To think DP is being unfair by saying it's up to me?

[inyu]

DS is 13, he went back to school on Monday.

DP has told me he wants to take DS out tomorrow as a treat for him going back to school ok (he normally refuses), he's told DS he doesn't have to go to school tomorrow but it's up to me, so if I say he does it makes me look like the bad guy!

DP will be working at the weekend so they can't do anything then, but they could next weekend!

How would you feel about this? AIBU to think this is unfair for DP to do and now I have to say yes?

Your dp is being an idiot. Why would you award ds for going back to school by taking him out for a reason that is not necessary. Him putting it on you is completely out of order also.
Why can't he do something after school?

Could your DS's refusal to go to school be something to do with your DP's attitude to school OP? He doesn't sound like a very good role model. If he's often this much of a dick, I think there is a much bigger problem with his parenting than just this one stupid arse idea.

I mean it was probably impulse and just not very well though about. Does it need to be all day what about a compromise. Can you take him out at lunch maybe say he has the dentist.

Are you joking?!

A school refusing kid is rewarded for going to school by being given a day off school?

What the actual hell are either of you thinking!
I just despair.

Silly idea and very unfair of your DP to throw it over to you to be the good/bad guy depending on your response.

I had a school refuser for 2 years... you do not reward a colossal effort to actually get into school by normalising a "bunk off" day!

He goes to school today and Dad can pick him up, do something fun after school, get a treat takeaway for Friday night to reward his efforts.

Pretty much what everyone else said. It's Friday. If he makes it through the day that's a whole week he's done. One day does matter. In secondary they often of get one lesson of many subjects a week so if he misses art, drama, tech etc that's it til next week. School finishes at 3..take him out afterwards for a Macdonalds or cinema or something but serious words needed with your dp 🙄

Hang on WHAT?!!
Your son usually refuses to go to school. He's been back 4 days and now the plan is for him to skip school to show him you're both proud of him for going to school.

You do realise what massive hypocrites you will be if you carry out this plan. What mixed messages you're sending your son. That you are also saying school is not that important. Attendance is optional.

I realise it's your husbands idea but the fact you haven't shot it down straight away makes you just the same. Absolutely unbelievable. No wonder your son is a school refuse with parenting like that.

That’s crazy, he goes back so he rewards him with a day off? Maybe do that if he makes it to Christmas without a day off but a few days back? Urm no. Speak to your DP and tell him never to put you in this position again. I’d be the bad guy as it’s not right to take him out of school when he’s presumably missed a lot already

This is the kind of thing my partner would do, but not out of badness or trying to be manipulative (I think people are too quick to jump to that kind of thing. Always some controlling evil aspect to everything on here, as though its premeditated) he would just say it without thinking and then probably think, oh shit, maybe thatsplentyjack won't be OK with that.

O would let him to be honest. My kids refuse to go to school a lot and they have been really good this year. I plan on giving them a day off at some point. They've been back for 4 weeks now though.

Sorry but that's ridiculous. You are sending the message that school is optional and also that its a thing to be endured and escaped from as a reward. They get plenty of weekends and holidays off. We all say things without thinking but 'have a, day off school' is not one of them!

Hi op, I absolutely think your partner is being unfair by suggesting a day off school to your son, then making you the decision maker.

I also think that this was a calculated move, done because he wanted to purposely make you out to be the bad guy, and nothing about genuinely wanting to reward his son. I mean, why on earth would you agree to it?!

What is your dp like generally? Is this a one off, or has he pulled shit like this before?

Hope you’re ok now though, I would have been raging.

Your son needs to attend school every day. Your DP is a dick. Why are you even with such a man? Education is important and your DP is setting a bad example. Why are you even asking us what to do? Get your DP to take him out in the evening somewhere instead.

So the celebrate kids going back to school..... he’s going to take his kids out of school?

Isn’t he a couple of weeks late for this?
😂

Taking the first Friday off school as a reward for attending school for 4 days seems bonkers to me. Now your husband has suggested it you are in a lose-lose position really! I’d still say no. Schools round here finish at 3 o clock. Your son can be picked up then and that’s plenty of time to go
Bowling etc and then out for a burger.

What sort of message is that sending your son? How ridiculous.

I presume your DP will be ringing the school and explaining why he won’t be coming in-or does he plan for you to do that?

Why can’t the reward for going to school, be an education…

Rewarded for going to school by not going to school.
Poor parenting by your DP. I would be the "bad guy" believe me, your son will see it for himself in the future.
Completely undermining you for his shit idea.

DP is U and so are you for even countenancing the idea of a day off school as a reward for attending school!

@EIIa

So the celebrate kids going back to school..... he’s going to take his kids out of school?

Isn’t he a couple of weeks late for this?
😂

Well, kids found here went back on Monday, so no!

The whole premise of rewarding them for starting back at school by missing school is ridiculous though!

Out of curiosity and for context, what was the 'thing' your DH wanted to do with your DS today that couldn't wait til after school or another w/e?

I agree with what everyone else has already said, but out of interest is your dp also your sons dad? What's the back story here?

You don’t have to say yes.
Woman up.
“Actually son, I think you’ve worked so hard at going in this week, and it’ll be better for you to smash this with a 5 day streak, I really think you can do that. Let’s have (favourite meal /takeaway /meal out) tonight to celebrate the end of the week.”

The separately to your boyfriend, “don’t you ever put me in that position again, arsehole.”

Well that is some pretty terrible parenting! No wonder you're cross. What is his plan for telling the school?! Pull a sickie? A great lesson.

His a twat and it’s a stupid move.

Your DH is a dick. Both for taking a child that usually refuses school out of school and for making you the bad guy.

Disney Dad. Urgh.
YANBU. Ridiculous suggestion.

Was he thinking of calling the child in sick? What if the school asked for a PCR test? Or the child lets slip he wasn’t sick at all?

No thanks.

How about he calls in sick at the weekend if spending a day with his child is so important? No? Thought not.