's cleavage but she was so gracious about it. Presents everyone with a goody bag of a Drambuie miniature, a Thornton's cappuccino bar and a two hour test drive of any car of their choice (subject to T&Cs).

Quirky Su answers the door dressed as a pantomime dame and treats her guests to a kid's party themed evening. There's sausages on sticks to start, posh fish finger sandwiches for main and Su's own twist on Bird's trifle for dessert (she adds custard creams along to the Swiss roll layer). Clive nearly comes to blows with fellow guest Ronnie over a game of pin the tail on the donkey, during which Ronnie accuses Clive of being a bullying Brexiteer and Clive calls Ronnie a snowflake who can't tell the arse of a donkey from his elbow. Su leaves the room in tears just as the magician arrives.

At Ronnie's party the menu is brew'n'cue. There's a craft beer tasting menu (Clive, still in a huff, asks what's wrong with a pint of Stella, pretentious millennials etc etc). Ronnie keeps quiet because he wants to win. After several pints of Butcher's Dog Hoparamadrama IPA (6% abv) everyone is fucking mortal and the barbecue sets fire to the garden fence. Luckily Ronnie has a huge selection of ironic breakfast cereals so they have bowls of Ricicles with chocolate milk and all claim they're having a wonderful time, but everyone scores him a 4 (apart from Clive who gives him 2).

On the last night Maria pulls out all the stops with a Michelin-inspired feast. The guests are welcomed into her plush apartment by a string quartet playing arrangements of Coldplay songs and are presented with a cocktail ('the Sultry Maria') especially created by a mixologist for the evening. Su is still nursing a hangover from hell from the night before and rushes to the toilet to throw up. Later, Clive flirts with Maria while Su and Ronnie discuss 80s cartoons ('Cities of Gold, absolute classic'). Everyone continues to get blootered. The food (when it arrives, two hours late due to various kitchen crises - the oakmoss fondant just wouldn't set) is gone in seconds because the portions are tiny and nobody really cares because they're all so pissed. Clive hangs off Maria's every word until she mentions that she met her wife on a work trip to LA.

Su is announced as the winner and Clive is in a snit because young people today don't appreciate classic food. The end.

Next time - the same, only in Doncaster.

@GoldFrankensteinAndGrrr

Come Dine With Me:

Car showroom owner Clive from Luton prepares a starter of prawn cocktail, main course of steak and chips and black forest gateau for dessert to a soundtrack of Dire Straits and Phil Collins on the surround sound stereo system. Bores his guests shitless Wows his guests with tales of meeting Shakin' Stevens and Elaine Paige on cruises in his younger days. He spilled his champagne down Elaine's cleavage but she was so gracious about it. Presents everyone with a goody bag of a Drambuie miniature, a Thornton's cappuccino bar and a two hour test drive of any car of their choice (subject to T&Cs).

Quirky Su answers the door dressed as a pantomime dame and treats her guests to a kid's party themed evening. There's sausages on sticks to start, posh fish finger sandwiches for main and Su's own twist on Bird's trifle for dessert (she adds custard creams along to the Swiss roll layer). Clive nearly comes to blows with fellow guest Ronnie over a game of pin the tail on the donkey, during which Ronnie accuses Clive of being a bullying Brexiteer and Clive calls Ronnie a snowflake who can't tell the arse of a donkey from his elbow. Su leaves the room in tears just as the magician arrives.

At Ronnie's party the menu is brew'n'cue. There's a craft beer tasting menu (Clive, still in a huff, asks what's wrong with a pint of Stella, pretentious millennials etc etc). Ronnie keeps quiet because he wants to win. After several pints of Butcher's Dog Hoparamadrama IPA (6% abv) everyone is fucking mortal and the barbecue sets fire to the garden fence. Luckily Ronnie has a huge selection of ironic breakfast cereals so they have bowls of Ricicles with chocolate milk and all claim they're having a wonderful time, but everyone scores him a 4 (apart from Clive who gives him 2).

On the last night Maria pulls out all the stops with a Michelin-inspired feast. The guests are welcomed into her plush apartment by a string quartet playing arrangements of Coldplay songs and are presented with a cocktail ('the Sultry Maria') especially created by a mixologist for the evening. Su is still nursing a hangover from hell from the night before and rushes to the toilet to throw up. Later, Clive flirts with Maria while Su and Ronnie discuss 80s cartoons ('Cities of Gold, absolute classic'). Everyone continues to get blootered. The food (when it arrives, two hours late due to various kitchen crises - the oakmoss fondant just wouldn't set) is gone in seconds because the portions are tiny and nobody really cares because they're all so pissed. Clive hangs off Maria's every word until she mentions that she met her wife on a work trip to LA.

