To ask what was the most prolific thing you have done to change your life for the better?

[Dotdotlineline]

I'm in a bit of a funk today so want to know what other people do when faced with an idea of changing something.

Has anyone ever made a drastic or even a small change for the better? Whether that be spiritually / money wise or with themselves?

I keep thinking about the notion that 'life is what you make of it' and questioning where I am going wrong.

Wow
This thread feels like it's speaking to me!
I started the gym at the grand old age of 51.
I was what is called ' skinny fat'
Big boobs, apple shaped, skinny arms ( but with saggy bingo wings ) and stick legs, flattish bum...
Since joining the gym 5 months ago .. ive totally transformed my shape..
My only regret is that I didn't join sooner.

I was a pushover, in a fast food job and in a toxic relationship living with a gambler. Quit the job, dumped the ex and started saying no and running around after other people that were never there for me.
In a great job the past 7yrs now, boss is retiring and wants me to take over. Bought a house last year and had a baby with my new partner who is definitely the one.
Have great reletionships with friends were its 50/50 being there for each other

I have recently left a safe job in the civil service and signed on with two agencies, in two different industries, to work part time at both.

It’s amazing the difference it has made. I know most of us go to work because we have to. And it feels like we are being told we have to. As an agency worker, I still have to work but I tell them when I’ll be working, rather than them telling me! It may seem like a small thing but it feels great.

Of course, there may be times when they can’t offer me a shift, or I may get ill and won’t be entitled to company sick pay. But on the other hand, I don’t have to book my holidays months in advance any more - and if I want to do extra I can work a weekend. It just feels so freeing.

In 2017 I went to the doctors and got tested for all
Manner of things because I was physically unwell and unable to lose weight. All the tests were thankfully negative and so I started drinking more water and setting myself small fitness goals - very small as I was totally sedentary! After a few
Months I realised that what was wrong with me was life! I became motivated by small fitness goals and these gradually got bigger, I’m 2019 I kicked out my narcissistic partner after 20 yes to become a single parent. I think the fitness for opening my eyes to what was wrong in my life and enabling me To see and over 18 months later I’m a fit, thinner, healthier, single Mum and I’m loving life!

My top 3 would be

• cutting ties with my abusive mother
• getting out of an abusive relationship with my sons dad
• changing to a vegan lifestyle

I’ve done several things that have changed my life for the better. I started off very poor, dad was unemployed and a violent alcoholic, we lived in a very deprived area and my parents were very unhappy with their lives and each other. I went to uni then moved to London, got a good job and bought a flat all under my own steam, no help from parents obviously! - this was the 90s so it was easier than it would be now, though still not all that easy for someone like me! Despite being professionally successful I was a very troubled young woman, a chain smoker and probably also an alcoholic like my dad in my twenties and thirties. Addicted to the wrong men, too. One day I decided I had to stop or I would blow everything. I gave up booze and fags, and the unsuitable men, went cold turkey and never looked back. Took up running, did the marathon and I still do a couple of half marathons a year at the now old age of 59. Met my husband and that helped turn things around, he was also a drinker but he packed in too and we are alcohol-free since 2004. I did well at my career and we bought a second home in the country, both mortgages paid off. Financially we are comfortable. I cared for him when he had cancer as well as taking on a big promotion at work, which I could never have done when I was drinking. This will seem bonkers I expect but I’d say the hardest thing I’m doing now is conquering my phobia of driving. I do have a licence and have had for a long time, but I hated and avoided it for years. When my husband was desperately ill it was the impetus to try to beat the fear. I’m still a nervous driver so haven’t succeeded yet, but I am determined - I’m having refresher lessons and bought my first car at my age, I’m like a teenager about it.
What I would say is that there is no magic bullet. My life is far better than it would have been if I’d remained on a self destructive path and I’ve made decisions that have helped me battle some of my demons such as low self esteem. But I haven’t beaten those demons, they are just held at bay - sometimes I still struggle with feeling inadequate and scared. I also have many regrets it took me so long to make some of the changes, so my advice is crack on!

