. . . to feel that breastfeeding was an absolute waste of time?

[RedPandaFluff]

I breastfed my toddler (now 20 months old) for the first 5 months of her life, and stopped because I had to go on medication that wasn't compatible with breastfeeding. This was such a difficult decision, I felt like I was letting DD down, not doing the best thing for her, giving up etc. and cried buckets over it.

It's also worth mentioning that breastfeeding was an absolute nightmare for me - constantly trying to increase supply, painful, and I always felt like I was battling my own body.

I persevered for as long as I did because I thought it was best for DD in terms of her immune system, that she'd have some health benefits. However, she's had continuous coughs and colds (and other illnesses) since she started nursery at a year old. Honestly, it feels relentless, as soon as she gets better from one illness, she develops another.

It occurred to me recently that the reason I persevered with breastfeeding was to help build up her immunity. Which it clearly didn't. AIBU to think I may as well not have put myself through all that, and enjoyed the first few months with her instead of suffering the constant battle of breastfeeding?

Someone please tell me it was all worth it!

It’s both I think OP. Some benefits are only there while you breast feed and others are long term benefits or risk reducers.

Both of my breastfed babies got their first colds at three weeks old. And reflux. One had a tongue tie too, which I had to push to get corrected. The one I breastfed the longest is the one who inherited Mummy's asthma gene.

Breastfed them each until 2.5 and 3.5 though.

Why were the early days worth it?

• When it went well, it was lovely.

• I'm naturally disorganised and have trouble remembering to take All The Things when I'm sleep deprived or stressed, so breastfeeding lightened my mental load.

• I think there is some evidence that breast milk can help establish good gut bacteria in babies, and that your own microbiome and the microbiome of your own breast milk can change according to baby's needs.

• Those newborn colds, while brutal at the time, were blessedly short. Maybe 2-3 days, tops.

• The child with the viral wheeze may have had several more overnight stays in hospital without that breast milk fighting back, who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️

• The dentist also seems to think my firstborn might not need braces, despite me needing them as a child and her big sister needing them.

@RedPandaFluff it’s both - which maybe isn’t always very well explained.

The list below is a global perspective so some less important in developed countries - though unfortunately issues with making up formula safely do effect women in hostels, homeless, chaotic lifestyles etc in the UK so all are relevant to some degree here, especially from a public health perspective.

Short-term benefits for the baby:

Breastfeeding reduces the risk of illness due to contaminated water, which under some conditions can occur with formula.
Breast milk is a source of lactose and essential fatty acids that help a baby’s brain grow and develop.
Breast milk helps regulate healthy bacteria in the baby’s gut.
Breastfed babies have fewer cases of ear infections, gastrointestinal infections, bacterial meningitis, urinary tract infections, late-onset sepsis in pre-term babies, and more.
Breastfeeding encourages skin-to-skin contact and nurturing, working to soothe and comfort the infant.
Colostrum—the first milk produced at birth—contains high amounts of carbohydrates, protein and antibodies, and it has yet to be replicated as formula.
Breast milk works as an antibiotic against E. coli and staphylococci, among others.
Long-term benefits for the baby:

Breastfeeding as an infant can lead to higher IQ, especially if breastfed exclusively and for a longer period of time.
Babies who are breastfed have a lower risk of obesity later in life.
Children and adults who were breastfed have a lower rate of food allergies, asthma, eczema, Celiac Disease, and Type I and Type II diabetes, among others.
Short-term benefits for the mother:

Breastfeeding releases the “love” hormone oxytocin in the mother, which improves the bonding between mother and baby.
The release of oxytocin after birth also aids in contracting the uterus to prevent postpartum hemorrhage and to reduce the uterus to pre-pregnancy size.
Women have a decreased risk of iron-deficiency anemia while nursing.
Fertility and chance of becoming pregnant is greatly reduced in the first six months of exclusive breastfeeding, aiding in family planning.
Milk production helps with post-partum weight loss.
Long-term benefits for the mother:

Moms who breastfeed have lower rates of ovarian, breast and endometrial cancer.
Women who breastfed may have higher bone density and lower rates of osteoporosis later in life

Though I would add that the IQ point is not clear cut at all as there are so so many confounding factors.
Obviously none of the above are a reason to continue if it’s not going well or simply because you don’t want to - it’s important women know enough to make an informed decision and then supported however they need

Oh, another benefit, related to the reflux.