Su is announced as the winner and Clive is in a snit because young people today don't appreciate classic food. The end.

Next time - the same, only in Doncaster.

😂

That's it in a nutshell.

Plus in The Archers there are all the annual set pieces.
Spring - lambing, farmers are very tired
Summer - the village cricket team loses to or beats Darrington.
Autumn - the sodding flower and produce show in which an old bloke gets aerated about his marrows, and a naice lady bakes a cake
Winter - Lynda remembers about 2 weeks beforehand that she needs to organise a pantomime, has trouble recruiting people, much hilarity ensues.

New Dr Who

Usually involves chases and random explanations from the Dr and loads of preaching these days

@WorriedWishingWell

Plus in The Archers there are all the annual set pieces. Spring - lambing, farmers are very tired Summer - the village cricket team loses to or beats Darrington. Autumn - the sodding flower and produce show in which an old bloke gets aerated about his marrows, and a naice lady bakes a cake Winter - Lynda remembers about 2 weeks beforehand that she needs to organise a pantomime, has trouble recruiting people, much hilarity ensues.

And occasionally an animal* will go rogue and seriously injure a local. However the health fairy waves her magic wand and all is miraculously healed within three months.

Can also be applied to tractors, hotel kitchens and slippery roofs. Magic health fairy cannot help with roof plunges.

GoldFrankensteinAndGrr I love that Bottom episode ..”oh! A blue headscarf!”
Might I say what a smashing blouse you have on
😂

James Bond films. I honestly don't know one from the other.

Original Star Trek series.
Kirk discovers new planet/black hole/starship in peril. Directs the Enterprise to afore mentioned peril, even though they’re meant to be going in the opposite direction, and wind up with a hole in the ships hull. Kirk, Spock, McCoy and unnamed crew member beam down to the peril, while Spock’s telling him it’s a bad
idea. We all place bets on how long before unnamed crew member dies. Kirk meets green skinned alien woman (who is somehow involved in the peril), sets phasers to stun, bad guy doesn’t get this memo and shoots unnamed crew member. McCoy shouts “Damn it Jim, I’m a doctor not a miracle worker!” and unnamed crew member dies. Kirk saves the day, alien woman is all “show me this earth thing called love”, Kirk obliges. Spock looks disapproving.

Oh god DHs favourite show-Wheeler Dealers!

Chubby wide boy in a sheepskin jacket finds a clapped out old banger which he manages to get for £500 less than the asking price. He goes “ ho ho hooooooo” all the way to the garage, where lanky ( but strangely fanciable) Ed scratches his head and points out all the things that are going to need fixed.

The things get fixed. Ed spends a full week dipping, scrapping, unscrewing bolts and rewiring electrics.

Mike sells the resulting vehicle for £500 less than he was asking for it, having totally failed to take into account the cost of Ed’s labour.

does Kevin actually impregnate these women?

Super nanny
Clueless indulgent parents
Jo comes in and instigates a routine and some rules
It all works

Haha Wheeler Dealers is the one programme I use my veto on in our house.

My DH knows that divorce proceedings will begin if that annoying 'geezer' ever, ever appears on our TV

@WorriedWishingWell

Plus in The Archers there are all the annual set pieces. Spring - lambing, farmers are very tired Summer - the village cricket team loses to or beats Darrington. Autumn - the sodding flower and produce show in which an old bloke gets aerated about his marrows, and a naice lady bakes a cake Winter - Lynda remembers about 2 weeks beforehand that she needs to organise a pantomime, has trouble recruiting people, much hilarity ensues.

You forgot:

Stir up Sunday without which the Archer family wouldn’t get a Christmas pudding because you can’t buy them in the shop you know.

The Nativity in the Church with a borrowed donkey.

And the really weird one where they all go up Darrington Hill early in the morning , dance naked , have wild sex, drink the blood of unbaptised babies, sacrifice a couple of silent characters then put their clothes back on , wish each other “happy midsummers day” and go off about their day.

Odd, I thought I hadn't missed an episode of The Archers in a couple of decades ...

