To think a 37 year old man going out with a 21 year old is a red flag

[StartingAgain33]

I've been on a date with someone I really like, on first impression. He's 46, I'm 37.

Made the mistake of googling him and his ex girlfriend's blog came up top - at first I thought she was just an old flatmate, as the post I saw was about him moving him with her. Then realised it was an ex girlfriend. She was 21, and he was 37. I didn't read all the entries as didn't want to know lots of detail but I do know they were together 2.5 years, that he moved in with her and that she didn't ask his age for ages as she didn't want to 'ruin things' (why he didnt just tell her I dont know).

Obviously this was a long time ago, and I don't want to judge him unfairly, but I just feel a bit weird about the situation. Is it always dodgy with this kind of age gap?

To be fair to him, she pursued him on a night out, looked quite a bit older and was extremely attractive / released quite a popular song at the time, and he is very into his music which I think they would have bonded over a lot. If I was him I would have found it hard to say no!

But I would worry about the emotional maturity of a man who is able to do this, and I don't feel able to directly ask. Would this be a dealbreaker for you?

YABU - Not a dealbreaker
YANBY - Dealbreaker

when I was 21 no way would I have been interested in a man of 37...seems far too old for a 21 year old. But everyone is different and am guessing the age difference is what broke them up as they would have different interests and mindsets. But if it is so far in his past and you get on well then try not to think about it.

When I first met DH it was pretty much like that , age wise. We were two individuals, our ages were not the only interesting things about us. I was a very mature 20, and he was a man who'd just lost his Mum and was going through a really sad time. Our relationship started with me supporting him, then gradually changing to what it is now - an equal partnership. We've been married for 18 years and couldn't be happier.

Don't let yourself slip into categorising this man according to his previous relationship , it isn't fair to do that to him . Take him as he is and see how things work out.

I'd be more concerned that they decided to move in together, and lived together for 2.5 years, without learning basic information like each other's ages. To me, that's more of a red flag about judgment than any age difference would be in itself.

I bet she hasn’t named him in her blog, the op found out he dated someone famous and went hunting around on the web. Op do you think you’re feeling insecure about his ex?