In my quest to search for a reflux trigger, I discovered one thing to rule out was a casein (cow milk protein) allergy. Can't do that easily if your infant is taking cow's milk formula; you have to get a specially-made one on prescription, I think.

But it's fairly easy to eliminate casein from your own breast milk if you're strict about eliminating your own dairy intake for a few weeks. And meanwhile, the nutritional makeup of what baby gets is otherwise the same. And you don't have to remember to request and pickup repeat formula prescriptions.

@EatYourVegetables

It was worth it. Whatever she has now would have been much worse without the BFing. Well done!!

No it wouldn't of course it wouldn't. It makes no difference

I am pro breastfeeding, although I have to share that when my DM had me and my twin, she didn't do any breastfeeding at all. My twin grew up with a strong immune system, hardly any coughs or colds, while I was the complete opposite. So my point is, there are other factors at play too, and don't beat yourself up over it. Whatever you did was best for you and your LO.

@RedPandaFluff

See, this is an issue. Some people are saying "the benefits of breastfeeding are only experienced while you're actually breastfeeding", whereas others are saying "the benefits of breastfeeding last a lifetime".

Which is it??!!

Both! Breastfeeding doesn't confer long term immunity against illnesses but it has other benefits.

@Jemand

Think about all the hours you saved not having to faff around sterilising bottles, making up feeds etc.

Exactly! If we ignore all the worthy words, it's cheap, ready and easy to whip out at will, anytime, anywhere! I will confess, before I get jumped on that I found it very easy, I recall the first time I did it the sister stuck her head round the curtain and got an eyefull from the other side!

You may find there are longer-term benefits. Not a scientific analysis but I only breastfed DC1 for 3 months but breastfed DC2 for 18 months. Both had all the usual coughs and colds as toddlers but DC2 never had a stomach upset. Now they are 9 and 11 and DC2 catches far fewer viruses even though she is now an incredibly fussy eater and hates exercise. Non-breastfed DC1 eats a balanced and nutritious diet and loves to be outdoors but catches every virus going.

Breastfeeding boosts their immunity by sharing your immunity with them. I bet if you started working in a nursery you'd come down with every bug going too- teachers get September colds. Piggybacking off your immune system only helps with things you yourself are immune to- colds and the like mutate so often that very few people are immune to them.

Sorry OP but the benefits of bf are massively overstated. Statistically, on a population level, there are some small benefits in terms of rates of gastrointestinal infections, ie tummy bugs. That’s the only thing for which there is concrete evidence, and the impact is pretty negligible in developed countries.

Anyone interested should look up the PROBIT study and sibling studies. The latter tend to show that, when confounding variables are removed, the benefits are not visible.

That doesn’t mean bf isn’t worthwhile for other reasons but I genuinely think women are lied to about this and it makes me angry.

Breastfeeding was an absolute waste of time for me. I wished I had never even tried it.

I read that the long-term benefits of breastfeeding require extended breastfeeding. Naturally, infants tend to wean at around 6 years of age. I don't think that short term breastfeeding does contribute much to longer term benefits, although at the time of breastfeeding it can boost immunity etc. To be clear, I did not bf my dc until 6yo and nor am I suggesting anyone should! I'm just repeating what I've read.

I bottle fed DS1 although some of it was expressed milk as the little so and so would not breastfeed at all. No midwife could get him going. I was initially totally shocked as no one had said this could happen and I felt such a failure. But as a consequence I had a mostly very happy baby, sleeping from Midnight until 7 am at 8 weeks. After the colic was over at 12 weeks we had a settled baby in the evenings as well. Close friend breastfed although it was a battle all the way. Mastitis etc. She was stressed and unhappy but for some reason kept going. Her DC had allergies and has always been more ill than mine. Both of mine seem to have tremendous immune systems - we go literally years between them getting a vomiting bug, for example, and they have far fewer colds than most people.
So I suppose I have become a militant advocate of bottle feeling. Not because I dont believe that breast is best - because I do - but because I believe that other things are more important to the overall well-being of a baby and family - particularly maternal calmness and wellbeing. If breast feeding is easy and you can get enough rest then great, but I simply can’t understand how folks want to end up with babies almost permanently latched on to them, breastfeeding several times in the night at 10 months old etc. I just could not have coped with that and I don’t think it is good for anyone to be on their knees, exhausted from lack of sleep. I think good diet in pregnancy and good weaning matter most and what you do the six months in between is the least important.

