. . . to feel that breastfeeding was an absolute waste of time?

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I breastfed my toddler (now 20 months old) for the first 5 months of her life, and stopped because I had to go on medication that wasn't compatible with breastfeeding. This was such a difficult decision, I felt like I was letting DD down, not doing the best thing for her, giving up etc. and cried buckets over it.

It's also worth mentioning that breastfeeding was an absolute nightmare for me - constantly trying to increase supply, painful, and I always felt like I was battling my own body.

I persevered for as long as I did because I thought it was best for DD in terms of her immune system, that she'd have some health benefits. However, she's had continuous coughs and colds (and other illnesses) since she started nursery at a year old. Honestly, it feels relentless, as soon as she gets better from one illness, she develops another.

It occurred to me recently that the reason I persevered with breastfeeding was to help build up her immunity. Which it clearly didn't. AIBU to think I may as well not have put myself through all that, and enjoyed the first few months with her instead of suffering the constant battle of breastfeeding?

Someone please tell me it was all worth it!

Of course it was! It's entirely normal human development to get mild viral illnesses at nursery - that's the whole point. She needs to get them to develop immunity. It doesn't mean it was pointless! It has huge health implications - my son has issues which I'm sure are down to fact I put him on synthetic allergenic milk as a baby. Just because she has a cold doesn't mean it was a waste of time. I think you are being a bit ott...

It was worth it. Whatever she has now would have been much worse without the BFing. Well done!!

It's totally worth it! It doesn't stop colds (obviously), but her immune system is likely to be stronger than it would otherwise have been.

Hugely worth it! You’ll never know the true benefits because you can’t compare to not having bf her obv

Everyone gets colds when they start nursery. But you did your best to protect her against the really miserable effects of gastroenteritis as a tiny baby. And you haven't done your own breast cancer risk any harm either, which is a bonus.

I don't think it was a waste of time as it's a natural way of feeding. Although I didn't BF my two and they are both at nursery and honestly have hardly been sick a day

Coughs and colds are vital to build your DDs immunity.

Breastfeeding doesn't stop them having colds or getting sick, though.

OP, starting nursery is a notorious 'milestone' for catching every bug under the sun. None avoid it in my opinion! And while it feels awful and relentless, it is in itself exactly what little children need to build up their immunity. Breastfeeding helps to build up immunity, but it is not the only source of this. In my experience too, the earlier they start nursery, the better they seem to cope with bugs etc later on. All 4 of my kids have been BF. But my 1st born, who didn't start nursery until 2 has the least robust immune system of all my kids. Because of course, all my children since her have been exposed to her germs since their first day of life!

It gets better, I promise! Also, there is no parallel universe where you can see how your daughter would have coped with these bugs, had she been fed with an alternative.

It has other benefits too, though, OP: convenience (not getting up to make bottles in night; 'on tap' milk when out etc.); closeness and snuggles. Obviously downsides (you're the only one who can do the feeds, tiredness, soreness).

I felt like you, but for different reasons. Once I realised how much crap the DC were putting in their mouths after weaning (even though we were pretty strict, esp on DC1) it seemed a bit crazy how precious I'd been!

I think breastfeeding is amazing, and absolutely there will have been plenty of benefits for little one and for little one. That said, switching was also a great decision as it sounds like the right one for you, and you're important in this too; it needs to be right for both of you. Either way its hard to evade nursery colds and germs!

I am not convinced breast feeding stops any coughs, colds etc.
I am not sure it is worth it if you are in such pain, it 'feels like a battle' and feels hellish, because all of these negative emotions are passed on to the baby, and also taints the experience of motherhood, and can even interfere with bonding (after all who wants to be in pain) Introduce alternative feeding and look after yourself. Self care is vital too

All kids catch bugs at nursery -and bring them home for family to enjoy too!

That’s normal. You have helped her by bf. She’s be worse otherwise. So don’t put yourself down. You did well under the circs to bf at all. Don’t stress you’re being a good mum. This is all normal.

I breastfed my youngest for a year. When she went on to have some bowel problems as a toddler I remember saying to the consultant I bf for that long to maximise her health, what a waste of time. His atitude was that bf was never a waste of time and she would have loads of additonal benefits from the breastfeeding - and may have been worse without it. So it was not a waste of time - pat yourself on the back for persevering and move on.

Yes, nursery and primary school even are relentless germ factories.
Prepare yourself for the nits...whatever you do, your DD will get them...