@StoopitAutocarrot

Oh god DHs favourite show-Wheeler Dealers!

Chubby wide boy in a sheepskin jacket finds a clapped out old banger which he manages to get for £500 less than the asking price. He goes “ ho ho hooooooo” all the way to the garage, where lanky ( but strangely fanciable) Ed scratches his head and points out all the things that are going to need fixed.

The things get fixed. Ed spends a full week dipping, scrapping, unscrewing bolts and rewiring electrics.

Mike sells the resulting vehicle for £500 less than he was asking for it, having totally failed to take into account the cost of Ed’s labour.

Did I post this without realising it? That's exactly my experience of WDs. I usually have a book available when DH watches this, but it still manages to get more of my attention than it should.

What always surprises me is Mike's total ineptitude at negotiation. When he's buying, his opening gambit tends to be how he loves the car, so you can see the seller mentally adding at least a grand to the purchase price. Then, when he's selling, he tells us that he hopes to get, say £5K, and that also is what he tells the buyer who inevitably beats him down to at most £4K. Why on earth doesn't he start off at £6K to give himself some negotiating room?

And the really weird one where they all go up Darrington Hill early in the morning , dance naked , have wild sex, drink the blood of unbaptised babies, sacrifice a couple of silent characters then put their clothes back on , wish each other “happy midsummers day” and go off about their day.

@viques if only.😀

GOT
Winter is coming.
Jon snow looks forlorn.
Danarys gets naked.
Cerci is a bitch.
Arya is brave.
Sansa is scared.
Someone is scheming.
Wolves.
Dragons.
Swordfighting.
A main character is killed.

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g

Odd, I thought I hadn't missed an episode of The Archers in a couple of decades ...

It’s when they need to pad out the Omnibus.......

House

Someone has an interesting medical condition.

House and team do not even talk to another patient so they are all sitting around drinking coffee when house brings them an interesting case using his walking stick in the wrong hand.

House pops pills. Stick is used to do something it is not designed for.

They all think it could be A, B or C and run off to do tests, it is never A, B or C, it's something else, they start to treat, the treatment either doesn't work or causes a reaction.

House pops pills and insults someone.

House pulls a face that means he has thought of something and walks away from Wilson leaving him bemused.

House pops pills and diagnoses patient.

House pops pills.

And this is supposed to be a fantastic, genius Dr with a crack team who never ever get the diagnosis right first or second time.

Death in Paradise, I suppose it does what it says in the title but they went at least 2 if not 3 series where only white people being murdered.

White person dead
bumbling or quirky UK / Irish detective bumbles about while falling in love.
Other cops do the real world work and something is sent to another island for analysis.

Every series has one episode of an 'annual event' that the entire island takes part in, but it never happens or is mentioned again.

All the suspects get together while bumbling detective tells us what happened (which we knew from 5 mins in because there was no other reason for that actor being in the scene) and the murderer is taken away.

They all go to Catherine's for tea / beer / fish and chips. They never have to attend court, give evidence or take statements.

Oh and where do they get the photos for the white board?

Long Lost Family

Adoptee talks about how something has always been missing from their life.

Nicky and team either a) put their DNA on a DNA website (adoptee could have done this themselves ages ago) or get someone with special permission who can open adoption records to immediately find missing relative.

Nicky visits relative who says tearfully they've always hoped X would get in touch one day.

Davina visits adoptee and drags things out asking about their feelings before revealing 'well, we've found them'

Relative waits nervously in a pub watching the door until adoptee turns up for emotional hugs.

Both declare there was an instant connection and they will see each other every day from now on.

(I'm in no way knocking the people who go on the programme as it all seems genuinely emotional but the show is very formulaic)

@viques, that's it, then. I'm an evening listener.

They are so insanely obvious but some of them are really quite likeable!

Last Christmas, I binge watched about 5 of these. So samey, so comforting!

The thing about House is that if they all think they've worked out what the mystery illness is but it's only half way through, we know they obviously haven't. So if the writers think they're cleverly misleading us they're deluded.

It's a bit like the folly of trying to build up some jeopardy about whether Endeavour is going to get killed or leave the police. We know he can't be because he has to become John Thaw, so why bother?

@Unfashionable

In the Night Garden. Iglesias Piggle goes to bed. The end.

This one has me howling 😂 Not only accurate, but didn't realise Iggle was his nickname 😁