@RavenclawsRoar

I read that the long-term benefits of breastfeeding require extended breastfeeding. Naturally, infants tend to wean at around 6 years of age. I don't think that short term breastfeeding does contribute much to longer term benefits, although at the time of breastfeeding it can boost immunity etc. To be clear, I did not bf my dc until 6yo and nor am I suggesting anyone should! I'm just repeating what I've read.

I think they naturally wean from 4-7 usually, though some are earlier and some later.

@Allywill - just what the surgeon who did my jaw surgery said to me! (I was bottle fed.) When she told me this I was thankful I’d been able to breast feed my own daughter to toddlerhood!

"the benefits of breastfeeding last a lifetime".

^

Such as?

See, I'm with the op on this one.

I went through hell for six weeks with DS by persisting with breastfeeding. I had mastitis, thrush and cracked nipples. It was toe curlingly painful. It really was. Not sure it was worth it.

I think genetics make more of a difference than bf.

It's in the past, you can't change it, so personally I wouldn't agonise over it too much. You did what you felt you needed to do at the time.
You can't possibly know if there would have been a different outcome for your DD if she hadn't had those 5 months of breastmilk.

I've got 2 DC. First one was an unmitigated nightmare to breastfeed. I was in agony for months and he fed every 20-40 minutes. Due to the complications and issues we experienced, he had formula top-ups for the first month of his life (a fact my muddled and emotional post-partum self thought was the end of the bloody world, and for which I am now incredibly grateful that we had that option!)... and I then went on to exclusively breastfeed until he started solids at 6 months, and fed him until he was almost 2.5 years. He's strong as a bloody ox and rarely gets ill.

My DC2 was a dream to breastfeed, no formula ever touched her lips and she was EBF entirely until weaning (she also wouldn't take a bottle for love nor money!). I'm still feeding her now well into toddlerhood. She's been a lot more sickly and illness prone than her brother ever was, despite the fact she had the HCP "ideal" of being 100% EBF.

The thing is, these isolated examples do not constitute scientific studies. I still believe BF is beneficial to baby overall and I'm pleased both of mine had (predominantly in DC1s case) the milk they are biologically designed to drink. I feel lucky that I was able to do that, because I know many mother's can't, for many reasons. I also fully support a Mother's right to choose what's right for her and her family. I believe there should be far less pressure on mums to BF and also better support for those who choose to.

Demonising formula helps no-one and neither does disregarding breastfeeding and the population-level benefits it comes with. Informed and supported (in whatever feeding choice you make) is best. IMO.

But she obviously has a good immune system because the illnesses she’s catching aren’t killing her

It was absolutely worth it, you did great for your child.

@FartnissEverbeans does that study take account of benefits to the mother of bf or does it just look at the kids?

I had gestational diabetes when pregnant (despite having no risk factors - healthy bmi and no family history etc). Breastfeeding significantly reduces the likelihood that I will develop type 2 diabetes in later life which is absolutely huge for me tbh. It also reduces the risk of breast cancer, ovarian cancer and osteoporosis. My own DM died young so if I can do anything that means I’ll be around longer for my kids I see that as a pretty massive benefit.

OP if you thought that bf would mean your kid wouldn’t catch colds at nursery you’ve really been misinformed! Everyone catches colds. It doesn’t mean bf didn’t benefit your child.

@Jujujuly No, of course not - it was a study of the impact on children.

I’m not interested in researching those benefits tbh so I don’t know how strong the evidence is there. I suspect the same confounding variables will be at play there, as they would be when measuring any intervention that is stratified across social class/education level/prior health status etc.

@EatYourVegetables

It was worth it. Whatever she has now would have been much worse without the BFing. Well done!!

You have no way of knowing that for sure

You made the right choice for you at the time OP and you stuck with it when it wasn’t easy so there’s nothing to regret.
Most kids get all sorts from Nursery, it’s just germ ridden basically and apart from good hygiene at home there’s not a lot you can do - and even that won’t make a big difference. Both my 2 were FF, one got lots of minor colds and one hardly ever did, or even if he did he just shrugged them off.
There is no point wondering what would have happened if you had made different choices, although as parents I’m sure we constantly wonder if we are doing the right things