Realising that: what you think of me is none of my business! Was liberating. Wish I realised sooner

Leaving the ex husband 21 years ago this month. Something I should have done years ago. When I say leave it was fled so you can work out the rest for yourself.

The aftermath for the first couple of years was walking hell. I have never once regretted leaving even for all that happened afterwards.

Family courts, the system of this country, hidden homeless and so on. I happily remarried and have a peaceful spiritual serene life today

Biggest change, absolutely right one and no regrets not even with all that happened

@calvados

Realising that: what you think of me is none of my business! Was liberating. Wish I realised sooner

Fantastic advice... so true!

I forgot about the abusive mother thing! Also managed to avoid
Mine for the last 8yrs! 👏

Getting a dog thirteen years ago. He was not only an amusing and loving companion to my husband but also our shared responsibility for and enjoyment of him improved our relationship. Taking him for a walk also meant I took daily exercise, started to appreciate more fully the beauty of the forest near where I live and gave me the chance to chat to some nice people - dog walkers are usually very friendly.

Sadly he was very ill recently and had to be put to sleep. We both miss him terribly.

Gave up work to be a housewife

Left my ex and moved country, back home

Started Uni after having two children and pregnant with third. Given me my own identity back away from being a mother. Works amazing around the kids and by the time they’re all in school will have a degree, a masters and the opportunity to work for myself doing something I love!!
I also started walking a lot, it helps me stay connected to myself and nature.

Also deleted social media a long time ago. Such a positive change.

Started walking up the high peaks of England. Helvellyn, Scafell Pike, Ingleborough, Whernside, Pen Y Ghent, Buckden Pike etc. Hate it at the time but I'm addicted to it now...next on the list is Cat Skills.

Realising that: what you think of me is none of my business!

That's a really good way of putting it! People often phrase it as 'learning not to care what other people think of you', but that still puts the burden on you - needing change how you feel and what you care about. But your way of putting it reminds you that what other people think of you is in their heads, it's about their feelings and issues, and so actually it says plenty about them and nothing about you!

Cut off my family.

Work harder.

Make more effort with friends and diarise contacting them, so i don’t let it slip.

@Lndnmummy

Educate myself on White privilege. I thought I didn’t need to as I have a black husband and children. . It’s deepened our bond beyond words and made me the parent and advocate my black children need.

Love this. I think it should be covered in schools.

Impressive story, @DonaPatrizia! You have overcome a lot and sound very determined. You should be proud of yourself! Don't be hard on yourself for taking a while to make changes- many people never manage to make those kinds of changes. It's like what they say to slow runners "You're still lapping everyone who stayed on their sofa!"- Btw I was a nervous driver too. I'm mostly fine with it now, as long as I know exactly where I'm going!

Left my ex. He kept holding me back, racked up huge debts in my name, was mentally, physically and emotionally abusive and I ended up with severe depression and anxiety with suicidal tenancies because of being with him. He still holds me back as he has my older two children and uses them to control my life but I'm in such a better place mentally and financially.

Quit my job as a criminal defence solicitor and began a self employed dog groomer.
The clients are sooo much nicer and no more panic attacks at night time. I do miss the suit but I love my doggos!

Got a Masters Degree, Learnt to Drive, Retrained for my dream job and passed the qualifications I needed. I've also completed some life ambit but they would make me recognizable...

@Nocaloriesinchocolate

I became a mother and changed career. Both decisions I have never regretted. Number 1 - on this forum I don’t need to explain why! No.2 - much, much more job satisfaction, status, treble the salary and great pension

Ooh sounds amazing what did you change job from /to? X

@FatCatThinCat I have recently been researching Sweden, always wanted to live in a Nordic country. Don't think we'd be allowed in now though

I want to do lots of things on this thread:
Therapy (but scared)
Live in another country (but I have teens)
Start a career in my 40s (been a SAHM for too long and no one will employ me)
Sort out my aching back (keep trying and getting fobbed off)