When BF evolved as the best way to feed / care for human infants, we didn't put them in nurseries with loads of other infants from other 'tribes'. They stayed 'home', in daily contact with only a relatively small family group. It's not BFing that's lacking here: it's that she is living a very different life to that of an early human child. Plus, ordinarily, she'd still be BFing and would probably have continued until she was 6 or 7 years old. So yes, BFing has helped her to develop a normal immune system so far as it goes - but it's not going to stand up to the unnatural situation she (and all our kids) are now in - namely not BFing as long and being in mass childcare settings.

It's a bit like when remote tribes survive perfectly fine in their own situation as long as they stay in that habitat and environment - then die en masse when they get exposed to cold, flus, measles etc. They have normal immunity in the context of their own environment - but it can't stand up to the introduced viruses from outside that environment.

I'm so sorry you had such a tough time with BFing! I BF mine for years (literally) and they still got plenty of bugs.

Think about all the hours you saved not having to faff around sterilising bottles, making up feeds etc.

While I am pro breastfeeding, I do think that when it isn't working, the negatives can outweigh the benefits and we don't talk about this enough. Similarly mixed feeding can be very useful (though doesn't suit every baby).
My supply for my son was pathetic and I tortured myself. For all he actually got despite hours of latching and pumping, he'd have to be classed as formula fed. Is 8 and yet to have a day off school sick.
I can remember my friend saying "when you've watched them eat their third mince pie in a row you'll wonder why you felt so guilty about this", she's definitely right
My daughter was a doddle to breastfeed so we stuck it much longer. She is decidedly more sickly.
I think everyone should give breastfeeding a go but I think the feelings of inadequacy placed on those who fail is really unnecessary

My dentist friend tells me it is better for jaw development and she can always tell a breast fed baby from looking at someone’s teeth. Less overcrowding/less problems with wisdom teeth apparently- dunno if it’s right but both me and my husband (bottle fed) have overcrowded crooked teeth and our two daughters (breast fed) have straight teeth. So yea maybe focus on other benefits plus the money you saved!

I see where you're coming from but do you actually regret breastfeeding on this basis? Both of my breastfed DCs had lots of illnesses from childcare, it's pretty normal. I don't know which of their school friends were or were not breastfed, I honestly don't think it matters but I still don't regret doing it even though it was hard.

I believe breastfeeding protected us from the first onslaught of illness when DD started nursery, but the very week after I stopped, when she was 15 months old she got her first throat infection, followed by an ear infection, followed by a throat infection. She had been at nursery for 3 months before she became ill. May have been coincidence, but makes sense to me.

She is generally a really healthy child. Picks up colds but has never had a single stomach bug in her 12 years. I'll never know whether the BFing helped with this or not, but it was something I wanted to do and didn't cause me any trouble.

Prepare yourself for the nits...whatever you do, your DD will get them

People say this but, 4.5 years of nursery, 7 years of primary school and DD has never had nits. There wasn't even (to my knowledge) any outbreaks of nits whilst she was there. Certainly not in her class.

It was totally worth it and you've done an amazing thing for her. There are so many reasons why breastfeeding is beneficial in the longer term, not just while she's little. Babies who are breastfed are at lower risk of some childhood cancers, they are less likely to be obese, they have better jaw alignment, less likely to become diabetic and are less likely to have heart disease or high cholesterol in adulthood. It's obviously difficult to see the actual benefits because you have no way of comparing her to if you'd formula fed her from birth, but please be proud of yourself!

I had to see a private dermatologist recently for a skin complaint on my breast. I asked him if it was there because I had bf for so long (20 months)

He said absolutely not, he wished more would BF their babies because of the amount of skin complaints he sees in children. He seemed to think there would be far fewer if more babies were BF.

The skin condition as it turns out is in the ‘range of normal’ and nothing to do with BF’ing!

Breastfed all mine (one for two years). I had a torrid time with my first (mastitis etc...) so I deffo know it's a real challenge for some people and I do think a mum who isn't in pain all the time has big benefits for bonding.

I do notice my kids have pretty good teeth (one has perfect teeth and coincidenctly the one I bf for 2 years) and the others are near perfect. Mine are not perfect and neither is their Dads (braces etc) so dentist friend might be right.

I also think I read somewhere about breastfeeding reducing risk of breast cancer but not sure.

Other benefits are cost and convenience once you get to the point it is easy.

I felt that way about breast feeding, like I did it because it was no hassle, but I'm not convinced it's better than bottle feeding. Then I had a breast issue lately and had to have a mammogram, when I was going out of my mind waiting for my appointment and read the info on preventing breast cancer I was pleased I had.